Keep Going
by cynicaltea
Summary: Sequel to Still Here, which you need to read first to understand anything going on. Life as a Crystal Gem continues. Also, Jasper. Almost everyone is in this fic, but ff will not let me add over four characters, so. Ships: Lapidot and Peripearl (not peridot and pearl, sorry) This is an AU
1. Chapter 1

_Please read Still Here first, and if you're one of the people who've been reading this for longer, I recommend reading again because you've probably forgotten the details of what happened haha_

* * *

"Don't mess this up, Peri." Dot warned.

"Thank you for your support." Peridot said sarcastically.

"Don't get sassy with me, young lady."

"No."

"M'kay," said Dot. "Seriously though, don't mess this up. Perpetuity marks are important and serious. A big deal. Do you remember everything?!"

"Dot, we went over this 5 minutes ago, and yesterday as well," the technician sighed. "I remember the placements, alright?"

"Little Peri is growing up," Dot sniffled. "It was just yesterday she was just about yea high."

"I have always been the same height as you." Peri said.

"Don't mess this up!"

"You're honestly making more of a-"

"Don't mess it up, Peri!"

".. I won't," Peridot said. "So please relax."

"How can I relax? You're getting a- this is a _huge thing_!"

"You're acting as if I'm going off to war."

"You might as well be! Don't mess this up, Peri!"

"You're really not helping the situation.."

"Diamonds, Peri," Dot groaned. "You're going to mess this up so _bad_."

Peridot facepalmed.

* * *

"What am I doing?" Lapis paced back and forth. "I'm going to mess this up so bad, maybe I should just-"

"L," Amethyst said seriously. "It'll be fine, I swear. You're gonna get your perpetu-whatever and that's it!"

"Okay," Lapis breathed. "Okay, okay, you're right. I can't! I'm too nervous."

"It's just going to be you and Peri, okay? Everyone will be so quiet, it'll be like we're not even there. You remember everything, you know what to do, it'll be awesome."

"Yeah," Lapis nodded. "Awesome."

* * *

"It's time," Dot wailed. "Peri, you're going to crash and burn, but try not to crash too hard, okay? Don't mess this up!"

"If you're not going to say anything useful," Peridot told her. "Please don't speak at all."

"Gahh, whatever. Come on."

Peridot rolled her eyes and followed Dot.

* * *

"It's time." Amethyst nodded. "Don't freak out L, it'll be fine. Just stay behind me like we practiced until it's time for the important part."

"Okay."

Lapis followed Amethyst down to the beach.

* * *

"Ahem." Pearl cleared her throat, upon seeing the four gems waiting.

The humans and gems and half-gem looked up at Pearl expectantly.

"We are all gathered here today to witness the joining together of two gems who have a very special place in our hearts," Pearl recited. "They have a bond so deep and so strong that it can't be broken, and so they have each decided to receive a perpetuity mark, to symbolize that they will stay by each other's side for all eternity."

Pearl shuffled through a whole stack of note cards, words printed on both sides.

"Do you have to do the whole entire speech?" Greg asked, wincing.

"Shh, dad! This is a moment we must remember forever." Steven said solemnly, placing a hand on his heart.

"Ask Dot, she wrote it." Pearl told Greg.

"This is the whole entire ceremony just like I remember it so _yes_..." Dot nodded frantically.

Peri shook her head.

"...fine. No..." Dot sighed.

Greg and Connie gave a simultaneous sigh of relief.

"Thank goodness," Pearl said. "Wait, give me a moment.."

She flipped through the note cards, looking for the last one. "Would Peridot and Lapis Lazuli please come forward?"

Peridot and Lapis exchanged slightly nervous glances and walked up to Pearl.

"Delirious banana seduces the monkey weed.. what? Dot, I can't read your handwriting." Pearl squinted.

"How scandalous of that delirious banana." Amethyst snorted.

Dot sighed. "That is as far from what I wrote as possible.. Be it months or years, decades or centuries."

"Be it months or years, decades or centuries," Pearl repeated. ".. getting down on terrific lunatics."

She attempted to read Dot's handwriting again.

"What?" Dot furrowed a brow. "No... no. Just.. let me do it."

Pearl stepped aside, handing Dot the note cards.

"What the frick frack does this say?" Dot stared down at the paper, furrowing her brow.

"Exactly my point." Pearl said, wearing the look on her face she gets when she's right.

"Okay, you know what? Forget that," Dot said. "I've got it all up here."

Lapis looked back at Dot skeptically.

"Be it months or years, decades or centuries," Dot said. "The love you two have for each other is as strong as the.. something probably really strong.. um..."

Peridot rolled her eyes.

"Uh, I'm also good at improv?" Dot offered. "The love you two have for each other is strong, fluid, unbreakable, never changing, yet always changing. You two have persevered and faced bleak-looking situations with a smile and confidence in the fact that you would have each other's back. Truly, you two have defined the saying 'the harder the struggle, the more glorious the triumph'. And what a struggle this has been. So, delight in your love, delight in your happiness, and delight in your triumph, for it is yours, and you have definitely earned it."

Greg wiped a tear from his eye. Connie wiped two. Amethyst wiped three. Pearl wiped four. Garnet wiped several. Steven gaped, eyes shining.

Peridot and Lapis stared at Dot with wide eyes.

".. you may phase on your perpetuity marks now." Dot concluded, a light in her eyes.

Lapis blinked. "R-right."

The ocean gem gently traced a teardrop shape underneath Peridot's left eye, just as they had discussed. Peridot carefully outlined a simplified robonoid shape on Lapis's right forearm. Their gems glowed and the perpetuity marks appeared, Peridot's in a dark green and Lapis's in a dark blue.

There was a silence, and then there was applause.

The light in Dot's eyes faded. "Uh, that's it." she shrugged.

"Man, did I just see a gem wedding?" Greg asked, scratching his head.

"I think so." Connie said slowly.

"It's a little less than that," Dot said. "But also a little more."

"Ahhh! That was amazing!" Amethyst exclaimed.

Garnet gave a thumbs-up.

"Dot, you never told anyone you could.. speak like that!" Pearl gasped.

"Like what?" Dot asked warily.

"You know.. like how you spoke!"

"Uh, I don't remember half of what I said, and I'm not going to hurt myself trying to remember. But thanks.. I think." Dot shrugged.

"I'm going to head back to the van," Greg said. "Bye, guys."

"Bye." said Garnet.

"Bye, Mr. Universe!" Connie waved.

"Bye, dad!" Steven hugged his father.

Amethyst waved.

"Goodbye, Greg." Pearl said impassively.

"See ya later, Man with a Van." Dot waved enthusiastically.

Lapis waved. Get it? Waved? Cause she does that thing with the ocean?

"Goodbye." Peridot said simply.

Greg made his way back to his van.

"Guyyys..," Dot gasped, turning to Lapis and Peridot. "Eeeeeeee!"

"Eeeeeeeee!" Lapis added.

They both looked at Peridot, clearly expecting something.

Peridot sighed. "Eeeeeeee."

"Eeeeeeeeeee!" the two squealed.

"I am as overjoyed as you are," Peridot said. "But is that really necessary?"

"Yes!" Dot grinned.

"I have to say I agree with Peridot on this one," Pearl said. "Is that really necessary?"

Connie laughed. "Eeeeeeee!"

"Eeeeeeeeeeee!" Lapis and Dot responded.

Amethyst rolled her eyes.

"Eeeeee." Garnet decided to humour them.

"Eeeeeeeeeeee!"

Lapis stiffened.

Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven all made various displeased expressions.

Dot just stared, tilting her head slightly.

"Are you o-" Peridot began.

"Peri.. turn around." Lapis said.

"I hate Mondays." Peridot sighed.


	2. Chapter 2

Jasper was furious.

For so long.. she'd been stuck.. under that stupid ocean.. made her sick just _thinking_ about it.. well now she was out, and were these stupid traitors gonna pay. She eyed the technician. Another stupid star. Another stupid traitor.

"So many traitors..," Jasper snarled. "You all make me sick."

"We're not traitors!" Pearl yelled back.

"Steven," Connie said urgently. "Who is that?"

".. you know how I told you Lapis was fused at the bottom of the ocean with Jasper about a year ago?" Steven asked. "Well, um, meet Jasper."

"Your _face_ makes me sick." Peridot sighed.

"Yeah, I'm with Peridot." Amethyst nodded.

"Shut up!"

"Big, angry." Dot said, eyes wide.

Jasper blinked. What the hell was this? For a second there, she thought she saw another Peridot. Hold on.. she did see another Peridot. "..What?" Jasper said finally.

"No."

"You can't just dismiss me, you pathetic, puny-"

"I'mma stop you right there," Dot said. "Before I get mad."

Jasper snorted. "Like that scares me."

"It should." Dot smiled.

Jasper hated when gems smiled like that, like they knew something Jasper didn't. It downright infuriated her, filled her with a fiery rage that couldn't be quieted...

"Whatever," Jasper spat, turning to Lapis. " _You_. The.. queen of the traitors."

"Yes, I am," Lapis said. "So please, bow down. Treat a queen with respect."

"I would _never_ bow to you, you pathetic, low-life, good-for-nothing-"

Pearl aimed her spear at Jasper and fired a blast of energy.

The gem scowled and dodged the blast.

"Jasper, you're severely outnumbered and overpowered," Garnet threatened. "Surrender, or we'll take you by force."

"Just because they abandoned their mission doesn't mean _I_ will!"

Lapis made a giant fist out of the water and attempted to slam it down on Jasper, who scrambled out of the way.

It was like wack-a-mole, with Lapis repeatedly slamming down the fist and Jasper moving _literally each time_.

"That isn't working," Garnet said. "Stop."

Lapis stopped.

"Now to end you!" Jasper summoned her helmet and ran towards Lapis.

"Other way, Jasper." Peridot said with a smirk, picking Jasper up in a beam and throwing her backwards.

"Yeah, Peridot!" Steven cheered.

Don't mess with her girl.

"It's a shame we have to meet on such unfortunate circumstances," Dot said in mock sadness, cracking her knuckles. ".. nah, not really."

"What's a puny little thing like you going to d-"

"Jasper- what are you- 87? I command you to leave Rose Quartz and the Crystal Gems be, forget about the forced fusion experiments and do something actually beneficial to this planet." Dot said.

Peridot furrowed her brow, and then grinned.

"What is she-" Pearl started.

"She outranks Jasper," Peridot explained. "She has to take orders from her."

"I don't," Jasper spat.

"I'm your section leader," Dot said. "Of course you do."

"I don't know how insane you must be, clearly Yellow Diamond is my section leader-"

"-yes, and I'm her kid, and she's dead, which makes me the section leader, and can we skip these details and you just _play nice_?"

The gems all exchanged glances and all had a huge moment of 'holy shit I never realized that' except Peridot who realized this about 3 minutes ago.

"Yellow Diamond doesn't have any _children_ ," Jasper said incredulously. The striped gem looked as if she had been personally offended. "None of the Diamonds have.. _children_."

It was kind of funny, because Jasper said 'children' like it was a bad word.

Jasper stared at the Crystal Gems who looked as if they had literally been tickled at the statement. Mostly because 3 of them were children of the Diamonds. Legit.

"Yellow Diamond hasn't been.. exterminated!" Jasper added.

"Uh, yeah," Dot said. "I crushed her gem with her own evil glove thingies. It was a beautiful moment of poetic justice, and also death."

Jasper could not grasp this at all. How could someone so small defeat someone so.. well, big? Was small the new.. thing, now? With Lapis's puny frame, to Rose Quartz'z new minuscule form and now.. what appeared to be this.. essentially Peridot with better fighting skills and a bigger ego?

"Great Diamond Authority," Dot snickered. "You look so confused."

".. I have to avenge Yellow Diamond!" Jasper growled, as Dot stared her down.

"Sit." Dot said simply.

Jasper paused. Yes, technically the thing to do was obey her higher-ups, but this higher-up also happened to be a traitor.

"Not sure if you have some sort of superiority complex you're trying to overcome or if you're just straight-up not listening," Dot said. "But sit. Seriously. Just.. sit. Right there. On the sand."

Amethyst snickered at 'superiority complex'.

Pearl summoned her spear, having a feeling this wouldn't end well.

Jasper eyed the Crystal Gems, and then looked down at Dot, who looked up at Jasper.

"I could crush you." Jasper sneered.

"Try it." Dot challenged.

Connie had seen Dot fight before. Dot always liked to provoke and push buttons before she fought, but she always had an ulterior motive. Hardly anything Dot ever did was for no reason, even when not doing any fighting of any sort. There was always some outcome she was working to achieve while she was planning it consciously or not. She wasn't all bark and no bite, either. She had the skill to back up her words.

"I'll even make it easier for you." Dot said, turning around.

"What are you doing?" Lapis asked, narrowing her eyes.

Clearly this gem was just a liar, trying to intimidate Jasper with elaborate tales of destroying Yellow Diamond and being a section leader.

.. that made Jasper mad.

The large gem stomped forward, raising a foot, preparing to literally step on this annoying miniature nuisance.

"What are you doing?!" Steven didn't want to watch Dot get crushed.

Dot turned around, summoned her shuriken and drove it into Jasper's foot.

"Argh!" Jasper yelled, hopping back, with a wince.

Ah, yes, Dot always had an ulterior motive.

"Would you like to try again?" Dot asked innocently, tilting her head.

Jasper growled, reaching out and roughly grabbing Dot by her hair.

"Oww," Dot said. "If you're going to violently pick me up without warning, please don't do it by the hair."

Peridot was currently trying to figure out how to shoot Jasper without possibly hitting Dot in the process.

"Jasper!" Garnet yelled, summoning her gauntlets. "Put her down!"

"Yeah, can you please put me down?" Dot asked. "I mean, yes, this is fun, but uh, I belong on the ground."

"I'll put you down if you all agree to come with me back to Homeworld!"

"And how exactly do you expect to get there?" Peridot asked.

Jasper froze.

"Way to think ahead." Amethyst clapped.

".. the more you know." Dot laughed.

"I have got you exactly where I want you," Jasper snarled. "So, I wouldn't talk if I were you."

"Then.. good thing you're not me, am I right?"

Jasper growled, looking like she was about to severely injure the warrior.

"Okay, please don't hurt me?" Dot said. "That's not very nice!"

"Now you're scared." Jasper grinned maliciously.

Pearl clutched her spear defensively.

"Not really, I just don't want you to punch me or something!"

"Too late." Jasper grinned, punching Dot's face.

"Owww!" Dot exclaimed, rubbing her cheek with a grimace. "I thought I told you not to _hurt me_! I asked nicely, I don't know what else you want!"

Pearl facepalmed.

"That's enough." Garnet said with a glare, running up to Jasper, gauntlets in hand.

"Oh, it's you again." Jasper said off-handedly.

"Gahh, look at this!" Dot complained, gesturing to her face. "You dented me!"

"What?" Jasper furrowed her brow, Garnet and Jasper both turned to look at the small dent in Dot's metal.

"You dented her, Jasper," Garnet sighed. "Nobody dents Dot and walks away to talk about it afterwards."

"I'm not 'nobody'." Jasper grinned.

"My point exactly," Peridot said. "You're not anyone."

Jasper turned to Peridot with a scowl. "Keep talking and I'll do more than just dent your.. annoying.. twin.. thing."

"Hey!" Dot said angrily.

"Good luck with that," Peridot said. "She has a record of constantly coming back."

Garnet punched Jasper.

"What are you doing?" Jasper said, moving her head in the nick of time. "Oh, so you wanna play that game?"

"Just _so you know,_ " Dot said, rolling her eyes. "You can't fight very well if you're _holding_ me!"

Jasper dropped Dot on the ground.

"Geez, you young people have no respect." Dot stood up, brushing her sweater off.

"I'm older than you by a lot," Jasper said, aiming a punch at Garnet. "You're 8,000 at the most."

Dot snickered. "Sure."

"Dot is 35,000." Garnet said coolly, trying to smash Jasper into the ground.

"She's _what_?" Jasper asked incredulously.

"I know, right?" Amethyst asked.

"Anything else I should know?" Jasper asked sarcastically.

"Steven isn't Rose Quartz." Peridot said.

"She is!"

" _He_ isn't." Dot said.

"If she isn't Rose Quartz, then what exactly is it?!"

" _He_ , is Steven." Pearl answered, glaring at the buff gem.

"Hey, Jasper, what are your thoughts on electrocution?" Dot asked.

"I find it an interesting but simple way to torture others." Jasper answered, almost getting kicked in the face and fully intending to scare the green warrior.

"Oh, I wouldn't say simple," Dot said, sliding between Jasper and Garnet. "There's a whole lot of preperation behind it."

"No there isn't." Jasper said flatly.

"Oh, yes there is," Dot responded. "You have to know exactly how to distract the person you want to electrocute, and then you have to refine the energy and then send it out in controlled waves.."

"What are you talking about?" Jasper growled.

"What are _you_ talking about?" the green gem shot back.

Garnet took a few steps back.

"Had enough?" Jasper grinned.

"No, she's just letting me do my thing." Dot said, cartwheeling up to Jasper because she's a show-offy little creature, and whirling around to delicately tap Jasper's bicep.

"What are you doing?" Jasper scoffed.

Dot poked it again curiously. Jasper eyed the warrior with suspicion.

"Ahem." Peridot said.

"Oh, sorry." Dot said, swiftly electrocuting the angry striped gem, who poofed.

Dot handed the gem to Garnet.

"Are you going to bubble her?" Pearl asked.

"I'm not sure," Garnet said. "For now we'll keep her as our prisoner."

* * *

A week later, Jasper had still not regenerated.

Dot was currently sending Peridot a bunch of snapchats of Lapis's butt just to annoy the technician.

"i bet u got some of this last nite ;) ;)" she sent along with another picture of Lapis's butt.

"Stop." Peridot sent back immediately.

"im not doing anything wrong tho :p" Dot replied with a picture of her innocent face.

"Find something better to do." Peridot responded.

"What are you doing?" Amethsyt peered over Dot's shoulder.

"Trolling." Dot responded.

"The green bean?" Amethyst asked.

Dot nodded and pressed her home button, opening iMessages.

* * *

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Dot texted Pearl.

"Stop that immediately." Pearl texted back.

* * *

"Are you gonna troll, like, everybody?" Amethyst asked.

"That's the plan." Dot nodded firmly.

* * *

'is it ethical to enjoy elf criminals' Dot texted Lapis.

"dot. wtf." lapis responded.

* * *

"i love to sin and support the void ;)' Dot texted Peridot.

"I honestly thought you were done with this when you stopped snapchatting me, but then you decided to send me ridiculous texts on iMessages. If you don't have anything important to say, don't say it you CLOD, I didn't exist just so you could send me your IDIOTIC musings. I do not care whatsoever if you love to sin or support any sort of void, i'm sure your PURPOSE IN LIFE IS NOT TO DISTURB ME."

"u didn't have to send me an essay but ty anyways" Dot replied.

"I'm blocking you."

"k i will get squawky to hack ur phone l8r"

"Do NOT get Pearl to hack my phone."

read - 3:42 pm

"Dot."

read - 3:42pm

"DOT"

read - 3:43pm

* * *

"i illegally torrent the feelings of others" Dot texted Amethyst.

"that's real nice dude but i'm right beside you" Amethyst texted back.

* * *

"let us savor the rapturous caress of hell :)" Dot texted Garnet.

"I see multiple futures, destiny and fate entertwining endlessly in a delicate dance" Garnet answered.

"i manipulate death"

"red and blue make garnet"

"don't give me your rupphire i just told you i manipulate death"

"lizard is my aesthetic"

"date a vintage cactus ;) ;)"

"i saw a future where you fell in love with amethyst"

"k bye"

* * *

Dot put down her phone, looking severely distressed. "I can't do it!"

"Do what?" Amethyst said, rolling her eyes. "Illegally torrent the feelings of others?"

"Troll Garnet!" Dot sighed. "She is just so.. untrollable! She's the master of counter-trolling, I don't know what to do with this."

"Let me try."

"You are but an amateur," Dot said. "But okay."

* * *

'hey dis is ame' Amethyst texted

"you have your own phone' Garnet responded. 'can't you attempt to troll me from there'

'no'

'red and blue make garnet'

'yeah ok' Amethyst rolled her eyes. 'what kind of messed up future was that did you see'

'hellfire is my aesthetic'

'idk wut that means'

'can u pls tell dot garnet wants to know if dot will call her mom'

* * *

"Dot, Garnet wants to know if you will call her mom."

Dot raised an eyebrow. "M'kay."

* * *

'idk if she said yes or no' Amethyst said.

'what did she say'

'idk man'

* * *

"What's taking you so long?" Dot asked. "Trolling is supposed to be quick and simple, you troll and then you leave."

Amethyst gave Dot her phone back.

"What the frick frack, Amethyst?" Dot stared at the screen. "I said yes."

"You said 'm'kay'," Amethyst said. "I don't know what that means."

Dot sighed deeply. "It means yes."

"Dot," Pearl said, looking severely annoyed, holding up her phone. "What is this?"

"Oh, can you hack Peridot's phone for me?"

"No."

"I won't text you for a week."

"No."

"A month."

"No."

"A year."

"No."

"What do you want, Pearl?" Dot asked.

"For you to stop sending me this ridiculous looking face!"

"The.. lenny face?" Amethyst snickered.

"Did you know hellfire is Garnet's aesthetic?" Dot asked.

"I don't.." Pearl groaned. "Ugh."

Dot opened snapchat, took a quick selfie, and sent it to Pearl. "can you pls hack peridork's phone tho'

Pearl stared at her phone, and then looked back at Dot.

"I'm going to confiscate your phone." Pearl said.

"Ooooh!" Amethyst grinned.

"No." Dot said stubbornly.

"I will," Pearl said. "Give me your phone."

".. no." Dot repeated.

"Give it to me," Pearl said. "You'll get it back in a week."

"Noo."

"Hey, Dot," Amethyst said. "I just realized your phone is always at 100% or 99%. I've never seen it below that.."

"Uhh.." Dot said, looking guilty. "Really?"

"It's because of that big hole in it." Pearl said flatly.

"I don't get it," Amethyst furrowed her brow. "That just means it's _broken_."

"No," Dot shook her head. "Peri did it for me."

"Why would she break your phone?" Pearl asked.

"It's not broken," Dot said. "It's new and improved!"

The warrior crossed her arms defiantly.

"Well, at least it's not completely broken." Pearl said with a smile.

"Yeah, you can still use it." Amethyst reassured.

"It's not broken," Dot said, visibly frustrated. "it just lets me charge it."

"You know there's a-" Pearl began.

"I mean charge it, literally, charge it myself, like, put my finger inside and shock it."

"That's what she said." Amethyst snickered.

"Amethsyt!" Pearl admonished. "That's actually quite.. fascinating, Dot. It never occurred to me that you could charge it on your own!"

"Oh my gosh," Amethyst laughed. "That's priceless! Dot is literally her own phone charger! Hahahahaha!"

"It's _convenient_ , okay?"

"If I altered my phone," Pearl said. "Do you think you could-"

"Absolutely not." Dot interrupted.

'garnet what's good' Dot texted the fusion.

"hot fire on water nice nice taste good smell good feel good yum" garnet replied.

"What the frick frack?" Dot said out loud.

"What?" Amethyst took Dot's phone and read it out loud.

"Garnet, what's good? Hot fire on water nice nice taste good, smell good, feel good, yum," Amethyst gave Dot back her phone. "You two need to stop."

Dot eyed her phone.

"also will you or will you not call me mom"

"i will" Dot said. "purple does not know what m'kay means'

"nice" garnet replied.

"Purple." Dot said.

".. that's a dumb nickname."

"M'kay," Dot shrugged. "Anyways, Purple, Sour Cream said I could bring two people to the rave tonight but you're the only one who would want to come. You gonna come?"

"Sure." Amethyst shrugged.

"I would come!" Pearl said indignantly.

".. Pearl, you're not exactly a ... _rave_ person." Dot said cautiously.

"Yes I am!"

"It's a place with loud music, bright colours, wine, glowsticks, and dancing."

"I like that sort of place!"

"Either there's something you're not telling us or you've never been to a rave before." Amethyst said slowly.

"Eh, whatever," Dot shrugged. "If you wanna come, you can come, but don't blame me if you don't like it."

"Yeah, don't blame me either," Amethyst said. "I tried to tell you."

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes, of course.. Dot, are you ever going to fix that?"

Pearl pointed vaguely at Dot's face.

"Not anytime soon," Dot said, fingers lightly grazing over the small dent. "It's cool. It's like a battle scar."

"It's like a dent and you should fix it."

"Why you gotta hate, P?" Amethyst asked.

Pearl sighed dramatically.

"Have you seen Peridot?" Lapis demanded. "She just texted me something about 'stupidity, 'it's not even an essay', and 'tell pearl not to hack my phone', and I need her to explain."

Dot's eyes drifted to the robonoid on Lapis's forearm and grinned. "That would be my fault."

"..," Lapis made the connection. "Seriously?"

"Yes." Dot nodded solemnly.

"Nice." said Lapis, walking away.

"Dot," Garnet said. "I need you to charge my phone."

"I don't-," Dot sighed. "I don't get it. It's like suddenly that's a community service- get Dot to charge your phone instantly, It's literally frickin' magic! I'm seriously going to start charging. Thi-"

Dot's phone rang.

 _"Because they took our love and they filled it up,_

 _Filled it up with Novocaine and now I'm just numb!_

 _Now I'm just numb!_

 _D-d-don't mind me I'm just the son of a gun_

 _So don't stop, don't st-"_

"What does she want?" Dot muttered, answering the call. "Hi! Bye!"

"Wait you clod, I didn't even say anything yet! I just want you to know I won't be tolerating this harassment anymo-"

Dot hung up.

"Way to go." Amethyst applauded.

Dot's phone rang again.

 _"Because they took-"_

"Do you need something?" Dot asked.

"AAAHHHH!" Peridot screamed, and it was faintly audible to the three gems present.

"GREAT DIAMOND AUTHORITY," Dot shrieked, holding the phone away. "Are you trying to deafen me?!"

Pearl raised an eyebrow.

"You are so annoying!" Peridot complained.

"You _literally_ just screamed into your phone! Who does that?!"

"I'm trying to tell you something important! You know, the ridiculous and utterly pointless messages you keep sending me won't be tolerated-" Peridot ranted.

"You know what won't be tolerated? Your _ear rape_!" Dot retorted.

"They're just like sisters or something." Amethyst said.

Pearl nodded.

" _My_ ear rape? What about _your_ eye rape?!"

"That's not a thing!" Dot exclaimed. "I'm only trolling you, Peri! Jeez!"

"I've had enough of your ridiculous.. trolling! Someone should confiscate your phone! You don't deserve it!"

"You don't deserve a phone either! You don't just _scream_ into a phone!"

"It can't have been that bad!"

"AAHHHHH!" Dot screamed, to prove a point.

"AGH! Dot, what the f... rrruit?! That was completely unwelcome and unnecessary!"

"Exactly my point!"

"Dot-" Pearl began.

"This is ridiculous! _You_ are ridiculous! First you put those invasive plants in our room, then you get speakers and blast that dumb metal screamer song when you _know_ I'm working, and now you're constantly interrupting me when you know I like to program my phone! I can't do that with these constant notifications, and for such trivial, unimportant things too- this is becoming a problem, an-"

"It sounds like you just have a problem with _me_!"

"I do!"

"Ouch." Garnet said.

"Then I'll just add you to the list!" Dot scowled, hanging up and stomping off, muttering to herself.

The three remaining gems exchanged glances, having a silent conversation.

"Alright, I'll go after her." Pearl said finally, walking in the direction Dot went.

"Well-played?" Amethyst asked.

"Well-played." Garnet agreed.

* * *

She found Dot in the new Beach City Art Gallery, staring at some paintings.

It surprised her. Dot struck her as the type of gem to punch things when she was mad, but no, here she was, just staring at these paintings.

Pearl was familiar with abstract art. She described it as 'emotions on a canvas: thoughts, feelings, the senses, all captured in colours and shapes'. Dot described it as 'colourful blobs that probably mean something, but whatever it is, I don't get it'.

And here Dot was, staring at six colourful blobs that probably meant something.

"Hi." Pearl said.

Dot turned around, looking as if she had been caught stealing something. "Hi."

"What are you doing?"

Dot shrugged.

"Interesting paintings." Pearl said.

"They are literally just random splatters of random colours. Like, someone could throw up in different colours on a piece of paper and it would legit look the exact same."

Pearl rolled her eyes. "No, look," she explained. "Each painting has different colours in it, but there's always grey and green except for the last one. It's like a story."

Dot looked over at Pearl, pursing her lips. "A story."

"A story. Here, look," Pearl said, pointing at the first one. "There's grey, green, and olive green. They're touching, mixing together and complimenting each other perfectly. They used bright shades for this one- like happiness."

Dot stared at it with an unreadable expression.

"And then this one," Pearl said, getting excited now, yay, she was educating and talking about art. This was fun. The slim gem pointed to the second one. "This one.. the olive green has been darkened severely. The grey and green are darker shades, and the shapes are much less wild and appear more subdued."

Dot raised an eyebrow.

"And then this one," Pearl continued, and Dot turned to look at the third one. "The grey and the green are bright again, complimenting each other like they did before, just without the olive green."

The warrior smiled ever so slightly.

"In the fourth one," the slim gem added. "The grey is still bright but the green is darker. The shape of the green looks slumped and defeated, but the grey one is wild and looks somewhat angry."

"Look at the fifth one," the pale gem gestured towards the fifth painting. "This one is so striking. The grey is so dark, it's almost black, and the green is dark, but not as dark as the grey. You can see the green looks like it's going to drip off of the canvas. That can be interpreted many ways, but I see it as despair."

"And then in this sixth one," Pearl said. ".. there's just.. green."

Dot stares at it impassively. "I can see that."

"See? Whoever painted this is brilliant. Some humans have a lot of talent. This person just told a whole story using what you call 'random blobs'. I'm not surprised the art gallery accepted this, even though the artist is mostly unheard of. It's.." Pearl squinted, looking at the cramped writing at the bottom. "By someone named Tod."

Dot stared at Pearl and shook her head. "Not brilliant. They probably just.. remember a lot."

"Yes, they are brilliant," Pearl says passionately. "Even if this is a true story, it's actually incredibly hard to turn a whole experience into.. this masterpiece. But do you get the meaning behind it?"

"Of course I do," Dot said simply. "Pearl, what's Tod backwards?"

The warrior turned and walked away.

Pearl paused.

Tod.

T-O-D.

D-O-T.

Dot.

.. Dot.

It hit Pearl harder than Garnet spiked the volleyball over the net that one time.

* * *

"How much money do you want?" Garnet asked.

"How much money do you have?" Peridot asked.

"Ugh, how much do you want, green bean?" Amethyst rolled her eyes.

"500. Even." Peridot said.

"What?! You just had to say what we told you to say." Amethyst said incredulously.

"She screamed in my ear," Peridot reminded her. "Also, she's probably going to hate me for a month for this."

"100." Garnet said.

"300." Peridot said.

"Deal." Amethyst said, giving Peridot 150 dollars.

Garnet gave the technician 150 dollars as well.

"Thank you very much." Peridot ginned.

"Wait, Peridot-" Pearl said, running in, looking out of breath. "Does Dot ever paint in your room?"

"No," Peridot snorted. "She thinks painting is stupid."

The technician left.

"But.." Pearl furrowed her brow, confused.

"P," Amethyst said. "Where's Dot?"

"I don't know, she walked off somewhere." Pearl said.

'where are you?' Amethyst texted the green gem.

read- 4:52pm

'i know you're reading my texts, you better answer me'

read- 4:52pm

'dot seriously where are you'

read- 4:52pm

'dot where r u, we're getting a little worried'

read- 4:53pm

'dot seriously'

Amethyst sighed in relief as she saw that Dot was typing back a reply.

'I'll be back before the rave starts' the green gem said vaguely.

"What did she say?" Pearl asked.

"She'll be back before the rave starts."

"Well, when does the rave start?" Pearl asked.

"9 tonight." Amethyst answered.

"You should go look for her." Garnet said helpfully.

Pearl didn't say anything for a moment. "Alright."

She left.

"This is gonna be great." Amethyst gushed.

"I know." Garnet agreed.

* * *

She saw Dot sitting down quietly on a bench. She didn't seem to be looking at anything in particular.

"Hi." Pearl said.

"Back again?" Dot teased.

Pearl flushed slightly. "I suppose so. I, ah, didn't know you paint."

"Neither did I," Dot shrugged. "Until I did."

"Mind if I sit down?"

"It's a public bench." Dot replied.

Pearl sat down.

"You said that.. abstract painting was just-"

"Colourful blobs that probably mean something," Dot finished. "Yes I did."

"Right, and whatever it did mean, you didn't get it."

"That wasn't a lie." Dot interrupted.

"That doesn't make sense," Pearl looked at the warrior. "I don't understand."

"Welcome to the club."

"Why'd you paint them?"

"I was.. curious," Dot said. "I just couldn't grasp the appeal so I tried it myself. I found a bunch of canvas and I found some paint and it.. happened."

"The green is you isn't it?"

"..," Dot was silent. "Yes."

'is everything okay?' amethyst texted Dot.

Dot looked down at her phone.

'no' she typed. she held the backspace button longer than necessary. 'everything's fine purple, chill lol'

Send.

'k just checkin' was amethyst's response.

Pearl pretended not to notice. "The grey and olive green were your friends right?"

"The grey was a little more than that."

Pearl paused. Oh. Nepheline. Pearl had heard about her before. She had asked about it once, Dot had given her some sort of lazy summary, and after Lapis had told her not to bring it up again. So she didn't.

Pearl, being who she was, noticed everything. So she noticed the way that sometimes Dot would take a breath she didn't need, the way Dot's left foot twitched excessively, the way her right fingers drummed on the back of the bench.

".. I get it." Pearl said.

"Uh," Dot said. "You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."

"I get that.. it hurts."

"Yeah, you're _still_ going to have to be a little more specific than that."

"You know.. that she's gone." Pearl stammered. She wasn't good at talking about things like this.

And she noticed how Dot automatically tensed slightly, the subtle shift in her facial features. Dot was good at hiding it.

But Pearl was very observant.

Dot gave a quiet 'hm'.

"Sometimes you just want to scream, or sometimes cry, or sometimes both. And.. sometimes you close your eyes and you can see her there."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Dot pressed her lips together.

But Pearl noticed how she held her arms slightly closer to herself, as if trying to become smaller, how she blinked though she didn't need to. The way the twitching of her left foot increased, how her right fingers hit the back of the bench with more force.

"Sometimes it hurts inside, but sometimes it hurts physically," Pearl continued. "And you can just feel it. How much you miss her and it just burns and eats away at you and-"

"You're honestly just confusing me." Dot said.

"I tried for so long," Pearl told her, voice trembling ever so slightly. "To pretend it was okay, but it all started spilling over. I hit things. I yelled. I-"

"Well, thank you for the nice story," Dot interrupted. "I have one to share too."

Pearl looked at Dot.

"I got over it a long time ago," Dot said flatly. "I was over it then, and I'm over it now. The end."

"You cried on the ship." Pearl gently reminded her.

"That's different. I was angry, not sad. Weeping tears of promised vengeance for the fallen, if you will."

"I won't." Pearl said.

"That's cheesy."

"I know."

A small 'ding' could be heard, and Dot groaned in annoyance.

'anything going on i should know about?'

Dot stared at the text and sighed.

'no. squawky is lecturing me. that's all. seriously, chill'

'k' Amethyst texted back.

Dot seemed to be considering something before giving a 'well, why not' sort of shrug and playing some music.

"I hope you don't mind," Dot said. "But I didn't bring headphones or anything. Thought it was just going to be.. me here."

"No problem."

They sat there, listening to the music for a while, before Dot started looking visibly distressed at a particular song.

"Dot-" the slim gem began.

"I have a rave to get ready for-"

"It's only 6." Pearl protested.

"To fail to prepare is to prepare to fail." Dot said.

"That has never been your motto."

"It's pretty much the same thing as 'tell the puns, tell all the puns'," Dot snickered. "Which is actually my motto. So."

".. You're crying."

"Liquified amazement," said Dot. "Powerful song or something."

"Really?" Pearl deadpanned.

It was some sort of maternal instinct from taking care of Steven that led the pale gem to gently brush away the tears on Dot's face. Yeah, probably some sort of maternal instinct. I think.

".. what are you doing?" Dot asked, more curious than anything else.

Pearl flinched, drawing her hand back as if she had touched fire. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking!"

"It's not.. a big deal." said Dot.

There was an awkward silence, and then 'ding' went Dot's phone.

"If this is Amethyst _again_.." the warrior muttered.

"you should be more open' ..

Nope. It was Garnet.

Dot stared at the fusion's vague text. '?' she texted back.

'you'll know sooner or later'

Dot sighed, powering her phone off. Sorry, but no more messages. It was getting annoying.

"Come on," the green gem said. "Lets go get ready for the rave."

"It's only.."

"6:30," Dot said. "But me and Amethyst will have to lay down some basic rave rules for you."

* * *

"Are you sure this attire is.. completely appropriate?" Pearl said, eyeing the tight, light blue sleeveless dress she was wearing with nervousness and hesitation.

"If you want you can stay home." Amethyst shrugged, wearing a purple, sleeveless dress similar to Pearl's, it made her curves stand out that much more.

"That won't be necessary," Pearl said, determined to prove her point and trying very hard not to lowkey check Amethyst out. She was, as the humans say, a massive raging lesbian. "I will enjoy this.. rave."

"One sec, gotta go tell Garnet we're going." Amethyst walked away.

"Sure, Purple." Dot said.

Pearl stared at the green gem, who was wearing a sleeveless black dress that highlighted the curves of her form.

Now- sorry for the interruption- but Pearl is so. Freaking. Gay.

"Don't give me that look," Dot stuck out her tongue. "I'm only wearing this because it's a rave."

Pearl blinked. "I didn't think that you'd actually wear a dress."

"Rave rules." Dot said simply.

* * *

"So... _this_ is a rave." Pearl said slowly.

"Told you you won't like it," Dot said smugly. "Hey, Jenny, you guys bring out the Bud Light yet?"

"Be patient, girl." Jenny giggled.

Amethyst crept off to request a song from Sour Cream.

Sour Cream stared at Amethyst with a grin. "Got it."

"Hi, Dot," Ronaldo said, wiggling his eyebrows. "I know you live by the beach, but I didn't think I'd _sea_ you here."

"Sorry, Ronaldo," Dot sighed. "I'm here to make a _splash_ , not _drown_ in your... ahem, 'charm'. I'm afraid I gotta _wave_ you goodbye."

Dot wiggled her fingers and walked off in a random direction.

"Oooh," Amethyst said. "How does it feel to get beaten at your own game?"

"I will win over my fair lady." Ronaldo said.

"I'm out of your league, Ronaldo!" Dot called.

"See how she flirts with me?"

"I am positively certain she is as far from interested from you as possible," Pearl said firmly. "And has chosen to let you know by making bad puns."

As the room filled, Sour Cream began to play the music.

"This song was requested," he said. "But we can all rave to this!"

I Won't Say I'm In Love from the Hercules movie began playing.

 _If there's a prize for rotten judgement,_

 _I guess I've already won that._

 _No man is worth the aggravation,_

 _That's ancient history- been there, done that!_

The slim gem crossed her arms, trying to assume a casual pose.

"Who'd'ya think you're kiddin'," Amethyst sang. "She's the Earth and heaven to ya."

"Try to keep it hidden," the crowd joined in, because hey, flash mob. "Honey, we can see right through ya."

Pearl turned around to face something else.

"Girl, ya can't conceal it," Amethyst winked, tapping Pearl on the back. "We know how you feel, and who you're thinking of."

Amethyst subtly pointed towards the warrior, who was currently waiting for her Bud Light to return from the war. Pearl scowled.

 _No chance, no way,_

 _I won't say it, no, no._

"You swoon, you sigh," the crowd sang. "Why deny it, uh-oh."

"This is so cliche." Pearl muttered under her breath.

 _It's too cliche,_

 _I won't say I'm in love._

Dot winked at random attractive-looking humans, and Pearl felt a pit of unknown emotion form deep within her.

 _I thought my heart had learned its lesson,_

 _It feels so good when you start out._

 _My head is screaming get a grip, girl_

 _Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!_

"You keep on denying, who you are and how you're feeling!" Multiple voices sang the chorus.

"Baby, we're not buying, Hon, we saw you hit the ceiling." Amethyst sang, dancing a little.

Pearl rolled her eyes and turned away.

"Face it like a grown up," Amethyst continued, grinning. "When you gonna own up? That you got, got, got it bad."

 _No chance, no way_

 _I won't say it, no, no_

"Give up, give in," Others joined in Amethyst's singing. "Check the grin, you're in love."

 _This scene won't play,_

 _I won't say I'm in love_

"You're doing flips, read our lips," the crowd sang, except Dot, who never joined flash mobs. She preferred starting them. "You're in love."

 _You're way off base,_

 _I won't say it_

Amethyst elbowed Pearl pointedly.

 _Get off my case,_

 _I won't say it._

"Girl, don't be proud," Amethyst crooned. "It's okay, you're in love."

 _Oh, at least out loud,_

 _I won't say I'm in..._

"Love..." Pearl let her voice join the others.

Pearl sighed, and looked at Amethyst, who looked over at Dot, and then back to Pearl. The slim gem understood the gesture but refused to acknoweledge it.

"Listen- Jenny," Dot said. "Is there Bud Light or is there not?"

"Hold on, Dottie," the teen rolled her eyes. "I'm just about to bring it out."

"Yes," the warrior beamed. "You're a lifesaver."

"Who doesn't love that song? But now it's time to groove!" Sour Cream grinned, playing down a more electronic instrumental track.

"Awww, yus." Amethyst grinned, totally grooving.

"That's what I'm talking about," Dot said, taking a bottle of Bud Light and pouring it into a glass. "None of that Disney crap, you know? Life is not like a movie. I'm not gonna get locked up in some cell somewhere and some dashing prince is not gonna come save me. I'm gonna kick ass and then rescue a princess myself, and then you know, make out with her or something because I'm really gay. And talking to myself apparently. Which I'm going to stop. Right.. now."

"Hey! Mariane, is that you?" Dot asked, waving.

The woman in question, Mariane, turned to face Dot with a wide smile.

"Dot! It's been a while since you last hit the rave."

Dot shrugged. "Duty calls."

"Geez, this intense beat dropping gives me eargasms." the dirty-blonde woman gushed.

"Be free," Dot said." Let the music take control."

Mariane snickered. "I know you must be dying just standing there. You're secretly a huge party animal."

"I am not! I am strictly a huge party conversationalist." Dot grinned.

"You won't be once you get drunk enough."

"True that." Dot said.

The beat dropped particularly loudly this time.

"Great Diamond Authority." Dot said automatically, nearly dropping her glass.

"Right?" Mariane agreed. "Finish that, we're going to dance."

"If you say so." Dot smirked, downing the beer.

"How much will it take to get you drunk off your ass?"

"Getting intense and you haven't even touched the beer yet," Dot 'tsk'd, and as an afterthought, "Prolly more than they have here."

"We got a Ms. Steal Yo Girl." Amethyst whispered urgently.

"Amethyst, I don't-"

"Pearl. Seriously." the purple gem said flatly.

The pale gem rolled her eyes and walked up to the drink table. She took a bottle of the.. 'Bud Light' and tried not to cringe.

Dot stared at her in surprise. "You're actually going to drink that?"

"If I don't like it, you can have it." Pearl said.

"Sounds good to me," Dot grinned. Pearl opened the beer bottle and took a sip. It was _disgusting._ But she could feel Mariane watching her.

"Dot, aren't you going to introduce me?" The woman asked.

"Pearl," Dot said. "Mariane. Mariane, Pe-"

Dot widened her eyes at the literal intensity of the music right now. The bass drops were reaching epic proportions. Sour Cream had talent. Pearl shivered with delight at the what humans called.. 'sick beats'.

"Are you guys okay?" Mariane joked. "I mean, I know that was great, but."

Gems connect through the arts- more specifically dancing, singing, and music as a whole. When music was exceptional, their instinct was to move. To do _something_ , at least. To be honest, usually fuse.

Dot laughed weakly. "Ha- yes."

Amethyst gave in to the music. She let loose. She danced, and danced, and danced.

"Care to dance, m'lady?" a human offered his hand to Mariane, smiling kindly.

"Sure, Sam," Mariane grinned. "See you guys around."

She allowed Sam to pull her through the crowd.

Pearl bobbed her head slightly to the beat, tapping her fingers on the table, and Dot balanced her weight on the drink table idly. But Sour Cream kept upping the game.

"Haha," Pearl laughed nervously. "That's a little.."

Dot nodded in agreement, tapping her foot.

Pearl's fingers instantly synchronized with Dot's tapping. Two taps for every one.

Pearl blushed. "Um, sorry."

"S'not a problem." Dot said dismissively.

The speed of Pearl's finger tapping increased to match the beat, and Dot's foot matched it beat for beat.

They both widened their eyes at the unexpected bass drop.

Pearl exhaled.

It took every ounce of their self control not to get up and dance that second.

Alas, that wasn't enough.

Pearl tried to escape, tried to walk away, but she almost tripped and accidentally twirled into Dot.

Dot stared at Pearl.

"L-look," the warrior said urgently.

Pearl looked up at Dot with confusion.

"-at Amethyst! She has no regrets." the green gem grinned.

Pearl looked over at.. Amethyst, who was dancing freely.

"Let me just-," Dot said, attempting to help Pearl into a more dependable standing position, but somehow ended up twirling Pearl around. Pearl spun gracefully into a solid stance. "Oops, sorry, that wasn't-"

Dot flushed, slapping her arm as it started to move, free of her own will.

Pearl turned around, gently rolling her shoulders back. "S-sorry, I-" she stammered, blushing a light blue.

"It's fin-" Dot lightly and fluidly swung her hips around. "D-diamonds, I-"

The warrior bent over slightly, her hands on her knees, as she moved, practiced, controlled movements, perfectly moving in sync to every complicated beat of the dubstep part of the song.

Amethyst widened her eyes, grinning.

"Sorry!" Pearl gasped, lowering herself to the ground and spinning, neatly flipping backwards. "I didn't mean t-"

 _Please stop saying sorry to each other,_ Amethyst groaned. _And just dance already!_

Dot pivoted on her toe, falling into slow motion as the dubstep transitioned to slow and smooth. "Gah, sorr-"

Pearl moved forward.

Dot weaved around her as Pearl spun, elegantly twisting around. "Sorry fo-"

"Be quiet and dance." Pearl interrupted, finally aware that apologizing was not going to do anything.

It fell into a sort of cinematic theme, and Pearl gracefully twirled and twirled around the warrior, spinning and leaping.

Then came the glitching, repeated sounds, and Dot dropped, her hands on her knees again.

Transition.

Robot, move your arms there, do a wave. Spin, leap, slide. Pearl twisted elegantly, still dancing individually, and then the music blended together.

Pearl spun, Dot moved jerkily but precisely as the electric part of the beat repeated sh-sh-sh-sh, du-du-du-du. Dot moved herself in a fluid arc as the speed of their dance increased. Pearl spun faster and faster. She let herself fall backwards, and Dot caught her.


	3. Chapter 3

_somebody tie me up and then take dot and place her in a bomb shelter safely away from me_

* * *

"Didn't something like this happen at a rave from about two years ago?" Jenny asked Sour Cream.

"Yeah, this tall girl split into Steven and some other kid."

"And now Dot and Pearl just changed into some tall chick too. Weird." the twenty-one-year-old shrugged.

Sour Cream shrugged and moved on to the next track.

"Tree Agate?" Amethyst asked, grinning.

"The one and only." Tree Agate responded with a smirk.

"You have two arms now!"

Tree Agate held her arms out in front of her. "That is true."

"C'mon, we can totally rip up the dance floor!" Amethyst said, excited.

"I can totally rip up all dance floors." Agate responded playfully.

"Obviously." Amethyst rolled her eyes, still smiling, and pulled Tree Agate through the crowd.

* * *

Amethyst and Tree Agate danced to the music until about 12.

"That was awesome!" Amethyst grinned afterwards. The rave was still going on, but they didn't want to be out for too long.

"Yes," Tree Agate agreed completely. "It was."

The fusion split apart revealing Dot, supporting Pearl, still leaning backwards.

Pearl took a moment to stand up, before the two laughed.

"Oh my gosh." Amethyst said eyes wide.

The two turned to look at Amethyst, smiles on their faces.

"That was awesome!" Amethyst repeated.

"Totally." Dot said, giving the purple gem a thumbs up.

"It certainly was," Pearl agreed. "Come on, let's return home."

"Wait, I gotta get some glowsticks first." Dot dashed back into the building and came back out, clutching large fistfuls of glowsticks.

"What do you need _all_ of those for?" Amethyst asked.

"Well, 4 for Steven and his friend Connie, and the rest are for me and Peri. They're fun to chew on."

Amethyst and Pearl stared at Dot.

"Okay," Pearl said slowly. "Let's just go home then."

"M'kay."

Dot and Amethyst got involved in a very serious conversation about hip-hop versus dubstep, and Pearl was content to just listen.

* * *

"Yes," Dot said. "Steven's out, I'mma watch me a good movie."

"Can we watch that one?" Peridot asked, pointing to a movie with a cup of coffee and a keyboard as the thumbnail.

"Definitely not," Dot said. "That one is a love story, and this one is obviously way better."

".. because it's not a love story?" Lapis asked.

"Yes, and also there's a gun as the movie thumbnail."

Peridot facepalmed.

"What movie is this?" Amethyst asked.

"It has to do with guns," Peridot said drily. "We know nothing about the movie itself, we did not read the description or even the title, but there is a gun as the thumbnail and that's how we know this movie will be amazing."

Amethyst blinked. ".. okay."

Lapis snickered.

Dot rolled her eyes. "I bet you 5 bucks you'll love this movie."

"I can't wait for my 5 bucks." Peridot said simply.

The movie started off with a gunshot and a guy saying 'Serves you right, motherfuckaaa! That's what you get for messing with the Harvester!"

Dot beamed. "I love this movie already!"

"I hate this movie already," Peridot said. "Give me my 5 bucks."

"What are you all watching?" Pearl inquired, sitting beside Amethyst.

"It has to do with guns. We know not-" Peridot began.

"A totally badass movie about some badass guy named the Harvester, who has a gun." Dot interrupted.

".. alright." Pearl shrugged.

'John!' the Harvester growled. 'What are you doing around here?'

 _'Ya should step down, Mista' Harvester,' John said. 'Or I'll hafta personally step ya down mahself.'_

 _John held out a large knife with a grin._

 _'You want to harvest the Harvester?' the Harvester laughed. 'That's like saying you want to out-crazy the madman.'_

 _The Harvester shot John._

"This is so good," said Dot. "Where is the popcorn?!"

"I don't get it," Lapis said. "There was a bunch of shooting and I kind of stopped paying attention."

Peridot stared. "This.. Harvester character is so overpowered," the technician criticized. "So far he has shot every other person who has appeared on-screen and has not taken any sort of damage whatsoever."

"That just means he's talented, Peri." Dot replied.

Pearl stared at the movie with a bored expression. "This is extremely predictable," she added. "Now somebody else is going to show up and the Harvester is just going to kill them too."

 _There was a rustling in the bushes._

 _'Who goes there?' the Harvester demanded. 'Show yourself! Unless you're scared.'_

 _A woman stepped out from the shadows, holding a large scythe._

"Shoot her!" Dot said.

 _'Who are you?'_

 _'I would like to assist you, Harvester.'_

 _'I don't need assistance.' the Harvester retorted._

 _'But every Harvester needs a Reaper.' the Reaper responded, tilting her head._

"That's so cheesy," Amethyst groaned. "Like, I wasn't expecting it. But they could've done better than that. Oh my gosh."

"Tell her no," Dot said. "Shoot her."

"Violence is the answer." Garnet agreed.

"Oh, hey Garnet." Amethyst waved.

 _'Not this Harvester.' the Harvester shot the Reaper, but the Reaper turned into a shadow and avoided the bullet._

"What the frick frack?!" Dot exclaimed, extremely upset with this turn of events.

"Relax," Lapis said. "Finally, someone the Harvester literally can't shoot."

 _'I will grind your bones into a bone meal slushie and have it for breakfast tomorrow.' the Harvester threatened._

"That's just weird." Peridot said.

"Yes, bone meal slushies," Dot said. "I wonder how that would taste."

Lapis inched away from the warrior.

"Wow," Amethyst made a creeped out faste. "Please don't talk to me."

"Eat dirt." Garnet said.

"I was kidding!" Dot told them. "Mostly."

 _'I have no bones for you to grind,' the Reaper said. 'But I will take your brain and blend it into brain matter juice and drink it with my lunch.'_

 _"I don't have a brain," the Harvester said. "Only melatonin."_

"Does he know what melatonin is?" Dot demanded. "That makes you sleep. Is he saying he's tired?! Warriors don'T GET TIRED! EAT DIRT!"

"You need to seriously relax." said Lapis.

"And stop screaming at the TV." Pearl added.

"See? _You_ don't even like this movie." Peridot said smugly.

 _'Just let me reap your harvest, Harvester.' the Reaper whispered._

 _'Fine.' the Harvester said begrudgingly._

 _'RAHHHHHHHHHH!' a large guy screamed._

"My kind of guy," Dot nodded. "Scream as loud as possible, intimidate them with your powerful voice."

 _"RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' the Reaper screamed back, louder and longer._

Lapis furrowed a brow. "What's the point of that?"

"To show that you can!" Dot replied, giving a thumbs up.

"What kind of dumb movie is this?!" Amethyst complained. "It makes no sense!"

"Is it normal for humans to go around screaming at each other?" Pearl asked.

"I can scream louder and longer than all of them." Dot said smugly.

"Okay, but please do not." Peridot told her.

 _The Harvester shot the Screamer._

 _"Reaper," he said, turning to the Reaper. "That was beautiful. Your voice was so pure and emotional.. so angelic."_

"What the fuck." Dot said bluntly.

"Exactly." Lapis said.

"Literally sums up this entire movie." Amethyst said.

"No," Dot said. "NO. It is supposed to be a sound of destruction. This is _factually incorrect_! I can _break glass_ with my voice! What is this madness?!"

"Again," Peridot said. "Please do not attempt to do so."

 _'I hunger for blood.' the Reaper said._

 _'Same.' said the Harvester._

 _They went off and shot people._

".. l-o-l..," Amethyst said. "What is this?"

 _"H-harvester," the Reaper said, gazing into the Harvester's eyes. "We shouldn't keep doing this. This is wrong. All of this bloodsucking and killing? These our are brethren. No wonder the Verbs are a dying species..'_

 _'There is no other way, Reaper,' the Harvester gently held the Reaper's face. 'This has always been the way of our kind. If we do anything else, the Leader wouldn't be happy.'_

"I wanted guns!" Dot said. "What has this movie become? I don't understand!"

"Ooh," Lapis said. "This finally got interesting."

 _'.. But Harvester,' the Reaper protested. 'Don't you see? We have to.. to.. fuck the police!'_

"You gotta _what_ the _who now_?" Dot blinked.

 _'We gotta what the who now?' the Harvester blinked. 'We are a the Harvester and a the Reaper, not a the Fucker.'_

 _'No, Harvester,' the Reaper giggled. 'We have to ignore the authorities. We can create a new way for our people!'_

 _'You must be insane.' the Leader tittered in a deep voice, coming out of literally nowhere. 'There will never be a new way for the Verbs. This is the way it will always be. Harvester, execute this traitor.'_

"Well," Dot said. "That escalated quickly."

"Right?" Amethyst agreed.

 _'M-me...' the Harvester gasped. 'Execute.. the Reaper?'_

 _'Put your petty feelings away,' the Leader snarled. 'This is what's important and best for all of Verbkind.'_

 _'Harvester,' the Reaper said sadly. 'This is what I deserve. I am a traitor, even if I was only doing the right thing.'_

"Um, where are the guns?" Dot asked. "Like, where did they go? Seriously."

"Shh." everyone shushed her.

 _'Do it with a the Executioner's axe.' the Leader grinned sadistically, a blood red-aura creating a table and tying the Reaper to it._

 _The Harvester trembled. 'I- I can't just.. murder.. the Reaper. She is.. the love of my life!'_

"Aww." Lapis squealed.

"Aww, this _sucks,_ " Dot finished. "What happened to badass, I-work-alone Harvester?"

"He fell in love." Garnet beamed.

 _'Harvester, please,' the Reaper said. 'I love you too. Never change. Suck blood, destroy. Kill. Follow your instincts, be as feral as you always were. If you ever meet another Reaper.. please don't be afraid to move on.'_

 _'A true the Verb would never love,' the Leader spat. 'End her, the Harvester.'_

Dot blinked slowly.

"I hate last goodbyes in movies." Pearl sniffled.

"I hate everything in movies in general." Peridot said flatly.

 _'I want you to be as wild and uncontrollable as you always were. Do it for me, please?' the Reaper continued. 'It's.. what I want. Stay a the Harvester, don't be a the Mourner.. don't stop being you.'_

"Uh..," Dot said, tilting her head. "Gun?"

Lapis wiped a tear from her eye. "This is so sad."

Pearl covered her mouth, overcome with feels.

 _The Reaper smiled. 'You know.. now's your chance to make a bone meal slushie out of my ground up bones.'_

 _The Harvester teared up._

Lapis sobbed. "I never saw this coming.."

Dot rolled her eyes. "I'm still waiting for the guns to come back, honestly."

"You're so heartless." Peridot said, gazing at the TV with a sad expression.

"Yeah. Like, this is so depressing," Amethyst commented, frowning. "And you're just talking about guns? Are you for real?"

"Yes." Dot groaned.

 _'Yess,' the Leader hissed approvingly. 'Make a bone meal slushie out of her ground up bones..'_

 _The Harvester held up an axe with trembling hands._

 _'I love you.' the Reaper said._

 _'I love you too,' the Harvester whispered. '..a-and every Harvester..'_

 _'Needs a Reaper.' the Reaper finished with a smile._

 _The Harvester raised the axe, preparing to bring it down._

"Lame!" Dot called.

"Be quiet." Peridot retorted.

 _The Harvester brought down the axe, and the Reaper burst into shadow. The Leader left, satisfied._

 _The Harvester sunk to his knees, and a few tears slid down his cheeks._

Dot snickered. "Am I the only one who thinks this is funny?"

"Yes!" Lapis said, crying.

"It didn't have to be this way!" Pearl sobbed.

"You have made a foolish choice, the Harvester." Peridot shook her head sadly.

"How are you not even a little bit sad right now?" Amethyst asked.

"I don't get sad," Dot replied. "That's actually not in my vocabulary."

 _Another the Screamer approached. "AHHHHHHH!"_

 _"Fuck off!" the Harvester exclaimed._

 _"I'm just doing my job, guy." the Screamer rolled his eyes, walking away._

"Why didn't you shoot him?" Dot whined. "The old you would've shot him! You've... nooo, you've gone soft. This is the real tragedy of this movie."

"Shh." Lapis said.

 _The Harvester noticed a strand of the Reaper's hair on the ground._

"Don't you dare." Dot warned.

 _The Harvester picked the hair up and put it in his pocket._

"Awwww." Lapis squealed.

"Wow- I- just wow," said Dot. "Con-fucking-gratulations. You are officially my least-favourite movie character."

"Language! Just because Steven isn't here doesn't mean you should swear," Pearl scolded. "He'll be able to sense it in the air."

"Do you know what you're saying anymore?" Dot asked. "Because what you just said makes no sense."

Pearl rolled her eyes.

 _'I don't want to be here if you're not here.' the Harvester said, glancing over at the axe._

"That's a 'no'," the warrior said. "Go shoot something. Great Diamonds."

 _'You told me to be wild,' the Harvester growled, looking away from the axe, standing up and clenching his fists. 'You told me to be feral. I'm going to start your revolution, baby. Gonna bring on your new age.'_

The movie ended.

"What the f-" Dot began.

"Language!" Pearl said again.

"What in the world?" Dot said. "I- he probably shot a whole bunch of people, why didn't they show that?"

"The movie is not about shooting," Peridot sighed. "Not everything is about shooting."

"Pft, I know that," Dot said. "But this movie was supposed to be. Why bother putting a gun on the front if the movie is not going to be completely about shooting?"

"Because," Lapis said. "They want you to struggle through the pain he felt as he executed the one he loved."

"Why?" Dot asked simply. "Shooting would be so much better."

".. uh," Lapis said. "..because.."

"It's supposed to show you the perspective of executing someone you love," Pearl offered. "So you can understand how it feels."

".. that's pretty much pointless." Dot said flatly.

"Yeah, like, hasn't she done that already?" Amethyst asked.

They all turned to look at Amethyst, shaking their heads and making warning symbols.

"I don't get it! She has done that, right?"

Their 'no' motions became more frantic.

"Has she or has she not executed someone she loved? I'm confu-"

"Be quiet, you clod." Peridot said finally.

"Someone needs to teach you guys a thing or two about subtlety," Dot deadpanned. "And for the record, yes, I have, and it's nothing like whatever played in the movie just now."

Lapis grinned sheepishly. "Of c-"

Jasper's gem began to glow, and rise in the air.

"Someone's back," Dot said, cracking her knuckles. "I wanna punch her _so bad_."

Jasper looked the exact same as before.

"It took you a week to do that?" Lapis asked.

Jasper growled. "You-"

"I would advise you to carefully survey your surroundings before your next movement." Peridot said.

Jasper looked around, and the Crystal Gems stared back at her with varying unimpressed expressions.

"Arrrgh.. what do you want?" Jasper said finally.

"Can I punch her?" Dot asked.

Jasper scowled.

"No." Garnet said decidedly.

Jasper summoned her crash helmet, prepared to slam into someone.

"You seriously want to fight right now?" Amethyst asked. "Remember what happened last time? Our girl Dot is always on supercharge."

"Really?" Dot asked.

"It sounded cooler in my head." Amethyst admitted.

Jasper eyed the green warrior with suspicion. Dot waved, fingers sparking. Jasper subconsciously edged away.

"You're too late," Jasper grinned. "There's nothing you can do. Once Yellow Diamond realizes we haven't returned, she'll send someone after us."

"Yellow Diamond who?" Dot asked with an innocent smile. "The dead one?"

"Yellow Diamond isn't dead!" Jasper snarled.

"The first stage of grief is denial." Pearl said helpfully.

"You traitors can't have killed her." Jasper growled.

"Oops. Us traitors killed her." Lapis shrugged.

Jasper sneered at the blue gem.

"I always find it so great when a kid kills their parents," Dot said. "It's always this beautiful moment for me, and that's exactly what it was."

"Why do you keep talking like she had a child?" Jasper practically quivered with rage.

"Because it happened, yo." Amethyst grinned.

"She wouldn't have broken a rule she created. Yellow Diamond is honorable, dependable, and strong." Jasper said, firm in her belief.

Dot burst into laughter. "Ahaha.. nice one.. ahahaha.."

Amethyst snickered.

"How dare you laugh at our leader?"

Dot cleared her throat and stared Jasper dead in the eye. "Ha. Ha. Ha."

Pearl widened her eyes.

"Is that a challenge?" Jasper growled.

"Wouldn't really be a challenge if it's against you." Dot said, inspecting the sleeves of her sweater with a bored expression.

"Oooooh," Amethyst said. "You just got wrecked."

"Don't do anything I wouldn't do." Pearl told Dot, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

Jasper scowled at the green warrior.

"And what exactly could _she_ do?" Dot asked, rolling her eyes. "She's outnumbered, overpowered, not to mention my pure coolness alone is enough to make the biggest and strongest gems cower before me."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here!" Jasper yelled.

"Please, use your inside voice." Pearl smirked.

"Why do you think you can order me around? You're just a-"

"Ah, ah, nope," Dot interrupted. "Please take your idiotic and degrading words elsewhere, and by elsewhere, I mean forget about them completely."

Amethyst grinned.

Pearl glared at Jasper. Garnet rested a hand on the pale gem's shoulder.

"You know, you should listen to your superiors," Peridot 'tsk'd. "This is inappropriate conduct."

"Yeah, very inappropriate," Dot added, shaking her head. "Don't attack your section leader."

"You're _not_ my section leader! And, do you know what's also inappropriate conduct?! Joining a group of traitors! I am going to destroy each and every one of you, and crush your gems into dust."

"I bet the only reason you took so long to regenerate is because you were trying to come up with that." Lapis replied.

"Oh," Jasper said, seeming to realize something and grinning at whatever it was. "Peridot, you can drop the act now and help me end these miserable traitors."

"Every word that comes out of your mouth is stupid." Peridot sighed.

"Seriously," Jasper narrowed her eyes. "Cut it out and come help me."

"No." Peridot replied.

"Cut it out!"

"Jasper, I said no."

Garnet summoned her gauntlets, Amethyst and Pearl, upon noticing this, summoned their weapons as well.

"Oh, that pathetic display of your so-called 'power' isn't going to scare me." Jasper taunted.

"Talk shit, get hit." Dot grinned.

Peridot summoned her halberd.

Jasper blinked. "When.. did.. whatever. I could still easily take you all in a fight."

Peridot grinned smugly.

Lapis held two large orbs of water. "I'm sure you could."

Pearl brightened. "Or you two could try that thing you've been practicing!"

"That's not really dependable," Dot said slowly. "It hasn't exactly been.."

"..perfected yet." Lapis finished.

"Ha! That just proves that you _don't know what you're doing_!" Jasper crooned.

"Wait!" Pearl said. "Can we take this outside?"

"That would be optimal." Peridot agreed.

"Fine." Jasper punched the door down and walked out.

"Oh, now I'm going to have to fix that." Pearl groaned.

Dot looked at the door intensely and then rammed her heel into it, the spikes on the back of her boots digging into the wood and peeling some of it away.

"What did you do that for?" Pearl squawked, offended.

"It's already broken and on the ground," Dot said. "And I like to destroy things, so."

Pearl sighed.

"Nice." Amethyst said, hitting the door with her whip and damaging it further.

"Would anyone else like to destroy the door?" Pearl said, annoyed.

Garnet punched it and created a huge hole.

Lapis stared at the door with a sympathetic expression on her face, for whatever odd reason.

Peridot paused as if considering something and then threw her halberd into the door, adding another hole.

"Pearl and Lapis, won't you please contribute? This is a team effort." Dot said, staring at the damaged door with a look of pride on her face.

Lapis rolled her eyes and pointedly walked past the defeated, broken door. Pearl sighed before briefly stabbing the door with her spear and then exiting.

Dot stared at the door, and gently placed her hand on her heart. "You done good.."

Peridot guided Dot outside, sighing as she did so.

"Wait! I didn't finish my goodbyes!" the warrior complained.

"That's a relief." Peridot deadpanned, and then yelped as Jasper almost punched her in the face.

"You lookin' for a fight or somethin'?" Dot bared sharp teeth at the striped gem.

"Defeat you? I'd be happy to." Jasper grinned wickedly.

"Aw," Dot shot back. "It's a shame, you won't be able to be happy then."

Jasper narrowed her eyes. "You're going down."

"You're making this too easy," Dot taunted. "I _am_ going down.. in history."

Peridot snickered.

Jasper glared at the green warrior. "You know what? If you're so confident, why don't you see if you can fight me without your cheap little electricity tactic, Peridot."

"You don't know it, but you just sealed your doom." Dot smiled.

"I was going to win before," Jasper said. "But now I just secured my victory."

"Not really." the technician said, casually leaning against the handle of her halberd.

"Yeah, you said Peridot? That's kinda really vague, so we're just going to assume you mean both of us." Dot shrugged.

Jasper paused to process this new information. "That's not what I meant!" she growled. "I mea-"

Dot threw a shuriken at her and Jasper dodged it, glaring.

"The sound of your voice annoys me to no end." Peridot sighed wistfully.

"You know how people say they have like, laugh lines, right?" Dot commented idly. "I'm like, almost 100 percent sure that Jasper has scowl lines, because she's so angry all the time for no apparent reason."

"I'm angry because you've sabotaged my mission, hypnotized the gem leading it and her informant, and have destroyed all the ways of getting off of this backwater planet."

"Cool story, but no hypnosis was involved. Also, nah, there's like, one more." Dot said, dodging a punch.

"Where is it?!" Jasper snarled.

"We would tell you the locations of it.. because..?" Peridot said dryly.

"It's okay, Peri," Dot snickered. "She can just ask the stick up her ass."

Peridot widened her eyes and then snorted.

"RAAHHHHH!" Jasper yelled, repeatedly throwing punches wherever.

"Are you absolutely sure they can handle it?" Pearl asked.

"I swear you're not even aiming anymore." Dot said, standing completely still as Jasper punched the air.

Jasper whirled around and aimed right for Dot's gem. The warrior dropped and slid between Jasper's legs, as the writer desperately finds a way to make this sound less suggestive, probably ruining this sentence for the more innocent minded. Dot twisted around and threw a shuriken into Jasper's back. The large gem stiffened, but did not retreat to her gem.

"And she survives evermore." Dot remarked sarcastically.

Peridot is about to skillfully slice Jasper diagonally in half, but Dot stops her.

"We're trying to subdue her, not poof her," the warrior says. "... unfortunately."

Peridot sighed with disappointment.

"I can't be tamed!" Jasper exclaims, reaching for the shuriken and flinging it at Dot.

The warrior caught it and eyed it with mild confusion. ".. thank you?"

"RAHHHH!" Jasper was trying to hurt the green gem, not return her weapon.

"Your battle cry is so uninspiring," Dot groaned. "I think I'm crying because of how bored it's making me."

Peridot looked at Jasper and shook her head, giving a few small 'tsk's.

"RAHHHHHH!" Jasper repeated. It was louder and.. not much else.

"Ahem," Dot cleared her throat. "RaaaAAAaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

This too was loud, but it was a loud, haunting, _chilling_ noise, and many gems found themselves living the Rebellion all over again.

Peridot shuddered. Pearl shuddered. Amethyst shuddered. Lapis shuddered. Jasper stared. Garnet shuddered internally.

"You're so small." Jasper gaped, once again completely unable to comprehend how such a large and fear-evoking noise had come from such a small gem.

Dot sighed deeply. "I'm not sure how to reply to that, but I'll just make a blatantly obvious statement and hope that it's what you were expecting," Dot paused. "You're so big."

"Did you just say 'blatantly'?" Peridot asked incredulously.

"It's an actual word," Dot defended. "I didn't make it up."

"I know," Peridot said, and then repeated herself, thoroughly astonished. "I _know_."

"Hold on a second." Jasper squinted at Dot.

"Okay, I'm not that small?" Dot huffed. "Or small, like, at all? And to be honest, I'm just offended now."

"You're Dot!" Jasper exclaimed.

"Great Diamond Authority," Dot gasped. "It's a miracle. You're a genius. Someone give her a medal. I never knew.. I had no idea.. I'm Dot? Really? This changes everything."

"Commander Hematite told me about you." Jasper exclaimed.

Dot is silent for a long time. ".. Hematite.. The Fourth?"

"Wait, what?" Amethyst asked.

"I honestly don't know," said Lapis. "So I'm just going to wait for this explanation."

"Commander Hematite the Fourth." Jasper nodded.

"Hema the Commander," Dot shook her head. "Never saw that comin'."

"She told us all sorts of stories about you."

"I bet they were good ones."

"She said you all fought in some of the battles that made Homeworld what it is now."

"I sure hope not," the warrior shuddered. "Homeworld right now is kind of a mess."

Jasper narrowed her eyes. "But one day you just left. Abandoned everyone. Just left them. No goodbyes, not a word. Just up and left them on their own.. she said you used to have honour and dignity. She never understood why you did it. She taught me almost everything, but the most important thing she taught me was that a good soldier never abandons their companions. They stick to their cause and remain loyal no matter what."

Peridot winced.

"Ouch." Garnet commented. Pearl and Amethyst agreed completely.

Lapis grimaced.

Dot paused. "That's.. one side of it, for sure," she muttered. "Prolly did seem that way.. where is she now?"

"11 years ago, she was testing a new ship model when the systems failed and she crashed. Her gem was shattered." Jasper answered solemnly.

Peridot winced at '11 years ago'.

Dot snorted. "I'm 10 years too late. Wonderful... told you all that ships can't be trusted."

"I have no respect for someone who would abandon their comrades." Jasper growled.

Amethyst widened her eyes.

"That's fair." Dot shrugged.

"Hold on," Amethyst interrupted. "So then.. you _did_ know that she was the kid of-"

"Yellow Diamond does not have a daughter!" Jasper interrupted loudly.

Dot tilted her head. "Okay."

"Guess I'm a lone ranger." the green warrior shrugged.

"You abandoned them." Jasper growled. "And now that I know who you are, it only makes me detest you even more."

Dot narrowed her eyes. "I didn't abandon _anyone_."

"Shit is about to go down." Amethyst whispered to Pearl.

Pearl sighed at the coarse language.

"You did. She said there was... a Rhodolite, an Amber, a-"

"Yeah, I know who was there." Dot rolled her eyes.

"An Amber," Jasper continued. "A Serpentine, A Demantoid, Commander Hematite and a N-"

"Yes," Dot interrupted coldly. "I am aware. Thank you."

Peridot looked over at Dot, feeling slightly worried.

"Oh shit, she's mad now." Amethyst whispered to Pearl again. Pearl gave the purple gem the mom look.

"And a Nepheline." Jasper finished.

"I. Know." Dot said through gritted teeth.

"Why did you abandon them? Imagine how betrayed they must have felt because of your dumb and stupid decision."

"Well, Serpentine and Nepheline were too busy being dead to really care all that much," Dot muttered to herself. "You don't even know the whole story. So stop it."

"I do know that you abandoned them-"

Dot sighed deeply. "Are you done?"

Jasper had been curious at first, but she was just manipulating the green gem at this point. It was too easy. It's like she had just discovered a huge bundle of weaknesses to exploit. She loved that.

"You call yourself a fighter? More like a coward, running away whenever y-"

"Stop." Dot said.

"Running away whenever you think it's too dangerous for you t-"

"Stop." Dot repeated, slightly louder this time.

"Shit is gonna go down, shit is gonna go down." Amethyst said under her breath.

"Don't let her get to you." Lapis whispered, remembering Malachite.

"Whenever you think it's too dangerous for you to fight. They looked to you as a friend and a leader and you left them without so much as a second thought. You're pathetic, to just betray them like tha-"

Jasper saw her hands, slowly clenching into fists and then relaxing, over and over again.

"To just betray them like that. No wonder Commander Hematite hated you-"

Peridot gaped.

"Too far." Garnet said darkly.

Amethyst narrowed her eyes.

"She didn't." Lapis growled.

Pearl just shook her head.

That did it.. better than Jasper thought it would, which kind of sucked for Jasper.

The electricity slammed into her without warning and electrocuted her, but she refused to poof.

"You," Dot growled. "Do not know who I _was_ , you do not know who I _am_ , and you don't know _anything_ about what happened, so don't you _dare_ accuse me of abandoning _anybody_ because I am not a coward, I am not a traitor, and I am _definitely not pathetic_!"

Wave after wave of electricity slammed into Jasper. "Oh yes, you are. You are the most pathetic gem that has ever existed." Jasper spat, pain threatening to overwhelm her form.

Peridot gripped her halberd tight.

"Then what does that make _you_?!" Dot retorted.

"The gem that's going to kill you!" Jasper threatened.

"It's been tried millions of times before and nobody's been able to do it," Dot said, her voice low. "Mostly by gems all a thousand times bigger, faster, better, and stronger than you."

"Nobody like that exists."

"Wanna bet?"

Dot's eyes are dark and emotionless. Jasper hates it, but she almost feels inclined to.. "Fine! I'm sorry! Even if you deserved it, you puny little brat."

Jasper summons her crash helmet and is prepared to headbutt Dot away. There's no need, the warrior doesn't move, just stares down at her.

"I'm so much bigger than you." Dot said softly, but there is an dangerous edge to her voice, and Jasper doesn't let her guard down, even for a moment.

"You're clearly not." Jasper growled.

"Do you surrender?" Dot asked, glaring.

"No." Jasper growled, standing up and moving quickly to get the warrior from behind, but she doesn't bother turning around, just kicks backwards, and jeez, the spikes on her boots _really_ aren't just for show like Jasper had originally thought. The buff gem winced at the slight pain, taking a small step backwards.

"Do you surrender?" Dot asked again, still not bothering to turn and face Jasper.

Jasper turns back to look at the other Crystal Gems, who looked furious. It made Jasper a bit afraid. She was outnumbered severely, after all.

"Peridot has a halberd and she's looking forward to swinging it around. Prolly gonna cut you t' pieces." Dot said impassively, in the tone one would use to say "Lovely day today".

"Fine." Jasper growled.

"Fine." Dot said simply.

"You're pathetic." the buff gem takes the opportunity to taunt her some more, noticing the a faint purple flash of a gem in the corner of her eyes, probably a weapon being summoned.

"You're not worth my time." Dot says in response.

"Nice one." Amethyst commented absently.

"The cluster," Dot furrowed her brow as if thinking deeply. "What's it for?"

They had asked Peridot, but she didn't know. She was just supposed to check if they were developing properly.

Jasper didn't respond.

"What is the cluster for?" Garnet demanded.

Jasper remained silent.

"What is the cluster for?" Garnet repeated.

Jasper pressed her lips together.

"Jasper," Peridot sighed, her expression the very definition of 'i honestly don't have time for this'. "What is the purpose of the cluster?"

Jasper glances at the technician who was leaning against the handle of her halberd again. The blade looked freshly polished and.. very, very sharp. The buff gem considered the possibilities of her defeating all of these traitors and coming out alive and whole.

The chances were low.

Jasper sighed. "We're going to spread them all over this idiotic planet, they'll kill the humans and make creating new Kindergartens that much easier."

Peridot sharply drew in a breath.

"You're too late," Jasper continued. "They've probably already started to spread themselves around."

The Crystal Gems look understandably upset.

Jasper grins. "Too late."

The buff gem turns, breaking into a run.

Lapis takes a water hand and slams it down hard, directly in front of Jasper, causing the striped gem to take a few steps backward.

"That's what I thought." Dot said, narrowing her eyes.

"Yellow Diamond will come for me," Jasper said firmly.

"You really.. want us to kill you, don't you? The only way she'll be coming for you is to introduce you to hell. She knows it like the back of her hand, y'know." Dot snorted.

"How dare you?" Jasper growled.

"How dare _you_?" Amethyst shot back.

"Pearl! Can you ta-" Steven cuts himself off, staring at Jasper.

"Well hello, Steven." Pearl smiled pleasantly.

"Hey, fuzzball," Dot waves. "Care to help us interrogate this jerk?"

Steven frowns. "Jerk isn't a very nice word."

"Jasper isn't a very nice person." Dot replied calmly.

"True that." Peridot whispered to herself.

Jasper glared at the warrior. "Don't blame me for-"

"Your overall jerkiness is your fault," Dot interrupted. "So yes, I do blame you for that."

There is a large, drawn-out silence, and boy, is it an awkward one.

".. so!" Amethyst says. "Jasper! Why.. did you come to Earth? You.. cruel monster.. you!"

"I had to escort Peridot so that she could safely check on the clusters." Jasper said flatly, and then, as a snarky comment directed at Dot, "Go electrocute yourself, Tiny."

Dot stiffened. "Don't call me that."

"Tiny." Jasper repeated. It was oh-so easy to get under the warrior's skin.

"Don't." Dot said firmly.

Amethyst sighed.

"Tiny."

"I said, _don't_ call me that."

"Ti-"

"Jasper, please." Steven frowns. He hated seeing anyone fight. "Lets all just be friends!"

He beamed.

Dot gave a small smile. "Right."

"Yeah, Steven!" Amethyst grinned. "Let's all just be friends!"

"Don't encourage it," Pearl whispered to the purple gem under her breath. "Someday he'll have to learn that not everyone can get along all the time."

"Well, it doesn't hurt to try." Amethyst shrugged.

Jasper turned to walk away.

"Cut that out." Amethyst sighed, throwing her whip and ensnaring Jasper.

Jasper snarled. "You traitors are constantly getting in my way! Are you just so bored that you have nothing else to do except annoy me?"

Steven chuckled at that.

"That's what Peri said." Amethyst snickered.

"And look where I am now." the technician sighed.

"Happily bonded to Lazuli for all eternity?" Dot asked mischievously.

Lapis rolled her eyes, though she was smiling.

Peridot blushed. "That is _not_ what I meant!"

"Happily _what_ to _who_?" Jasper asked incredulously.

Peridot glanced at Jasper and rolled her eyes. "See the chaos you've started? This is your fault, don't think for a second that it isn't."

"I take full credit." Dot grinned.

"Happily _what_ to _who_?!" Jasper demanded.

Peridot tried to stammer out a decent explanation.

"It would be easier to just show you." Lapis said, staring Jasper dead in the eye before kissing Peridot.

"Oh-hoho my god." Amethyst said immediately.

"Same," Dot snickered. "What a lame excuse to have a very public make out session- get a room, you guys!"

Pearl flushed.

Steven was pretty used to the gay. He had, after all, met Sapphire and Ruby before, and it's not like Lapis hadn't surprised Peridot with kisses before. She did that often. More often than she should. Or, maybe, as Dot put it- "Nah, every couple makes out that much. Most just hide it more".

"What are you two doing?" Jasper shrieked, severely offended at the scene before her. "Stop that immediately!"

"It's okay, Jasper!" Steven said, having completely good and pure intentions. "I know lots of other people who are single too, there's no need to be jealous."

"When even the kid knows you're just mad 'cause you're single." Dot snickered, high-fiving Amethyst.

"At least I'm not hated by my comrades," Jasper shot back. "Imagine, as they were exterminated, just thinking, 'maybe if Dot had actually been there for us, it would've turned out different'."

Steven widened his eyes. Even he knew that Dot's life before that.. whatever it was, (it had been a really confusing explanation that was given to him, not a proper one) was a no-no subject. And he could see why... no really, he could _see_ why.

Amethyst slightly edged away from the sparks flying everywhere, and Dot took a deep breath, ceasing the mini spark shower.

"Y'know, if you're that mad that you're single, you should make more of an effort to be a likeable person." Dot said.

"I didn't abandon anyone, though," Jasper continued. "So there's that. Imagine it, really, though. 'If Dot had stood up for us like she was supposed to, I could still live right now'."

Dot gave her a deadpan expression. "You goin' somewhere with this?"

"Imagine it. Which one was it that was eliminated?"

Dot was about to correct her and say that it was all of them, and that the proper term was dead, before Jasper continued.

"Imagine..," Jasper paused, trying to remember a name. "Nepheline, dying, just thinking 'It's too bad Dot was a huge coward, otherwise I could still be alive right now'."

There was a dead silence as the others considered whether or not they should restrain Dot or something.

Dot didn't say anything for a second or two before whirling around on her heel and walking away, large bolts of electricity coming off of her in waves. 'Just gonna remove myself from this situation before someone ends up dead- probably Jasper', they could hear her muttering faintly, though some words were inaudible to them. 'This close to chopping with... axe...head off.. poke.. eyeballs.. out, oh yeah, I'll _flay._. skin you.. tear you apart... destruction...'

"Despicable." Pearl glared at Jasper.

Jasper grinned wickedly. "How does it feel? One person's missing from your little band of traitors."

"You know she'll just come back, right?" Amethyst rolled her eyes.

"She's showing restraint." Peridot said.

"And deciding not to kill you- very merciful of her, I might add." Pearl 'hm'd thoughtfully.

"Jeez, you don't even know the whole story, talking about how she abandoned everyone." Amethyst said angrily.

"You heard one side of the story but not the whole thing." Lapis glared at Jasper.

"And besides, Dot would never abandon us!" Steven finished with a nod. Garnet nodded as well.

"That's what you think." Jasper growled. "Just going to abandon them like you did to your other friends?" Jasper called after Dot, feeling so triumphant she could laugh. Even though she was a fair distance away, Jasper could see her steps falter for a moment before turning around. The expression on her face is one of pure rage, and seeing it twists Jasper's insides in a weird way.

"Time to get the queen of bit...," Amethyst turns to look at Steven. "B..itter... mean words.. to step down from the throne."

She grins and cracks her knuckles.

"Nice save." Garnet said.

"Thanks." Amethyst summons a two tailed whip and expertly whirls it around, wrapping it around Jasper's left wrist, who tugs until she snaps it.

Jasper soon finds herself tied down with chains of water. It brings her back to Malachite, and before she knows it she is sweating and apologizing, and her own behaviour disgusts her.. she's acting so _weak_.

"You'd better cooperate with us." Lapis said firmly, the frantic urgency of Jasper's expression was not doing anything for her.

Jasper hated it.. why did she find herself begging and grovelling at Lapis's feet _again_? She felt sick all over, but most of the sickness is centered in her core. It feels like someone has punched her- she feels nauseous and dizzy, and she hates it.

"Answer me!" Lapis demanded, but her voice is unclear. It sounds like she's underwater, everything is muffled and somewhat distorted and if she tried she could make out what they're saying but she's too tired and confused and dizzy to really do anything again.

"Sh.. a..sw..r m..." Lapis frowned. That's probably not what she said, but it's what Jasper heard.

"..ot.. s...re.. w..ts...g...in...o.." Pearl furrowed her brow, intensely studying the buff gem who did not acknowledge her, just kept looking at nothing, her eyes unfocused.

"M..st..l..i..y." Peridot says in response.

"I.. t..k.. c..s!" This is Garnet.

Pft. The author needs to take this more seriously.

"L..p..s! T..k .. o..c..s!" Rose Q- .. _Steven_ says.. _something_.. urgently.

"O..y!..ka..!" Lapis says.

The chains are removed and Jasper does not move for a brief moment or two, before scowling. Why were they all looking at her like that? She hated that look. She hated this feeling! She felt so.. vulnerable.

She hated it.

"Are you.. alright?" Pearl still has that dumb slightly confused, slightly concerned look on her face, and Jasper wants nothing but to slap it right off of her.

Jasper growled. It's feral, and wild, and undignified, and she knows that, but she's pretty unsure of what to do at the moment, or what to say, just knew she wanted them gone.

"She looks pretty alright to me." Amethyst rolled her eyes.

Jasper summons her crash helmet. She just wants to beat something up now. She's mad, and upset, and confused, and miserable, and she hates it, and it's so much easier when she's seeing things in black, and white, and red. She can see Dot making her way back- just the icing on this stupid ass fucking cake- swearing like a soldier Jasper, you done good.

Dot surveys the scene, but it's like she doesn't even see Jasper. Her eyes go straight through her, like she's just seeing the things behind her and not Jasper, and Jasper doesn't really give a damn about whether or not Dot is giving her the 'silent treatment'. She hates Dot.

"M'kay," Dot says, squinting far off into the distance and then tuning back to look at the rest of the Crystal Gems. "What's the plan?"

They all look down at Rose- Steven, clearly waiting for the puny thing to say something.

"I say we be nice to her!"

None of the Crystal Gems seem to like this suggestion.

"We did it for Peridot and Dot and Lapis!"

"That's 'Peridot, Dot, and Lapis', Steven." Peridot corrected.

"That's what I said!" Steven exclaimed. "Peridot, and Dot, and Lapis!"

".." Peridot sighed.

"And besides, that's a little different," Pearl said patiently. "Jasper is.. a little bit more of a.. hm, an _issue._ "

Jasper sighed. Why did these gems insist on speaking like she wasn't there?

".. I'll tell you what you need to know." she said begrudgingly.

* * *

 _next chapter will be a time skip. bout an hour and half, k?_

 _you will hate me and love me at the same time, i promise._

 _fun fact: jasper had a crush on commander hema like a student-teacher kinda crush thing but commander hema was legit oblivious and did not notice, care, or was any sort of interested and bc hematite kinda hated dot that's why jasp hates dot that much more_

 _let us all have a moment for our fellow sister in the not-even-friend zone_


	4. Chapter 4

_*SCREAMS LOUDLY*_

 _NO_  
 _NOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOO_

 _(also just give me a reason is by p!nk ft. nate reuss)_

 _i have an odd fascination with including songs in my stories these days_

 _now where was i_

 _oh yeah_

 _NOOOoooOOOOoooOOOOOoooOOOOOOOoooooOOO_

* * *

Pearl had a feeling she knew where Dot was. The slim gem walked down to the art gallery, having previously changed her outfit to a dark-coloured, slightly oversized hoodie and jeans. She pulled the hoodie up over her head to hide her face in hopes that Dot wouldn't recognize her. She unsure as to why she didn't want Dot to recognize her.. just sure that she didn't want her to.

Dot was staring at those same paintings again, just like Pearl had predicted. The warrior's expression was unreadable but definitely not anything happy or pleased.

"Hello," Pearl said, disguising her voice.

Dot looked startled for a moment before relaxing. "Hi." she said.

"How are you?" Pearl asked, still using that different voice.

Dot gave a small 'hm'. "I've been better."

"Rough day?"

There was a small laugh and then a pause. ".. you could say that."

Pearl fell silent. "Want to talk about it?"

"Well, you're a stranger and I'll probably never see you again." said Dot reasonably.

Oops. That mistake could've been fatal. "So if you'll never see me again, it won't hurt to tell me, will it?"

"True."

"So?" Pearl asked.

"I'unno," Dot shrugged. "..hmm, well, talk shit-"

The warrior cut herself off and glanced at the 'stranger'.

"Sorry." Dot apologized.

"I live with people who swear a lot," Pearl said honestly. "It's not a big deal. Please, continue."

"M'kay," the green gem said, starting over. "Talk shit get hit is pretty much what I live by. And.. my job is kind of to beat up bad guys, I guess. That's what I was doing today, and this one was talking a whole lot of shit, believe me. I got really mad, but I couldn't beat her up or anything because she knows some stuff that'll.. help us out a lot."

"I'm sure there's more to it than that."

"You wouldn't be wrong," Dot said. "But I'm trying not to get mad again, because I'm sort of a fire hazard when I'm angry."

"Then we'll go outside."

"Yeah, sure," Dot said sarcastically. "Burn up a tree instead of some old paintings."

Pearl raised an eyebrow.

"..I said that out loud, didn't I?" Dot sighed. "I do that a lot. Don't even pay attention to it."

"Why?" Pearl asked, walking beside Dot, genuinely curious. "I'm pretty sure that's not something you should do very often. Maybe sometimes, but.."

Dot gave a small grunt. "I'unno."

"Really?"

"No." was the honest reply.

"So, what's the truth?" the disguised pale gem asked. Here they were again. This same, conveniently placed park bench. They sat.

"The truth is weird."

"Is it any weirder than talking to a stranger?"

"Touche," Dot gave a faint smile. "The truth is that.. honestly, I just do that a lot. It's.. the line between my thoughts and reality is pretty blurred. Hard to make out what I'm thinking from what I'm saying. What I'm imagining from what's happening. That's it."

"What?"

"I told you," Dot said. "It's weird."

"No," Pearl furrowed her brow. "Why?"

"I don't like to talk about it," Dot said, crossing her arms. "..especially with strangers."

"Does anyone else know this?" Pearl asked instead.

"Probably not."

"That's not normal! You should be able to discern your thoughts from reality."

"Mm, yeah," Dot shrugged. "I know. And I can. Things just.. slip through often."

Pearl paused, trying to come up with a way for Dot to tell her why. "Were you in a car accident? Did you suffer brain damage?"

"I wish," Dot snorted. "No, I didn't get in a car accident, or suffer any brain damage or anything."

"Did you even mean to say that?!"

"Yes," the warrior shrugged. "Chill out about it, though. How was your day, mysterious and questionably curious stranger?"

The stranger paused. "Uh.. it was long and hard."

"That's what she said." Dot snickered.

Pearl sighed.

"Sorry." Dot said, still laughing a little.

"Seriously, how does.. you.."

Dot raised an eyebrow.

"You know.. saying things that you're thinking.. like-"

"I used to think a lot." Dot interrupted.

"People think a lot all the tim-"

"I think a lot more than people," Dot interrupted. "Thank you, mysterious and questionably curious stranger. It was nice talking to you, etcetera, etcetera, see you never. Thanks again, bye."

"Wait-"

"I hate this park bench," Dot muttered. "I need to go home, thanks."

"Did you mean to say that?" Pearl retorted.

"I'unno." She stood up, dusting her sweater off, and then absently rubbed the crescent moon close to her shoulder. It was a nervous tic that Pearl had picked up on a long time ago.

"What can't you keep doing?"

"Talking to you." Dot said flatly, turning to walk away.

"Because you'll say something you don't want to say?" the stranger asked.

Dot said nothing, just stood there. Pearl saw her shaking ever so slightly.

"For _16,000 years_ I did nothing but exist in my own thoughts. The first year was easy, I didn't do anything, just sat there, confused. Then the next 999 years, I just lived the favourite parts of my life over and over again, and y'know, it wasn't so bad. It was boring and repetitive but it was nice. But eventually living those experiences over and over again was just torture, so I stopped doing that and tortured myself for real. I showed myself all the bad things I had ever done, everything that was ever my fault, and then I started imagining things.. I told myself I deserved it. And maybe I did. Knives, pitchforks, blowtorches, hammers, spears, swords, axes. I scratched, sliced, stabbed, burned, clawed and chopped myself to pieces.

"And each time I just stayed there. I couldn't even poof, just had to imagine myself whole and complete and do it all over again. It hurt like hell, but not as much as watching myself being happy did. I screamed and screamed until screaming didn't even mean anything to me any more, it was just pointless noise that _didn't need to be there_ , and so I stopped that too. It was a just a repeated cycle and I started going insane. I just kept watching everything that had ever happened to me and it felt like something was stabbing me in the heart and so I would stab myself in the heart for real. It began to make sense in my head. Decades, centuries, millennia just blended together. Time stopped meaning anything, just screaming and crying and.. laughing as I- as I _destroyed_ myself.

"It became fun. It was like a game. Pain was nothing except relief. If I stopped for even a second, the real hurt would seep in. I began to forget who I was. I couldn't even recognize myself in my memories anymore, just knew it hurt to think about it. I was constantly wondering 'Who is that, she looks just like me'. I forgot my name, I only called myself Dot because that's what they called 'her'. Sometimes I'd sit there and slowly just push arrows into my arms. Think about how many I could stick in my legs. 'No, I change my mind. Let's see how many will fit in my eyeballs'. Then sometimes I'd remember everything all over again all at once and I'd scream and rip my clothes and claw at my face and punch myself, then I'd tie myself up so I couldn't keep hurting myself, but I always undid it, and then I'd just rock back and forth, laughing.

"I started taking the gems from my memories- my friends, all of them, Serpentine, Nepheline, Rhodolite, Hematite, all of them, and I started imagining them saying what I thought about myself- idiot, mistake, coward, traitor, good for nothing- I forgot more and more. Forgot how to tell left from right. Forgot which way was up and which was down. Forgot how to tell the difference between a dream and.. real life."

Dot turned around, tears streaming down her cheeks. "And that's why that line is blurred for me. Good _bye_."

Dot turned back around and hoped she scared that human off with her terribly detailed recollection of being stuck in her consciousness. She hated crying more than almost everything, and she can't believe she had just broken down in front of someone. Actually, it was awfully quiet, and Dot figured they had ran away, probably internally screaming about the insane green girl they met at the art gallery. Ha. And just when she realized she had forgotten to move and had been standing there for the past minute literally just sobbing- stupid- pale, slim, arms wrapped around her midsection.

.. Hey. Wait a second.

"You tricked me!"

Pearl winced. "I-I'm sorry, I-"

"Why'd you trick me?!"

"I don't- I don't know, it's just.. I'm really sorry, I can't-"

"Can't what? Leave me alone?!"

"No," Pearl murmured. "I can't just leave you alone."

"Maybe you should learn!"

"I..," Pearl sighed. "..Dot, if you just asked someone for help we would've given it to you.. no, that's not what I meant- let me rephrase that-"

Dot turned and ran.

"Wait!" Pearl ran after her.

The warrior increased the speed of her running.

This was all stupid. Crying was stupid, running was stupid, feeling was stupid, that car she almost ran into- sorry dude- was stupid. It was all stupid. The 'Welcome to Beach City' sign she had just passed was stupid. The rock she had just tripped on was stupid, the grass she had just fallen on was stupid, and she was stupid.

She looked around, completely sure she had lost Pearl and allowed herself to slump to the ground. Dot gave in. There didn't seem to be anything out here. No houses, no nothing. Just long, tall, wavy-in-the-breeze grass. And her. Remembering things always hurt mentally and emotionally, but this time it hurt physically too, an aching throb in the palms of her hands. Sob after sob escaped into the crisp, chilly air. She trembled, clasping her hands together, trying to make the pain stop.

She was so done with this.

Suddenly she heard the grass rustling behind her and she turned her head around, seeing Pearl, who had cleverly gone up ahead and had been watching, waiting to see when Dot would stop running.

"Get away from me." Dot said, and it sounded weak and feeble, even to her.

"I won't," Pearl said, sitting down on the grass. ".. you ran straight out of Beach City, you know."

"Good."

Half of Dot wanted to run away again, but the rational part of her told her it would get her nowhere except, you know, further away from Beach City.

She could not believe she was crying, and in front of someone too, someone who she knew and would see again, and would probably tell other people that she knew and would see again, and _everyone would know everything_. Maybe they'd laugh, or maybe they'd start giving her that sympathetic look that people gave others sometimes- she hated that look- and she didn't need or want their pity. Dot wasn't sure which reaction would be worse.

"Go ahead," Dot said darkly, wiping tears from her eyes. "Say something. Laugh at me or call me lame or whatever you want."

"I won't do that either."

"Or you can do that thing like that girl in that one movie," Dot continued. "Where you threaten to tell everyone everything unless I date you or something."

"I'm certainly not going to _blackmail_ you."

Pearl looked offended at the very idea.

"Then what are you going to do?" Dot muttered.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Go _away_."

"I won't do that."

"Then what was the point of asking?"

"I was wondering what you'd say." Pearl admitted.

Dot fell silent and busied herself with picking at the grass, kind of just wanting Pearl to leave already.

"You're not going to say anything?" Pearl asked.

"I said everything I wanted to say already." Dot said.

Pearl glared at the warrior. "You're not the only one who's afraid, you know. I'm scared too! I fought battles and watched gems die around me. I'm afraid to love again too! I don't trust the world either. But I don't use that as an excuse."

"I'm not afraid to love and the world is fine." the green gem said flatly.

"Really?" Pearl asked, narrowing her eyes.

"It's just that I _don't_ love anymore, Pearl, that's it." Dot said.

"You have no problem still loving _her_!"

Dot blinked slowly and then she glared at the slim gem. "Is that what this is about? Are you just mad that I was happy with someone once?"

"No! And maybe you should stop constantly hiding everything from everyone, or hm, I don't know, maybe get over the fact that Nepheline is dead and has been for a long time!"

"Talk to me when you stop mourning for my aunt like a lost puppy!" Dot retorted.

There is a long silence.

".. I'm sorry." Dot said quietly.

"I'm sorry too," Pearl sighed. "Did you really torture yourself the whole time?"

Dot doesn't have to ask what she was talking about. "... yes."

"You went insane?"

"Yes."

"Forgot who you were?"

"Yes."

".. easier to hurt yourself than hate yourself."

"... yes."

"But you hated yourself anyways."

Dot's silence told Pearl everything she needed to know.

"By the way, you should know that I'm over it," Dot said. "What happened.. with the visor.. doesn't bother me."

"It does," Pearl said. "The other day, when Connie introduced Steven to yoga and we came along, the instructor said 'take a deep breath and allow yourself to get lost in your thoughts'. Your reaction was to roll your eyes, claim that 'yoga is boring', tell us you'd wait outside until we were done, and proceed to leave. I thought you were just being.. you know, but.. I understand it now."

"..that never happened."

"I remember it clearly," Pearl said. "It did."

Dot paused as if trying to remember. "Mm.. no, it didn't."

"Yes, it d-"

"Ohhh, yeah!" Dot said, struck with realization. "Last week Tuesday, right? We got ice cream that day."

"You honestly remember the ice cream and nothing else?"

"It was good ice cream!" Dot defended.

Dot went back to plucking some of the grass out of the ground, quietly humming the tune of her favourite song.

"That song? That's your ringtone." Pearl raised an eyebrow.

"Don't hate, appreciate." Dot looked up at the pale gem and grinned.

Pearl stared at her. That smile... was beautiful.

"What? Nothing to say?" Dot teased, looking back down at the ground, pulling up more grass.

Pearl moved closer to Dot, and Dot either didn't notice or didn't care, just went back to humming, closing her eyes.

Pearl stopped when they were practically touching. Dot cracked an eye open, watching Pearl out of the corner of her eye with muted curiosity, still humming and completely intent on destroying the grass civilization.

"Do you have to pull up all of the grass?" Pearl asked sarcastically.

"That'll take me, like, another 16,000 years."

"It wouldn't take as long as that," Pearl said. "If you continue pulling them up individually, granted, it will still take a significant amount of time, but it'll really only take about-"

"I wasn't serious." Dot snickered.

"Oh," Pearl laughed awkwardly. "I.. knew that."

Then Dot shifted to pull up a troublesome, deep-rooted blade of grass, and their arms brushed against each other. Dot continued, finally pulling up the green plant. Pearl sat there, a faint blush on her face. Dot was always so warm. Wow.. that sounded really weird and more awkward than Pearl had intended. Her thoughts were strange.

".. Dot?" Pearl asked, getting a crazy idea into her head and wanting to try it before the rational part of her mind interfered.

"Yeah, what's up?" Dot turned her head to look at Pearl, and was met with lips.

Or rather, her lips were met with lips. It was a very warm and hearty introduction, to say the least.

Pearl pulled away, now thinking of countless reasons why that had been a bad idea- why had she done that? Everything was ruined now. Why had she done that? Why had she done that?!

Dot blinked. ".. how forward of you." she mumbled, looking slightly dazed.

"Dot, I'm so sorry- I shouldn't have done that.. I should go-" Pearl stood up, blushing, completely and thoroughly ashamed of herself.

"I don't get it," Dot complained. "Whenever people like me, they never tell me, no, it's _so_ much easier to just randomly kiss me without any sort of warning whatsoever."

Pearl furrowed her brow, despite still being crushingly mortified.

"Maybe I should tape a sign to the front of my shirt that says 'If you like me please just say it'. Maybe I should stop going outside!"

"That's a little excessive." Pearl said slowly.

"Funny story, I actually forgot you were here." Dot said.

"I'm really sorr-" Pearl began.

"Don't apologize, and please sit down," Dot interrupted. "This is where you tell me 'see you around', wink at me, and then walk away like you own the place."

".. what?" Pearl sat down.

"And then I stand there for like, 15 whole minutes with this really stupid look on my face."

".. I'm not sure wh-"

"They tell me history repeats itself."

"What are you-"

"The question is, who would die, though?" Dot mused.

Pearl stared at her. ".. no one?"

"And then you get to have your huge revelation and a complete change of priorities and then-"

"What revelation?"

"We're gonna get out of a near-death situation and then you're gonna be like 'lol so don't be upset or anything but i'm quitting the Crystal Gems' and I'm gonna be upset anyways."

"Why would I ever quit the-" Pearl pauses, realizing just exactly what Dot was talking about.

"And then," Dot laughs. " _Then_ I'mma hafta kill you with a huge axe."

"Dot-" Pearl begins.

"But wait! There's more," Dot grinned. "Then I'll stop talking to people and then someone will come and be like 'hey' and the next thing I know I'll be gone for another 16,000 years and everyone else will be dead by the time I _miraculously_ come back."

".. Dot, that won't happen."

"So, why exactly did you kiss me anyways? For fun? I'm kinda not interested in a friends with benefits sort of thing at the moment."

Pearl flushed. "No.. I- well, you know how- when someone- there was a song- the thing is- I've fallen in love with you."

"Oh," Dot said and then paused, trying to find the least hurtful way to articulate what she wanted to say, and be nice and gentle about it, and not be blunt whatsoever. ".. then fall out of it."

Pearl winced. ".. I suppose the feeling isn't mutual, then."

"Not really," Dot said. "Falling in love with me isn't a good idea."

"If it isn't a good idea, then we.. we could make it a great relationship," Pearl said hopefully. "Right?"

"... Eh..," Dot said. ".. no."

"Why not?" Pearl said. "I want to.. to make this happen. I'll invest in it. Make an effort.. and if it doesn't work out then we can stop, I promise, bu-"

"Loving me is _not_ a good idea." Dot repeated.

"But-"

"I'm serious." Dot said.

"So am I! Why are you so convinced that loving you isn't a good idea? You deserve love, Dot… and I'm trying to offer it."

"I am denying your offer."

"Please understand that-"

"No."

"Everyone needs love!"

"Not my love." Dot said firmly.

"Why not?" Pearl whispered finally.

"Because everyone I love just gets hurt!" Dot yelled. "And.. I.. I'm sorry, but it- you and I.. wouldn't.. we wouldn't work."

Dot sighed, turning away and saying quietly, "You're better than me- they all were- but I'm not going to let it happen to you. This time I can stop it, so please.. don't."

Pearl fell silent, and is suddenly reminded of a song she heard on the radio. It's odd, she knew.. and yet.. it fits so well.

" _Just give me a reason_ ," she began.

" _Just a little bit's enough,_

 _Just a second, we're not broken, just bent,_

 _and we can learn to love again,_

 _It's in the stars,_

 _It's been written in the scars on our hearts_

 _We're not broken, just bent,_

 _And we can learn to love again._."

Dot didn't move, and so Pearl sang the chorus again. Dot turned to look at her.

".. what are you doing?" Dot asked finally.

" _Just a second_ ," Pearl sang softly, gently taking Dot's hand. " _We're not broken, just bent_.."

Dot stared at her hand and then looked up at Pearl.

".. _and we can learn to love again._ " Pearl finished, gazing into Dot's eyes.

Dot is silent for a while.

"I can't." she whispered.

" _It's in the stars,_

 _It's been written in the scars on our hearts._." Pearl sang.

"No," Dot shook her head. "No- I.. no."

" _Just give me a reason_ ,"

Dot could see the hidden meaning behind the words she's singing. A reason for her to give up. A reason for her to say no.

".. _Just a little bit's enough._ "

"You can't love me," Dot said. "I can't- I don't do.. love anymore. Please.. just.. stop trying."

" _Just a second_ ," Pearl took Dot's other hand, and pleadingly looks into Dot's eyes _._

 _"We're not broken, just bent,_

 _and we can learn to love again_."

Dot gazed back at Pearl. "Please.. let.. go of me."

Dot watches Pearl just sort of.. deflate, and she feels guilty. But she's just protecting Pearl from.. everything that happens to everyone who knows her.

Pearl lets go of Dot's hands.

"We should go back." the warrior said, standing up.

"Yes, you and I should." Pearl stood up and began walking in the direction of Beach City. Dot clumsily gets to her feet.

Dot almost winces at Pearl's deliberate avoidance of the word 'we'.

"Don't be mad," she said lamely. ".. I-"

"You don't need to explain anything to me," Pearl interrupted. "I understand. I'll leave you alone."

"No," Dot said, wringing her hands together. "It's just- I'm just.. trying to do the right thing."

Pearl stops and Dot nearly walks right into her. The pale gem does not turn around. "I'm sorry that giving up has become the right thing to do in your eyes," she says coldly. "I'm also sorry that you refuse to move on or make any sort of attempt to do so," she continues. "But I am mostly sorry that I couldn't get through to you, because I believe we would have been able to become better gems if I had done so." She then resumes her stride.

It feels like Pearl is driving her spear into Dot's figurative heart.

But it's okay.

…

She deserves it.


	5. Chapter 5

_i'm finally gonna kill off dot i am so pleased_

 _mostly because this won't be the kind of kill that you're expecting_

 _i hope with those words i already spoiled it for you_

* * *

"It's training day." Garnet said seriously.

"Yessss!" Dot exclaimed, punching the air. "Yesssss!"

"Today we're working on fighting barefoot. Mostly for Steven and Connie. Lapis and Amethyst will be training together." the fusion continued.

Amethyst looked at the ocean gem and grinned. The smile was returned with one just as big.

"Dot and Pearl, you two will be training Peridot and Connie again."

Peridot sighed. "They're the worst," she complained. "Can I get you this time?"

Pearl raised an eyebrow.

"I'm the _best_ ," Dot retorted. "And that is exactly why I'm training you."

"I'll be with Steven." Garnet finished.

"Yeah!" the boy cheered. "I get Garnet, I get Garnet!"

"That's extremely self-indulgent," Pearl argued. "How about _I_ work with Steven and _you_ help Dot with Peridot and Connie?"

Dot rolled her eyes.

"No." Garnet said, eliciting a snicker from Amethyst.

"Why not?" Pearl asked indignantly.

"Please," Peridot added. "Pearl can train Steven."

"I don't get it," Amethyst said innocently. "You're usually so excited to train with Dot."

Garnet smiled, while Lapis tilted her head in confusion. "She is?"

"...m'kay…" Dot said slowly. "Hey, Connie's late."

They heard knocking.

"How convenient," the warrior said, opening the door. "Reflexes. You're late."

"Sorry!" Connie apologized. "I had tennis."

"Connie!" Steven beamed.

"Steven! Hi!" Connie grinned, walking inside and waving to her friend.

Garnet walked to the warp, and took Steven with her. They all warped based on their training groups.

"Alright," Pearl said, looking at Peridot and Connie seriously. "Today we are practicing fighting barefoot. Take off your shoes."

The slim gem gracefully slipped out of her shoes and placed them neatly side by side.

Peridot blinked slowly.

"Connie, take off your shoes." Dot corrected.

The girl took of her shoes and placed them close to Pearl's. Pearl furrowed her brow and straightened them ever so slightly, murmuring something about 'symmetrical', and 'oh, but it's still off by half a millimeter..'

"Ahem." said Dot.

Pearl nudged the shoes slightly, intensely gazed at them, and gave a satisfied nod. "Alright. Lets get starte- Dot, you haven't taken your shoes off yet."

"Uh," Dot said. "I'm- I, uh, I have a condition."

"What sort of condition?" Peridot asked what Pearl was about to inquire.

"Um," Dot nervously tapped her fingers together. "A.. condition condition? I don't, uh- don't know the specifics, but I do know that I have a condition."

Pearl sighed. "Well, we don't have all day. Take your shoes off and we can find the best way to deal with this… 'condition'."

"Um," Dot said. "I'mma just keep them on, but uh, thanks."

Peridot rolled her eyes. "If anyone here has a condition," she said flatly. "It's me."

Connie was unsure if she should feel sympathetic or amused.

"Okay," Dot said, rolling her eyes. "Sure, I don't have _that_ kind of condition, but my condition is still a condition and just as valid."

"Dot, take your shoes off," Pearl sighed. "If we're to correctly demonstrate how to do this, we're going to have to be barefoot."

Dot stared down at her boots. ".. No.. thanks?"

Pearl sighed again. "Dot." she says, using her mommiest mom voice.

The warrior groaned. "Fine." she muttered, untying the laces with an expression of regret. She stops.

"Dot, seriously! Let's just get this over with." Peridot complained.

"Fine, fine." Dot tentatively stepped out of the boots, on her tippy toes.

"You clod! You don't even have a condition." Peridot rolled her eyes.

Dot stared down at her feet. "I cannot move." she said calmly.

Connie blinked. "Um, what?" she asked. ".. ma'am."

"Don't be ridiculous," Pearl said. "Dot, honestly, we need to get to work."

"Can I put my boots back on now?" Dot asked.

"No." Pearl sighed, annoyed.

"Then I guess I'll just stand here." the green warrior remarked coolly.

"Clod!" Peridot exclaimed.

"Dork!" Dot retorted, throwing her boots in the vague direction of where Pearl and Connie had placed theirs.

Pearl made a small noise of alarm and immediately arranged them so that they were perfectly lined up.

"Okay." Dot said, still on her tippy toes, and gently lowered herself to the ground, immediately giving a small squeak of horror.

"This is so unnatural..." she descends into muttering, standing on her tippy toes once more.

"Do your heels hurt?" Connie asked curiously.

"... sure." Dot said slowly.

Pearl raised an eyebrow. "Anyways," she said breezily. "Time for some warm-ups. I assume everyone has a weapon?"

Peridot and Connie nod, both holding a halberd and sword, respectively. Pearl summons her spear, and Dot summons a shuriken.

"Alright. You guys know the drill." the green warrior said.

Connie and Peridot nodded, going through the first few basic moves. Pearl joined in as well, for the fun of it. Dot tip toed away.

"Where are you going?" Pearl asked. "We've just gotten started."

Dot wobbled unsteadily. "I'm going to.. the… car wash?"

Pearl sighed deeply. Dot fell on her butt.

"Ow." the warrior muttered, awkwardly maneuvering back to her the tips of her toes. She hesitantly hobbled back over to the gems she was training, and her fellow trainer.

"You seem very clumsy today." Pearl remarked.

Dot gave an annoyed roll of her eyes. "I'm not used to being barefoot," she said flatly.

"Then I guess you'll benefit from this training session as much as they will." Pearl said, a small hint of contempt present in her tone.

Dot narrowed her eyes. "Yeah. Whatever," the green gem then muttered under her breath.,"You're afraid I'm just gonna kick your ass even though I can hardly stand."

"I heard that," Pearl whispered, glaring at the warrior. "And I assure you, you couldn't kick my posterior even if you tried."

"I didn't say I'd kick your posterior," Dot whispered back fiercely. "I said I'd kick your _ass_."

"Th-" the pale gem began angrily.

"Finished." Connie said with a proud smile.

"Ditto." Peridot seconded.

Both straightened immediately.

"Well-" Dot began as Pearl started with a "We're-"

"Oh, go ahead." Dot said.

"No, no, you go first." Pearl responded.

"Nah, Squawky," the warrior said. "You say what you wanted to say."

"Really, it's fine," Pearl gave a forced laugh. "You go right ahead."

"Seriously," Dot said, narrowing her eyes ever so slightly. "You just, y'know, bring forward your important message or whatever."

"Honestly," Pearl said, gritting her teeth. "You go fi-"

"Um." Connie said awkwardly.

Peridot stared at them in confusion.

Dot coughed, and Pearl cleared her throat.

"Er," the slim gem said "Where were we? Oh, well, we might as well just get started, haha! Dot and Peridot, you two will work together, Connie, you're with me."

"Wouldn't it make more sense to work with Peridot, and I work with Connie? You know, so they get more well-rounded and stuff." Dot said rolling her eyes.

"Do you not like the way I organize things?" Pearl challenged.

Peridot raised an eyebrow, and Connie shifted nervously.

Dot pursed her lips. "My way makes more sense."

"Peridot and Connie are more familiar with-" Pearl argued.

"And that's exactly what I'm sayin'," Dot countered. "Gotta stretch the comfort zone."

"Not right now!" Pearl said. "Perhaps later on-"

Peridot and Connie had never seen Dot and Pearl argue so much before. They usually did a few bouts of playful, well-intentioned bantering back and forth, but this was a real argument. Both the technician and the young swordfighter were unsure what to do.

"I'm sayin' we should do it now." Dot said, raising her voice.

"And I'm saying we're not doing it today!" Pearl exclaimed loudly.

The arena fell deadly silent. Dot and Pearl could feel many pairs of eyes on them.

"Er.. that is to say..," Pearl stammered. "I.. um…perhaps.. later..?"

"Yeah," Dot muttered. "Or.. y'know,… now."

"Later." Pearl snapped.

"Now." the warrior said pointedly.

Amethyst cleared her throat. "Anyways," she said. "Lapis, that was unfair, you.."

The arena filled with talking again.

"Ahem," Pearl said. "Let's get started. Conn-."

"Connie," Dot interrupted. "You're with me."

"No, Connie, you're with me." Pearl interjected.

"You're with me, Connie." Dot repeated.

"Connie," Pearl said lowly. "You're with me.'"

Connie looked between the two, unsure which one to go to.

"Connie," Dot said. "You're with me. Don't mind Pearl."

"Don't mind me? Don't mind Dot, Connie, you're over here."

"Connie's with-"

"Desist!" Peridot said finally. "Your constant bickering is extremely annoying!"

"...me..?" Dot finished hesitantly.

"Is something wrong?" Connie asked finally. "You guys are.. fighting a lot today, and not the kind that we're supposed to be doing."

"Not at all!" Pearl laughed. "Dot has just given up on trying to be agreeable, among, you know, other things."

"Oh please," Dot scoffed. "Pearl's just being really forward on what she thinks is the best thing to do, even if it's not helpful whatsoever."

Pearl glared at the warrior and the two started arguing again, flinging angry words at each other, their volume steadily increasing.

"Guys! Hello!" Amethyst called, annoyed. "You guys are being really loud! Some of us are trying to train over here! Peridot and Connie might actually want to learn something today!"

"Not particularly." Peridot muttered to herself.

Connie rolled her eyes at the green technician.

"See, Dot," Pearl said. "Stop causing trouble. We could've started a long time ago."

"Nonononono," Dot retorted. "You don't get to pin that on me. You yelled at me first. Obviously, if you yell at me, I'm gonna hafta yell at you louder."

Pearl shot back a fierce reply and the bickering continued.

"I am extremely disappointed in you two." Garnet said.

"What?" Pearl asked incredulously, and then turned to Dot. "This is your fault! If-"

"It is not my fault!" Dot exclaimed angrily. "I'm not responsible for this! It's all your fault!"

"Connie, come over here with Steven and I," Garnet instructed. "Peridot, go over to Amethyst and Lapis. Dot and Pearl, you two are going home until you can learn to act less like children and more like mature gems."

"I am very mature!" Pearl squawked. "I've been set up. That's the only logical conclusion!"

"Don't flatter yourself." Dot said as she rolled her eyes, casually upsetting Pearl's neat line-up of shoes.

"My shoes." Connie sighed.

Pearl gave a sharp noise of annoyance and indignation. "How dare you?"

"Perfect symmetry." Dot narrowed her eyes.

"Aaargh!' Pearl said in frustration. "You're impossible!"

Lapis stared in utter confusion.

"Impossibly amazing, I know."

"Impossibly horrible!" Pearl exclaimed.

Dot stared Pearl dead in the eye, picked up the pale gem's shoes, and flung them in two different directions across the room.

"Dot!" Pearl exclaimed, going off into an angry rant as she picked up her shoes and put them on over her socks.

"Squawk," Dot mocked, making various bird noises. "Chirp, chirp, squawk, chirp. Squawk!"

"Oh, that is just-" Pearl fumed. "You are so-"

"Dot and Pearl." Garnet said seriously.

"So _what_? Finish that sentence, I dare you."

"You are so.. so-!"

"Dot and Pearl." Garnet repeated, louder.

Steven looked distraught that two of his guardians were fighting and so Connie tried to comfort him.

"So what, huh?" Dot growled, tying the laces on her combat boots.

"So.. so-"

"Dot and Pearl!" Garnet exclaimed.

The two froze.

"I told you two to _leave_ until you can act like mature gems," Garnet said sternly. "What are you still doing here?"

Pearl felt a wave of anger and shame pass over her as Dot groaned and stomped to the warp. The slim gem followed,, both wearing displeased expressions as they warped back home.

"Steven, it's okay," Connie said. "They'll stop fighting soon, they can't keep fighting for forever."

"I just want everybody to be happy." the boy sighed.

"I'm sure they'll resolve their differences." Lapis assured.

"It's is literally impossible to stay feeling a certain way for all eternity." Peridot added helpfully.

"Yeah, Ste-man!" Amethyst grinned. "They'll be back to normal in no time."

Pearl made a point out of sitting as far away from Dot as possible. Dot made a point out of not even sparing a glance in the slim gem's general direction.

"I hate you." Pearl murmured half-heartedly.

Dot exhaled. "Yeah, okay," she said. "Whatever, Pearl."

Pearl sighed. "How long before they get back? Three hours?"

"Sounds about right." Dot muttered.

"I can't believe you've gotten us-"

"I can't believe you're really blaming it all on me." Dot interrupted.

"Because it's your fault that this even happened. I had a perfectly good plan laid out and we were about to begin if you hadn't decided to be difficult just for the sake of it."

"Sorry for having a better idea than you," Dot said sarcastically. "It's totally my fault you were wrong."

"I was not wrong!" Pearl huffed. "You just wanted to mess everything up!"

"Oooh, look at me," Dot retorted, turning up her sarcasm levels and waving her hands in the air. "I'm wrong about something, the foundation of the very universe has been shaken."

"I don't mind being wrong," Pearl shot back. "The thing is that I wasn't wro-"

"Lalalalalalalala." Dot said loudly, covering her ears.

"Stop that!" Pearl instructed.

"Lalalalala I can't hear you!" was the response.

"I know you can hear me!" Pearl exclaimed.

"No I can't!" Dot responded. "Lalalalalalalala!"

"You are so immature!"

"Lalalalalalala!"

"Dot!" Pearl yelled.

"What?!" Dot demanded.

"I-" Pearl sighed in frustration. "You know what? Forget it."

"I will." the warrior said coolly.

"I hate you." Pearl said again.

"Sure," Dot muttered sarcastically. "Because that's why you 'love me', right?"

Dot blushed faintly. "Whoops." she muttered.

Pearl flushed, angrily. "I don't lo- well.. I do hate you! But I also…"

"What, love me?" Dot retorted. "That doesn't make any sense."

"I know." Pearl rolled her eyes.

"Also, in the future, don't just kiss people without asking first!" Dot narrowed her eyes.

Pearl did not respond.

"I'm serious," Dot continued. "Some people will arrest you for that. You're lucky I'm nice."

Pearl blushed, mostly angry. Kind of embarrassed, to be honest.

".. I still can't believe you did that." Dot muttered, crossing her arms.

"You kissed me back!" Pearl said, having just about enough.

Dot inhaled sharply.

"Y-you..," Pearl's voice wavered. "... you kissed me back."

"I didn't."

"You did!" Pearl said.

"Keep dreaming." Dot retorted.

"I'm not..," Pearl glared at her. "I'm not dreaming."

"I thought I made it clear to you," Dot said firmly. "That I'm not interested."

"Then why did you kiss me back?"

"Have you considered that," the warrior retorted. "Maybe I didn't?"

"You aren't a subtle person, Dot," Pearl argued. "You… 'do'. You're action. I.. you kissed me back. I know you… and you would've pulled away if you really wanted to. I know that."

"I wasn't thinking." was the angry reply.

"You kissed me back."

"I didn't!" Dot whirled around to face the pale gem. "I did not! Get that idea out of your head!"

"You could've pushed me," Pearl said. "Punched me. Pulled away. But you-"

"Stop!" Dot exclaimed, furious. "I didn't kiss you back!"

"But you didn't do any of those things," Pearl finished, looking confused and a little angry. "You decided to kiss me back. Why?"

"I didn't kiss you back!"

"Then what were you doing?" Pearl demanded. "Does- does nothing we've done mean anything to you?"

"We haven't done anything for anything to mean anything!"

"W-we fused twice, Dot," the slim gem countered. "And we- we talked.."

"So?" the warrior retorted. "That- as friends! Pearl, that never- it- no, it doesn't mean- I'm sorry you misunderstood everything!"

"So what do you call it," Pearl said, her volume increasing. "What do you call it?! 'Just sitting back and letting me kiss you, I don't really want this to happen but I'll let her do it anyways'?!"

"I didn't kiss you back!"

Pearl stared at her.

"Are you listening to me?!" Dot demanded. "I d-"

Pearl exhaled, filled with anger, and it was impulse that lead her to quickly move forward and feverishly press her lips on Dot's own, again. This time Pearl is more fierce, and more forward, and more trying to prove a point than anything else.

Pearl delighted in the victory she felt when Dot did not move, did not pull away, did not punch her, did not push her, delighted in the feel of Dot's hair as she entangles her slim fingers in it. As soon as it begins it is over.

Pearl looked at Dot, who had an indecipherable expression on her face, looking at nothing in particular. "You did it again." she growled softly.

"You kissed me back." Pearl replied calmly.

"I did not." Dot muttered.

"You could've pulled away again," Pearl said. "If you weren't thinking last time.. this time, this time I mentioned it, you-"

"Shut up!" Dot said, clutching her head. "Shut up, shut up, I don't want to hear you talking.. shut up.."

"If you don't want me to kiss you, just say so," Pearl said finally, filled with anger and hurt and frustration and despair. "Just let me know if you don't want me to kiss you, or talk to you, or look at you, or- or-"

"Shut up, I don't want to hear it," Dot closed her eyes tightly. "Shut up, shut up, shut up-"

"Or look at you, or be around you anymore-"

"God _damnit_ , Pearl!" Dot yelled, and it silenced the pale gem immediately. "I can't-"

The warrior exhaled shakily. "I can't- I need you to just shut up for a second, okay?!"

"No!" Pearl shouted. "If you don't want.. anything to do with me, just say it!"

"Shut up.." Dot mumbled.

"You didn't kiss me back? Fine. Fusing and.. everything we shared and everything we talked about doesn't matter? Fine. But I need you to tell me what you want!"

"Shut up..." Dot repeated quietly.

"What do you want?"

"I.. shut up! Just.."

"I need you to tell me what you want, Dot!" Pearl shouted, tears in her eyes.

" _I don't know_!" Dot exclaimed. "... please just.. shut up already."

"I-"

"Shut up."

Pearl fell silent.

They sat there in grim silence until the others returned.

"Hey guys." Lapis greeted cheerfully, frowning when there was no response. "You know.. Garnet'll be coming soon. You guys should probably… reconcile or something."

She was not acknowledged.

"Uh, okay." the ocean gem said awkwardly, moving on to another room.

Peridot and Amethyst warped next, Connie with them.

"Hey guys," Amethyst teased. "Enjoying your banishment?"

There was no response from either of them.

"Uh, guys?"

Peridot sighed and walked away.

"Guys," Amethyst huffed. "Stop ignoring me."

The silence remained.

"Guys!"

"Amethyst, I think we should just leave it alone.." Connie said hesitantly.

"Nah," Amethyst said. "I'm not leavin' till they stop ignoring me."

"I don't think they're ignoring you." Connie told her.

"Eh," Amethyst said. "As long as they say hi."

"Hello." Pearl said immediately.

"Hi." Dot echoed.

"Hey," Amethyst said, rolling her eyes. "Was that hard? I'm not sure if I just interrupted something important like.. a make-out session or-"

Connie giggled a little.

Dot and Pearl both made various facial expressions.

"Oh my gosh," Amethyst snickered. "You guys were totally making out, weren't you?"

"No." Dot said.

"You guys were totally making out!"

"Amethyst," Pearl said sternly. "We were not."

"You got a little.. you know," Amethyst mouthed the word 'hickey', "… right there." Amethyst gestured vaguely.

Dot rolled her eyes.

"What?" Pearl said, horrified. "Where?"

Amethyst nearly fell over laughing. "I was kidding! You guys were so making out!"

"Yeah, we were." Dot replied.

Conne blinked rapidly.

Amethyst nearly fell over in surprise. "Forreal?!"

"No." Dot said.

"Aww." Amethyst sighed.

Garnet and Steven appeared.

"Didja guys make out?!" Steven asked frantically.

"Make _up_ , Steven," Connie whispered. "Make up."

Pearl nodded.

"Yes." Dot answered.

"Which one though?" Amethyst snickered.

"I would like to speak to Dot and Pearl." Garnet said.

Steven and Connie headed outside to explore Beach City.

Amethyst stayed.

"Alone." Garnet clarified.

"Aw." Amethyst pouted, going to her room.

Garnet stared at the two.

Dot and Pearl anxiously shifted under the fusion's gaze.

"Peridot and Connie did not learn a thing from you two today." Garnet said finally.

"I'm sorry." Pearl said.

"M'sorry too." Dot muttered.

Garnet sighed. "You may or may not be on the best terms right now, but it's beginning to affect the Crystal Gems as a team."

"I'm sorry, Garnet," Pearl repeated. "That was selfish and immature of me- of both of us."

"Ditto." Dot said calmly.

The fusion nodded and walked to the temple.

Before she did, though, she turned to them, and said "Next time you kiss, do it outside. There were 7 futures where Amethyst caught you and tormented you for the next 15 years."

And with that she was gone.

Dot and Pearl blushed and sat there in silence again.

"Not my fault." Dot muttered.

"I'm sorry." Pearl ventured.

"Nice to know." Dot rolled her eyes.

"I shouldn't have-"

"I think we already established that."

"Oh. I.. are you upset?"

"Define upset."

"Angry. Mad. Annoyed. Frustrated."

"By that definition.. maybe."

"I'm-"

Dot stood up and left.

".. really sorry." Pearl finished softly.

Amethyst came in about 8 minutes.

"So," the purple gem grinned. "Did Garnet get all on your case- where's Dot?"

"Not right now, Amethyst."

Amethyst frowned at Pearl's tone of voice. "Did.. something ha-"

"Not right now, Amethyst." Pearl repeated.

"P," the Kindergarten gem said, filled with concern. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Amethyst," was the reply. "Don't worry about me."

"Whoa, did Dot-"

"Amethyst," Pearl said, a little too quickly, a little too sharply. "Honestly, everything's fine."

"She did something- or said something, didn't she? What did she do?" Amethyst growled, clenching her hands into fists.

"Amethyst, really," the slim gem said. "It's.. more my fault than hers- there's nothing to worry about."

"What happened?"

Pearl gave a small sigh of resignation. "I kissed her," she said quietly. "Again."

Amethyst blinked. "Oh," she said. "T-that's great, P! .. wait, you kissed her before and didn't tell me?"

"After I kissed her the first time it.. didn't go well," Pearl nervously tapped her fingers together. "It-"

"If she was a jerk about it I-"

"No," Pearl said. "No, Amethyst, no. It wasn't like that."

"Then what was it like?" Amethyst said, prepared to give Dot hell if necessary.

"It- she just didn't want to," Pearl murmured. "I got.. upset."

"Oh," Amethyst said. "Is that why.. you.."

"Yes," Pearl nodded. "And then we.. argued. I.. well, when I kissed her the first time, s-she went with it. She.. kissed me back.. and I brought it up. She insisted she didn't, and we fought some more. And then I kissed her again. To prove a point. I was mad, and she was mad and-"

"Like hate se-"

"No!" Pearl exclaimed, blushing.

"We were both mad, and she didn't pull away or- she kissed me too-"

"Dot's a lil' confusing," Amethyst said. "She's very open, but also very closed."

"What?"

"Exactly," Amethyst nodded. "With her, there's always a double- not even, a ten-tuple meaning. You might think you've got her figured out but you don't. You're usually not even close."

Pearl retained her expression of incomprehension.

"Understanding her is difficult," Amethyst continued. "With most people, I'd say if they kissed you they're either very desperate or they like you too. But with her..," the purple gem shrugged. "It's hard to tell."

Pearl sighed. "Thank you, Amethyst."

"You could ask her."

Pearl shook her head. "I think it would be better if I kept my distance for now."

"You gotta approach her," Amethyst said. "Dot does not get subtlety at all."

"I think she's mad at me right now, Amethyst."

Amethyst sighed. "I'll talk to her."

"Amethyst!" Pearl exclaimed. "Amethyst, no. Just- I'll deal with it, okay?"

"When?" Amethyst asked suspiciously.

". um..," Pearl said slowly. "In 2 months?"

"What?! No. Now."

"1 month?"

"Now!"

"2 weeks?" Pearl asked hesitantly.

"Now, P."

"... tomorrow." Pearl said finally.

"Hmm.. fine." Amethyst said. "But if you don't…"

"Of course, Amethyst." Pearl sighed.

"Pinky promise?"

Pearl raised an eyebrow. "Amethyst, I-"

"Pinky promise?" Amethyst repeated, pouting, her pinky extended.

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Pinky promise." She went through the quick and basic motion.

"You can't break a pinky promise." the purple gem warned.

"... right."

Amethyst laughed.

* * *

"Hmm." Lapis sighed contently, leaning into the technician.

"Really, Lapis?" Peridot asked, despite being perfectly comfy and happy with the ocean gem's company.

"Yep." Lapis answered, moving and lying her head in Peridot's lap. She was met with the technician's gaze.

"Boop." Lapis said, reaching out and tapping the green gem's nose.

Peridot blinked, blushing faintly, and Lapis giggled at her confused expression.

"Hairy Peri."

"Lapis!"

Lapis laughed.

Peridot rolled her eyes. "Just _hilarious_ , Lapis.."

"What can I say?" the blue gem asked with a mischievous grin. "I'm funny."

"Extremely." Peridot said sarcastically.

"Love ya too."

Peridot blushed deeply. "I-I didn't even _say_.."

"You're so cute when you're flustered." Lapis said, booping Peridot on the nose again.

"L-lapis!"

* * *

"Dinner!" Pearl called.

Steven and Connie- her parents had let her stay for dinner- came running, Amethyst came immediately, Lapis calmly entered the kitchen and Dot literally slid into the room.

"Me and Connie got fries!" Steven said, showing them all the box.

Dot paled. "Uh.. no thanks." she shifted away.

"Ooooh!" Amethyst grinned, taking a large handful of fries.

Steven stared at the box with a melancholy expression.

Connie patted his shoulder sympathetically and sat to the table.

"Don'tcha like fries?" Amethyst grinned.

"Amethyst, please," the warrior said. "You know I stopped eating fries ever since…," Dot shuddered. "The Incident."

"Wanna fry?"

"Amethyst!"

"It's just waiting for you to eat it!"

Dot drew back. "Get that evil thing away from me!"

"Hi," Amethyst said, making her voice high-pitched. "I am Miss Fry and I would love it if you would eat me!"

"Amethyst!" Dot said. "You eat the f-f- f… ood! I want nothing to do with it."

"Please, Dot!" Amethyst continued in the same high-pitched voice. "Eat me!"

Dot took the fry and threw it out.

Amethyst immediately took the fry out of the trash and ate it.

"Cool," Lapis said, already sitting at the table. ".. But gross."

"Eww." Connie said.

Steven shuddered.

"That's disgusting," Pearl sighed. "Sit down, you two. It's dinnertime."

They sat down, grinning.

"Food! Food! Food!" they chanted.

"Shhh." Lapis said, rolling her eyes.

Their grins faded as Pearl placed the food in front of them.

"Ew, broccoli." Amethyst groaned.

"Um," Dot said, poking something on her plate. "Is this.. brains?"

Lapis snickered.

"These are mashed potatoes." Steven said, some of the food in question on his fork, about to go into his mouth.

Amethyst opened her mouth and dumped the food into it.

"This goes against my like, diet," Dot said. "I'm meat-eterian. Sorry."

"That's.. not a thing." Connie informed her.

"It's just who I am," Dot said with a small sigh. "I didn't ask to be this way."

Pearl sighed, muttering something like 'honestly? you and your pretend special needs' and gave Dot's plate to Amethyst, who ate that too. Dot grinned at the new plate in front of her.

"Yuuusss." she grinned.

"Um!" Connie said, alarmed. "Can you eat that after I leave?"

"Eat what?" Dot asked, licking blood off of her sharp teeth.

Connie grimaced. ".. that."

"Dot likes raw meat." Steven informed Connie.

".. I can see that." the young girl said, slightly traumatized as Dot innocently ate her raw steak.

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Seriously Dot, can you eat that after Connie leaves?"

"No-" Dot began.

"I'm not asking." the water gem said.

Dot sighed deeply. "Fine."

"Doesn't that.. taste weird?" Connie asked.

"I'mma be completely honest with you," Dot said. "It tastes delicious and I'm pretty sure I have some weird vampiric tendencies."

Connie wiped sweaty palms on her overalls. "T-that's nice to hear!"

"Dot, I think you're scaring her." Amethyst said.

Peridot came down and her eyes immediately landed on that steak.

"Dot," she said purposefully, walking over to the warrior. "How are you doing? Can I just say-"

"You can't have it." Dot deadpanned.

"I'll have to take it by force." the technician sighed.

"Nooo.." Dot wailed, moving her plate away.

"Yes." Peridot grinned, so close to sweet, sweet, red meat…

"Rawr, get away." Dot replied with a determined expression, prepared to defend her raw steak to the end.

Peridot grabbed the piece of meat.

"Steak! No! I will avenge you!" Dot cried, getting up and trying to get her steak back.

Peridot took a bite out of it.

"Nooo!"

Peridot's detached fingers held the steak just out of Dot's reach.

"No!" Dot said, jumping a little, trying to reach for her steak. "I'll get you back for this, Peri, just you wait."

"Aww yeah! Fight for the steak!" Amethyst grinned.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!' Lapis chanted enthusiastically.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Amethyst joined in.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" Steven beamed.

"Please!" Pearl exclaimed, momming intensely. "No fighting, Peri, return Dot's steak. We have a guest!"

"Awww." Steven said.

Lapis pouted.

"You're no fun." Amethyst complained.

"Yeah, hand over my steak," Dot rolled her eyes. "You.. you steak stealer!"

Peridot sighed and gave Dot the piece of meat.

Connie giggled.

Garnet walked in, stopped for a moment, told Connie her father would be coming in 5 minutes, and then left. The girl finished the last of her food, told everyone goodbye, grabbed her bag, and then waited to come home.

Connie loved Steven's odd, quirky family.

* * *

Dot finished her steak. "I feel amazing," she crooned. "I could destroy a mountain, loot a village, set Amethyst on fire.."

"Like I'd let you do that." the purple gem retorted.

"The point is," Dot said. "That I feel very powerful at the moment."

"I think you just feel fat because you ate a whole steak." Lapis deadpanned.

"You could not be more wrong," Dot said. "I feel tough. I feel strong. I can beat up a humpback whale!"

"Do not or I will hurt you." Lapis warned.

"I'm going to take advantage of this empowerment," Dot said. "I'mma go lift, bye guys."

"Are you just going to nap?" Peridot asked sarcastically.

"Yes," Dot answered "Er.. that was sarcasm, by the way, I um, am actually going to lift. So."

"I'm going to go check on Jasper." Pearl sighed, mentally preparing herself for the task.

"I'll come with." Amethyst said decidedly, anyone going there alone just screamed 'bad idea'.

* * *

Jasper sat, looking at them with a bored expression at they entered.

"Are you doing alright?" Pearl asked cautiously.

Jasper grunted in response.

"So, are ya actually gonna tell us something?" Amethyst asked, narrowing her eyes.

Jasper snorted in amusement. "No."

"The only person you're making trouble for is you." Pearl said, sighing deeply. "If you'll just cooperate-"

"No." Jasper repeated.

Pearl sighed. "Come on, Amethyst. I don't think we'll learn anything today."

"You sure as heck won't." Jasper said firmly.

Amethyst gave the buff gem one last glare and she and Pearl left.

"How did it go?" Lapis asked drily.

"About as well as expected." Pearl sighed.

"I think we should bubble her." Amethyst said firmly.

"That's our last resort." Pearl told her.

"I'm with Amethyst," Lapis said, narrowing her eyes. "We should bubble her and move on."

Peridot drummed her fingers on the counter. "Like Pearl said, that is our last resort. We should at least try and see if we can get her to say anything."

"Well," the purple gem said, stretching. "I'm gonna go sleep. See ya later."

The gems all said goodbye and went in different directions.

Pearl sat there for a long time. There wasn't much to do, and Steven didn't let her watch him sleep anymore.

Pearl jolted out of her sleep when Dot came stumbling out of her room at 3am in the morning. It was ridiculous, and also really dark- the green gem probably couldn't even see.

"Dot?"

The warrior stopped and turned to look at Pearl, an expression of pure terror on her face. Her eyes were wide and she was breathing hard.

Dot looked like she didn't even recognize the pale gem, just murmured something indecipherable- won't hollow flee, or don't follow me, perhaps- and quietly opened the door and slipped out into the jet black, quietly closing the door behind her.

Where the fuck was Dot going at 3am in the morning?

There was half of Pearl that wanted to go back to sleep and let Dot be abducted by mysterious humans at 3am in the morning but thankfully, Pearl's sensible half won over. She followed the warrior who hadn't actually gone far enough to be abducted by mysterious humans and was actually down by the beach, sitting just by the water, illuminated by the pale, silver moonlight.

"Dot?" Pearl called softly.

The warrior stiffened, trembling.

"Dot, are you okay?"

"D-don't come any closer," Dot warned, her voice raw and shaky. "I told you. I told you," the warrior curled up slightly. "I told you I told you I told you I told you I told you.."

"Told me what?"

"Told you to stay away told you to not come close to me told you it was never going to work told you to stay away from me and now look what happened and I tried to tell you.."

Her words come out in a quick jumble, she's not saying actual sentences, just murmuring strings of words.

Pearl moved next to Dot, who gives a small, quiet shriek.

"Stay away," Dot warned, her voice still shaking. "S-stay away. I tried to tell you and I tried to warn you and stay away and i told you so.."

Pearl reached out to rest a comforting hand on the warrior's shoulders, but Dot erratically jerked back.

"G-get back! Stay away." Dot said frantically, and Pearl moved back a little and took a good look at the warrior. There are dark circles under her eyes, and she looks as if she is trying to become smaller. Pearl can see streaks where tears had run down her face.

"Dot, what happened?" Pearl asked, dismayed. It's a stupid question, and she knows that, like obviously Dot is not going to say 'Oh, I was making a sandwich' or something equally ridiculous, and Pearl is pretty sure that Dot has had a really bad nightmare, but assumptions are risky things to make and she just wants to confirm.

If Dot will tell her anything, that is. Pearl's pretty sure Dot's scared of her at the moment.

"I said I'm sorry," Dot murmurs, gently rocking back and forth. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I told you so, I'm sorry.."

"Sorry for what?"

Dot feverishly scratched at her arms.

"Dot," Pearl said, filled with concern. She tentatively reached out towards the warrior and gently, as delicately as she could, took her hands. "What happened?"

Dot rapidly went through various alarmed and terrified expressions before settling on defeat. "Do what you want." she said, and Pearl had to strain to hear it.

"I don't understand," Pearl shook her head. "What are you talking about?"

Dot's hands jerked. "I told you I told you I told you.." she murmured.

Pearl held the warrior's hands delicately but did not let go. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Pearl met the green gem's eyes and was hit with the sudden realization that Dot was not seeing her at all. Dot was seeing something completely different. Pearl let go of the warrior's hands, who immediately shrunk in upon herself further.

"Go away go away go away go away I'm sorry go away go away go away I warned you go away go away go away.."

Dot shivered and began scratching her arms again.

"Dot, don't do that." Pearl said quietly, taking the warrior's hands again.

Dot's hands trembled violently as Pearl held them. "Are you going to kill me now?" she murmured softly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

Pearl tried to find something to say.

"Just make it quick." Dot whispered, her eyes closed, rocking gently back and forth.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Pearl said.

"Just make it quick." Dot murmured again.

Dot thought Pearl was going to kill her. Dot thought Pearl was going to kill her.

"You think I'm going to kill you?" Pearl asked numbly.

"Make it quick just make it quick just make it quick.." Dot mumbled, scratching her arms.

"I'm not going to kill you." Pearl said. "I'm not- I'm not going to kill you. Stop that. Don't- don't say that."

Dot stared at Pearl for a long time and the pale gem watches her expression change from terror to incomprehension, a flicker of recognition and finally, despair and a twisted sort of joy.

Dot made a noise halfway in between a laugh and a sob. "I can't do this anymore. I don't care. I can't care. I don't care. I am done trying to be happy and trying to be strong and-"

Dot laughed, tears streaming down her face.

"I give up." she said finally.

"Little tents grew into big buildings," she continued. "And I grew into this."

Pearl wiped the tears off of the green gem's face, "Dot," she said softly. "Please.."

"Stay away from me, Pearl," Dot said. "You'll end up either dead or halfway there."

The warrior stood up.

"Dot, no," Pearl rose to her feet. "Just-"

"I had fun, you know." the warrior murmured.

* * *

And those were the last few words she spoke for a couple days. And then she started talking again, but the things she said didn't make any sense, really.

It wasn't like it was all that quieter. Amethyst and Steven still produced plenty of noise, so that wasn't a problem.

It was watching Dot slowly deteriorate that killed her.

The bags under her eyes never vanished. That playful spark in her eyes had faded. And of course, there was that big difference, she stopped talking. The way she stumbled around like she had no purpose. That mischievous grin could always be produced by Amethyst, but it was never seen on Dot anymore.

And the horrible puns were gone, and that was much, much worse than when they were there.

The others noticed. They talked to her about it at first, and then they stopped when they couldn't get anything out of her.

"Dot, you doin' all right?" Pearl had heard Amethyst ask. her one day. "You've been.. kinda off your game lately. We're all a lil' bit worried, to be honest."

Dot's reply had chilled Pearl to her nonexistent bones. "Did you know," the warrior had said, voice void of any emotion. "That 70% of this planet is water?"

It was the little things, the way she never stopped to vainly fluff her hair and make a comment on how pretty she was when she saw her reflection, the way she never cheered 'yussss' anymore, the way instead of fighting with passion it seemed like she was just going through the motions, and… the way the things that made Dot.. Dot, slowly started falling away.

"Dot, what do you think?" Garnet asked, and everyone was shocked when she turned her head around in acknowledgement. They held their breath, practically waiting for Dot to crack a grin and say 'I'unno' or 'I think we should destroy somethin'. I'unno what, but we should destroy somethin', at least."

"It's up to you." Dot said, no emotion in her tone, turning her head back around.

Steven's eyes filled with tears. "Why aren't you normal anymore?" he demanded. "You don't call me fuzzball and whenever I ask you a question you just say "Steven, did you know that there's no cure for the common cold?' or 'I don't know' a-and when I ask you if you're happy or if you're okay.. you just tell me.. 'Do you want me to be?' What happened to you? You.. you're.."

Dot gazed at the half-gem impassively. "Steven, did you know that there are approximately 30,000 different species of fish?"

Pearl felt something inside her shift painfully.

Steven gave a strangled cry.

"Ste-man," Amethyst widened her eyes, gently cradling the crying boy. "It's okay. We're okay. Dot's okay too. She just.."

"Steven." Garnet said softly, moving towards the young Crystal Gem, and the fusion found no words, nothing to say, nothing to make him understand- especially when Garnet didn't understand herself. Peridot and Lapis moved to comfort him, murmuring soft words of love and assurance.

Pearl stared at Dot with an unreadable expression. Dot met her gaze blankly and then turned around.

Sometimes it was easier to not see.


	6. Chapter 6

_wow guys, sorry i died._

 _school is a butt._

 _my friends won't stop bothering me about "describing a kiss in 4 entire paragraphs"_

 _like i was clearly exploring the psychological elements of this intimate interaction and not just pointlessly sinning. duh._

 _this whole entire chapter was a mistake_

 _to be honest.. you thought this chapter was angst but you don't know what's coming *curls up into the fetal position*_

* * *

Amethyst frowned as Dot left the room. To be honest, it didn't even matter if she was talking again or out of her emo phase or whatever, Amethyst found herself very mad at the way she roughly brushed past Pearl. It was time to take action.

Amethyst arranged her features, aiming to look generally upset, and then stormed into the kitchen, beginning. "Don't you care about _anything_?!"

Pearl had been sweeping the floor of Steven's room, listening to the noises of the house.

When she heard a loud "OW!" and a hiss of pain, because the voice that had made it was pretty raspy, and it wasn't followed by a string of exclamations all consisting of the word 'clod', she assumed that Dot was trying to cook again, which did mean that she was going to have to go out and buy new pots, dump out the somehow burnt water, as well as convince the warrior to stop cooking, and that it was okay, she'd do it later.

Pearl sighed as she propped the broom up against the wall and headed into the kitchen, where she saw Amethyst, and Dot. The pale gem slowly looked around and saw no hint that Dot had been.. cooking, if you can call it that, in the kitchen.

Amethyst turned around and looked at Pearl. "H-hey, P, what's goin' on?"

"Nothing," the slim gem answered. "I just heard Dot yell very loudly and assumed she was cooking."

"Hey! I don't cook.. that badly!" the green gem protested. "I've gotten better at it!"

Amethyst snickered. "Yeah, and I can fly to the moon."

Dot automatically crossed her arms. "M'not _that_ bad at cooking, guys."

"What is that?" Pearl gasped.

Amethyst stepped in front of Pearl. "What's what?"

Pearl tried to peer around the purple gem, and by the time she did, Dot was casually leaning against the counter. "Yeah, what's what?" the warrior inquired.

Amethyst moved out of the way, and Pearl narrowed her eyes, taking Dot's right arm- which she realized, the green gem had been keeping out of view the whole entire time.

"Hey!" Dot exclaimed.

"This," Pearl said, pointing to the large angry dent that covered nearly all of the warrior's forearm. "What is _this_?"

"It-" Dot looked to Amethyst for a brief second, who was making frantic 'no' gestures behind the tall gem. "Nothing. Nothing I can't fix."

"Is that why you yelled?" Pearl demanded.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Dot said firmly. "... can I have my arm back now?"

"What happened?" Pearl asked, before turning to Amethyst.

Amethyst gave a small sigh. ".. I might have punched her. Just a little."

"Yeah," Dot nodded in agreement. "Just a little."

"Why?" Pearl asked incredulously.

"Because- well- she said- you should've heard what she _said_ , P! She said she didn't care about what yo-"

"You punched Dot.. because of something she _said_." Pearl interrupted.

"It was-" Amethyst began.

"If everyone were to punch Dot every time she said something stupid or something that we didn't like..," Pearl sighed. "We would never stop punching her."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dot demanded.

"Well, she's not hurt!" Amethyst huffed.

Pearl glanced at the dent on the warrior's arm. "She isn't?"

"I'm not," the green gem replied, looking away. "Forreal, can I have my arm back now?"

"See, she says she isn't." Amethyst defended, stubbornly crossing her arms.

"I'm going to fix this." Pearl said, firmly.

"What? No! I can fix it myself." Dot exclaimed.

"I'm going to fix this." Pearl repeated, her mind already made up.

"You are _not_!" Dot exclaimed, trying to pull her arm away.

"It'll take less time if P does it." Amethyst said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I- I- she probably doesn't even know _how_! I'll do it!" the green gem gritted her teeth.

"Then tell me how," the pale gem sighed. "Dot, I swear, it won't take too long."

"I don't care how _long it takes_." Dot hissed.

"Don't you wanna get rid of that thing before Steven comes back?" Amethyst asked, her expression disinterested.

"I don't car-" the warrior groaned. "Fine, okay. Whatever."

Amethyst had been right when she said that it would be faster if Pearl did it.

Pearl gently placed a hand on the warrior's shoulder.

Their eyes met awkwardly.

"Does it hurt?" Pearl asked.

"No, it.. doesn't."

Neither of them moved, or so they thought, not quite noticing until their lips met. Then it became an interesting tangle ending in Pearl pinning Dot against the wall. Neither were quite sure how they got to that point, but they both didn't have any real intent on moving.

Blue-tinged lips pressed against green ones, blue and green eyes closed, green hands slowly combed through peach hair and caressed pale cheeks, white hands traced the curves of a green body, boundaries undrawn, lines not yet defined, neither quite sure how far to go, how far they should go, how far they _could_ go.

Neither quite sure how far they'd already gone.

Hearts pounding in their chests, little voices in their heads whispering 'what is this', and 'stop', and 'continue', and 'what do i want', one still trying to deny that they had wanted this from the beginning, one acknowledging that they still wanted this but had no idea what they had gotten themselves into, and both accepting that things couldn't be normal after this- that they couldn't _just go back_ after all of this.

They separated and stared, trying to figure out what the other was thinking, trying to piece together this messed up puzzle, trying to solve a mystery with clues that didn't make any sense.

"Uh.. should I.. come back later?" Amethyst asked hesitantly.

"No, no," Pearl laughed awkwardly, this close, they had been this close to being caught. "There's no need."

How are you supposed to feel when you realize you are nothing, nothing without those hands gently running up and down your body, nothing without those fingers ghosting against your neck and your cheeks, nothing without gentle tugs at your hair, nothing without sharp teeth gently tugging at your lower lip?

"I just wanted to apologize for punching you," Amethyst said. "It was pretty uncool, dude, so I'm sorry."

Dot nodded slightly. "S'okay. I shouldn't have said.. what I said. So.. I'm sorry too."

"O… kayyy. Bye, guys."

The purple gem slowly backed away and then left.

"Awkward situations," Dot murmured. "Awkward position to be caught in. Nobody walks in on me _flexing_ or working out and looking generally hot, no, it has to be an _awkward time every single time_ , fuck Murphy's law and actually-"

".. you _actually_ work out?" Pearl said suddenly.

Dot blinked and looked up immediately. "What?"

"You were.. never mind."

"Okay, listen," Dot sighed. "You need to work on having conversations with me without trying to drag me into a makeout session."

"Please stop pretending that it was anything but mutual." Pearl replied calmly.

"No, I'm not- I'm not joking, okay?" Dot continued. "Like, it's starting to get to the point where I'm gonna say 'hello' to you and then you'll proceed to shove me into a wall and try to bite my face off, and I honestly-"

"I hope you aren't _serious_." Pearl sighed.

"Oh, I"m _very_ serious," the warrior said firmly. "Kissing me more is not gonna get me to like you any better, okay?"

"What are you-"

"I'll be like 'oh, hello' and you'll be like 'rawr, kiss me and then let's go on a honeymoon'-"

Pearl took a moment to evaluate her life decisions and pinpoint the exact moment something had gone wrong.

"You're gonna die, just so you know," Dot added. "Like, in case that wasn't clear enough."

"What-"

"Like everyone else," the green gem said impatiently. "You are going to die before you're supposed to."

"That.. is a really vague assumption, and there's a really low possibility that-"

"Okay, but I'm not using logic, I'm using facts-"

"That's the same concept- that whole statement is just.. horrifically incorrec-"

"M'not gonna stand here and just-"

"I hope you know that I don't have time to stand here and just-"

"Ugh, you're so impossible-"

"You're just so- so _impossible_ -"

"I don't even understand-"

"I can't begin to understand-"

"Please stop talking, you're only _confusing me_ -"

"Can you just be silent for a while, you're thoroughly disorienting me, and frankly-"

Pearl and Dot took a moment or two to gauge their positions and then quickly moved back, both blushing furiously.

"This just proves my point!" Dot gave a small exhale of fury. "You _refuse_ to talk to me without trying to kiss me, and it's like.. please stop trying to attack my lips when I am trying to speak to you, okay?

"Please stop trying to make it out as anything except mutual." Pearl said flatly.

"I'm not sure if you did that on purpose, or.." Dot furrowed her brow.

"... did what."

"Make out- make it out- no? Accidental? Okay."

Pearl stared at Dot blankly.

"I'm sorry I'm _punny_." Dot shrugged.

Pearl groaned.

"What, I a-... why do you keep kissing me?" Dot asked suddenly. "I don't get why- are you _trying_ to die or is it something else- help me understand-"

"Dot, I'm trying to show you..," Pearl hesitated, trying to find the right words. "How much I care."

"If you cared, you wouldn't _care_." Dot said firmly.

"That doesn't make any _sense_." Pearl retorted.

"Listen, I am legit asking you to not care about me." Dot groaned.

"At all?"

"At all."

"That isn't going to happen."

"Why won't you stop caring?"

"Why won't you give me a chance?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you."

"So it isn't for no reason."

"I-" Dot began. "No. It isn't."

"Why are you completely convinced I'm going to _die_ if I come near you?" Pearl demanded.

"I'm..," Dot hesitated. "Sorry. I'm sorry."

The warrior turned and ran.

She ran away a lot these days.

That's not what brave people do.

* * *

"Lapis, I swear," Peridot snickered. "We're not getting any more ice cream."

"I love ice cream, though," Lapis protested. "And I won't eat all of it like last time, I promise."

"Yes you will," the technician scoffed. "That's what you said last time, and look what happened."

"Oh come on, that's not a good example-"

"Every time, Lappy," Peridot said. " _Every time_."

Lapis huffed. "Pretty please get me some more ice cream?"

"Absolutely not." Peri shook her head.

"Please?" Lapis pleaded.

"I don't have to look at you to know you're making that face," Peridot turned away. "And I just want you to know, I'm not going to fall for it this time."

"Pleaaase?"

"..."

"Pretty please, Peri?

".. gah! Fine!"

Lapis beamed. "I wuv you, Periii!"

"Desist." Peridot mumbled, blushing.

* * *

Garnet looked around cautiously and then gave herself a hug.

* * *

She found her sitting calmly eating some candy.

"What are you doing?" Pearl asked flatly.

"Nothing." Dot said defensively, hiding the rest of her Jolly Ranchers.

".. Dot-"

"Pearl," Dot complained. "Look what you're doing to me. I'm eating orange! Orange candy! I _hate_ orange candy!

"I'm.. sorry?"

"Diamonds, this tastes horrible." Dot muttered, cramming 27 orange Jolly Ranchers into her mouth.

Pearl blinked.

Dot sighed.

".. back at the barn-" Pearl began.

"No, _not_ back at the barn, I'm not sure what happened there but you did attack me again and I don't want to talk about it."

"I didn't _attack you_!"

"Well, whatever you did, don't do it again- you're starting to make me look bad."

"This isn't about you- not _everything_ is about you- this isn't even about me, this is about _us_ -"

"There is no _us_!" Dot exclaimed. "There is no.. there has _never_ been an us, and I'm not gonna let there _be_ an us, either! I don't like you, you don't like me, and let's keep it that way!"

"Maybe you're right, and," Pearl sighed. "Maybe I don't like you."

"I _know you don't_!"

"Maybe I like the _idea_ of liking you," Pearl continued. "Maybe I- maybe I just want to.. be wanted again-"

"And I'm sorry to hear that, really, I am, but I really don't want to hear your whole entire sob story-"

"And maybe I just thought.. you would understand-"

"Forreal, I honestly don't understand-"

"Maybe I thought you were.. ready to.. try and move on. Not even with me. In general. Just to try it. Just to try and find happiness again."

Dot fell silent.

"Instead of chasing shadows, and feeling sorry for yourself, and wondering where it all went wrong-"

"Stop." Dot interrupted.

"And wishing-" Pearl held back her tears, glaring at the ground. "Wishing it was you and not her. And knowing that if it was her, she would've- would've handled it.. so, so much better- would've known what to do- wouldn't have just let herself quietly lose it-"

" _Stop_." Dot repeated.

"And knowing it's so, so, selfish, but.. wanting her back."

Dot put her hands over her ears. "I'm not _listening_ to you."

"Maybe I just thought that.. you would understand. I guess not, though, and that's alright."

Dot closed her eyes tightly.

"I'll see you later, alright?" Pearl left.

Dot sat there for a while, wondering where it all went wrong.

* * *

Peridot gently cradled Lapis. "It's okay. You're here. You're here now. I'm here. It's okay." she murmured soothingly.

"I'm sorry," Lapis whimpered. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," Peridot said softly. "It's okay. You're here. I'm with you. I'm not going to let you go. You're fine. It's fine."

"Sorry, I'm sorry-"

Peridot gently continued to comb through the blue gem's hair. "Shh, it's okay." she murmured.

Lapis's breathing quieted.

"I'm sorry," Peridot said. "I wouldn't have taken you if I had known they would… have _them_ everywhere."

"You couldn't have known," Lapis said. "And I shouldn't have been so afraid."

"Don't dismiss your fears," Peridot said softly. "Embrace them. They're important."

* * *

Pearl went to the arena and practiced her swordfighting.

"Yooo," Amethyst said loudly, and Dot sat up straighter and hurriedly wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "Greenie, where you at?"

"I'm-" Dot winced as her voice cracked. "I'm over here."

Amethyst peered curiously at Dot. "You've been crying, dude," the purple gem paused, looking guilty. "Is this because of the- of the punch? Cause I-"

"I haven't been crying." Dot interrupted.

"Yeah, you have," Amethyst rolled her eyes. "Dude, don't lie to me, it ain't gonna work."

Dot fell silent.

"... do you wanna talk about it?"

"No." Dot said.

"You're doing that thing people do with the mental walls and the huddling into yourself." Amethyst pointed out.

"No, I'm not." Dot huffed.

"So, how do you feel about Ronaldo?"

"No."

"How do you feel about steak?"

"Whatever."

"How do you feel about _life_?!"

"Eh."

"SEE? You're always so- so.."

"Perfect," Dot nodded absently. "I know."

"No! You're not- you're not _perfect_. You're a whole lotta things but perfect ain't one of them."

"No, no," the warrior shook her head. "I'm perfect. Yes."

"You mess up _every day_ -"

"Even as I fall on my face and burn water," Dot sighed. "I am perfect."

"I need you to go up to Pearl and apologize for whatever happened."

"It wasn't even my fault, though." Dot whined.

" _Go apologize_." Amethyst huffed, already formulating a plan.

And so Dot went and found Pearl in her weird and frankly, _creepy and unusual_ room. If Dot fell into this frickin' dumbass water..

"What are you doing in here?" Pearl asked suspiciously, polishing a sword.

"I- have to _apologize to you._ " Dot grumbled. "So.. sorry."

"You didn't mean that, but that's fine." Pearl brushed past her.

"Good." Dot muttered, smoothing her hair back and walking away.

* * *

"Strawberries and whipped cream." Lapis whispered in her ear.

" _What are you implying_?" Peridot asked incredulously.

"Whoa, Peri," Lapis 'tsk'd. "Mind out of the gutter."

"You just- you-" Peri groaned, putting her head in her hands.

" _Whipped cream_." Lapis whispered again.

"Stop! You know I don't like that phrase!"

* * *

"Why?" Dot and Pearl asked incredulously.

"You two have been told," Garnet said patiently. "Time and time again. To stop the fighting."

"And obviously the solution is to force us to go out on a date." Dot said sarcastically.

Pearl still had the most indignant and offended expression on her face.

"Nobody said anything about a date, dude," Amethyst shook her head. "Jus' an outing or something- I dunno, it was mostly Garnet's idea."

"No, it wasn't." the fusion said stoically.

".. okay, okay, fine," Amethyst huffed. "But still. I think you guys just need to.. like.. sit down and chill for a bit."

"I can do that by _myself_." Dot and Pearl both said, and then they glared at each other.

"You can also sit down and chill," Garnet added. "Together. Garden Jardin. Under the name Garnaesthetic."

"Garnaesthetic." Dot repeated dubiously.

"Garden Jardin is really just 'Garden Garden', seeing as jardin is French for garde-" Pearl began.

"Nobody asked." Dot interrupted.

Pearl gave the warrior a sharp glare. "Well, nobody-"

"See why you two need to sit and chill?" Amethyst 'tsk'd.

Dot shook her head. "No. Not really."

"You're going to be late, and I paid good money for that table." Garnet huffed.

"Sorry about the good money you paid for the table." Dot said, sounding very sarcastic without meaning to.

Garnet stared.

"See, Dot doesn't even care about your _money_ -" Pearl began.

"I said that with _genuine concern_ , money is _important_ -" Dot argued.

Amethyst shoved the two outside. "Garden Garden or whatever the heck it's called. _Go there_."

Dot and Pearl stood on the doorstep, staring at the door that was abruptly slammed in their faces.

"... but I didn't consent to this." Dot said slowly.

"Let's just get this over with." Pearl muttered, practically dragging Dot down to Garden Garden- I mean Garden Jardin- or whatever.

The waitress eyed them. "The wait will be 8 hours long."

".. we have a reservation." Pearl said slowly.

"Under what name?"

"Garnaesthetic." Dot snickered.

"For two?" the waitress inquired, raising an eyebrow as her eyes briefly scanned the screen of a computer.

"For two." Pearl nodded.

"This way." she led them to a table. With fancy candles. Fancy candles, and dim lighting, and the quiet murmurs of other people.

"They said this isn't a date, but I'm- I'm really feelin' like this is a date, man." Dot stared.

"It's for _ambience_." Pearl 'tsk'd.

"That sounds fake, really fake, but okay."

"What would you like to drink?" the waitress interrupted.

"Do you have w-" Dot began.

"Water. She wants water." Pearl interrupted.

"Actually, I was gonna say w-" Dot tried to clarify.

"Water it is." the waitress pursed her lips as she wrote the word down.

"Unbelievable." Dot huffed.

"I'll also have water." Pearl said.

The waitress wrote '2', in brackets, beside it.

"I have a water allergy," Dot piped up. "So no water for me. Just w-"

"That's fake." the waitress said bluntly, walking away.

"She's not wrong," Dot said absently, turning to the candle. "It's more of an aversion. Hm."

Pearl inspected the tasteful art on the walls.

"Hm, so what the frick frack is _this_ supposed to be?" Dot asked, staring at the painting. "I'm gonna guess.. ketchup stain on a moonlit night."

Pearl stared at her. "Ketchup stain." she repeated.

"I mean just look at the red blob over the-"

"That's the lighting." Pearl interrupted.

"It just looks like a legit _ketchup stain_."

Pearl sighed deeply as the waitress placed two glasses of water on the table. Dot pushed her glass over to Pearl.

"Sorry, you looked _thirsty_ ," Dot said, snickering, and then paused, pointing at the salt shaker. "Hey look, it's you."

Pearl groaned.

"Girlfriends." the waitress sympathized.

"She's not my-" Pearl began.

"So, have you decided what you're going to order?"

"Steak." Dot said immediately.

"Okay," the waitress nodded. "Rare, medium, or well-done?"

".. steak." Dot repeated.

Pearl sank down into her seat, already anticipating the awkwardness of the conversation about to take place.

"Well-done is the super cooked one, and rare is the one that's just done for a few." the waitress clarified.

"... what about none. None? No.. cooking. You ruin the integrity.." Dot said slowly.

"What are you asking me?" the waitress said flatly.

"What's the word, Bird Nerd?" Dot turned to Pearl.

"No." Pearl said flatly.

"No… steak? _Oh_ , I see what you're tryna do here. Okay, it starts with an r-"

"Rare?" the waitress raised an eyebrow.

"Raw," Dot said suddenly. "Raw steak. Yeah."

The waitress stared. ".. I beg your pardon?"

"Raw- you know, like not cooked, at all?"

"You want a _raw steak_?" the waitress asked, loudly.

People turned their heads.

Pearl sunk down lower in her seat.

"Is that not what I said?" Dot furrowed her brow. "No, I did say that. Yeah. A raw steak. I want a raw steak."

The waitress shrieked. " _You want a raw steak_?!"

"Are we raisin' our voices now?" Dot asked curiously. "I thought that wasn't allowed in fancy places."

Pearl sighed deeply.

" _Yes_ , I want a piece of fuckin' raw steak, are you gonna give it to me or not?"

"How uncultured." a man gasped.

Dot turned around in her chair. "SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR 20 DOLLAR GRAIN OF RICE, MR. WARBUCKS!"

Pearl considered claiming she did not know this person.

"Young people these days." the man scoffed.

"I'M OLDER THAN YOUR UGLY COMBOVER!" Dot yelled back.

The man made a sharp noise of indignation. " _Poor people these days_."

"What- oh-hoho, do you know who I _am_ , mister- I am saving your planet- lemme just- calmly stab you with this dinner knife-"

"Don't get violent," Pearl interrupted. "He's just a human."

"And a _rude one_ , at that!" Dot 'hmph'd.

"Are you not _human_?" the man asked skeptically.

"I'm _green_!" the warrior exclaimed incredulously. "And you're obviously _stupid_!"

"ALIEN!" the man yelled.

"Damn _right_!" Dot hissed.

The waitress curiously reached out to touch the gemstone on Dot's forehead.

"Dude, I don't know you," Dot said, pushing the girl's hand away. "Don't get _intimate_ with me."

"I'm sorry, it's just- you have a really, really pretty.. rock on- in?- on your forehead." the waitress blinked.

"Honey," Dot said, looking the waitress dead in the eye. "I _am_ a rock."

The waitress stared, and then turned to Pearl. "Are you a rock too?"

Pearl looked up for a brief moment. "The correct term is _gem_."

"ROCK-GEM ALIENS!" the man shrieked. "I DEMAND A REFUND!"

"Like you _need it_!" Dot yelled back. "You're _literally the definition of RICH PEOPLE PROBLEMS_!"

"I WILL PAY TO HAVE HER REMOVED FROM THE PREMISES!" the man bellowed.

"I WILL PAY TO HAVE HIM ARRESTED FOR THAT GROSS HAIRSTYLE!" Dot countered.

"Who can pay more?" the manager said immediately, slinking out from the shadows.

Pearl shook her head at the blatant greed.

The combover- man proudly displayed $1000 dollars in the air.

"Thank you, I'll leave." Dot smiled pleasantly, grabbing the man's money and walking out.

The man stared. "That works." he sniffed, looking back down at the grain of rice on his plate.

The manager gaped.

Pearl handed the waitress 5 dollars for the water and left.

"Always has to make a scene." Pearl murmured as she exited.

"Yeah.. I'm gonna pretend this is a tip?" the waitress said slowly.

"Dot." Pearl said disapprovingly.

Dot gently stroked her money. "You called?"

"Dot.." Pearl shook her head.

"I'm rich now, can't talk." Dot gave a content sigh.

"Dot-"

"Hey, I saved you from awkwardly trying to explain to that waitress that you don't eat anything ever," Dot said, looking up at Pearl. " _Didn't I_?"

Oh.

"I suppose you did." Pearl said begrudgingly.

"Haaa… Mr. Big-Shot back there was sooo totally pissed at me." Dot snickered.

"I'm sure he was." the pale gem rolled her eyes.

"He legit was so pissed, he was all like-" Dot made an exaggerated angry face.

"No, he was more like-" Pearl crossed her eyes and arranged her features to look seriously upset, sticking her tongue out.

The green gem snickered. "I think it looked a little more like-"

The two continued exchanging odd, angry faces.

Dot burst into laughter. "B-but you-forreal- you gotta consider his combover-"

"It was _awful_!" Pearl agreed, giggling.

"It- it-" Dot fell on the floor.

Watching the green gem practically die on the ground only made Pearl laugh harder, legit tears of.. laughter or something, were like, rolling down her face? It was really intense.

Dot gasped. "I-I will pay! To have her removed from the- hahaha- the premises!"

"How uncultured!" Pearl imitated, laughing.

" _I do declare_!" Dot said, getting to her feet and speaking in a fancy British accent. " _HOW UNCULTURED_!"

Pearl wiped a tear from her eye, laughing more and nearly falling over, leaning into the green gem and nearly making her fall over.

"Diamonds, you're heavy." Dot snickered.

"Goodness, you're short." Pearl retorted with a smirk.

"Oh come-" Dot huffed. "I'm not short, you're just _tall_.. er than me? And that's like, fine, because you're taller than almost _everyone_."

"I wonder how much taller than you I'd be if you were to, hm, I don't know.." Pearl said slowly.

"If I were to _what_?" Dot shot back, raising an eyebrow.

"Take off those heels." Pearl said coolly.

Dot blushed deeply, crossing her arms defensively. "H-heels- what heels- who told you- I don't have- w- _what heels_ -"

"I've been waiting for so long to say that." Pearl smiled, satisfied.

"F-for how _long_?" Dot managed to squeak out.

"Since last training day," Pearl tilted her head. "You were almost completely unable to stand normally."

"Unable isn't the word for it-"

"I must say, I respect you being able to fight so well in-"

"Heels?" Dot asked flatly.

Pearl nodded. "It also explains why you fall down the stairs so much."

"Well, that's.. actually because I usually underanticipate how many stairs there are gonna be."

"Underanticipate is not a word, but do you seriously mean to tell me that you expect less stairs than there actually are?" Pearl asked skeptically.

Dot nodded. "I- I mean- it's just that- I thought that there were 5 steps- and another time I thought there was _1_?"

"Dot, that doesn't make any sens-"

"One.. big.. _stair_ , so I took a really big step and the next thing I know I turn into one of those commercials- Help, I've fallen and I can't get up."

"Do you need glasses?" Pearl said sarcastically.

"No," Dot sighed. "It just- honestly- looked like a single _bigass step_."

"Dot.." Pearl facepalmed.

"I'm serious- stairs mess me up." Dot had the most hopelessly confused expression on her face, and Pearl found it ironically adorable.

"You know what else 'messes you up'?" Pearl said absently. "Cooking."

"Are we still having this conversation?" Dot groaned. "I am a great cook, thanks-"

"Dot. We had to replace our microwave when you tried to make popcorn."

"That's not cooking, that's microwave...erering." Dot huffed.

"Remember when you tried to fry an _egg_?"

"Listen, it just- it burned _itself_ , okay?"

"And the thousands of miniature pieces of eggshell put themselves there too, right?"

"Exactly." Dot nodded.

Pearl rolled her eyes. "And ah, that time you-"

"Okay, I get it, I'm not like, a 5 star chef or anything." Dot sighed dramatically.

"That's being generous." Pearl snorted.

".. or a 4 star chef, or a 3 star chef, or 2 star chef… or even a 1 star chef," Dot added. "But I can still cook really good."

"Well." Pearl said.

"Well what?" Dot asked curiously.

"You can still cook really _well_." the pale gem corrected.

"I know." Dot grinned.

"No, I was-"

"Admit it, I made you say it."

Pearl sighed. "You made me say it."

"I'm _yodelling_." Dot said randomly.

"Um-" Pearl began.

Dot shook her head. "This is not okay.."

"Wha-"

"I cannot even believe- I blame Mr. Warbucks."

"For what?" Pearl raised an eyebrow.

"Turn down for what," the warrior said immediately. "I mean- uh- I blame him for everything. For life. For taxes."

Pearl scoffed. "Dot, you don't even _know him_."

"I bet I could find his picture by googling 'bad combovers'."

"You're.. probably not entirely wrong." the pale gem said thoughtfully.

"By the way," Dot said suddenly. "When are you gonna take the Dewster up on his offer?"

"The who?" the slim gem furrowed her brow.

"The sweaty balding man." Dot elaborated.

"Greg?" Pearl guessed.

Dot made a noise that sounded kinda like 'pbbbbt' and then burst into laughter. "P-pearl!" the green gem wheezed. "You- _Greg_ \- the first thing you think- when you- s-sweaty balding ma-ahahahahahahaaaa!"

"I- well he fits the description-" Pearl stammered.

"Mayor Dewey!" Dot exclaimed. "I-I was talking about _Mayor Dewey_."

"Oh! Goodness, no." Pearl scowled.

"Why? He said he'll take you out on a fancy date on his fancy yacht. Doesn't that sound fun?"

"If it's so fun, why don't you do it?" Pearl retorted.

"It's not _me_ he's into," Dot snickered. "And thank Diamonds for that."

Pearl rolled her eyes.

"He calls you the hot one, just so you know."

"He _what_?"

"I answered the phone one time, and I was like 'who dis', and he's like- 'Are you the scary one? Yes, you are. Um, I would like to speak to the _hot one_.' and i was like 'Yeah, I'm the scary one. But who's the hot one, there are over 5 people here who fit that description', and he goes 'The- the hot one, you know, with the- with the attractiveness'. And I go 'That's fine, but that doesn't _tell me anything_ '. And then he goes 'She has pretty pink hair', and I realize, Yellow Diamond the Great, Grand, and Glorious, the guy is talkin' about _you_ , and so I say 'Oh, you mean Pearl. Well, I can tell you for a fact that she doesn't wanna talk to you, dude, want me to take a message that I won't actually give to her because she literally does not like you'?"

Pearl raised an eyebrow.

"And then he just starts stammering, and I can legit hear him _sweating_ through the phone, right? And then he says 'I- I would like to speak to the hot one', and I tell him 'Yeah, dude, we went over this already', and then he goes- he goes- 'I would really like to speak to the hot one'. And I hang up on him and go laugh about it after."

Dot tilted her head thoughtfully. "Good times, good times."

"Thank you for not giving me the phone." Pearl nodded appreciatively.

"One of these days I'm gonna give him your number just for kicks." Dot snickered.

If looks could kill, Dot was dead.

The warrior stuck her tongue and then stopped suddenly, her expression unreadable.

Pearl turned to look at what Dot appeared to be looking at, but there was nothing there.

The green gem blinked rapidly, rubbing her eyes. "So, Pearl," she said slowly. "When I get naked in the bathroom.."

"I'm not interested!" Pearl interrupted quickly.

"The shower usually gets turned on." Dot clicked her tongue.

"You can't even submerge yourself in water-"

"Can you stop ruining my puns with your _logic_?" Dot sighed.

"If what you're going to say doesn't really- are you alright?"

Dot gave a small nod, clutching her head. "All this money is getting to me, man, I can't stop imagining what I'm gonna _do with it_."

Pearl rolled her eyes. "Perhaps someone should take it from you."

"Yes," Dot said absently, and then furrowed her brow. "I mean.. no. Nono, no."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Pearl asked, concerned.

"I'm _always_ okay." Dot scoffed.

"Nobody's always oka-"

"Are we back to this psychological crap?" Dot muttered. "I _swear_. Because I'm happy all the time, there's the automatic assumption that I'm not _okay_ , but I wouldn't always be happy if I wasn't _okay_."

"If you feel like you have to be happy all of the time, you're probably not." Pearl replied calmly.

"I don't- listen, some people- like me- are just really happy. In general. All the time."

"It is quite impossible to be happy all the time- aren't you annoyed right now? You're already contradicting yourself."

"I'm annoyed in a _happy way_." Dot huffed, staring at the sky.

Pearl blinked.

"Everybody else gets that I'm _fine_ ," the green gem muttered. "Except for _you_. Why won't you leave it alone?"

"Maybe you're not fine and don't quite realize it." Pearl said quietly.

"Right." Dot scoffed.

"And perhaps you should just-"

"I think I'm doing just fine." Dot interrupted.

"What if I told you that you're _not_?"

"Then I'd call bullshit."

Pearl glared at the green gem. "I wish you'd just-"

"Aww," Dot said sarcastically. "Are you mad, Pearl? Are you mad at me?"

"Can you just _make up your mind_? You never- one minute it's 'consider his combover' and the next it's 'are you mad at me'?"

"There's a simple solution, it's called _walking away_." Dot hissed.

"That's not- I can't leave you alone-"

"Say it again, to the camera this time!"

"Because you'll- I'm worried about you and your.. mental well-being-"

Dot flinched, and then narrowed her eyes. "I'm _fine_. I don't need your company, or your help, or your _anything_. I'm not going to go crazy if you don't constantly stalk me. I actually prefer to be _by myself_ , so leave me alone. I'm sick of _looking at you_."

The pale gem cringed, scowling. "I'm sorry you _feel that way_." she spat.

Dot turned away, her expression shaded. "Did I ask?" she muttered.

The narrator almost cut herself on the edge, to be honest. She's enjoying turning this story into a complicated emo tale.

"I'm trying to _help_ -" Pearl began.

"I don't _want your help_!" Dot exclaimed. "I don't _need it_ , I'm fine, I told you! Fine! I'm- I-" Dot inhaled, her eyes filled with fury. "I'm _fine_."

Pearl stared back at her, eyes narrowed.

Dot clenched her hands into fists. "You're not _listening_ , listen to me, I'm _fine_ -"

"Okay." Pearl said simply.

"Good," the warrior snarled. "I need you to get that I'm happy."

"You're happy." the pale gem said quietly.

"I'm happy," Dot repeated. "I'm fine, I'm- everything is perfect, and I don't need your help."

"You're happy, you're fine, everything is perfect, and you don't need my help." Pearl recited.

The green gem nodded, inhaling deeply and looking thoughtful.

"See? You're still- you were practically _yelling at me_ just a minute ago-" Pearl began.

Dot exhaled slowly and reached into her pocket. "Mm, that's okay," she mumbled, quietly unwrapping a Jolly Rancher. "Are you expecting me to apologize?"

"I want you to _explain_ -"

Dot absently sucked on her candy. "I never have an explanation for my actions."

Pearl snorted. " _That much_ is clear."

The warrior rolled her eyes.

"What I'm trying to say, Dot," the pale gem said finally. "Is that I just want you to.. accept that-"

"No, I don't like accepting anything ever, it feels like giving up and I don't give up on anything."

"Sometimes you have to give up, to accept things and move on, it's the only way you're ever going to-"

"Stop _projecting yourself onto me_!" Dot exclaimed, scowling. "Just because _you're_ sad and weepy and you're not over Rose Quartz yet doesn't mean I'm sad and weepy and not over my _life_ yet. I know you want someone to understand your existential mid-life crisis, but I really _don't care_! I really don't care, and it's exhausting when you keep telling me I'm crazy when I'm _not_. I'm not crazy, and I'm _fine_ \- Diamonds, how many times am I gonna hafta tell her this, and why isn't she buying it yet- and I'm- I just _want you to go away_!"

Pearl glared at the warrior. "I'm _not_ projecting myself onto you! And I- I'm not saying you're _crazy_ , you just assumed that that's what I meant- but I'm not going to just _go away_!"

Dot gave what is best described as a frustrated scream and then turned and ran away.

* * *

Amethyst and Garnet stared as Dot dashed off to her room immediately, 5 minutes later, followed by Pearl, who stormed into Dot's room.

"I don't even wanna know the story behind that." Amethyst huffed.

Dot was fluffing her pillows.

"Get out of my room, Pearl." the green gem said automatically, her tone disinterested.

"What is your problem?" the pale gem demanded.

Dot stiffened, squeezing the pillow. "Get out of my room, Pearl." she repeated apathetically.

"No, I'm asking. I want to know. What is your problem, Dot?"

"You," Dot turned around, giving Pearl an accusing glare. " _You_ are my problem. You make me remember things I'm trying to forget, forget things I'm trying to remember, I haven't used handcuffs for- for _25 years_ and now I'm starting to feel like I need them again- _nothing_ is working, and candy _doesn't help_ \- yesterday I forgot where I even _was_ for 5 minutes- and you know what, I can tell as many puns as I want because it's just gonna make my life a bigger _joke_ \- so _sorry if I hate you_ , but you're ruining _everything_ and you still seem to be _so_ convinced that I need your help, well _, just look where your help is getting me_!"

"I-" Pearl attempted to say.

"Nowhere, it's getting me _nowhere_ ," the warrior hissed. "And I- I _wish_ you would just leave me alone! How can I get a grip if you keep turning into Elsa and telling me to _let it go_?"

Pearl winced. "I-"

"I'm-" Dot's voice trailed away. "I'm trying not to lose it and you're not making it _easy_ for me."

"Sorry," Pearl whispered faintly. "I'm sorry."

"Stop _apologizing_! It isn't _your_ fault that I- that I'm-" _Fine. Okay. Perfect. Happy. All the time. Stop doing that. What are you saying? Tell her you're fine_. "Whatever," Dot mumbled. "Whatever, whatever. It's okay. It's fine. I'm," Dot smiled. _Better_. "Fine. Don't worry about it. But you should go do something- like ballet dance or clean or whatever it is that you like to do."

"Don't worry about it?" the pale gem repeated incredulously. " _Don't_ -" Pearl laughed bitterly. "I just found out that I am- that I've been-"

"It's _okay_ ," Dot interrupted. "I swear."

"Don't," Pearl interrupted. "Please don't.. lie to me. I- _you_ -"

"M'not lying to you, Pearl, I swear, everything's great, honest."

"You said your life is a _joke_ , Dot."

The warrior fell silent.

"You said.. your life is.."

"I'm trying to make it funny," Dot whispered, her vision blurry with tears. "It's supposed to be funny- it's-it's not funny- I don't _understand_ -"

* * *

 _"why isn't it funny?"_


	7. Chapter 7

_dot, please get your shit together, thanks_

 _and also credits to dr. seuss_

* * *

Dot stares back up at them, fear evident in her eyes.

They shove her against the wall, punching her.

* * *

"Hey, Peri," Amethyst snickered. "That fish looks like you, doesn't it?"

Lapis curiously looked over at the fish and giggled. "It totally looks like her."

Peridot raised an eyebrow as she looked at the sea creature. "It looks nothing like me."

"It does, there's a huge triangle on its' head. Like you." Amethyst grinned.

"That's it's _fin_." Peridot snorted.

* * *

Dot lets it fade into a comfortable blur. They keep hitting her, and pushing her, and whispering 'I hate you's. Dot is sorry. She doesn't understand why. But she is.

She can't retreat into her gem. Not right now.

"I'm sorry." she says faintly.

"I hate you." they whisper again, as they raise their fist. Dot flinches.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." she repeats.

Pearl hums as she dusts the shelves, twirling and reaching up to dust a higher shelf. Cleaning is relaxing, it is fun, and she loves to do it while humming Beethoven.

Lapis handed Peridot the ice cream cone. "Here, it's blueberry."

"Thank you." Peri nodded, a faint smile on her lips as she began to eat the frozen treat.

Amethyst ate her ice cream in one bite, shoving it into her mouth and licking her lips with a satisfied expression.

They let her go, and Dot stumbles back to her room and slumps to the floor. She quietly gives in, silent sobs wracking her body, but she still doesn't understand. There is burning, stinging pain, in 100 different places all at once.

She doesn't really know how it happened. It was once. It happened once. And then it happened over and over again. It became routine. She will sneak down there. They will destroy her. And then let her leave. She will manage to drag herself back to her room without being seen. And every time, it ends like this. She hates that she is dependent on this agony, but she needs the suffering or else she's going to fall apart. She's going to forget that she's real.

As long as nobody finds her and nobody finds out, she can keep doing this. It is like suicide, going back to the pain each and every time. The painful throb that echoes throughout her fades to a dull numbness.

Because every time, life will go on.

Nothing is going to change.

She will do this again, later.

It hurts.

But it's true.

Dot mechanically turns towards the box on her nightstand, quietly replaces missing screws, silently repairs tiny dents, it is fine. Nobody will know. She is fine. It is okay now. She is still real, for now.

Dot stares in the mirror, and smiles.

She scares herself. She smiles wider.

She had told Pearl she was okay, really. Promised that she would stop trying to be happy if she wasn't.

She might have lied to Pearl a little bit.

She is too used to acting to stop. It's fun pretending to be happy. It's fun watching others think you're happy. Because then nobody has to know.

Dot absently thinks that she deserves a Grammy.

* * *

"Peri, I'm gonna throw you in the _ocean_!" Amethyst growled playfully, leaping around the technician.

"Amethyst, if you do, I swear-" Peridot threatened.

"The ocean's gonna throw _Peri_." Lapis retorted, snickering.

"You two are the worst." the technician groaned.

* * *

Pearl put the pie in the oven, taking off the oven mitts with a look of satisfaction.

Garnet emerged from the temple, a neutral expression on her face. "When will the pie be done?"

Pearl rolled her eyes and gave a small laugh. "In about 45 minutes."

Garnet nodded and then went back into the temple.

* * *

Dot rolled her eyes at the snapchat from Amethyst "ate ice cream without you B) nerd;;;"

The warrior didn't like ice cream so much as smearing it all over her face and sweater and tormenting the others with sticky icecream-covered fingers.

Dot calmly turned on the light, scrolling through her Tumblr dashboard, jumping at a sudden exclamation of 'JOOOOHNNN CENNNNAAAA' followed by fanfare.

"What a meme." the green gem shook her head.

The warrior stretched, yawning, and accidentally shoving a pillow off of her bed.

"Sorry." she called automatically, looking over the bed and down at the pillow.

Pearl knocked on the door. "Can I clean your room?"

Dot rolled her eyes. Pearl and her cleaning. That was like, her favourite thing to do. "If you gotta." she called back.

Pearl walked in and began to sweep the floor, humming happily.

Dot played a loud metal scream on her phone at full volume.

Pearl dropped her broom, glaring at Dot. "THAT'S EXTREMELY UNNECESSARY!" she yelled.

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" Dot yelled back, grinning.

"TURN IT OFF!" Pearl exclaimed.

"WHAT ARE YOU SAYIN'?"

"TURN! IT! OFF!"

Dot snickered, muting her phone.

Pearl waited for the ringing in her ears to stop before exhaling. "Are you serious?"

"Nyeh heh heh heh," the warrior cackled. "What? I'm just playing your favourite song."

"My favourite-" Pearl gave Dot a deadpan stare. "Ha, ha, so funny I forgot to laugh."

"How do you forget to laugh?" the green gem asked. "Isn't it something that just happens? I mean, that's not, like-"

Pearl threw the duster at Dot. "Clean your own room."

Dot snickered, catching the duster. "Nah."

* * *

Peridot looked back at Lapis and Amethyst's grinning faces.

"So. Did you finally have fun?" Amethyst teased.

Peridot paused to carefully consider her response.

"If you can call it that."

Lapis and Amethyst laughed.

* * *

It hasn't even been a day. Dot feels disgusted. Feels ashamed. But she sneaks down there anyways. Because she really needs to be punched in the face.

She is greeted with an "Already?"

Dot nods. Already.

"It's only been 2 hours." they say.

"I know." Dot says faintly. "I.. I.."

"Whatever, I don't want to hear your pathetic excuse." they dismiss her.

"Don't go easy on me." Dot tells them.

They nod, cracking their knuckles.

* * *

Pearl calmly polished her swords. She could see her reflection in the silver metal, the weight of the weapon as she held it in her hands is an anchor. She remembered using this sword, to defend her. She was.. horrified, Pearl remembered. And Pearl also remembered wanting nothing more but to die for her. Because what was she compared to Rose Quartz? Rose was.. everything, and she was.. nothing. But she could do something. And she could do it for her.

* * *

There is a sudden fizzling and something feels off. Wrong. Disconnected. But it's fine.

"I think I just broke you." they say.

Dot inhales, automatically rubbing at the tiny dents all over.

Except she can't.

"I'm going to get help." they say.

"Don't," Dot says immediately. "You can't… you-," the warrior searches for a good excuse. "You'll get in trouble- they'll blame you."

They look down at her with- is that concern in their eyes?

"I'm getting you help."

"I don't need help," the warrior protests, desperately trying to reach out and grab them. "You can't get help. You can't tell. You can't- you _can't_ -"

They glare at her. "I'm getting help."

"Let me explain, then," Dot says. "Let me explain it myself. Don't say anything. Just say I'm hurt. I'll- I'll.. handle the rest."

They glance at her skeptically.

Garnet was delighted. Finally. _Finally_ , she had cracked. She made her way down to the containment room.

"Start from the beginning." she said, but when Jasper walked up to her, she knew there was something wrong, mainly that Jasper was not in chains. Was this some sort of.. gloating-thing going on? Before Jasper 'escaped'?

Jasper pointed to the dented warrior on the ground. Garnet could see a bit of exposed, broken wire.

Garnet was so appalled at the sight she did not think to use future vision.

"What did you do?" she asked Jasper threateningly.

"She a-" Jasper began.

"Well, you see," Dot piped up. "I came down here, accidentally freed Jasper from her chains, and then by mistake, I walked _right into her fists_! Silly me."

Jasper stared.

"You walked into her fists." Garnet said apathetically.

"Just like walking into a brick wall." Dot laughed nervously. "And now I'm kind of in pain, so."

Garnet stared at Dot intensely.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry," Dot breathed. "I just- you don't understand- I can't- I can't just.. you don't- I don't- I have to-"

Garnet continued to stare.

"I- I could feel myself starting to drift away and I- I got scared," Dot could feel the words tumble out of her mouth. She hadn't wanted to say it. Stop. Stop, she didn't want Garnet to know. "And I remembered how… pain usually makes me feel okay. So I- I snuck down here and asked Jasper to hurt me. And I'm- I'm extra drifty today," Dot whispered faintly. "So I came down twice."

Garnet quietly inhales, and out of the corner of her eye, she can see Jasper bow her head.

"I'm going to get Peridot to come fix this." Garnet says after a long moment.

"Don't-" Dot begins, but Garnet is already gone.

* * *

Garnet returns, with Peridot, who follows the fusion, her expression one of muted dislike. She finds the broken wire quickly and repairs it. It is a brief, to-the-point process.

Dot stands up quietly. "I-"

Peridot just shakes her head, and Dot is thoroughly disgusted at.. at herself. She has no excuse. None.

The warrior trembles with shame. She is sorry, she didn't mean it, she just wanted-

Peridot turns and leaves.

Dot flinches.

Garnet quietly chains Jasper up again, and the buff gem, for once, doesn't argue. Garnet dips her head towards Jasper, and Jasper recognizes it as a kind gesture. Respect, maybe? Perhaps.. gratitude.

"Come." Garnet tells Dot, and the green gem, her head lowered, quietly follows Garnet out of the containment room.

Jasper is again submerged in darkness.

But this time it isn't so cold.

* * *

Garnet can't get Dot to tell her anything.

"What I'm trying to ask you," Garnet said, getting a little frustrated. "Is.. _why_?"

Dot gave a small nod in response.

Garnet sighed.

"Can I go now?" Dot asked quietly.

The fusion was silent. ".. not yet."

* * *

Pearl miserably looked out at the piles and piles of trash in Dot's room. She swore the green gem was inspired by Amethyst's choice of… decor. The pale gem steeled her gaze. Today, she would clean.

* * *

Garnet decided that this wasn't working, so she changed her methods.

"Are you feeling.. drifty right now?" she asked cautiously.

Dot gave a small shrug. "S'not important."

"It is important," the fusion said. "If it.. makes you want to.. get hurt.. then it's important."

Garnet had never been good with these things. She didn't understand- she had always loved herself, inside and out. She had never lacked confidence. And looking at the green gem who was miserably picking lint off of a couch cushion, she didn't know how to help.

"It's not like that." Dot murmured.

"Then.. what is it like?"

Garnet frowned as Dot got all quiet again.

"What is it like?"

"S'not important." Dot repeated stubbornly.

"I need to _know_ ," Garnet said firmly. "I want to _help you_. So you need to tell me what it's like."

"I don't need help." Dot muttered.

"I-"

"You know what will help?" Dot asked.

"What?" Garnet asked, genuinely wanting to know.

"If you just drop it. Forget about it, it never happened."

Garnet nodded.

"Can I leave now?"

"Alright."

Dot exhaled as she walked away, anxieties arising at the whole situation

The words 'they know' turned themselves over in their head, quiet murmurs turned into loud internal screams- _THEY KNOW THEY KNOW THEY KN_ \- Dot stopped and quietly leaned against the wall.

They don't know.

Garnet knows.

Peri knows.

In that specific order. And that's only 2 people. Not a lot. Not too many. But they all have mouths, and they can talk, and they can speak, and they can share, and they can tell- they can tell they can tell they can tell-

Dot felt a sharp, sudden pain, and the feeling of her lowering her hand, and it took Dot a good minute to realize that she had just _punched herself_.

The warrior inhaled quietly and let herself slowly sink to the ground.

* * *

"Where next, Ste-man?" Amethyst asked with a grin.

"Hmm," Steven said thoughtfully, tilting his head. "Oh! Oh! The arcade!"

"Awww, yeah!" Amethyst beamed. "Let's hit the _arcade_!"

" _No_ , w're just- we're just gonna play some games there, right?"

"That's what I meant." the purple gem assured him.

* * *

Dot didn't know how long she had been there, curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth. It was a lot cleaner in her room- she noticed- which was good, because it was making things worse, staring at all the things piling up was like staring at her mind- and the trash was her thoughts, building up and up inside her head, overwhelming her- and sometimes it was just.. too much.

Everything was too much these days.

She had never wanted to be caught.

She had never thought she was going to be caught.

But she had been.

And it's kind of sad when you can't even get beat up the right way.

Dot just wanted to sleep for a while.

* * *

"Beat you again!" Steven cheered.

"Man!" Amethyst groaned. "This game must be broken or somethin'."

Steven giggled. "Wanna try a different game?'

"Please, can we?" the purple gem complained.

* * *

"Hey, Dot." Lapis said quietly.

Dot turned around, her phone in her hand. Lapis stared back at her, and Dot wasn't quite sure _how_ she knew but she did know- she just knew that Peridot had told her.

"Hey." Dot said, after a moment.

"What's up?" Lapis asked.

Dot shoved her hands into her pockets and walked past the blue gem.

The warrior didn't need to turn around to see the slightly hurt expression on Lapis's face.

* * *

"Dinner's ready!" Pearl called, humming cheerfully.

Steven beamed. "Yay!"

"I made your favourite," the pale gem continued. "Chicken nuggets, rice, and a little bit of chicken caesar salad."

"Thanks Pearl, it smells great!" the half-gem complimented, digging in.

"Ye-heah! Chow time!" Amethyst grinned, taking the plate and dumping the food down her throat. "Yum!"

* * *

Dot sat in her room, 3 fans on, the lights off. To make it dark and cold. You know, set atmosphere. Since she spent so long in dark and cold places anyways. It was kind of her thing.

That room was dark and cold. _This_ room was dark and cold. Her _heart_ was dark and cold. Ha. That had been a joke. Dot remembered Amber used to say, in her loud voice- "This _cave_ ain't as dark as your heart!"

Of course, Amber was dead.

That was Dot's fault.

The green gem could feel herself start to cry, and she was so confused- this sadness wasn't hers- didn't belong to her- what was she doing here.. what..

Dot sat there blinking, wiping tears that weren't hers away,

Why was she here? She had been doing.. _something_ a minute ago. But what? What had she-

Dot clutched onto the edges of the sink with blind panic, feeling sick to her stomach.

"Here, Steven," Peri said. "I don't know why the door is locked-"

Dot looked up.

"Dot!" Steven gasped. "You threw up, are you okay? Are you sick?!"

"No," the warrior said, cracking a faint smile. "M'not sic-"

"She's fine, Steven," Peri interrupted. "Come on, let's just go somewhere else."

"But I need to pee-" Steven began.

"Come _on_ , Steven." Peri dragged the half-gem away, slamming the door.

Dot stared after them, giving a silent, tired little noise, and crumpling to the floor. Sorry, she was _sorry._ So sorry. But- maybe there.. wasn't a point. No point to being sorry.

Dot shook her head. Yes, there was a point. There was a point, she had to apologize for- for everything, everything she had ever done- everything was her fault- she _had_ to be sorry.

Her fault. Everything. Sorry. Apologize. Her fault. Everything. Apologize? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

Dot wiped fresh tears away, biting her lip.

Smile. Smile. Smile. Smile.

Dot grinned.

Be happy. Be happy. Be happy. Be happy.

Dot struggled to keep the grin on her face.

SMILE!

Dot's face fell.

 _SMILE_!

"I can't." Dot whispered, her eyes watering as she hung her head.

But I have to!

"Let me stay here for just a little longer." Dot whispered.

GO OUT THERE AND _SMILE_!

Dot clutched her head. "Okay," she said faintly. "Okay, I'm sorry. Okay."

"Dot?" Lapis knocked on the door. "Are you in there?"

The warrior inhaled and cleared her throat. "Yeah! Coming out in a second!"

"You don't have to." Lapis said, calmly walking in.

Dot had forgotten the door wasn't still locked.

"I just wanted to say tha-"

"Peri probably made it sound worse than it is." Dot said coolly.

Lapis nodded slightly. "Well, I just want you to know that-"

"Thanks anyways," the warrior interrupted. "But I don't want your help or.. your pity, really. Sorry."

"I'm not.. pitying you-"

"Yeah, I know what Peri told you," the green gem sighed. "And I also know that she _probably_ totally exaggerated, and I'm fine, really, so you should- I mean.. you can leave. Now."

"I'm sorry about Peri," the ocean gem said. "She doesn't-.. understand."

"That's fine, nobody said she had to." Dot muttered.

"I know.. lately you've been doing.. a little-"

"I think I'm doing _just fine_!" the warrior growled.

"Well, I _know_ you aren't!"

Dot didn't know what happened, just that there was a loud yell or scream or.. something, and then yelling and random blurry shapes running, and a lot of yelling, especially from a green one that got all in her face. Dot quietly backed away, waiting for her vision to clear. Which was unfortunate, because now she remembers punching Lazuli repeatedly and having to be pulled away.

The green gem, to her credit, at least looked guilty.

Lapis glared at her.

.. oops.

"What is _wrong with you_ , you mega-clod?!" Peridot demanded.

"Sorry," Dot muttered. "I got mad."

Even Dot is aware of how lame that sounds.

"You got _mad_?" Peridot repeated incredulously, looking about ready to attack the warrior. "Oh, well, sorry, _I'm mad_ -"

"Stop fighting." Garnet interrupted, staring disapprovingly at the two.

Peridot rolled her eyes.

Dot crossed her arms and looked away.

"Dot, I would like to have a word with you." Garnet said.

The warrior scowled. "Fine."

Pearl, Peridot, and Amethyst exchanged glances and left.

"Dot." Garnet began.

"That's my name." Dot said sarcastically.

"..," Garnet gives a quiet sigh. "Are you okay?"

"M'fine! Diamonds, is everyone completely convinced that something's wrong with me?"

"I'm.. worried about you." Garnet did not tell her about the future where they find her shattered gem on the floor in a puddle of blue mouthwash, and a note that says 'goodnight'.

"Well.. don't be," Dot huffed. "There's nothin' to be worried about."

What scared Garnet the most is that the future was probable.

"I believe that there is, Dot. I believe there _is_ something to be worried about." Garnet said.

"Do you want me to apologize? S'that it?" the warrior growled. "Sorry, then. Sorry! I'm sorry for- for whatever you're mad at me for! For punching Lazuli or somethin'."

"A-"

"I don't _care_!" Dot yelled, breathing hard, looking nothing short of distressed.

* * *

Jasper had known the green gem wasn't okay. I mean, someone in the right state of mind wouldn't come and ask a prisoner to beat them up. It just wasn't done.

And even if Jasper had doubted it, then when she had demanded why Dot was even asking her to do this in the first place and Dot had burst into tears and gave some sort of halfhearted, teary, explanation (Jasper's response had been to slap her in the face, but that was besides the point), and Jasper had..

Understood.

Not the drifting. She didn't get that. She probably never would. But it sounded an awful lot like sinking. Drowning.

Jasper could understand that.

And if punching someone in the face was going to help, then Jasper would punch someone in the face. It's not like she didn't do that on a regular basis _anyways_.

If Jasper was to be completely honest with herself, she was kind of scared. Kind of scared, and she just wanted to get off of this planet. She didn't care about the cluster, or about finally defeating Rose Quartz. She didn't care about that anymore. Just want to leave Earth with it's stupid humans and stupid Crystal Gems and stupid oceans and stupid fusions and stupid Lapis Lazuli and stupid- _stupid Malachite_ -

Jasper took a deep breath.

Maybe she did understand the drifting, a little.

Too much- this was too much.

* * *

This was too much.

And Dot couldn't take it anymore so she turned and ran away.

"Yo, D-" Amethyst began, but Dot brushed past her and out of the house, slamming the door, unravelling, unravelling, and she wanted to fall apart where nobody else could see.

Garnet wondered if she should go after her, but Pearl and Lapis seemed to have already made a decision.

"Don't-" Garnet began, before giving a frustrated sigh.

"Dot!" Lapis yelled.

"Go _away_!" the green gem exclaimed.

"Dot, we just want to talk-" Pearl said, taking a step forward.

"Come any closer and I'll- I'll-"

"You'll what?" Lapis challenged. "There's nothing you can do, and besides you should at least _apologize_ for punching me in the face."

"Come any closer," Dot threatened, her voice trembling, looking around for something that would discourage the two from approaching her. "C-come any closer and I'll..," Dot paused and remembered what was behind her. "I'll jump," she said. "Come any closer and I"ll jump."

Pearl and Lapis stared at Dot and then their eyes drifted to the cliff. A fall like that could easily crack someone's gem.

"Let's be reasonable," Pearl said, trying to keep her tone even. "You don't _really_ want to jump, do you?"

"I'll do it," Dot said fiercely. "I will."

"You won't.. really jump, would you?" Lapis asked, eyes wide.

They watched her hesitate. "I.. will."

Lapis and Pearl can't help but notice how afraid she sounded.

Lapis took a step forward, prompting a "Lapis, no" from Pearl.

Dot took a step backward.

"Dot, wait," Lapis said frantically. "Please- just-"

Lapis stepped forward again, and Dot stepped backwards.

She was still a distance away from the cliff's edge, but still a bit too close for comfort.

"Stop- I just want to _talk_ -"

"I don't _wanna talk_ ," Dot said, her arms wrapped protectively around her sides. "Leave me alone."

Lapis looked to Pearl helplessly.

"If she wants to be left alone," Pearl said after a moment. "Then let's go. Come on, Lapis."

The ocean gem sighed and followed Pearl away from the green gem.

Pearl pulled Lapis down behind a bush.

Lapis's eyes brightened in realization.

And so the two watched.

Dot, unfortunately for them, went inside.

Lapis and Pearl snuck back into the house.

* * *

Peridot continued to code the program. This would get her $5000 dollars, and that was a nice amount of money for a quick job, despite how tedious it was.

She'd probably spend all of it on gifts for Lapis, anyways, it wasn't like she had a lot to do with the cash.

* * *

Dot quietly packed the bag. Her phone, a few odds and ends, and since this was a magical bag and Dot had nothing else to put inside of it, her electric guitar.

"What's she doing?" Lapis whispered.

Pearl didn't know.

Dot scribbled something on a piece of paper, put her bag away, and fell asleep.

"That was anticlimactic." Lapis whispered.

"Tell me about it." Pearl said.

* * *

Dot woke up and tried not to scream.

Another nightmare.

The green gem's terror slowly faded away, and she sat there, her hands shaking as she reached for her phone, setting the alarm an hour earlier, _again_. Maybe this time it would actually wake her up before the bad dreams started.

"Stupid," she whispered. "Stupid, stupid."

Dot decided she wasn't going to sleep anymore.

The world was foggy, it looked like everything around her was distant, not quite real, not quite there, and the warrior vaguely recognized the drift. Where was she, and did it really matter..? Dot felt a spark of terror that wasn't as far away and was.. maybe really hers, and came with it the need to go downstairs.

"It's you." Jasper said simply, already knowing what she was here for.

Dot nodded slowly.

Jasper took a deep breath, remembering the pitying look Garnet had given Dot and the disdain written clear as day on Peridot's face. "I'm not going to punch you anymore."

Dot took a step backwards. ".. I.. I don't understand." she whispered faintly.

"You should talk to your fellow traitors about whatever's going on because this isn't going to do anything for you."

Dot nodded numbly, the world only becoming more out of focus. She felt nothing. She felt everything.

The warrior was barely aware of leaving, barely aware of moving, barely aware.

Dot drifted back to reality later in her bedroom.

The warrior tried to act normal, scrolling through her Tumblr dash, reading the occasional Crying Breakfast Friends shipfic, you know.

Until Dot saw one of those lame motivational posts- "You deserve happiness, please smile today."

She had _never_ deserved happiness. That wasn't something that Dot was supposed to have. Dot felt lied to.

But she smiled anyways because that's what she was supposed to do.

Smile.

* * *

Pearl distractedly washed the dishes, her mind in 15 different places all at once- she needed to go to the supermarket, they were out of pancake batter, the cabinets needed to be re-organized, Lapis and Peri's room needed to be soundproofed even more, and then of course, there was yesterday.

The pale gem frowned intensely at a smudge on the plate she was washing that _would not go away_. She put more dish liquid on the sponge.

* * *

"Dot, do you have a pencil?"

"Do I have a pencil?" Dot asked loudly.

Lapis blinked. ".. yes. Do you have a pencil?"

"I'unno," Dot exclaimed. "Pencils are subjective to the beholder of the eye of the viewer, haha."

"Why are you being so-" Lapis narrowed her eyes. "Are you drunk?"

Dot loudly mumbled something incoherent and stumbled over to Lapis, nearly falling on her face.

"You _asked for a pencil_ -" Dot began.

"No, nononono, sit down," the blue gem guided Dot back to her bed. "Just.. sit."

"I was talkin' to Pearl yesterday." Dot said, her volume still very loud.

Lapis nodded.

"I don't _understand_ ," Dot burst into tears suddenly. "She kissed me and said she loved me and then later she said she _hated me_!"

The ocean gem absently thought that she was going to write this down.

"And then later she said _I love you_ again! I don't know what to believe but she wouldn't have kissed me if she didn't love me! Right?!"

".. right." Lapis said slowly.

"And if she didn't love me we wouldn't have had se-"

"Okay, but do you have a pencil?" Lapis interrupted.

"What does she want from me, Lapis?!" Dot sobbed.

"I have _no_ idea what you're talking about." the blue gem said truthfully.

Dot babbled absently about 'Kermit is scary' and 'Jasper' and 'attractive' and also 'Peri, what a nerd'.

Well, at least now Lapis knew what kind of drunk Dot was.

The blue gem tuned into Dot's continuous vocal diarrhea at "I wanna die, Lapis."

"Don't say that." the ocean gem frowned.

Dot shook her head. "I wanna die."

"Dot.." Lapis exhaled.

"There's no point anymore," Dot breathed. "I'm tired and I wanna die."

Lapis fell silent.

"I.. I keep fighting and fighting," the warrior said, her voice cracking. "I fight in wars and I fight people and I fight but I can't… I can't fight.. myself. I can.. I can _kill_ myself though.. I- I know that I can-"

"Dot," Lapis whispered, bringing the green gem in close. "No, okay? No-"

"Kill me," Dot said frantically, her eyes shut tight, hands desperately grasping for something to hold onto. "Kill me, kill me Lapis, k-" Dot choked back a sob. ""Kill me."

"I'm..," the blue gem exhaled, her eyes scanning Dot with concern. "I'm going to get someone, okay?"

"No, nonono-" the warrior begged.

Lapis eyed the walls, covered in various weapons. She couldn't leave her alone in here.

Every desperate plea for death that the blue gem heard was like being stabbed, over and over.

"I wanna die," Dot sobbed, her nails digging painfully into Lapis's skin. "Kill me, I- I wanna die!"

"I'm so sorry." Lapis whispered.

The ocean gem had known Dot was a little sad. Why wouldn't she be? And then when Peri had told her about the punching thing, of course Lapis had been concerned. But it had never crossed her mind that it was this bad. And the blue gem couldn't help but blame herself a little, because maybe if she had said something, maybe if she had bothered to ask, maybe it wouldn't have ever gotten to this point.

Dot was quiet now, moving back, trembling. "Sorry, I'm sorry." her eyes briefly flitted to her phone and she grinned with such joy that Lapis almost believed it, but then the warrior's smile wavered and it looked as if she was… drowning, struggling to stay afloat.

"It was a joke," Dot continued, slowly appearing more collected. "So just ignore it."

The ocean gem didn't know who Dot thought she was convincing. It certainly wasn't Lapis.

The blue gem stared at Dot through tired eyes. "What's a joke to you?"

Dot tilted her head as if Lapis's question was dumb. "Something that's funny."

"Is that funny to you?" Lapis asked quietly.

"It..," Dot swallowed. "I'unno."

Her voice was quiet and small.

Lapis knew how it felt, for the record. She knew it. _Solitude_. Nothing to do but listen to yourself think. You start to lose it. Go crazy, you want someone to touch you, just to remind you that you're there and you exist and _you're real_. You want someone to yell at you, to scream at you, just so you don't forget that you still exist. And then, nobody comes, and so you do it yourself, you yell and you scream and you pinch and you punch. It gets worse, you lose it more. You whisper to yourself. Talk to yourself. Go insane.

And that is Lapis's 5,000 years compared to Dot's 16,000. That is the occasional 'Show me the Great Battle' compared to stifling silence.

Lapis can't imagine ever hurting Peri. Dot has had to kill Nepheline. Lapis has been tortured. Dot has tortured. Lapis knows the restricting responsibilities of being a Diamond. So does Dot. Lapis has fought one battle. Dot has fought hundreds, thousands, maybe.

Lapis decided that if she has the right to hate life and declare it cruel and unfair, Dot has 10 times that right.

But a Diamond's life is almost never happy, it would seem.

Steven is lucky that fate has designated him a Quartz.

He deserves happiness.

Lapis stared at Dot. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Dot laughed. "There's legit nothing to be sorry for, Lazuli."

"I'm sorry for.. you."

The words hung heavy in the air. The blue gem could only pray that the warrior didn't misinterpret what she's trying to convey.

"Oh." Dot said faintly.

"You're.. you're fine, Dot." Lapis whispered.

The green gem nodded slightly. "I'm trying."

And Lapis understood.

"Sometimes you have to break so that you can be fixed." the blue gem said quietly.

Dot shook her head, her eyes as easy to read as a children's book.

 _One fish._

 _Two fish._

 _Red fish._

 _Blue fish._

"You're tired." Lapis said.

Dot cracked a grin. "S'not my fault the universe hates me."

Lapis rolled her eyes. " _Very_ funny."

"I am." the warrior flexed.

Lapis scoffed, and then looked at Dot with a serious expression. "You're fine, Dot."

The green gem nodded.

Pearl nodded with pride. "You've been getting much better since we first started."

"Thank you, ma'am." Connie beamed. She had been practicing.

"Let's go through that again," Pearl said, carefully holding her sword. "Just to make sure."

Connie nodded.

* * *

 _i will pay lapis to kill her_

 _you don't understand how much i want to see dot dead_


	8. Chapter 8

_I'M BACK_

who missed me? nobody? nobody.

i was going to be back sooner but school is terrible haha

* * *

Dot stared at the wall, her thoughts swirling around in her head. She made no attempt to sort through them. Her eyes moved slightly, drifting down to her hands. They were shaking uncontrollably, and Dot found it weirdly captivating to watch them tremble. She let out a shaky breath. Shaky, trembly. Everything about her was teetery-tottery. Unsteady. Unstable.

Her chest ached with pain she couldn't express. Her hands shook some more. She wasn't safe, in this room with herself. She knew that she was going to slip some day. She was going to crack, just like she had one day while she was stuck in her head. She was going to crack and she was going to hurt herself and she was going to hurt other people. Why didn't the others understand that she was dangerous to be around? They shouldn't trust her at all. She was dangerous. _S_ he stared down at her trembly hands some more.

She couldn't help but feel like she was going to kill somebody one day. It would happen just like what had happened when she punched Lapis- everything would blur and Dot would drift and she wouldn't have a clue about what was happening until it was too late and the blood was on _her hands_ and she was guilty.

Her breath hitched and she found herself suddenly fighting against tears. She blinked multiple times, trying not to cry. Her expression wavered. She finally managed to keep herself composed, pausing, taking a moment, forcing her lips to form a small smile. She debated changing her motto to something inspiring like _Fake it 'til you make it_.

If she faked a smile enough times it would become real, or at least, that's what she told herself, because it gave her a reason to keep getting up in the morning.

There was a knock on the door. Dot composed herself. Checked to make sure everything was in order. Everything was fine, except her hands. They'd been trembling uncontrollably when she woke up and hadn't stopped ever since. She tried to get them to stop, but they wouldn't. Eventually, the green gem had to give up and she just opened the door.

"Hey, Dot, I was wondering if-" Pearl began, good-naturedly enough.

"No." Dot said automatically, turning away.

"Dot, I didn't even finish." Pearl said, in dismay.

"Whatever." Dot said, turning and closing the door.

Pearl knocked again.

Dot opened it. "What do you want?!" she demanded.

"I wanted to know if you'd be able to-"

Dot shook her head. "Wouldn't be able to," she said, firmly. "Sorry."

"I need someone to help me fix the shower rod!" Pearl exclaimed. "It fell, and I can lift one side but I need someone to fix the other side."

"Oh," said Dot. "Ask Lapis. I'm sure she'd be glad to help."

"Everyone went out for ice cream," Pearl said, sounding frustrated. "Dot, I just need you to help me fix the shower rod. That's all."

"M'not good at fixing." said Dot.

Pearl took a deep breath. "That's fine, but-"

"I can't help you." Dot added.

"Please." Pearl said, tone pleading. "I _need_ to fix the shower rod, so that Steven can take a shower when he gets home."

"It doesn't matter how much you beg," was the cryptic response. "Help doesn't come. It never comes."

"You're standing right here in front of me!"

"So were you." the warrior said.

"What are you _talking_ -"

Dot closed the door.

Pearl knocked again. "Dot, I need to fix the shower rod."

Dot opened the door and smiled pleasantly. "Alright."

They went and fixed the shower rod.

"A little higher." Pearl said, and Dot lifted the rod a little higher.

"My height is not infinite," Dot reminded Pearl. "M'not as tall as you."

"So you admit it," Pearl said wryly.

Dot was silent after that.

"Thank you for your help," Pearl said. "It's a _little_ lower on your side, but," Pearl smiled as if making a joke. "I recognize that your height isn't infinite."

Dot gave Pearl a blank look. "If that's everything," she said, turning to go back to her room. "I'll be going now."

"Dot," Pearl began, before shaking her head. "Yes. That's everything."

She could hear Dot inhale quietly. Dot stood there, unmoving.

"Dot?" Pearl asked.

No response.

"Dot?" Pearl asked, adjusting her position to look at the warrior's face.

"What?" Dot snapped, glaring at Pearl, hurrying into her room and slamming the door shut.

Pearl stood there, a mixture of concerned and baffled. She knocked again. "Dot?" she said, voice soft. Hesitant.

"It's not locked." came a voice from inside the room.

Pearl entered, closing the door behind her. Dot lay in her bed, eyes closed.

"Pearl, this is my suffering time," Dot said, sounding weirdly calm and patient for the slightly depressing things she was saying. "You shouldn't interrupt me right now."

The pale gem didn't know how to respond to that. "Are you okay?" she asked finally, despite it being quite possibly the stupidest question she'd ever asked.

Dot hesitated. "No," she said finally. "I will be, though. If you leave me alone."

Pearl was quiet. "S-"

"Go away." Dot said.

"I just-"

"I said to _go away."_

"D-Dot-"

Dot ignored her.

Pearl wordlessly got up and left.

 _Don't leave me alone_ , Dot pleaded. But she didn't come back. Dot put her head back down and cried.

* * *

"Are you going to spill?" Dot drawled lazily. "Gonna give up?"

Jasper glared defiantly at Dot. " _Never_." she spat.

"Listen, Jasper," Dot sighed. "I like to think of myself as a nice person, but, the more you hold out on us, the more the _others_ will get tired. Garnet's already talking about dropping the whole Mr. Nice Guy thing. Pearl's getting frustrated with you. Amethyst has wanted to fuck you up since day one. And Lapis? Well, you already know about all of that. Peri and I are the only ones helping you hold on to the pathetic scraps left of your life. So you can keep holding out on us, but the only person you're hurting is yourself. You can suck it up and tell us if you want, and it's up to you. I'm just-"

"Fine!" Jasper exclaimed, letting out a breath. She brushed messy bangs out of her face and leaned back against the wall.

Dot scowled a little.

"Let's do a trade," said Jasper, suddenly. "You give me something I want for something you want."

"I'm leaving."

"Is it that hard to give me what I want? I won't ask for much. I promise," said Jasper. "I don't take promises lightly."

"I'm not going to give you anything just for a few answers. I'll bring the other gems down here if I have to." Dot said coldly.

"Please," said Jasper.

"If you don't stop asking me to let you go, I'll..." Dot trailed off, not really _knowing_ what she was going to do.

"What are you going to do," Jasper said. "Wait! Help! Please- okay, fine, I'll tell you what you need to know. I'll even stay down here. Just," her voice cracked a little. "Take off the chains, at least."

Dot let out a breath. "Okay," she said begrudgingly. "If you try to escape I'll electrocute you again," she warned.

"Okay," Jasper nodded. "That's fine."

Dot listened to the sound of Jasper's voice, exhaling. "And don't try to overpower me with brute force either. I haven't forgotten what you said to me that fight on the beach and I hate you and everything you said. I'm not going to have any compassion for you. I'm not going to have any mercy towards you."

"After everything I did for you? I beat you up for you!" Jasper yelled.

"Yeah, and then you _stopped_ ," Dot said. "Because of _one_ little encounter."

"You were going to be in trouble with your teammates," Jasper said.

Dot swallowed. "I don't care what they think."

There was silence.

"They don't get it. Neither do you," Dot said. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter."

"I get it," Jasper insisted.

"You _don't_ ," Dot retorted. "I'm not, you're not," she let out a breath. "I'm supposed to be interrogating you."

"You never interrogate me," Jasper said. "I don't think you even care about the cluster. I don't think you care about any of this."

"Don't say that. You don't even know me," Dot said, her hands curling into fists.

"Well.. how do I know you?" Jasper asked. It was a simple question but Dot raised all of her mental walls anyways. "You can tell me," she continued. "Your teammates don't care."

"They care," Dot said, shaking. "You don't know them either! You don't know any of us," she said. "Stop making assumptions."

"I saw how Peridot looked at you when she came downstairs to fix you."

"She cares," Dot said, breath hitching. "She just doesn't understand."

"I-"

"Stop it!" Dot interrupted. "Stop it! You're trying to get intel, I know how you work and I know how people like you think. You want me to- to reveal secrets so you can bust out of here and take us down from the inside out."

"No," said Jasper. She had wanted to, at first. The first weeks she was stuck down here. Dot had talked to her.. she'd tried to pretend to be sorry. Apologetic. Agreeable. She had wanted secrets. but then.. that hadn't seemed important anymore. She'd started to be interested. Listen to Dot talk about how annoying Peridot- or Peri, as Dot called her could be. Listen to Dot talk about steak and puns and raves. Listen to the sound of Dot's voice and watch the glimmer in her eyes as she talked. And then sometimes Dot would tell a story and she'd just stop, or Jasper would ask a question and Dot would just fall silent and that glimmer would disappear, and then it would be "I'm not your friend" and "I'm supposed to interrogate you" and she'd block Jasper out.

Jasper had found herself caring less and less about defeating the Crystal Gems and caring more and more about talking to Dot. She waited down here, sleeping sometimes, but still waiting for Dot to come down and talk to her. She didn't even mind the Crystal Gems all that much. She wanted to know more. To talk to Dot more. She wanted to see what Dot was like without the block. She didn't understand why and she was done with trying to understand her emotions after being fused with Lapis. Feelings were confusing and painful and she didn't want to deal with them. Not right now. Maybe not ever.

Jasper would've told them more about the Cluster, already. But she'd made a promise to herself. She'd only let down her block when Dot let down _hers_. And so far Dot didn't seem to be close to doing that. But that's okay. She'd spent 7 months at the bottom of the ocean and one thing she understood was _patience_.

But Jasper didn't know how to get this across to Dot.

"I don't want to fight the Crystal Gems," Jasper added, as if this was what she wanted to say, as if this somehow conveyed everything she was feeling.

"Well whoop-dee-doo." Dot said sarcastically. "Isn't that _fantastic_."

"I mean that."

"You don't mean anything," Dot replied. "You're still loyal to Homeworld. You'd say anything to get what you want."

"So that's what you think of me," Jasper said. It hurt more than she'd ever acknowledge. Even to herself. Especially to herself.

"I don't think at all," Dot said. "Takes too much work. Well, if you're not ready to tell me anything, see ya." Dot waved and turned around, leaving.

Jasper watched her go. _You'd say anything to get what you want_. She wondered if she'd say anything to get Dot. That's what she wanted. It felt strangely freeing to admit it.

* * *

"You go, Garnet!" Amethyst cheered, grinning.

Dot turned her gaze to Garnet, who was ducking and twisting around, punching the corrupted gem.

Dot watched Pearl and Peri fight off some of the more minor monsters, while Garnet worked on the mother. She saw Garnet try aiming for the gem in the center of the monster, but it closed up and threw Garnet to the ground. Garnet landed hard, skidding back a little.

Dot let out a breath while Amethyst went and helped out with the minor monsters. Lapis was standing by the ocean, raising a small amount of water in the air. She brought it crashing down on the gem monster, who coughed and spluttered and made infuriated growling sounds a little before giving a furious bellow and charging at Dot.

"Dot, watch out!" Garnet yelled.

Dot drifted at what could have been the worst timing in history. She stood there, staring right at the corrupted gem, not moving, not processing, not understanding, _not there_. Dot was standing there but she was also gone for the moment.

Pearl turned to Dot with horror, running into Dot and pushing them both to the floor. The corrupted gem didn't sense the movement in time and promptly ran into a tree, appearing dizzy for a moment. Lapis and Garnet promptly acted, Garnet reaching for the gem while Lapis held it down with a powerful hand made of water.

It poofed, and Garnet bubbled the gem.

A stream of concerned yelling and talking immediately took place.

"Are you okay?!" Pearl squawked, shaking Dot worriedly.

"What was that?!" Peri demanded, glaring at Dot furiously.

"Whoa man, that was trippy, you alright?" Amethyst asked, running over to peer at Dot.

"Dot, are you alright?" Lapis asked evenly, glancing at Dot.

Garnet was silent, and so was Dot. They all exchanged confused glances when Dot didn't respond at all.

Pearl moved a little and shook Dot some more. "Dot! Are you alright?!"

Dot's eyes locked on Pearl for a second or two before passing over her like the tall gem wasn't even there.

Garnet wordlessly picked Dot up and began to carry her back home. Nobody said anything because there wasn't anything to say.

Dot drifted back to herself again some time around midnight, feeling pretty good. And then her memories while drifted started to come back and she was filled with a deep terror that shook her to her core. Before going on that mission she had drifted twice and that was usually the most she drifted in a day. And then now. It had been 10 in the morning and it was about midnight now, so... she'd drifted for.. 14 hours. She'd stayed gone for 14 hours. She stared at the wall, trembling. It was happening more frequently, for longer.

What if one day, she drifted and never came back?

It wasn't something she could deal with anymore. It was dangerous now. She'd drifted in a fight. She could have died. She almost died. She wasn't safe. Not if this was going to keep happening. What if she was walking one day and drifted and walked off a cliff or something? What if she was fighting again and drifted and just stood there and got killed because she wasn't.. wasn't..

Tears formed in her eyes and a wave of terror shook her to her core. She followed her gut instinct and ran. Ran all the way downstairs, her vision blurring, crying hard but silently, tears streaming down her face, she couldn't see. "Jasper," she pleaded, her voice just as quivery and unstable as she felt. "Jasper wake up," she begged. "Jasper. Jasper please. Jasper wake up, Jasper," her voice turned into incoherent mumbling in between quiet sobs. "Jasper," she managed again, another small sob making her shoulders heave.

"What?" Jasper said tiredly, gradually waking up. She sat outright and stretched for a minute or two before realizing somebody was crying. Jasper looked to the side and saw Dot, looking absolutely terrible. And crying a lot. And shaking, and saying a lot of things Jasper couldn't even understand. "What...," she repeated. "Um," she said, a little awkwardly. "Calm down."

Dot looked like she was struggling for a moment or two before clutching Jasper's arm tightly. "I-I need," she said, voice shaking. "I need you to punch me, okay?"

"I thought I told you I wasn't going to do that anymore." Jasper said, averting her gaze. She didn't want to see this.

"Y-you did, but," Dot's breath hitched and Jasper's nonexistent heart twinged a little. "I...," Dot let out a breath. "I'm losing myself, Jasper," she swallowed. "I-I'm..," she started to cry again. "I'm already gone, Diamonds, I-I didn't think.. I thought that.. that was as bad as it would get but I.. I'm not sure.. that I... I'm losing the fight and I'm losing myself, and," Dot was staring at her hands. "I don't even recognize myself," she said, her voice falling to a whisper. "I don't know.. how it got this bad. I don't know.. how I became this, I don't know who I am anymore, I.. I just want.. _who am I_?" she laughed bitterly. "Actually, d-don't bother hurting me, Jasper. But thank you."

"I'll punch you if you want," Jasper offered. "If that will.. fix it."

"Thanks, but," Dot exhaled. "It's okay." she was quiet. "It won't fix it. I think I'm too far gone. I think I'm too late. I think I'm dying. I think I'm dead. Am I dead, Jasper?"

"You.. your gem is fine," Jasper said.

"Not that kind of dead," Dot gave a faint smile. "Though.. that would be preferable, almost, I think."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I lost," Dot said. "It means I've been trying to fight myself and I lost."

"Why would you fight yourself?" Jasper asked. "That doesn't make any sense." Jasper would certainly never do it. It was detrimental to any mission she'd ever do as well as detrimental to her own survival.

"Yeah," Dot said. "Yeah, you're right. Jasper, I," she said suddenly, grabbing Jasper's hands and squeezing them tight. Startled, Jasper's eyes flitted down to meet Dot's. "I don't think you're ever going to see me again."

"What?" Jasper asked incredulously. "W.. why not?" Jasper wondered if Dot was going to leave the Crystal Gems.

"Because I.. I keep drifting. And it's been happening more and more and longer and longer and I think.. I think I'm going to drift one day and not come back. You're gonna.. gonna see me but I'm not gonna be there, and I, um," Dot swallowed. "Or I might drift and...," she trembled a little. "And uh.. kick the bucket or something, you know? When I drift I'm not thinking straight.. or thinking at all. I just.. sort of.. one time I drifted and hurt Lapis without realizing it. And I.. I'm scared I'm going to hurt myself. That's all."

Jasper went silent. "I'm sorry I didn't punch you hard enough," she said. Everything she said was awkward and dumb and stupid and she didn't know what to say. She.. her concern for Dot was impairing her ability to communicate affectively and she just wanted Dot to know she cared. She wanted to tell Dot it was okay but she didn't know how.

"S'not your fault," Dot assured. "You.. you were only postponing the inevitable, I think. I'm.. I'm not going to actually kick a bucket. That means.. it's an Earth expression. It means die. To kill yourself."

Jasper swallowed hard. "Why would you.. kick.. kick the bucket?" she asked, a little choked up. She didn't know what to say.

"Um," Dot said, voice a little strained. She looked like she was fighting back tears. She tilted her head up a little and stared at the ceiling. "I've wanted to for thousands of years now, even.. before a lot of.. stuff went down. Before people died and I.. was.. put away for a time. But I never.. never used to drift like this. I.. I always managed to.. think myself out of it. Fight the urge with.. logic.. and reason. Think rationally about it. But when I drift... I'm not thinking. I'm not even there. My form is there but I don't.. I don't exist, really, for a little bit. I think when I've drifted my form just... acts on feelings and emotions and impulses and senses. Not thought or anything like that. So I can't... can't think myself out of it and.. there's nothing stopping me from... from just.. you know.."

"So..," Jasper said. "Um.. then.. before... before you go...," she let out a breath. "I want you to know I'll tell your fellow Crystal Gems.. whatever they want to know about the cluster."

"Thanks," Dot said quietly.

"Why are you.. telling me all of this?" Jasper asked.

"I think it's because you kinda look like her," Dot smiled wistfully, closing her eyes. "Strong. Tall. Muscular. Big hair. Could beat me up by accident. You know? I guess.. I just.. subconsciously associate her with you. I can't wait...," Dot gave a soft exhale, her smile growing slightly. "To be with her again."

"Who's her?" Jasper asked.

"You know about Peri and Lapis, right?" Dot murmured, opening her eyes to look over at Jasper.

"Yeah," Jasper said. Peri had rubbed it in her face a couple hundred times, constantly telling Jasper she was loved now and Jasper would never be loved. Which did wonders for Jasper's self-worth, really.

"She was my Lapis," Dot said, closing her eyes again, the faint smile returning.

"Oh," Jasper said, feeling something inside of her plummet. "I see." she looked down.

"Yeah, but," Dot looked over at Jasper. "I.. thank you," she offered Jasper a small smile. "I.. thank you for beating me up and thank you for listening and.. thank you. You've been.. a great friend."

 _I want to be more_ , Jasper thought. But she didn't say that. And what was the point? Dot would be.. Dot wasn't going to.. come back. She felt a pang in her chest at the thought. "Be careful," she said.

Dot laughed a little. "Yeah," she said quietly. She ran her fingertips over Jasper's hand and left.

And then she was gone, and then huddled up and for the first time in a while, she cried.

* * *

Dot didn't say anything. She didn't tell anyone how every day when she woke up she felt a little further away. She laughed and laughed and wanted to give everybody the best last few memories of her that they could have. She went to raves with Amethyst. She let Pearl teach her how to bake. She played board games with Garnet. She ran around town with Steven. She let Peri try to teach her how to do fancy computer things like make computer programs. She listened to Pearl and Peri constantly tell her smart things she didn't understand. She asked Amethyst to show her the Kindergarten, watched Amethyst proudly show Dot who she was. Where she came from. She watched Lapis do amazing things with water down on the beach. She asked Garnet to tell her how Ruby and Sapphire met.

She felt a sort of odd inner peace she hadn't felt in a long, long while. And she wondered if maybe the key the whole time had been accepting that.. she was going to die. And it was going to be at her own hands. Maybe the key had been not fighting it.

She watched this beautiful group of people do beautiful things, and she thought about how soon she wasn't going to be here with them.

It would be a lie to say she wasn't scared. She was scared when at one point suddenly, it wasn't like fighting through a mist, it was fighting through fog. She was scared when suddenly it wasn't fighting through fog. She was scared when suddenly it wasn't fighting through fog, it was fighting through static. She was scared when suddenly it wasn't fighting through static, it was fighting through silence. A stifling silence, that threatened to drown everything out, with quiet. It was hearing and living and seeing and feeling and at the same time, fighting through _nothing_.

That's how she knew she was close to the end. She remembered to tell everybody else how much she cared. How much she loved them. They noticed, laughed, pointed it out, said she was being sappy. Dot smiled, laughed with them. And thought ' _I'm sorry_ '.

She went downstairs, reminded Jasper she cared too. And then went upstairs. She spent a long time avoiding going to sleep. Because she knew once she did, that was it. And that scared her, just a little. So she wrote a note for everybody to make herself feel better. A few goodbyes. A few jokes. A few dozen apologies. Signed her name.

Then she climbed into her bed, and slipped under the covers.

Her eyes fluttered closed.

* * *

Dot didn't wake up.

* * *

 _is it normal to literally make yourself cry when you write_

 _follow me on tumblr - perinoia_


	9. Chapter 9

_don't worry, the majority of this chapter having no capitals whatsoever is a stylistic choice because,, dot is dead and so capitals aren't needed. sort of. you'll see. :)_

* * *

it didn't occur to the empty shell that was left to go downstairs and to pretend everything was normal. nothing ever occurred to the empty shell. they simply _were_. moods came and went. occasionally they went downstairs for a snack. people greeted them warmly. "hey, dot! wassup?" The empty shell did not process those words, did not understand them. the empty shell did not understand. what it did understand: sometimes the Others would talk amongst themselves, asking "what happened to dot?" the small one was particularly upset.

sometimes there were bad days, the shell would walk around, feelings upset and unhinged and not knowing why, constantly reprimanding themself- they _weren't supposed to feel_. but they felt anyways, and they'd find themselves lingering on the edges of cliffs or sitting alone in their room with a sword, shutting off all their emotions just in time before they did something drastic, like ending their own life.

sometimes the shell wondered: who is dot? And then they remembered, oh, that's me. sometimes the shell had better days, they remembered- my name is dot, i am 35,000, i like steak. but that was the extent of their memory. sometimes the shell remembered their purpose- rarely. they remembered, vaguely, that they had been in a lot of pain before, so something deep, deep down within them had decided it was best to forget everything and start anew. to not feel so much anymore. to not think as much anymore, and for some reason, for a long time, they had fought it. they had little snippets- the dot that had been hurting used to fight them, used to think they were bad, so the shell had only been around for 15 minutes at the most. but now they were here and weren't they much happier?

the shell bumped into the tall one.

"dot," the tall one said, seeming on the verge of tears. she was an Other. "what's happened? what's happened to you? w-what's going on, dot? please," her voice cracked. "dot,"

"that's my name," said the shell, recognizing the word- 'dot'. they gave the tall Other a bright, excited smile. they were proud.

the tall one put her hands over her face and started to cry.

the shell's smile faded. what was wrong? what had she done wrong? "dot," they said. "my name.. is dot. right?" had they.. been getting it wrong the whole time?

the pale Other continued to sob. "i'm sorry dot, i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry i couldn't be there for you and n-now you're.. you're... i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry-"

"pearl," they said suddenly. they did not know where that word had come from. they had never needed it before. never used it. what is pearl? was that this Other's name? "pearl," they said again. "right?"

"yes," the Other sobbed.

"my name is dot," they said, offering pearl a crooked smile.

this made pearl cry more. pearl cried a lot, like the shell suspected they used to do before they were better. before they were like this.

"i love you," pearl choked out. "i love you, i'm sorry."

something in them twinged. "do not say that," they said, not liking the feeling. nothing was supposed to twinge. inside of them was supposed to be hollow. "i do not like the feeling. i am having a feeling. i am not supposed to have it."

pearl looked at them with a little hopeful glimmer in her eyes. her hands trembled. "dot? dot? can," she swallowed. "can you hear me? are you.. are you in there somewhere? i love you," she said. "i want you to know that i love you. i love you."

"do not!" the shell repeated. "i do not like the feeling! i am not supposed to have one!"

pearl was sobbing again. "i love you, dot. i love you. are you listening? are you listening? i love you," she continued, closing her eyes, still crying. "i love you," she repeated. "i.."

the Other wrapped her long, slim arms around them, holding them close.

the shell did not like all the feelings that they were having. something inside of her was stirring and they did not want that. "do not," they said, and the Other let go.

"i don't know.. what's going on, but," the Other bit her lip. "i don't think.. i don't think you're in control, dot, and i just.. i don't know how to help you get back in control. i love you. and.. i'm sorry. and i..," pearl let out a breath before moving forward and pressing their lips together in a fluid motion. she combed through their hair, pulled their face closer.

they... she. she liked how it felt when pearl kissed her.

she felt herself being backed into a wall. "i'm, having a feeling," she mumbled, through the kiss. she wasn't supposed to be enjoying this so much.

"i love you," pearl whispered back.

"i," they- she murmured. "i love you too. i love you, pearl. pearl. Pearl." she said it until the name had meaning. "I love you too, Pearl."

"I should have been there for you," Pearl whispered. "And I wasn't."

"She was stubborn. I.. was stubborn. I? Me?"

Who was she? Dot didn't know. Remember. She thought she was they. She thought she was a shell. She thought she was.. nothing. "Am I real?" she mumbled.

"Dot?" Pearl swallowed. She could hear more of the green gem leaking through. "Talk to me," she pleaded. "You're real. You're real, I promise."

She- _they_ felt more and more awakening inside of her- them. They- they pulled away from P-... pearl. she had a bad effect on them. she was making them feel.

"dot?" pe- Pearl said again.

"I," Dot said. "they," they said. "We? Me.. us. they. Me, _help_ ," Dot focused on regulating her breathing.

"I love you," Pearl repeated. "You said you love me."

"We, I," Dot mumbled. "i don't love you."

"It's me, Pearl," Pearl whispered again, for reasons she didn't understand. Dot knew who she was. She hoped. She thought. Maybe. She didn't know what Dot knew right now. She didn't even know if this was really Dot. "Are you still there?" Pearl could hear her slipping away again.

"we.. I," Dot was silent for a moment. they suddenly twisted away from pearl and bolted. that had been a close one.

they just kept running. and running. and running. what was even happening? they didn't know, but they knew that running was good. they stopped, turned sharply. they didn't know where they were going, but their legs seemed to know so they let their legs go where they wanted to go. they stood on the edge of the cliff, looking down. water churned below them, foamy and frothy. it looked like it could swallow her up. there was no point in being here if they were going to keep feeling. the whole point was to not feel.

you can't feel when you're dead.

they stared at their hands, wiggling them. they were still alive. for now. they looked back over the edge.

they could change that right now. they could jump.

but the whole point of being there was that before, they were going to jump. and they were here to stop themselves from jumping. when you don't feel, you don't want to jump. right?

their legs took a step forward and their first thought was _no_. they erased the thought as soon as it happened. the problem here was that they were doing too much thinking. the best thing was to act. they thought nothing, felt nothing, as their legs moved. closer. closer. closer.

they sat down, took their boots off. they stared down at their feet, wiggled their toes some more. looked back over the edge. it just looked like water, from here, but they knew there were rocks down there. they knew that if they jumped that would be what ended them, ultimately.

their legs moved again. closer. closer. closer. they wiggled their toes some more, they felt only air, this time. the only thing between them and the end was their heels and the rock that made up the cliff. another step forward and that was it.

they heard a hum, from below, backed up, and got on their hands and knees. peered over the edge, caught a glimpse of shore and a huge machine. that was where the hum was coming from. they wished humans would stop leaving their stuff all over the beach. she wondered if on this shore or a distant one, a little human child would find a green shard, yelling excitedly- "mommy, mommy, i found treasure!" in english or maybe one of the bajillion other languages that this planet collectively spoke. they hoped that a child would find it. it would bring the kid a lot more joy than life had brought them.

they were feeling again. they stopped doing that.

the hum of the machine was steadily increasing. louder, louder. it was like a scream. it shuddered, like it was going to break.

they would break, too. they turned around and walked away. this was not what they wanted.

their legs wanted it.

they turned around and walked back. they stood, on the edge for a moment, before taking a small step forward and teetering a little before neatly stepping off of the edge. suddenly there was no longer ground beneath their feet and _falling falling falling_ , the wind rushed by them and blew through their hair and whipped at their face and brought tears to their eyes. they tried to move, they hadn't stepped far enough and they were missing the water and the rocks and they'd just land on the sand, just as alive as they'd been before and in tears with a hole burning through their chest.

they felt a shard roll out of their pockets and they panicked. they did not remember the reason for the significance of the little grey shard. but they knew it was important to them. they cried out, their eyes still shut tight. they did not lose their life but they still managed to lose _everything_.

they landed with a loud _thump_ on the sand, their head reeling, nonexistent heart pounding, they were a _failure_.

the machine continued to hum, loudly. louder, louder still. a loud, mechanical high-pitched noise. they covered their ears, grimacing. and then- a few flashes of light. and then silence. they ignored it, now that it wasn't making any more noise it was much easier to ignore. they landed, hard on the sand. ran, feet pounding on the shore. going to try again. this time they would run off the edge, that way, they'd be out far enough to fall in the water with the rocks where they'd meet their end. they took a breath, backed up, ran. extended their arms, it was like flying. they allowed themselves a smile, closed their eyes. this was freedom.

* * *

"Dot! Where are you?! Dot!" Pearl yelled. They'd been looking for hours with no results. They'd left Beach City and entered Ocean Town. If they couldn't find her in Ocean Town, they'd look in Empire City. Pearl just wanted to find Dot.

She'd asked Garnet to come too, but Garnet had refused. 'There's no point, Pearl,' she had said. You might as well just stay home. 'Why not try?' Pearl had responded, giving Garnet a challenging look. 'Pearl, all the futures, they,' Garnet had gone silent for a few long moments. 'There's no point, Pearl,' she said again. Her voice had been more tense than before. 'You'll be too late.'

But Pearl didn't listen. And she wouldn't until she found Dot. Alive.

Or dead.

"Forget about Dot for a second, what the fuck is _that_?" Amethyst asked.

"Forget about Dot?" the pale gem asked incredulously. "She-" a pause, she cut herself off. "What... _is_ that? Are... large machines like that even permitted on a beach like this?"

"Exactly, like I said, what the _fuck_ is that?"

"Language, Amethyst!" went the first voice.

"Guys, don't freak out," a voice said evenly. "But i found Dot."

"Thank you, Lapis, for being responsible and actually _looking_ ," Pearl said. "Ahem, Amethyst, i'm talking about you."

"You'd be terrible at vagueblogging on Tumblr," Amethyst went matter-of-factly.

"What does a ridiculous human website have to do with anything?!"

"I'm serious, Pearl, amethyst, you'll have to act fast, but," Lapis said. "Don't freak out."

"Where is she?!" Pearl demanded.

"Up there," Lapis said. "Falling into the ocean. See? Look. She's that green and blonde speck. Up there."

"Oh, alright, this is fine. Everything's fine. That's okay. She's having a good time," Pearl said, voice edging on hysteria.

Amethyst tilted her head up. "Whoa, you're right. Heyyy, girlll!" she waved up at Dot. Who obviously, didn't see her.

"Garnet was right," Pearl said, doing the opposite of what Lapis told her to and completely freaking out. "It's over. It's over. We're too late. I've been so stupid.. I should've tried harder. I should've talked to her more. I should've said something sooner. I-"

Pearl stared at Dot, watching her rapid descent. "Dot! Dot!" she yelled, running around frantically attempting to catch her.

"She's gonna fall into the ocean, P," Amethyst said evenly. "Runnin' around on land is gonna do nothing for her."

Amethyst and Lapis just watched Dot fall, their heads tilted to the sky.

"Can you two _please_ care a little more?!" Pearl shrieked, in tears.

"We're watching," Lapis said. "Be quiet, please."

"Does nobody here care about Dot?! At all?!" Pearl demanded.

Dot was just about to hit the ocean and Pearl was sobbing when Lapis smoothly brought up a water hand and caught Dot neatly. Dot immediately sat up and stared into the horizon with a blank expression.

Pearl's mouth formed a neat 'o'. "Why didn't you guys say anything?!"

"It was funnier to watch you run around like a concerned lover," Amethyst said evenly. "Bring 'er here, Lapis."

Lapis's water hand picked Dot up by the front of her shirt and dropped her on the sand in front of them.

Dot landed on her face and spent the next 5 minutes coughing up sand and pebbles.

"Lapis, that was uncalled for." Pearl scolded.

Lapis gave an apologetic shrug.

"Dot, are you okay?" Pearl asked.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure she jumped off of there," Amethyst said, pointing to the cliff high above them.

"I'm sure she was having a picnic and just fell," Pearl said evenly.

Lapis and Amethyst didn't bother contradicting Pearl.

"Dot," Pearl repeated. "Are you okay?"

"Who's Dot?" Dot asked.

* * *

"who's dot?" they said, genuinely baffled. they didn't know anyone named dot. they didn't actually.. really.. know _anyone_. what were they even doing here? they didn't remember. they began to walk away.

* * *

"Come back here," Lapis said, and Dot immediately stopped, turning to them with the most confused expression ever.

"Hi, I'm...," Dot went silent. "I'm..," she stared at her hands and then at the sky. "Metal sky," she said slowly.

"Okay, Metal Sky," Amethyst said. "Time to head home."

"Right," 'Metal Sky' gave a firm nod and started off in the wrong direction.

"Dot!" Pearl exclaimed.

"If you want I can help you look for Dot," Dot said. "But I'm not sure where they would be. Can I have a description? Last place spotted?"

Amethyst pointed to where Dot had been standing a minute ago.

"Green. Short. Forgetful. Suicidal," Lapis said. "Let's go."

"Dot is _not_ suicidal," Pearl said. "Come on, Dot."

Dot looked from Lapis to Pearl. "What?"

"What happened to you?" Pearl asked again, sounding lost and a little distraught.

"Okay," Amethyst mumbled under her breath. "Okay. Okay! I- I know I probably should've said something sooner."

"What?" Pearl asked.

"What?" Lapis echoed.

"I.. a while ago Dot found the url to my vent blog on Tumblr and I got really upset with her so to make up for it, she gave me the url to _hers_. I read through it and it was a bunch of posts about how Pearl kept kissing her and she was frustrated. It was kinda funny, actually, and really entertaining. Except for the parts where she occasionally made three word posts that just said either 'i miss nepheline' or 'find my friends'. Those were sad. But just normal things she'd need to vent about, you know? And then.. I.. a couple months ago, before Dot.. yeah. I was, it was like, 2 in the morning and I couldn't sleep so I went back on Dot's vent blog-"

"That is a breach of privacy, Amethyst," Pearl frowned disapprovingly.

"Fine, I won't tell you the rest, then," Amethyst said, and Lapis shushed Pearl.

"And, I.. she'd been posting a lot more than usual, on her vent blog," Amethyst let out a breath. "It wasn't.. anything specific or even anything that made sense. She just.. she, uh.. was saying things like.. 'i'm falling' or 'i'm fading' or 'come find me' or... 'can you tell?' or 'can you notice?' and uh.. a lot of stuff about forgetting and.. not remembering things, and a whole lot of posts where she just said 'i'm scared' and that was it. Um.. one was something about forgetting what she looked like, forgetting her own name.. stuff like that. And another one was 'how much longer do i have'. She uh.. then.. the night before she.. got like.. this," Amethyst pointed at Dot. "She posted just.. one word. 'help' and then reblogged a bunch of memes to all of her blogs. Then on her vent blog she said 'i can't expect you not to forget me when i'm forgetting myself' and then 'help' again and then 'don't let me disappear' and then just the word 'goner'. She has a lot of followers on her vent blog and they were replying to her posts and they sounded really concerned but she didn't respond to them at all. So. Yeah. I knew something was.. was really wrong.. but I didn't say anything. So.. this," Amethyst got a little choked up. "This is my fault. I'm sorry."

There was silence.

"Wow," Dot said. "I hope your friend's okay. She sounds hella depressed. Good luck looking for her. I don't like to judge but stories like that always end up with them finding the person dead. Just saying."

Lapis, Amethyst, and Pearl gave Dot a few vaguely tired looks.

"You're right, sorry," Dot said. "Not my place. I don't know her. Good luck, though. Honestly. I.. have nothing to do with this, so I'm just gonna head home." she went off in the wrong direction.

"Are we gonna call her back?" Lapis asked.

"She's walking real slow," Amethyst observed. "We got time to make this decision."

"It's not your fault," Pearl told Amethyst, not giving Amethyst time to respond to the statement. "She's not going to come if we say 'Dot' anyways. She doesn't even know her name or who she is, or where she's going. Let's just follow her."

And they did. They followed her for days and she didn't notice. She kept walking, and walking, and it was clear she had no idea where she was going but somehow she had managed to convince herself she had a final destination. She frequently stopped to stand on the edge of cliffs for extended periods of time, making them all anxious, though, when she kept walking and the landscape began to change, they were grateful for the lack of cliffs.

"How are we going to get back?" Amethyst asked. "This is.. Empire City, she's been walking for _days now_ and we've lost track of time.. Let's.. let's just let her go. Pearl, I..," Amethyst took Pearl's hands and looked into her eyes. "I know you.. have feelings for her, okay? But she's a lost cause. She's hopeless. Let's just go."

Pearl looked over at Lapis, who averted her gaze.

"Uh.. I mean," Lapis said quietly. "We _are_ wasting a lot of time. She doesn't even know where she's going. It is kind of.. pointless."

"That isn't what Rose would've done!" Pearl yelled, twisting away from Amethyst. "And it's not what I'm going to do either. N- nobody is _hopeless_ , okay? You weren't hopeless when we found you in the Kindergarten," she pointed at Amethyst, who flinched a little. "You weren't hopeless when you got out of that mirror and tried to _kill Steven_!" Lapis visibly withdrew. "And _I_ wasn't hopeless when Homeworld forcefed me lies and convinced me I was nothing but a servant, convinced me that I was- _replaceable_! An accessory! You can go home if you _want_ ," Pearl spat. "But I'm not coming home unless I'm coming home with Dot."

Lapis and Amethyst were quiet.

"I'm sorry," Lapis said quietly. "But I'm going home. Peri will be worried about me." she spread her wings and gave them a flap, ascending and quickly disappearing into the sky.

"What about you?" Pearl demanded, turning to Amethyst, her hands clenched into fists and tears in her eyes. "Are you going to leave too?"

"I," Amethyst shook her head. "N-no. I'm staying. I'll help."

Pearl wordlessly started walking after Dot again and Amethyst ran a little to catch up.

* * *

walking. walking. someone is yelling. flinch. run. hide.

they don't feel but they still run on emotions.

* * *

"Dot?" Pearl tried calling.

They heard her mumble- "Is that those guys I saw on the beach? Are they still looking for their friend?"

Then Dot tripped over her own feet and fell over, somebody nearly stepping on her. Dot stood up, blushing a little, and dusting herself off.

"Uh, um," Amethyst fumbled for words for a second. "M- Metal Sky? Is that what she said? That's what she said. Metal Sky," Amethyst called again.

Dot didn't respond at first before pausing and slowly turning around. She stared. "Are you _stalking me_?" she demanded.

"Uh, no," Pearl spluttered. "I, we, _Dot_ ," she said.

"I can't help you find her!" Dot said. "I don't know who that is! I don't know who you're looking for! I don't know who you are and I don't know or care about your dumb friend, okay?!"

"It's you!" Amethyst yelled, her hands clenching into fists, tears in her eyes.

People gave them brief looks before hurrying to their destinations.

"W...," Dot went quiet. "What? I'm...," she nodded slowly. "Yes," a small smile appeared on her face. "Yes, you're right. I am Dot, aren't I? Yeah. That's my name."

Pearl and Amethyst exchanged helpless glances. What next?

Dot was quiet, and then randomly, "You kissed me," she said, staring at Pearl.

"I," Pearl said. "I did, yes."

"Um...," Dot said. She paused. "If you're here to do that again, don't. I don't know who you are."

"You remembered my name, then," Pearl said. "You said.."

Dot went silent.

"Do you even know who you are or what you're doing here? Where you live? Do you know anything?"

"My name is Dot," Dot said. "I'm.. 35. And I like to rake." That's what she remembered. That's.. that's all she remembered. She tried a little harder to remember and just forgot more. "I mean, I'm not 35.. I'm... 16. 20. 21. Yeah. 21. And my name is.. Dot. I think? Probably. And.. warrior.. I played a lot of.. video games. I..," she looked down at her boots. "Wear combat boots with studded spikes so I'm definitely.. pretty punk rock. Yeah."

Pearl stood there before deflating a little. "Okay," she said, voice quiet. "You were right. You were all right. She's gone. Let's go."

"I'm gone?" Dot said. "I'm.. not gone. I'm still here," she said. "Was that... that was the problem. That's the problem. I'm still here," Dot turned around aimlessly. "What? Where am I?"

Amethyst and Pearl's eyes met. They had heard her, for a second.

"Dot's gone," Amethyst repeated, loudly. "Dot's totally gone. Not coming back. She's gone. Disappeared. That's it. She's over. Dot's _over_."

"Yes!" Pearl said. "Let's go! Let's just go. Dot is.. Dot is gone. You were all right."

"N...no," Dot said, staring at her hands. "I am.. here. I'm standing right here. What do you mean?"

"Dot is _finished_. No more Dot," Amethyst continued.

"Don't say that!" Dot scowled. "I'm here! I'm here!" she clenched her hands into fists. "I'm not.. I _want_ to be here," Tears formed in her eyes. "Stop it, I'm here. What are you talking about? Who are you?"

They were getting through.

So they continued. Again and again. And then they broke through and the shell flew to pieces.

Every emotion she'd buried over the past few weeks and everything she was feeling _now_ hit Dot all at once and she almost fell over.

There was silence.

"I told you to stop kissing me," Dot said, pulling Pearl close, tilting her head upwards, and kissing her deeply.

"Normally I'm all for it, guys, but is that really appropriate like _right now_ ," Amethyst said. "I mean Dot.. just came back from the void. Just saying."

They both ignored her.

Pearl pulled away, her pale blue eyes looking into Dot's emerald ones. "Can you hear me? Are you listening?"

" _Yes_ ," Dot said, crying a little, a hiccupy sound escaping her.

"I'm not even joking, guys, you can be gay later," Amethyst said. "We have to get back. Steven. Garnet. Think of the others."

"Oh," said Dot. "I've.. I'm, uh... I'll just.., Dot swallowed. "I think I'm gonna just.. not.. come.. home. I-I can't come home now. Not after this."

"So where are you going to go?" Pearl said.

"Die," Dot said automatically.

Pearl and Amethyst stood there for a brief moment, not saying anything because what were you supposed to say to that?

"Okay, yeah, you're coming home," Amethyst said. "We're not leaving you alone. Come on."

Dot gave her a blank look. "What? Why not? I'm an independent gem. I can take care of myself."

"No offense, Dot, but," Amethyst said. "We watched you stand there and contemplate jumping off a cliff like 13 times."

"That wasn't _me_ ," Dot said, sounding a little frustrated.

"Well.. who was it?" Pearl said.

"Nobody," Dot said. "That's the point."

"There's a point?" Amethyst said.

"No," Dot said. "There's no point."

"But you said that's the point." Amethyst said.

Dot clenched her hands into fists. "Maybe stop asking me questions, okay?"

Amethyst stared at Dot's fists and narrowed her eyes. "What are you gonna do, fight me?"

"Maybe I will!" Dot retorted.

"No you won't," said Pearl. "Dot, let's.. let's go home."

"No!" Dot said. "If she wants to fight me, let her fight me!"

"I don't want to fight you but if I gotta I will!"

"You think you're so much better than me, huh?" Dot said. "Because you're happy all the time?!"

"Dot..," Pearl said warily.

"I think I'm better than you because when I know I need help I _ask for it_!"

Dot swung her fist back and punched Amethyst in the face.

Amethyst stumbled back, her hands flying to her face.

Pearl widened her eyes. "Dot, stop it. You two- don't!"

Amethyst glared at Dot, wiping her face. Vaguely smudged blood remained on her face. "So you wanna play dirty," she growled, taking her whip and ensnaring Dot's waist, throwing the green gem to the ground.

Dot landed, breathing hard. "Hh," she breathed. "H-ha," she started to laugh. "Hahahahaha," she was soon laughing hysterically, laughing so hard there were tears in her eyes.

"What's so funny?!" Amethyst demanded.

"Don't you _get it_?" Dot said. "This is exactly what I _want_ ," she kept laughing uncontrollably. "Hey," she said, pointing at her gem. "Aim here if you can, a'ight?"

Amethyst's weapon dissipated. " _Ugh_ ," she growled. "You know, you're not the only one having a hard time!" she whirled around, storming away.

"Ha..," Dot said, watching Amethyst disappear into the distance. "I know. That's what makes this dumb," she shook her head. "I'm not the only one having a hard time but I'm the only one who can't suck it up and deal with it." she stood up and walked in the opposite direction.

"Dot, come back," Pearl said.

"Pearl, honestly?" Dot said. "Just do what everyone else is doing and give up on me already. You're wasting your time."

Pearl watched her walk away, and disappear. She stood there. She felt a vaguely cool sudden sensation on her arm, glanced at her arm, and then looked at the sky. It was starting to rain.

Dot came running back, screaming. "Pearl, please take me home!" she yelled. "The sky is doing evil things again, and if it gets in my joints, I'll scream, and cry, and probably there'll be smoke coming from my joints a little, and I might electrocute someone maybe, so take me home.. now... _please_.."

"How do I know you won't just run away once the rain stops?" Pearl said matter-of-factly. "Look, Dot, if you don't want to go home I'm not going to take you home. There's no point taking you somewhere you don't want to go."

"Why are you still _trying_?" Dot demanded, her breath hitching. "Why do you even _care about me_?" she pushed Pearl a little. "Why can't you just _hate me_ like everybody else?!"

"Nobody _hates you_ ," Pearl said, stumbling back a little. "Don't push me," she said.

"I do what I _want_ ," Dot said, pushing Pearl again.

"Dot, I," Pearl gritted her teeth. "Okay! Okay fine! I'll leave you alone! I'll stop caring about you! Is that what you want?! Fine then! Fine! Fine!" Pearl yelled. "If that's what you _want_. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?"

"NO!" Dot screamed. "I DON'T _KNOW_ WHAT I WANT!"

Somebody holding a yellow umbrella gave them a weird look, looking around. _Must be filming some sort of dramatic indie movie_ , they thought absently, going on their way.

"Then why do you insist on acting like you _know_ what you want?" Pearl demanded.

Dot stood there, breathing hard, tears in her eyes. "Because!" she said. "Because.. I.. I..," she swallowed hard. "I _hate you_ ," she said. "I," Dot looked up at the sky, rain pouring down on her face. She squinted and messily tried to wipe her face dry. "No, I don't.. I don't hate you," she said, sounding a little defeated. "I just.. hate.."

She clenched her hands into fists. "I'll... find somewhere to go. Okay?"

"I..," Pearl let out a breath. "What about Steven? You can't just leave Steven, Dot! He loves you! You can't.. you can't do that to him."

Dot's chest tightened. "I know," she said. "I haven't figured anything out yet. Just.."

"Please come back home," said Pearl.

"No," Dot said. "I'll just- I'll just end up..," she let out a shaky breath. "Being around me is messy and people who are around me are likely to get hurt, and I- I don't want any of you to get hurt so I'm- I'm staying away from everyone for their own good and _you,_ " Dot swallowed. "You should probably go."

"I'm not leaving without you," Pearl said. Her words hung in the air. She let out a shaky breath. "Please. Come home."

Dot stood there, and then she shook her head. "I... I mean, sure. For now. For a short while. I gotta.. gotta pack up all my stuff, you know?"

Pearl was silent. "Don't go," she pleaded. "I'll leave you alone, or- or do whatever you want," her voice cracked. "Don't go,"

"I have to," Dot wrung her hands together. "Because I..," her eyes started to water. "Because I love you, and I- I don't want you to get hurt because of me," her voice broke. "I'm sorry."

"Y-you can't hurt me by anything you do," Pearl said, voice layered with desperation. "But you can hurt me by," she swallowed. By leaving without even trying. By disappearing without another word. By just- just _going_. "Abandoning me," was what came out, and not entirely what she meant to say. Dot stared at the floor, looking like she was trying to become smaller.

"I... I know I shouldn't," the green gem whispered. "I- I can't do that to you. Not after your whole thing with Rose." Dot went quiet for a moment or two. "But you're gonna get hurt if you're around me, and..," Dot turned her face to the sky and watched the rain fall for a moment or two. "Can we go home?"

Pearl swallowed. "Sure," she said faintly, ignoring the part about Rose. She didn't want to think about Rose right now. Not for a long time. "Alright. By the way, I..," she let out a breath. "Love you too." she offered Dot a small smile, but Dot had her gaze fixed on the ground and she wouldn't look at Pearl at all.

Pearl looked away, hurt but trying not to show it. She didn't say anything. They began the long walk back home.


	10. Chapter 10

_you know that moment when shit gets real? this is that moment and it lasts for 7,103 words have fun_

* * *

They were silent the whole walk home, except for Dot occasionally telling Pearl she had to stop to get some food.

"Are you stalling?" Pearl asked finally, turning to Dot.

Dot stopped, blinking. "No," she said. "M'not stalling," she shoved her hands into her pockets, narrowing her eyes. "Why would you think something like _that_?"

"You keep asking me to stop for food," Pearl said. "We're gems, for goodness sake. We don't need to eat."

" _You_ don't need to eat," Dot said accusingly. " _I_ need to eat."

"For what?" Pearl demanded.

"I don't want to talk about it," Dot said, tone clipped and short. She kept walking.

Pearl sighed and then felt a flare of anger. She whirled on Dot. "There's no reason for you to be so secretive all the time! I'm just asking you why you need to _eat_! What's so personal about that?!"

"Everything!" Dot snapped. "Everything! Okay? It's- you wouldn't- you couldn't _possibly_ understand. I'll offend you. I don't want to do that."

"How could you _possibly_ offend me more than you have _already_?!" Pearl yelled.

Dot flinched. "I- I've offended _you_? You've- you've been," Dot swallowed. "You've been rude and invasive and pushy for _months_. I don't care if you think- if you think you're trying to be my saving grace or something. And I _mean it_. Anything I have to say about this would only offend you. Speaking of stopping for food. I do need to get something to eat, can we stop at that gas station?"

" _No_ ," said Pearl.

"I-" Dot swallowed. "M'not _kidding_ , Pearl." she began walking over to the gas station and Pearl was obligated to follow her.

Dot bought a bag of chips and then handed it to Pearl. "I'm going to the bathroom," she informed the slim gem.

"Exactly," Pearl said distastefully. "Exactly the reason I do _not_ eat."

Dot rolled her eyes and disappeared from Pearl's line of sight for a little while.

Pearl stared down at the bag of chips, closing her eyes and exhaling. Dot returned shortly, quietly taking back her bag of chips. She was silent, snacking on them.

"Dot," said Pearl.

"You've tried to have this conversation with me 7 times already and I still don't want to have it." said Dot.

"It's, it's just that," Pearl said. "You.. we were all... you w-"

"I don't want to talk about it. I," Dot glanced behind her. "I'm going to quickly run over to the gas station again."

Pearl sighed. "We really _don't_ need to do all of this stopping if you just wouldn't eat. Then you wouldn't need to use the bathroom." she said matter-of-factly.

Dot rolled her eyes before walking away.

And then she returned.

(Pearl felt silly for thinking Dot might walk far, far away from her and never come back.)

"Do you regret eating _food_ yet?" Pearl sniffed.

"Let's just keep moving." Dot muttered.

So they did.

Pearl tried to talk to Dot but Dot didn't say a word.

"We're getting close to home." said Pearl.

"Okay," Dot said. "There's.. there's just a lot of grass here, uh- you know your way around this place better than me- is there like.. another gas station or-"

"Not for a while," Pearl said. "Do you need to eat _again_? Honestly, I don't think even Amethyst eats this much!"

"Yeah, yeah," Dot mumbled. "I just want chips."

They kept walking, no sound but the quiet rustle of the grass beneath their feet. Dot looked over at Pearl who was illuminated by the setting sun, the tall, pale gem awash in a golden glow, gem glimmering and shimmering in the light, the sun highlighting the subtle curves of her form. Dot looked away, cheeks aflame.

They kept walking, feet stepping lightly, both quite aware of the other's presence. Pearl looked over at Dot, walking- Dot blinked while Pearl looked over at her, her thick eyelashes gently closing over beautiful blue eyes, and.. Pearl let out a breath and stared at her feet.

They kept walking.

"I'm worried about you." Pearl said quietly.

Dot shook her head. "Not right now," she said. "Please, not right now. We can talk about this later if you really _, really_ think we need to have this conversation. But not right now."

"No," said Pearl. "Putting off this conversation isn't benefitting either of us. It's just hanging over our heads- we, I- Dot, are you.. _alright_? I wish you would talk to me. Not even me. Anybody- Garnet, or Amethyst, or Peri or- Lapis! Lapis. I'm sure she'd understand-"

"Please be quiet," Dot said.

"No," Pearl said. "This time, I'm- I'm not going to just drop it because you asked me to. I'm not letting you run away from the conversation this time. Yo-"

"I _mean it_ ," the green gem snapped. "Shut up. Please."

"Dot, I really- I really just wish you would.. be a little more open with how you feel. I.. when you stopped.. interacting with all of us we.. we were all so worried about you, Dot," Pearl swallowed. "I.. I just don't want-"

"Ugh," said Dot. "Where's your off button? Diamonds, can you just- shut up for even a second?"

"It's just, you're.. you seem so unhappy," Pearl said faintly. "And I don't want you to be unhappy. None of us do. S-"

"If you want me to be happy you'd shut up, but you're not doing that, so to quote Oprah Winfrey.. what is the truth, Pearl?" Dot demanded.

"I don't think me being quiet will make you any happier," Pearl retorted. "You're just going to keep walking and brood and glare at the ground."

"Okay, well," Dot said, but she didn't have anything to say to that. "That doesn't change that you should mind your own business," she said, after a moment.

"Fine," Pearl said. "You don't have to tell me anything. Just..," Pearl exhaled shakily. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah," Dot said. "Definitely. I'm great."

"When will you be honest with me?" Pearl said, sounding soft and quiet and tired.

" _Fine_ ," said Dot. "No. M'not happy. There. Are you satisfied?"

Pearl looked down. "No," she admitted. "Not really."

"Yeah," Dot sneered. "Figured. We getting near a gas station? I want more chips."

"We're approaching Beach City," Pearl said. "We have food at home, we don't need to stop-"

"I don't want to wait until we get home. Are we getting near a gas station?"

"No," said Pearl.

"No?" Dot echoed. "Okay. Convenience store? Something? Any place with food and a bathroom."

"We have _both_ of those things at home," Pearl said pointedly.

"Well, yeah, of course we do," Dot said. "But I need those things _now._ Not later."

" _Ugh_ ," said Pearl. "The sooner we get home the better, alright? Can't you wait just a little?"

" _No_ ," Dot said, sounding frustrated. "Because I need to throw up _now_ , okay? So somewhere to stop would be really nice."

Pearl stared. "You... need to throw up?"

"Yeah," Dot snapped irritably. "Okay? So just.."

"It's the _chips_ , I'm telling you!" Pearl exclaimed. "Eating is-"

"It has nothing to do with the chips!" Dot exclaimed. "Ugh, never mind! Forget it!"

"What?" Pearl bit her lip. "I'm sorry. Okay. I'll try to find a gas station. You don't think it's the chips?"

"I _know_ it's not the chips," Dot muttered. "Look, can we not talk about throwing up when that's literally what I'm trying to avoid doing right now?"

"Have you been feeling ill?" Pearl asked, completely disregarding everything Dot just said.

Dot shrugged. "I guess," she grunted. "I'm nauseous. I want to throw up. That sounds ill to _me_."

"Anything you ate previousl-"

"Look, Pearl," Dot said. "I'm nauseous and have been throwing up a lot because I _don't want to go back_. Alright? It has nothing to do with what I ate or if I'm sick or something. I just want to find somewhere with a bathroom, okay?"

"You threw up previously as well?" Pearl said, appearing alarmed. "I.. that's how badly you don't want to go home?"

" _Yes_ ," Dot said impatiently. "You know, I- you wouldn't understand. Just leave me alone."

"Dot-"

"Yeah! That," Dot glared at Pearl. "That is _exactly_ why I don't want to go back. Because I have to deal with not only you, but everybody in that _entire_ house going 'Dot...' in that stupid tone that's _supposed_ to make me feel better but just makes me feel like _nothing_ and treating me like I'm some sort of- of fragile person who'll break if they look at me too hard! I have to deal with everybody being extra nice to me for a long time until they feel like I'm 'normal' again and I _hate it_! When I go back they're all gonna treat me like I'm crazy! They're gonna stare like they're half afraid of me and watch me creepily all day like they're just- just waiting for me to have a breakdown or something! And thinking about it makes me nauseous! So _yes_ , I have been making us stop in gas stations and pretending I haven't been throwing up over and over because I- I just- I can't- I can't _do_ this, okay? I haven't mentally prepared myself enough, and," she swallowed. "I just, never mind. Forget it." she turned her head away from Pearl and went silent.

"Thank you for telling me," Pearl ventured.

Dot didn't respond.

"I'm sure we'll find somewhere we can stop." Pearl continued.

Silence.

"Please talk to me."

Dot ignored her.

Pearl heard her sniffle. "Dot, it's _okay_ ," she said, frowning. "Please don't cry."

" _Whatever_ ," said Dot. "I can't," she shook her head. "I- I'm gonna be sick. I can't do this right now."

"Are you going to throw up now?" Pearl asked. "I can- I can turn around or- or walk away a little if-"

" _Stop_ ," said Dot.

Pearl went quiet.

Dot stopped. "No," she shook her head. "No. No. No no no. I can't- I can't do this. I," she stumbled to the side a little, and Pearl quickly turned away.

Pearl heard Dot throw up and then start to cry a little.

"Dot?" Pearl asked. "Are you alright? Don't cry- it's okay-"

"Sorry," Dot said, crying. "I'm so sorry, m'sorry. That was gross. I'm sorry, I'm, I can't go back, I.. I think I'm going to throw up again," Dot sniffled. "No. No, I'm okay. It's fine. Let's go."

"This is clearly distressing for you," Pearl frowned. "Dot, I hope- I hope you know you aren't obligated to go back just because- because I would _like_ you to. If you don't want to go ba-"

"Let's just go," Dot repeated, a little more sharply. She roughly wiped at her eyes and took deep breaths.

She didn't say anything for the rest of the walk home.

Dot opened the door and did not get what she expected. There were no wide stares that followed her all the way to her room. No tentative 'oh, hey' or anything. They were all staring at somebody sitting on the couch. Dot stared. "No," she said, multiple pairs of eyes suddenly snapping up to look at her. She walked to her room and closed the door.

"No. Just no." Dot repeated, staring at the bathroom wall. "Literally no. Not today. Not tomorrow. Not in a month. Not in 5 months. Not in a year,"

"Are you talking to yourself?" Dot could hear Amethyst's voice just outside the door.

" _No_ ," said Dot. "Go away."

"Someone's here. You probably got kinda surprised 'cause they look like a gem," said Amethyst. "I don't know... don't know who they are or like, what. But they, uh... sort of- they might be a human who took a joke I made way too far."

"What," said Dot.

* * *

 _Amethyst carefully hung up her poster. She'd taken days on it- even got Vidalia to do some art for it._

 ** _'Colourful Lesbian Club'_**

 ** _'Are you a lesbian? Are you a girl who loves girls?_**

 ** _Paint yourself a colour, dye your hair, and stick a plastic gem anywhere on your body_**

 ** _and you can join the colourful lesbian club! alt. title: the crystal gems'_**

 _Anyways, she had many copies and hung them up all over Beach City._

 _So when the green girl with short green hair had showed up on their doorstep- green gem shining boldly on her knee through ripped jeans, Amethyst sorta figured this human had taken her poster.. very, very literally._

* * *

"Um, it's a long story, um... including a poster advertising the Colourful Lesbian Club," Amethyst said. "But uh, she won't listen to any of us when we tell her there was a misunderstanding. And she's kind of getting a little violent-"

"What?" Dot repeated, incredulous.

" _Help_ ," Amethyst pleaded. "We need your natural charm, Dot."

Dot gave her a bewildered look. "What natural charm?"

"Just _come on_ ," said Amethyst. "At least we need someone to hold her down or something."

Dot raised a brow but followed Amethyst nonetheless.

The human was sitting down, draping herself unceremoniously over the chair. "I never saw any stupid poster," she growled, unclenching and clenching her hands into fists.

"The colourful lesbian club poster," said Lapis. "It was just a joke."

"I have _no idea_ what that is!"

"You're a goddamn loser," said Dot.

"That's really, _really_ not helpful," Amethyst said. "No, nevermind. Just go back in the bathroom. Oh my god."

The human's eyes snapped up to Dot. "Well, you sure are a fucking delight," she said. "Hey there."

"Can you not kill people right now, today?" Dot asked. "I mean, I've been tempted to a couple times, sure, but you're like, almost there, my guy."

"What? You've been tempted to kill us?" Peri asked incredulously.

Dot waved a hand around in dismissal. "So anyways," she said. "Are we all having a massive hallucination as a group or are you not six feet under for some mysterious reason?"

"Heh," the human said. "I'm part of a big _experiment_."

"Cool," Dot said. "I love hallucinating. This is great. What a trip."

"Shut the fuck up," said the human. "I can't be hallucinating my own existence. Stop questioning your reality. I'm here. Wanna pinch me or something? Want me to pinch you? I'm not sure what you want from me, Dot."

"Yeah, pinch me, maybe?" Dot held out her arm, and the human dutifully pinched her.

"Ouch," Dot said. "Cool. M'kay."

"How do you know- is..," Amethyst began, before exchanging wide-eyed looks with Lapis. "Is that Nepheline?"

" _Ha_ ," said Dot and the human. "No," Dot added. "This is Demantoid. She's a piece of shit. She should also be dead. What's happening anymore? I'unno. Life is wild."

"Well, you know what?" Deman said. "You fucking suck. So all the shit you said is irrelevant."

"Okay, wow," said Pearl. "We have a _language rule_ in this house, okay?"

Demantoid blinked, then nodded. "Got it."

"By the way, I don't suck," Dot huffed. "I exclusively _rock_. 'Cause I'm awesome. And a rock. For once, that pun was unintentional."

"If you're going to start telling puns, I swear," said Deman. "I'm gon-"

"You said something about an experiment." Garnet said suddenly, turning her head towards Demantoid.

Deman blinked. "Uh, yeah, I did," she said slowly.

Garnet didn't say anything.

"Yeah," Demantoid's expression darkened. "It's all part of this big plan. Look, I don't know if you know this but Yellow Diamond _really_ hates this planet, okay? She lost so many gems here. She wants to reclaim it. And by reclaim I mean destroy it and kill all the life on this planet in the worst way possible. I'm guessing you've seen the forced fusions already."

Garnet nodded. Every gem's eyes were on Demantoid, eyes wide with horror.

"Yeah. She stuck a bunch of dead Crystal Gems' shards together. It's disgusting. It's wrong," Demantoid exhaled. "But then she figured.. if we can mash up random gem shards... well, back in the day, we used to collect every single last shard and keep it in a jar, you know? It was an honour- we'd seal the jar and then bury it- anyways, she started diggin' 'em up. Jars and jars of fallen gems. And she's puttin' them back together. She's.. she's uh. She's essentially bringing gems back to life. She's playing god," a slightly hysteric laugh edged out of Demantoid. "And that's not even it. That's just all I know. But I know there's more. They're- they're building so many things. New weapons. More of these machines to bring more of us back to life. She doesn't- doesn't bother with newly fallen warriors. She wants the old ones. The ones from way back when. Because we're not mass produced."

"What?" Amethyst asked, narrowing her eyes. "What does being mass produced have to do with it?"

"I don't know," Demantoid. "It's stupid, if you ask me. When she decided to start mass producing gems it makes sense to just- bring back those guys, right? Manufactured quartz warriors are huge. Efficient. Intelligent. I'm talkin' about Jaspers, Amethysts, Garnets. Big. Tall. Strong. They don't eat. They don't sleep. They don't need breaks. They just keep going. And going. They're killing machines. They're wild." she leaned back in her chair. "But she wants _us_. Don't ask me why. We eat. We sleep. We gotta take breaks. We're not _programmed_ with battle knowledge. We gotta train. And practice. Over. And over. And over. You know, there's a small team down here already- they're plantin' machines all over. Everywhere on this planet, they're bringing gems back to life. But it doesn't make sense! It's not like we're gonna attack. We have nothing against this planet. 99.9% of us weren't even _alive_ for the rebellion. I don't know what she's playing at but it's not good for this planet or any your humans on it. It's not good for the trees or animals either. Everything here is gonna _die_. Look, she's- she's playing a risky hand, but..-"

"She's dead," said Dot.

Pearl's hands were covering her mouth, eyes wide. The other gems stared at Demantoid with wide, haunted eyes.

"Oh no," Demantoid said. "I'm afraid you played into her hands," she shook her head. "She's coming back. That was part of her plan too. I don't know why. I don't understand but nothing that happened was a mistake. You know, you can't really kill her anymore when she has literal machines that can bring her back to life. But she's in a sort of stasis right now. It's complicated. She's a diamond. It's taking the machine a long time to put her back together. It's- it's off on some remote location, I'm not sure where. Maybe you can shut it down before she regenerates if you can locate it. I heard someone talking about it, but I-"

"Okay, _yes_ , I want to die," Dot interrupted. "But not like this? Um.. the universe got my order wrong? I wanted an uneventful death! Not the end of the fucking world!"

"Language," Pearl said weakly. "I- I think I need to sit down."

"How many is she.. reviving?" Dot whispered.

"Hundreds. Thousands," Demantoid whispered. "I don't know. So many, Dot."

"Wow!" Dot exclaimed. "I sure am having a bad nightmare! Time to wake up!" Dot disappeared into the kitchen and returned with pots and pans. "Time to wake up! Time to wake up!" she exclaimed, banging the pots and pans together. "I don't like this dream! Time to wake the _fuck_ up!"

"Stop that," said Lapis. "Or at least hand me a pan. I'd like to wake up too."

" _Nobody_ is going to bang the pots and pans together." Pearl retorted.

"Wait," Peri said. "All gems are mass produced. I don't know what you're talking about."

Dot turned, biting her lip. She was still holding the pots and pans. "Well, _no_.. not exactly. It's.. it's..," she glanced at Demantoid helplessly.

"Hold on a sec. Forget _that_ ," Amethyst narrowed her eyes at Demantoid. "If you didn't see the poster, how the heck did you find this place?"

Everyone stared at Demantoid with sudden suspicion.

"Whoa, calm down," Deman said. "I don't _suddenly_ want to murder you guys in your sleep. It's _her_ ," Deman pointed at Dot, who blinked, then nodded, and said something similar to 'yes, that is my natural sexy miasma' while fluffing her hair. "Yellow Diamond is dead, I mean, at least _for now_ and Dot is- excuse me, _was_ The Heiress. Yellow Diamond's title is directly passed down to Dot. So Dot's starting to develop that dumb aura that makes every gem of her court in her presence want to kiss her feet. When a Diamond dies, all the gems of a court then belong to that Diamond's successor, until the gem of the new Diamond's court transfers or something. Technically it's incorrect to even call her Dot anymore. She's Green Diamond now."

"If anybody even tries to call me Green Diamond I'm gonna kick your ass," said Dot.

Amethyst who looked like she had been about to say something, closed her mouth.

"Well!" Pearl exclaimed, clearing her throat.

Garnet stood there. "Well."

"Uh." Peri awkwardly cleared her throat. "Well."

"Stop saying well," said Dot. "Nothing has changed. Can we move on?"

"All gems are mass produced," said Peri. "You were speaking about that."

"Yeah, I," Deman squinted. "What the fresh hell?" she asked incredulously. "Holy fuck, I'm seeing double. What in the fresh hell. Unbelievable."

"No, that's Peri," Dot said. "It's complicated. Say hi, Peri."

"Hi, Peri." said Peri.

"Language!" Pearl reprimanded, irked by Demantoid's swearing.

"I'm a warrior, I'm sorry," Deman said. "If I'm not fighting in a battle I'm punching with words, okay? I have to swear. My speech needs to be aggressive. I'm sorry."

"It does _not_ need to be aggressive," said Pearl.

"Yes, it really fucking does. I apologize. Anyways," Demantoid said, while Amethyst and Dot tried not to laugh. "Well, you know. Gems never used to be mass produced. We were a lot more similar to humans than any of the Diamonds would like to admit. We used to eat. To sleep. To feel love that wasn't just blind devotion and dedication to our superiors and a ruthless hunger for power, you know? Actually, we still do feel that love, and you know, it surfaces every so often. When Yellow Diamond proposed the idea for mass produced gems and the other Diamonds agreed, they got rid of the need for food, for sleep, for training. I don't think any of them predicted that they would never be able to suppress emotion, y'know? It didn't occur to them to do that. And it came back to bite them, from what I understand. I don't really know about the Rebellion or whatever. I was dead for it," said Deman.

"You were dead for a lot," said Dot.

"Not as much as you," Deman said. "What even happened to you? You disappeared, man. Like- where'd ya go? You went back home or whatever after Nepheline died but we all wanted to keep in contact with you- I tried texting you a bunch and I even got desperate enough to send you actual letters but you never responded."

"I had my com-dee on silent, and letters? What? Of course I wasn't gonna get any letter you ever sent me," Dot retorted. "Those probably got lost in the hundreds of thousands of fan mail and complaint letters sent to my mom."

"You had it on silent for thousands of years," Deman said incredulously.

"Um, it's a long story," said Dot, staring at nothing in particular.

Peri shifted, clearing her throat awkwardly.

"... _anyways_ ," said Lapis. "I-"

"What the heck is a com-dee," Amethyst said. "That sounds like something vaguely naughty. Just sayin'."

Lapis snorted. "I have no idea. Past my time. It probably _is_ something vaguely naughty."

" _Stop_!" Dot said, cheeks aflame. " _No_! Com-dee is short for communication device. It's like a modern-day cell phone- you know, we weren't very good at naming things creatively. But communication device took long to say, so... com-dee."

"Condom," said Amethyst. Lapis high-fived her.

"Shut up," Dot groaned.

" _Amethyst_ ," Pearl scolded. "Must you?"

Amethyst snorted.

"I like you," Deman said idly, leaning back in the chair again. "I gotta find somewhere to sleep now, though. Adio-"

"You could sleep in my room," Dot suggested.

Deman looked over at Dot. "Sure," she said. "If your friends allow it."

"It's fine," said Garnet.

"Now wait!" Pearl exclaimed. "Have you heard the _filthy_ language that comes out of her mouth? I-"

"It's fine," said Amethyst.

"Okay, let's be _reasonable_ here," said Pearl.

"I can stop swearing for 10 minutes," Deman said helpfully.

"That's," Pearl said. "Did you hear that? She can't stay here."

"You can stay in Dot's room." said Garnet.

"Thanks," said Deman. She looked like she had a question, but then thought better of voicing it.

"Yes," Garnet said.

"What," said Demantoid.

"Yes, we do," said Garnet. "Pearl won't like it very much but you may have one. And I think I will too. I need one."

"Um," said Demantoid. "Wow. Wow, did I, am I thinking out loud now? Uh-"

"Garnet, stop using your future vision to scare people," Amethyst said.

Garnet shrugged.

"What won't I like very much?" Pearl asked accusingly.

Garnet disappeared and returned with three cans of beer.

"I don't like this at _all,_ Garnet!" Pearl asked. "I don't just mildly dislike it! Garnet! Where did you even _get_ that? Put it away!"

"Are we having beer now? Whoa, Garnet," Lapis said. "What about me? Where's mine?"

"I feel excluded," Amethyst sniffed.

"Yo," Dot said. "I want some too."

"No!" Pearl exclaimed. "Garnet, _no_!"

"Pearl, this news is pretty hard for me to stomach right now," Garnet said, expression serious. "And frankly, I need a drink."

"You need to meditate!" Pearl squawked. "Do yoga!"

"Uh," said Dot. "No thank you. Where's my beer, mom?"

Garnet went and got three more cans of beer, handing them to Lapis, Amethyst, and Dot. She gave one to Demantoid, and kept two for herself.

"Okay, mom," said Dot. "I feel like there's a power imbalance here."

Garnet looked from her two cans to Dot's one. "Eh." she said.

" _Mom_?" said Demantoid.

"I'm Dot's adopted mother figure," Garnet said. "Since her real mother isn't all that great."

"Yes," Dot agreed. "Garnet's a great mom. Much better than my other one."

"But Dot's so much older than you," Demantoid said, sounding bewildered.

"Shh," Dot huffed. "I'm 16,000 at heart. That's not even 18,000. I'm a kid. Right, mom?"

"Yes," Garnet said, ruffling Dot's hair.

Demantoid snorted and then opened her can of beer.

"Do not look down upon a sweet mother-daughter relationship," Amethyst said in mock seriousness, before opening her can of beer and downing it in one big gulp, proceeding to also eat the can.

"Oh," Deman said. "Okay."

Everyone chatted amongst themselves. It was warm and lively, though Pearl kept side-eying the beer with contempt.

"I'm going to bed," Dot said abruptly, in the middle of the cozy chatter. She went to her room. The door slammed.

Everyone sort of automatically quieted, watching her go. It got awkward. One by one, people left to go to their rooms or whatever.

Demantoid sat. It was just her and that tall one that didn't like beer and bad words. "I'm Demantoid," Deman said.

" _Yes_ ," the tall one said testily. "I am _quite_ aware, thank you."

"You're supposed to tell me your name, princess," Deman said, leaning back. "That's how most people do it."

The tall one focused pale blue eyes on Demantoid, appearing unamused. "My name is Pearl." she said.

Deman nodded. "Nice to meet you, Pearl."

"I _wish_ I could return the sentiment," Pearl grumbled.

"Ouch," Demantoid said. "What did I do to deserve that, sweetheart?"

"Stop that," Pearl said absently.

"Stop what?" Deman raised an eyebrow.

"The nicknames," Pearl said. "Princess. Sweetheart. At least get my _actual_ name right first."

"Oh," Deman tilted her head. "Of course, darlin'," she drawled lazily. Pearl did her very best not to scream. "So, Pearl," Demantoid continued. "You live here?"

"No," Pearl said sarcastically. "I'm just staying here because I have nothing better to do."

Demantoid snorted. "Sarcasm," she noted. "Well, I'm off to Dot's room, I guess. Me and her have a lot of catching up to do anyways. See ya," Deman waved.

"Yes," Pearl said, giving a slight nod. "You do. Have a good night."

Demantoid threw her empty can of beer in the trash and then went to Dot's room- she had mentally stored away the direction Dot had walked off in earlier so she could find it and not awkwardly stumble around 'til she found it.

Dot was lying down in bed with a lot of empty beer cans lazily thrown around the room. Her eyes were turned towards the ceiling, expression peaceful.

"Are you drunk?" Demantoid questioned, raising a brow.

"Yeah," Dot said, turning her head and taking a few tries before managing to give Deman a thumbs up.

Deman rolled her eyes. "Mind if I join you?" she pointed at the bed.

"M' mind's quiet," Dot slurred. "Sure."

"What?" Deman said, yawning before getting into bed.

"M' mind's quiet. Sure," Dot repeated.

"Your mind's quiet," Deman repeated.

"S'what I said." Dot murmured drunkenly. "I's always so _loud_. Bad talkin'. I don' like th' bad talkin'. Now s'quiet. An' I can sleep. Fin'lly."

"Yeah, okay, you're drunk, I get it," Demantoid said, closing her eyes. She fell asleep.

Dot lay there for a short while until she too, fell asleep.

* * *

Dot gave a low pained moan, turning over. Her head pounded, and she felt fairly nauseous.

"Wakey wakey," said Demantoid, already up.

"Shh," Dot muttered, clutching her head.

"Regretting all those beers yet?" Demantoid said dryly. "I can get you some water if you want. Do you need anything?"

"Ughhhh," Dot mumbled. "Yeah. I need Advil," she said. "And my will to live."

"Jeez, where did _that_ come from? That's a little heavy, Dot. Maybe wait to talk about that sort of thing later? You know, I did notice you look like shit. I'm being serious now," Demantoid sat down next to Dot. "Everything okay?"

"I have a headache," said Dot.

"Yeah," Deman said. "I know _that_. But I'm talking about how you feel and stuff."

Dot grunted and muttered something incoherent.

"What?" said Demantoid.

"Are you going to get me some water or not?"

"Man, Dot. Come on. You look terrible. Your hair looks like a nest, or like.. severely damaged hay or something. Your eye bags are _so_ deep they look like you scribbled 'em on with black marker. Honestly, I'm concerned."

"Thank you so much," Dot said. "I can feel my self-esteem _skyrocketing_."

"I'm trying to be honest with you." Demantoid said.

"It's working," said Dot. "That was some real honesty there, buddy. I want water, or Advil," she buried her head in her pillow.

"Are you _okay_ , is the point I'm trying to get to," Deman said. "And then I'll get you that stuff. Sure. No problem."

"Yeah, I'm great," Dot said. "I love life, I wake up in the morning and sing because everything is so beautiful and I'm delighted to be alive."

"Yeah, you sound decidedly _not okay_ ," said Deman.

"Can you get my water and Advil," was the flat response.

Demantoid rolled her eyes and went to get what Dot had requested.

She returned and Dot quietly took the Advil and periodically sipped her water. She sighed. "Demantoid."

"Yes?" Deman said, staring directly at Dot.

"You've been staring at me for ten minutes. It's very creepy. Please stop," Dot said.

"Sorry," Deman said. "That's how I express my concern. That's my way of letting you know that I care and I'm here for you."

"I get enough of this from everybody else in this house every day of my life," said Dot. "I would appreciate it if you could just not care for me at all to put my tired soul at ease."

"Man, Dot," Demantoid said. "I'm older than you but you still manage to sound like my grammie," Deman mimicked her grandmother. "Ohh-h-h Demantoid... massage my feet, please... to put my tired, aching soul at ease.."

"I, I just, I.." Dot stared at the ceiling. "You know, at this point, M'not even entirely sure I missed you."

Demantoid snorted. "Oh please," she scoffed. "Who _wouldn't_ miss me? I'm amazing. I got jokes and nice clothes."

"You look like a lesbian biker," said Dot. Whether this was meant to be a compliment or an insult remains to be seen. I, personally, have no idea, because it's not as if being a lesbian or a biker is a bad thing. This was a very strange remark on Dot's behalf.

"Good," Demantoid said. "That is _exactly_ the look I'm going for. What does it? My hair? The fingerless gloves? I'm always open to suggestions."

Dot gave an exaggerated sigh to convey just how tired of this conversation she was.

"Dot, are you depressed?" Demantoid asked.

"What the hell," said Dot. "Where did _that_ come from? Diamonds, Demantoid. _No_. Jeez. What the actual hell?"

"You haven't made one pun that made me want to cry since I got here," Demantoid said.

"I haven't found any opportunities," Dot said. "Not lately."

"Yeah. Well, before, if you couldn't _find_ an opportunity, you'd _make_ an opportunity," Deman retorted. "I'm just saying."

"What could possibly have happened in my life to make me depressed?" Dot asked. "Life is pretty good to me. M'happy."

"Uh well, you did live with Yellow Diamond for most of your childhood, and I have no idea what happened there but it prompted you to run away to join the army so I'm assuming it wasn't like, the greatest situation ever."

"Nah, it was cool. It was teenage rebellion mostly that made me leave, and then I found that I was happier there so I didn't leave."

"Then there was that whole scandal with O-" Deman continued.

"That was somewhat enjoyable. I didn't mind it." Dot interrupted.

"Then Serpentine died," Demantoid said.

"Oh yeah," said Dot. "That was awful, I admit."

"And then there was that thing with Nepheline which was so terrible it actually made you go all the way back home." Deman said.

"Yeah," Dot said, monotonously. "That was another thing that happened."

"Oh," Deman said, frowning. "Aw, Dot. C'mere."

Dot let Demantoid hug her, if anything, just to get Deman to drop the subject.

"Look-" Deman began.

"I have things to do," said Dot. She got up and began to leave.

"Dot," Demantoid said. "Wait-"

Dot left, closing the door behind her. She grabbed some cash off her dresser and shoved it in her pocket before leaving. She kept walking, ignoring Amethyst, who said hello, and Peri, who gave a brief wave. She had a goal.

She broke into a run, her nonexistent heart pounding, laughing a little, dizzy on adrenaline. She ran... and ran... and ran.. and ran some more. She turned at one point, feeling eyes on her. Deman was there, green eyes focused on Dot. Dot laughed a little more and kept running. She slid underneath tables and slipped into shops and bought snacks to eat while she ran.

"Stop!" Demantoid finally managed to intercept her, pushing Dot to the ground.

Dot started laughing again, staring up at Demantoid.

"What are you _doing_?" the green gem demanded.

Dot kept laughing uncontrollably. "You should be _dead_ ," she snickered. "Haven't you- haven't you ever stopped to consider how ironic that is? How messed up it is? It's- you should be dead, but you're n- haha- you're not. A- heh- and I just, I find it hilarious. Frankly, I find everything hilarious. This is all amusing," she said. "Get off me now, though. I need to run,"

"You should run in the other direction, at least," Demantoid said, glancing over her shoulders. "This _isn't_ the best place to be."

"I'm going to the Kindergarten," said Dot, raising a brow. She was panting from all of her running, and she appeared as if she were trying not to smile. "That's where they're operating from, isn't it?"

Demantoid sighed. "That's- that's where they- look, there aren't any _machines_ there. It's just- they- when you're- you've been put back together you go _there._ Okay? It's chaos down there. Nobody knows how many gems are supposed to be there, their names, what they look like," Deman looked like she were trying not to smirk. "We're all so old we're not in their systems. They don't know what to expect. But it's- it's pretty much a free-for-all, Dot, I.." Deman groaned. "Look. It's just not.. the safest place to be."

"Good," said Dot. "I love dangerous places." She pushed Demantoid off of her, dusting herself off.

"Ugh!" Demantoid exclaimed, following Dot when Dot started running again.

Dot kept running and running- she heard the noise and commotion before she even _saw_ the Kindergarten- angry and confused yelling. Ancient gems demanding answers. The identical, annoyed and slightly panicked voices of modern technicians yelling for quiet and order that they would not receive any time soon.

Demantoid muttered something under her breath and followed Dot into the commotion.

Dot was looking around, eyes wide. She managed to push her way to the front of the angry crowd. "Yo," she called, waving frantically around. "What's goin' on?"

"Peridot-01!" a technician exclaimed, voice thick with relief. "What happened to you? You look... different. Oh, nevermind that. It probably has something to do with these _barbarians._ They won't stop causing all of this commotion! We haven't the _slightest_ idea how to get them to quiet down- we just need them in some semblance of order at least, until we get further orders and instructions, but.. we really do need a more experienced technician's touch. By the way, 01," the technician's voice went hushed and quiet. "Did you hear about Yellow Diamond? Have you any idea how she got shattered?"

Dot raised a brow. " _Nope_ ," she said. She clambered to the top of where the technicians were standing.

"Ohhhh," Demantoid groaned, putting her head in her hands. "She's an idiot. I hate her so much."

The murmurs started- "Is that the Heiress?" "Of course that's the Heiress, you nitwit." "It can't be the Heiress!" "It's definitely the Heiress, who else could it be?" "The Heiress! It's the Heiress!"

Dot stared at the gems, tilting her head. "Interesting." she commented, stepping down. "Can't help you," she told the technicians. "Try yelling 'shut the fuck up'. They'll respond to that."

She weaved through the crowd again until she made her way to Demantoid.

"What were you _thinking_?" the green gem demanded.

Dot shrugged. "Let's go home. I was trying to scope out the threat. It doesn't seem like a big one- for now. But we'll have to keep an eye on things down here."

Deman sighed. "Yeah." The two began walking back.

Halfway there, Dot heard a rustle and turned her head. There was silence- except for cars driving past and the quiet chatter that could be heard just faintly from inside a nearby café. "Did you hear that?" Dot asked nervously.

" _No_ ," Demantoid said. "Stop being paranoid. C'mon. By the way, don't think I forgot that you literally sprinted away from me the moment I even _mentioned_ Nepheline. We just have more important things to address at this time."

Dot sighed. "Nobody ever forgets, do they?" she demanded, and then abruptly turned her head. "I feel _watched_ ," she said, eyes darting around. "Are you sure I'm just being paranoid?"

" _Yes_ ," Demantoid said. "Look, it's nighttime and we're walking home alone in the dark, so you're probably a little unnerved-"

There was a distinct giggle.

"...," Demantoid dragged Dot by the arm. "Faster, faster, faster," she said.

"N...no, wait," said Dot, digging her feet into the ground until Demantoid gave up and stopped trying to drag her away. Dot looked around. "Hello?" she called, face scrunched up in curiosity and quiet suspicion. "Hello? Who's there?"

"Shut up!" someone yelled from inside a house, closing the windows.

Dot blinked. "Let's go," she said to Deman. "We're probably just imagining things."

* * *

 _everybody wants to rule the world_


	11. Chapter 11

_i think right now, honestly, the most stressful thing i've ever encountered is the fact that i can't use the verb 'demanded' anymore for Demantoid because 'Demantoid demanded" or even worse, "Deman demanded" is the most redundant and terrible sentence i've ever laid eyes on_

 _heads up because i want all you guys, gals, and nonbinary pals to be safe, there are some brief mentions of child abuse in this chapter. i don't go into detail but it is implied and briefly mentioned._

* * *

"Yeah. We're just imagining things," Demantoid said, trying to brush off her uneasiness.

Periodically, they both glanced over their shoulders, eyes darting around, muscles tensed.

"I like how we said it's gonna be fine but we keep periodically looking over our shoulders like we're gonna die," Demantoid said, trying to make light of the situation.

"Since I'm a peridot, would we be _peridotically_ looking over our shoulders?" Dot said, grinning and making finger guns at Deman.

"I...," Demantoid said. "I'm leaving you here. Bye."

Dot stared at Demantoid before they both started laughing. A third voice joined in on their mirth.

A cold shiver ran down the two green gems' spines.

 _"I do love a good pun,_ " said a soft whisper.

Dot instinctively pushed Demantoid to the ground and ran in no clear direction, sprinting into a park and then following a trail before finally running into the forest (which was quite possibly the most ridiculous decision Dot had ever made, hadn't she ever watched a horror movie?)

"What the _fuck_?!" Demantoid yelled, getting to her feet and running after Dot. "Dot! Dot, what the hell!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Dot yelped, still running. "Look, Demantoid, it was- it was just instinct! Survival of the fittest, my guy!"

"You're a _jerk_ , Dot!" Demantoid yelled.

"Sorry!" Dot yelled again.

Dot slowed her pace somewhat, so Demantoid could catch up to her.

"It's so late," Dot said.

"Yeah, well," Demantoid. "It's your fault for running out _all the way_ to the Kindergarten and now we have to run _all the way_ back!"

"Sorry that I'm doing my best to do my part in saving the world!" Dot fired back.

"We both know that it has nothing to do with that!" Deman yelled. "We both know _exactly_ what you were looking for! Or should I say _who_ exactly you were looking for?!"

"Wow!" Dot said. "Yelling! Accusations! _Leaves_!" Dot picked up a bunch of leaves off the ground and threw them around. "This had _nothing_ to do with Nepheline, you know! I genuinely wanted to help out! I was trying to see what we were up against! To see if they were like, training them to kill everything around them or something! I just wanted to check out the enemy! Or.. the enemy.. and a bunch of people I knew that are all contributing to this disorienting hellish nightmare that I just found out about last afternoon when I came home after being _spiritually dead_ and saw you on the couch! As far as I am concerned, you are a _bad omen,_ Demantoid! You're tearing our family apart! You're making us swear and drink!"

"I'm pretty sure you guys were doing that before I ever showed up," Demantoid said.

"Shut up!" Dot said.

Demantoid glared at Dot, opening her mouth.

"No, I _mean it_ ," Dot hissed. "We're in the middle of a forest and it's 1 in the morning. We're being stalked. Look, I'm not trying to be _that gem_ , but, I'm like, half-waiting for Slenderman to show up. Just sayin'."

Demantoid looked around. "I agree," she said nervously. "Who's Slenderman?"

The green gem rolled her eyes. "Wow," she said. "Can't believe a murderer is afraid of a little stalker."

Demantoid gritted her teeth. "There's no need for you to be _petty_ because I _called you out_ ," she shoved Dot a little. "How do we get out of this forest?"

Dot gave her a blank expression.

"Dot," Deman said.

"Umm," Dot said, staring at the sky and then at the ground. "Well," she said slowly.

"Dot, you know the way out, don't you?" Demantoid said, forcing herself to be calm.

"It's so dark," Dot squeaked. "I can't see anything,"

Demantoid ran a hand through her hair. " _Dot_ ," she said as patiently as possible. "You have a gem on your friggin forehead," she continued. "See, if I was to light up my gem we'd be seeing the world through my _knee_ , and I don't know what you think but I think that's a terrible idea and the light wouldn't be _at our eye level-_ "

"I get it!" Dot interrupted, rolling her eyes. She set her gem aglow, and they could faintly see their surroundings, everything awash in a green light. "Speaking of your knee," she said suddenly. "How do you walk if your gem's on your knee? How does the joint work?"

Demantoid looked irritated. "Dot, stop talking."

"Are you gonna kill me?" Dot gasped delicately. "Oh _dear_!"

"I will," said Deman. "I really will, if you don't stop talking."

"Another strike on your criminal record will be _bad news_ , Demantoid," Dot warned.

"Why are you even talking about this?" Demantoid asked.

"Just proving that everybody has a little bit of emotional baggage," Dot said solemnly.

" _Little bit of e_ _motional baggage_?" Deman repeated incredulously. "Dot, I _killed somebody_ ," she said. "With my own bare hands," she continued. "I really... _really_ don't think.. that's really the same thing as being emo and in a stage of permanent teenage angst for ten thousand years just 'cause my girlfriend died."

"Hey! Whoa!" Dot said, whirling around. "Unfair! Take that back!"

"Okay," Demantoid said. "It's okay to mourn, but-"

"No! I mean- you did not kill that gem with your bare hands! You used a dagger!"

"Ugh," Demantoid groaned. "At _least_ you're not denying it."

"I'm not emo, I'm punk," Dot muttered. "Okay? There's a difference."

"Shut up, Dot."

"We're gonna die in a forest and I'm gonna talk as much as I want," Dot said.

"Okay," Demantoid said. "Look, sweetheart, if you keep _talkin'_ like that, well sure, we're gonna die in a forest. Have some optimism! Didn't you _want_ to die?"

"Good point!" Dot said, visibly encouraged. "Is there anything on the other side? Because if so, I don't want to die. I'd rather be in a coma."

Demantoid stopped in her tracks. "Are you legitimately asking me if I've seen _heaven_?" she demanded.

"Yeah," Dot said. "Is that a faux pas? I'm sorry. I don't really know.. dead people rules. Like, what is your structure? I don't know your social skills."

"Whoever's following us, please kill me already," Demantoid muttered.

"Me too," Dot said helpfully. "Unless heaven is real."

"Why don't you _want_ to go to heaven, Dot," Deman said. "Don't you want to finally achieve happiness?"

"The whole point of being dead is that there's supposed to be a whole lot of nothingness. I become the void. I exist no longer. You geddit? If my consciousness remains then all my suffering will have been for nothing. I take comfort in the idea of death consuming every part of you and wiping it off of the face of the universe. I really would just not like to be here any more."

Demantoid kind of stopped a little. "You know, something about everything you just said makes me feel very concerned but I can't pinpoint what exactly it _is_ you said that worries me, or for what reason it worries me."

"Where are we?" Dot wondered, ignoring Demantoid and looking around. "We're _lost_."

"And who's fault is that," Demantoid muttered. Her gem glowed and she bent down a little and unceremoniously grabbed a dagger from her gem, sighing.

Dot widened her eyes. "Look. I'm sorry. I know I have been distinctly _annoying_ the whole time and I am just trying to cover my terror with ironic jokes that aren't even funny," Dot backed away a little. "Please don't kill me."

"I was," Demantoid gritted her teeth. "Summoning my weapon to defend myself, if anything attacks me."

"Okay," Dot said. "I'm not attacking you, look," Dot put her hands in the air. "I may have attacked you with words but that is no reason to-"

" _Ugh_ ," Demantoid exclaimed, thrusting the dagger in Dot's direction.

Dot ducked, looking distinctly terrified. "Point taken," she murmured, going after Demantoid, who's dagger had dissipated while embedded in a tree, prompting Deman to summon another one.

They walked on in silence, searching for an exit.

"I have, you know." Demantoid said, voice soft.

"What?" Dot asked. "I didn't say anything,"

"You asked me if I've seen heaven," Deman said. "I have."

"Great," Dot said. "Good to know there is literally never going to be any peace in my life. Makes me feel just grea-"

A stick snapped behind them.

Demantoid and Dot immediately stiffened, going back to back. Dot summoned her shuriken, eyes narrowing.

"It was a good run, Dot. You're a dear friend to me," Deman said.

"Please don't talk like we're gonna die," Dot said. "Not now that I know there's a heaven."

"You're the only gem I know who wouldn't wanna go to heaven," said Deman. "And I'm actually not scared of death, Dot. Like, at all. Been there, done that. Got the T-shirt. Honestly."

"I'm the first gem you know who wouldn't wanna do a lot of things," Dot replied.

"True," Deman said.

Dot looked around. "I don't think it's approaching anymore."

Deman sighed. "Let's just sit and wait for the sun to rise," she said decisively. "Then, we can definitely find our way out, or- Dot? Where did you go?" Demantoid looked around, in a panic.

"Up here," Dot said, from climbing up a tall, thick tree. "I'm trying to get a bird eyes' view. See if I can spot an exit or, maybe the entrance from which we came."

"If we're in a forest than we're probably not even close to _Beach_ City yet," Demantoid groaned, suddenly making a realization. "This is a disaster. I hate you for making that reckless decision without going to get proper backup."

"I hate me too," Dot said, and added "For making that reckless decision without going to get proper backup."

"I feel like orginally you weren't going to add that last part," said Deman.

"Stop self-projecting," said Dot. "I genuinely don't believe or understand how anybody who regularly calls people sweetheart or darling can be okay with themselves inside. I'm not trying to hate. I just, have a fundamental lack of understanding of this."

I would just like to let you know that I, the narrator, do not personally support or endorse Dot's problematic and really questionable beliefs or opinions. Dot is strange, and has a fundamental lack of understanding of a lot of things.

Demantoid took a deep breath. "Dot, can you just look to see how we can get out of here?"

"I'm just making a point," Dot said. She looked around, squinting. "Hey, Deman," she said. "I'm gonna cry, hold on."

"What?" Demantoid said.

"We're literally a short walk away from the exit," Dot said, sounding not entirely mentally present. "We've literally been just walking back and forth right beside it,"

Demantoid closed her eyes. "Okay," she said, taking a deep breath. "Okay," she started to laugh. "I really would like to go back to Homeworld now. I know my way around there,"

"No you don't," Dot retorted, climbing down from the tree. "It's so different now. And I mean real different. There's no vegetation. No water. Well- I guess they don't need it anymore," Dot walked beside Demantoid while they left. "It- it's been _completely_ industrialized- you know, they made that great big law sayin' they'd have- they'd have land set out and preserved you know, so us _oldies_ can grow vegetables and fruit because we need to eat, and we can get water and stuff.. but none of that is there anymore. It's just buildings, and buildings, and buildings, Deman," Dot sounded a little distressed. "Diamonds, it's- nothing is what it used to be. It's all just.. been thrown out the window for conquering planets and growing this massive empire but when we conquer all the galaxies _what will we do then_? There will be all these colonies on all these different planets," Dot made vague gestures. "All these big huge soldiers standing around with _nothing to do_ because we've already conquered all the planets in the goddamn universe! And it's not like we're going to look around and go 'Oh wow, this place is so beautiful. Really glad we killed everything that lived here, because we get this beautiful scenery all for ourselves now and we get moonlit walks through lush scenery and breathtaking landscapes'.. because the land will be scorched, and barren, and dry, and _lifeless_ , since we made the wonderful and insightful decision to milk all these planets of life to create more of us! And!" Dot took a deep breath.

Demantoid was remarkably, still listening to her, though her gaze was focused on the distance. She kept trekking forward. "And?"

"And!" Dot repeated. "I, personally, would like to know how exactly they managed to weed all of us out, and how the Diamonds managed all of the angry gems who were mad- no- _furious_ , with the whole situation because of the economy which was probably in a terrible state- yeah, the economy was probably being _ripped in pieces_ because- food production was going down and as the amount of mass produced gems increased, the _demand_ for food was probably going down, which lowered the _supply_ and increased the price, so you have a bunch of people angry because food costs _so much_ all of a sudden- and gems are losing their jobs because the cost of producing food is too much because the price of _buying_ food is too high and people aren't purchasing it anymore! All these big food production companies are being forced to shut down because they aren't making a profit and can't sustain their businesses anymore! And an entire industry just completely collapses! So you have broke, starving gems _all over_ Homeworld and there's gotta be more than just a _little_ bit of discontent! There's probably active hate against mass produced gems! So- so now you have this clear divide between bo-"

"Sweetheart, can you not be a politician?" Deman asked. "It's real disorienting, and frankly, I like to separate you from your mother in my head as much as possible. You actually showing capacity and startling capability for leadership really doesn't allow me to do that, y'know, and I keep remembering that you're more similar to your mother than anybody likes to believe. So. Don't do that."

"I am _nothing_ like my mother," Dot retorted, scowling. "I just have a lot of questions about how the whole _shift_ in the population and our capabilities even worked out. There are so many-"

"Shh," said Demantoid. "What did I just say? You're actually a lot like your mom, by the way."

"I am _not_ ," said Dot. "We have nothing in common."

"Yellow and green are right beside each other on the colour wheel," Deman said.

"Great," Dot said. "Not relevant, but great."

"Just a _similarity_ ," Deman said.

"Uh, no," Dot said. "Not really."

Demantoid rolled her eyes. "Well you guys are both intelligent."

"Wow," Dot said. "That means I'm also similar to millions of gems, and humans too. Amazing."

Deman rolled her eyes. "I'm talking instinctively intelligent. Especially with politics. You guys know people stuff too- you know how peoples' minds work and are scary good at manipulating others because you have an instinctive knowledge of weak spots and strong spots and what to say and how to say it to get somebody to bend to your will."

"I..," Dot said. "You're making me sound like an evil overlord, and I honestly am not this intelligent. But I'm really flattered you think I am. You know I'm really harmless," Dot said.

"Okay," Deman said, sighing. " _Gloriam, ut patet adamas_ ," she uttered, expression one of relief. "We're out of here."

Dot and Demantoid stood right outside the forest and both momentarily debated crying with relief, and both immediate decided not to.

"Diamonds," Dot said, putting a hand over her mouth. She looked horrified. "I forgot how old we were. Nobody says that anymore, I bet," she murmured 'gloriam, ut patet adamas' under her breath, followed by a really sudden and out of place- "How did you die?"

Demantoid startled a little, and then raised a brow. "That's a weird, invasive question."

"How?" Dot said simply.

"After you mysteriously disappeared some soldiers came for me. My sentence of servitude in the army for 10,000 years was rebuked and I was just executed for my crimes," Deman answered truthfully. "I think your mom kind of just held off on killing me because of you. She didn't want to upset you further, probably. You had already run away and proven yourself capable so she wasn't inclined to anger or upset you."

Dot sighed and shoved her hands into her pockets. "So... basically another person that died because of me. Great."

"It's literally not your fault at all," Demantoid said. "The world does not revolve around you, Dot. This has nothing to do with you-"

"You died because of _me_ ," said Dot.

"I died because I killed a man," Demantoid said. "I didn't even know you at the time. I was rightfully punished for my crimes."

"I feel like you were having early stress, you know?" Dot said, seeming genuinely distressed. "I feel like your mind was subconsciously aware that it would meet me later in life and was so distressed by this thought that you lashed o-"

"Dot, please stop talking," Deman sighed. "I doubt I could hate you that much, even subconsciously."

"I mean, I'm just saying," Dot said. "Just putting my thoughts out there. A penny for my thoughts."

"Nobody asked to hear them," Demantoid said. "But alright."

" _Rude_ ," Dot said, playfully shoving Deman a little.

"What happened to you, by the way?" Demantoid said suddenly. "Where'd you disappear to?"

Dot opened her mouth and then closed it and promptly ended the conversation.

"Dot." Deman said.

Dot sighed and ignored Demantoid.

"Dot," the green gem warned. "I have no time for this," she said. "Talk to me. I'll just keep bothering you,"

Dot stopped walking and closed her eyes, groaning. "You're gonna give me a headache," she grunted, starting to walk again.

"Did you fly to Earth or something?" Deman raised a brow.

" _Please_ ," Dot said. "Drop it." she sighed. "Instead, we can talk about something nice, like climbing trees, or your opinion of this moderately-sized human town. You know, when I first got here, Beach City was very small and very quaint. But now it's starting to grow."

" _Starting_ to grow?" Demantoid snorted, dropping it. "More like _in the process of r_ _apidly growing_."

Dot blinked. "Yes," she said. "That is what I meant."

"Dot, seriously, where did you disappear to?" Deman asked. "You owe me an explanation for _disappearing off the face of the planet_."

"I don't want to talk about it," Dot said.

"You _owe me_ ," Demantoid shot back.

"I don't owe you anything," Dot retorted. "Just forget about it."

"We were all _freaking out_ over you!" Deman exclaimed. "We were really, really worried, okay? You _owe it to me_ to tell m-"

Dot suddenly felt herself start to drift and pushed Demantoid to the ground in her frustration, breaking into a sprint.

"Dot! What the hell?!" Demantoid yelled, pushed to the ground by Dot for the _second time_ , and frankly, quite tired of it. She got to her feet and ran after Dot.

Dot stopped running abruptly and closed her eyes, flexing her fingers anxiously. She looked around for some place to sit down. She didn't want to go again. She had just gotten here. She had just come back.

"Dot, what the _hell_ is wrong with you?!" Deman exclaimed, finally having caught up to Dot. She glared at the green gem.

"Sorry," Dot said, sounding a little distant.

"Sorry," Demantoid repeated dryly. "That's it. That's the only apology I'm getting."

"It's so late," said Dot, still sounding slightly far away. "We should get home. The others will be concerned. Pearl will be losing her mind,"

Deman nodded slowly, looking Dot up and down. "You okay?"

"Yes," said Dot. She turned and walked in the direction of their home.

"Dot, really?" Demantoid said, matching Dot's pace.

Dot didn't respond for a good 5 seconds. "Y..es," Dot repeated.

"Hello?" Demantoid said sarcastically. "Anybody home?"

"That's where we're going," said Dot. "Home. We're not there yet, you know."

Demantoid gave her a dubious look. " _Dot._ " she said. She shook Dot a little.

Dot stopped. "Did you want something," she said.

"You're freaking me out," Demantoid said. "Dude."

"Sorry," Dot said again, before going silent.

"Dot!" Deman exclaimed.

Dot blinked slowly before turning to Demantoid.

"What is going on with you?" Demantoid ... demanded. (a/n: No)

Dot gave Deman a blank, vacant look. "Hi, Deman," she said. "Did you need something?"

Demantoid sighed. "I feel like I'm gonna die tonight," she muttered. "Dot? Can you stop being weird and come on? We're being stalked by a disembodied voice and I want to run."

"Don't let me go," Dot said randomly. She clenched her hands into fists.

"Are you.. possessed," Deman said warily.

"Maybe," Dot mumbled. "Is that it? Am I just possessed? Then the answer is so simple. I just need to have an exorcism performed on me," she said. "And then that's it. This doesn't have to happen anymore," she laughed bitterly.

"Dot?" said Deman.

Dot didn't respond.

"Dot!" Deman exclaimed. "Can you _please_ pay attention to me before we actually fucking die! Do you even care?!"

" _Oooooh,_ " said the voice. " _Drama. Where's my popcorn?_ "

"Can you shut up?" Demantoid snapped, looking around. "For someone who doesn't seem to have a body, you're very _annoying_ ," she turned her attention back to Dot. "Dot? Dot, are you okay?"

Dot took a deep breath. "Yeah, everything's great," she said with a smile and a thumbs up.

"Dot-" Deman began.

"Please don't," Dot said. "It's late, I'm tired, it's dark, I can't see, and I'm only half-present right now, so please." Dot felt like she was slightly misaligned from her body- it was disorienting and scary though definitely not as bad as it could be. She was sort of questioning if things were real and if _she_ was real, and you know, it was all just pretty messed up.

Demantoid glanced at Dot with that concerned look that Dot _loathed_ , but didn't say anything.

Dot stared at the two hands held in front of her face mostly because she wasn't entirely sure if they were hers. They were slim and metallic and Dot could see little robotic joints but she wasn't sure if they belonged to her or not. She had no recollection of what she looked like no matter how hard she tried to think. She kept moving forward.

They made it home after 33 minutes. Pearl was sitting on the couch when they entered. She said nothing, just stared at them from her hunched position on the couch, holding a cup of tea and wrapped in a blanket. She looked tired and upset.

Demantoid wiggled her fingers in greeting.

" _Where_ have you been?" Pearl demanded as quietly as possible.

"Dot went on a little journey to the Kindergarten," Deman replied. "And you know, I wasn't going to let her go all by herself. Which is good, because she ran into the forest an-" there was a bang on the window. Demantoid paled a little. "Uh.. anyways," she said.

Pearl stared into her cup of tea blankly. "You two should get some sleep," she said.

"Yeah," Deman said. "C'mon, Dot."

Dot followed Demantoid to her room wordlessly.

Deman closed the door. "Alright. What's going on?" she demanded.

Dot exhaled but didn't respond. She swallowed, pacing back and forth and tugging at her hair.

"Dot?" Demantoid frowned. "I feel like you're not paying attention to me. I feel like we're having some major communication problems."

Dot sank to the floor in a corner of her bedroom and huddled up and didn't say a word. She was trembling a little.

Demantoid forced herself to look away and go to sleep, but she couldn't. She laid in bed and stared at the wall, wide awake.

"Dot," Demantoid said finally, afraid she would lose her mind if Dot didn't respond.

"Go to bed," Dot said.

"Are you okay?" Demantoid asked.

Dot didn't respond.

Demantoid went back to staring at the wall. She turned and saw a dark figure by the bed. "Sweetheart," she said. "I have had a truly terrifying night and I don't need you hovering over me like that."

"What?" Dot muttered. She was still in the corner.

"Ha," Demantoid said, all the colour draining from her face. "A'ight. Nevermind. Um, so then.."

Dot looked up. "There is a dark figure by your bed." she said.

"Yes," Deman squeaked. "Goodbye, Dot. I know I just returned but it appears that death is calling me bac-"

"That happens every so often," Dot said nonchalantly. "Night terrors," she waved a hand in the air in dismissal. "It's something about this room."

"I have never had a _single_ 'night terror'," Deman made air quotations. "In my _life_. Dot, please turn the lights on."

Dot rolled her eyes and turned the lights on.

The thing disappeared.

"See?" Dot said. "S'nothing."

" _Snothing is not a word_ ," the voice said. " _Haven't you recognized my voice now_?"

"I mean I do, but I don't," Dot said, frowning. "I have a suspicion, and you know, it's the same cadence but she spoke so differently from how you do, she was very softspoken, you know, hushed and quiet. And shut up. I did not say _snothing_ and you know I didn't say snothing."

"You did too," said a tall, skinny figure, coming into view. "I literally heard you say it. Snothing."

"Goodbye, Dot," Demantoid whispered. "Goodbye forever and ever."

"B...," Dot squinted. "Bronze?" she broke out into a small grin. "Bronze Pearl! Is that you?"

"Shut up," Bronze Pearl said crossly. "You know very well that it's me."

Dot rolled her eyes and hugged Bronze tightly.

"How's the afterlife been treating you?" Dot asked.

"That is a.. weird question," said Bronze. You know, I had hoped you'd maybe gotten more normal but I guess that was wishful thinking." she sighed.

"I'm still a freak," Dot said joyfully. "Both in social terms and in the bed."

" _Gross_ ," Demantoid said.

"I didn't need to know all that." Bronze Pearl said flatly. "But thanks, Dot."

"Rawr," Dot supplied helpfully.

"Are you done," Bronze Pearl said.

Dot nodded. "Yes." she said solemnly. "Look.. I'm not gonna get any sleep tonight," she sighed. "I'm gonna go for a walk. M'kay?"

"Good riddance," said Demantoid, burying her head in a pillow. " _I_ am going to go to sleep."

"Lucky," Dot commented offhandedly, sighing. "Okay, b-"

"I'll come," Bronze said.

"M'kay," Dot said. "Be quiet though, people are sleeping."

Bronze Pearl nodded.

They slipped out of the house and started working.

"I just- I just want you to know," Dot said, swallowing. "That you don't, uh, belong to me or anything like that. You're your own person and you can do whatever the hell you want," she combed her fingers through her hair. "M'kay?"

"I figured that out when your mom kicked me out after you disappeared," Bronze Pearl said. "She didn't want any reminders of you."

Dot let out a breath. "Yeah," she said quietly.

"What was that mental breakdown you had earlier?"

"What mental breakdown?" Dot responded. "I don't have 'breakdowns'." she made air quotations.

"Really." Bronze deadpanned. "Look, Dot. I've known you since we were 100," she rolled her eyes. "I've seen you have _tons of those_."

Dot shoved her hands into her pockets and sighed. "I wanted a _peaceful walk_ ," she said. "Is that too much to ask?"

"You can't keep doing this," Bronze said, frowning. "How long can you _possibly_ keep it up for? Sooner or later you won't be able to and we both know it."

"Ughhhh," Dot said. "Why is there no _peace_ in my life? I #wish people would stop talking to me about this."

"Please don't say the word 'hashtag' out loud when you're talking to someone," Bronze Pearl said. "That's.. that was... don't do that."

"I #dowhatiwant." Dot retorted.

" _Stop_ ," Bronze groaned.

"#no."

"Dot _please_ ," said Bronze Pearl. "We were having a _serious conversation_."

"And I am in need of some _serious sleep_ , but I'm not doing _that_ , am I? So do we _really_ need to have that conversation?"

"You need to sleep!" Bronze said. "Your battery's going to run low."

"I'll just eat a lot to make up for it," Dot grunted.

"I really don't like it when you don't take care of yourself," Bronze fretted.

"My body doesn't like it either but my mind doesn't give a single fuck. Not even a half fuck," said Dot. Or a quarter fuck. Or an eight of a f-"

"Dot _stop_ ," said Bronze. "You're so _strange_. I've honestly never met _anybody like you_ , even after you ran away and I lived in the streets and made money by scamming people by telling them I was giving them genuine mind readings. And some _strange people_ came to me for mind readings, you know."

"What." Dot said.

"Nevermind," the tan gem waved a hand in the air dismissively. "Forget it. Have you been sleeping?"

"No." Dot said.

"Eating?"

"Yes. Then I throw up. Does that count."

" _No_ ," Bronze said. "Bathing?"

" _No_!" Dot said. "I don't think I will ever, _ever_ hate myself that much."

"Sorry, I forgot," said Bronze. "Polishing? Wiping down with a slightly damp cloth?"

"No." Dot said.

"Other basic hygiene things? Brushing your hair?"

"No." Dot said.

"Do you _care about your appearance and physical wellbeing at all_?!"

"No." Dot said.

"For Diamonds' sake," Bronze sighed, and then frowned. " _Dot_."

"Look," Dot said. "You pull that ' _Dot_ ' shit on me and I'm leaving. Don't use that tone with me. We both know exactly what ' _Dot_ ' means and I really resent everything that ' _Dot_ ' stands for. So don't."

"Okay, fine," Bronze said. "You're going to put yourself in a coma, you know, if you don't sleep, and eat."

"I can't do _either of those things_ , and I heard there's a heaven so frankly this seems like a desirable outcome. I'm ready."

"Stop that," Bronze 'tsk'd. "I am going to _make_ you sleep and eat."

"Good luck with that." said Dot.

"Besides it wouldn't last very long. A week at the most. Just until you've recovered enough battery to walk around for a few hours until you find food, and then you'll sleep on and off for a couple days, and then that'll be it." Bronze Pearl said. "So your plan won't really work. Sorry, Dot."

" _But_ what if when I wake up from my coma I don't move and then just let myself keep going back into a coma recovering less and less battery each time and slipping further and further until I don't wake up from my coma ever again."

Bronze stared. "Okay." she said. "I-"

"I don't even know where that came from," Dot interrupted. "I was just talking off the top of my head, I really- don't confront me about it- we- I should probably get back and sleep like you keep telling me to do. So, yeah."

Dot turned around and started walking in the other direction.

Bronze increased her pace a little to catch up to Dot. "Dot.." she bit her lip and attempted to pat Dot's shoulder in an effort to be comforting.

Dot pulled away and kept walking.

"Dot-" Bronze tried again.

"Shut up! I don't want to talk to you!" Dot yelled, whirling around and glaring at Bronze, tears in her eyes. "Leave me _alone_!"

Bronze let out a breath. "What happened to you?" she asked quietly. "You used to tell me everything," she swallowed. "You never used to shut me out."

"What happened is I _grew up_!" Dot said, clenching her hands into fists. "Nothing is that simple anymore! It was _never_ that simple! What happened to me is I grew up and I learned that not everything can be solved by talking to somebody or whining to someone about how you feel! The truth is _nobody_ wants to hear about your problems! Not a _single person_! Everybody has problems of their _own_ that they're dealing with and they sure as fuck don't wanna hear about _yours_! Your problems are _yours_ for a reason! They belong to _you_! So you're supposed to deal with them on your _own_! By _yourself_! Because they are _yours_! And yours _alone_! Nobody cares! Nobody wants to hear you talk about your problems! Okay? That's what happened! I got a fucking wakeup call!"

"You mean you _convinced_ yourself that," Bronze Pearl said coldly.

"I didn't just fucking _convince myself_ that," Dot said. "It's the truth! It's the truth and you _know it_!"

"Your biker friend asked you if you were okay a _bajillion times_ while you two were in the forest and later, in your room!" Bronze exclaimed. "She was obviously concerned! She obviously wanted to _talk to you_! And she was obviously prepared to _listen_! And- and I'm sure there are _other people_ who have been trying to be there for you, Dot! But you've managed to convince yourself that nobody is there for you when you have lots of people who are _right there_ who want to _listen_! I-"

"That's not true! You're _lying_!" Dot screamed. "I- I," she swallowed hard and kicked a pebble. "I wish I wasn't on this _cruddy planet_ ," she said bitterly. "With people who _care about me_."

"You had people who care about you _before_!"

"I _know_!" Dot yelled. "I know I know I know I know I _know_! But they- I- at the- palace there was just _you_ but things weren't so hard back then, m-my problems were so small and so insignificant- I- I _wish_ I was only worried about having no friends, and the new shoes that I wanted being sold out, and some lame rumour about me on some gossip website- i- if only those were my only problems! I would give _anything_ ," Dot started to cry. "To be stressed over _those_ things again. My problems were so small. They didn't mean anything. T-then I turned 10,000, and things got so much more complicated, and I got worried about finishing paperwork and giving speeches and being who she wanted me to be, a-and yelling and hitting a-and being locked in that _stupid_ closet," her breath hitched. "And then I-" a few words were lost on Bronze Pearl here. Dot mumbles a lot. "-elve thousand and that _dumb_ arranged marriage, like shoving two dolls together or something and saying _now kiss_ , and so I guess it worked, because we pretended to date for 2,000 years, so that her parents and my mom would fuck off about it, and it was stiff, and it was awkward, and we became best friends but it wasn't ever.. love or anything and it won't ever _be_ that, but I got to know her, and then when we were 14,000 we ran away and join the army together because we were both _sick and tired_ of putting on this _show_ for everybody- we ran because she told me everything about magazines and photo shoots and fancy dinners and I told her I was fine with being _this_ , and she told me she could tell I wasn't. Then we left. We got super drunk and we ran," Dot took a deep breath. "And left you behind, and for a good month I was sure I had nobody, and then I realized I had _her_."

Bronze Pearl contemplated saying something about the dangers of underage drinking- she really did, she thought about it- but decided not to.

"After we kept running for a few years we saw posters and signs- our photos on parchment paper and our parents just- just putting a price on our existence- 3.5 million dollars if you can find Rhodolite Hemingway Rosalie Masidora, 5 million dollars if you can find the Heiress. We didn't even know where we were going at first. I told her the army. 'Cause for as long as I could remember I wanted to join the army. Everybody knew back then nobody ever joined the army out of dedication or because they wanted to protect or save lives. I mean, that was definitely a part of it, for some, maybe. But everybody at the army doesn't just come because they want to, and I knew that, and that's why I gave up _everything_ to get there.." she trailed off. It was more evident now, that Dot was really half talking to herself about this point. "Anyways, everybody there has- _had_ a story. There are two ways you get into the army, you're either running from something or someone or you're sent there 'cause you committed a crime. Rhodo and me- running. Demantoid committed a crime. Amber- running _and_ committed a crime. Serpentine- running. Nep- she.. running. And, it's everybody cares about each other at the army, sure, but we're all _fucked up people_ , y'know? And you know, they ask you "how are you" and "are you okay?" and no matter how fucking far from 'okay' you look, they accept your fine, and move on because we've been there and _nobody_ would ever, _ever_ press, because some of us have seen some real fucked up shit, the kinda shit you can't and won't _ever_ be able to say out loud and for some of us, the shit was so bad we don't even remember it 'cause our heads are trying to protect us from _something_."

Dot took another breath. "But _here_ , on this _stupid, stupid planet_ ," Dot started to cry again. "They just- they just keep _going_ , they ask you and ask you and _ask you_ \- 'are you okay?' and 'are you sure?' and 'I'm just a little worried about you' and they wait 'til they get something out of you," she started sobbing. "I _hate_ it here, I wish nobody cared, I just want everybody to _go away_ , and stop asking me because I don't _know_ and I don't _care_ and if my answer was no last week why would it be yes _today_?" Dot sobbed. "I have always been _not okay_. I will always be _not okay_. I- I don't remember ever being _okay_. I just remember getting worse, and worse, and worse, and I want people to _stop asking me about how I'm doing_ , because I would rather talk about anything and _everything else_ , I don't want to think about myself, I don't want to _talk about myself_ , a-and the only person who I e- ever talked to- I mean _really_ talked to, was Nepheline!" Dot closed her eyes tight.

"We were two broken people and together we made something like one _whole_ person but now she's _gone_ and I'm _broken again_! She made me feel beautiful and strong and worth something and powerful and _okay_ and like maybe things could get better, maybe _I_ could get better and for a while I think that maybe I really did, and things were fine for a short while after the Awakening, but," Dot swallowed. "Then I started backsliding. Fast. And then I legitimately went up to Lapis and Peri when we were still on that island and told them I was going to kill myself. And maybe that was a warning sign but we had saving-the-world things to do and they forgot about it. It only got worse from there," Dot inhaled shakily. "I have been getting worse and worse over the past one or two years and I hate it. When I was stuck in my head, I," she wiped at her eyes. "I started to lose myself and getting every part of me that I lost back was the best feeling, but now I'm losing all those pieces of myself again, one by one, and it's scarier this time because this time so much is in the balance," the green gem started to tremble. "I'm gambling with my _life_ , but I can't tell anyone," she started to sob. "I don't want them to _know_ ," her chest heaved with the force of her sobs. "I don't want them to know that everything hurts and I just want to be gone because _they don't want to hear that_. When they ask 'how are you' they want to hear 'good, thanks. you?' they don't want to hear 'I want to die' or 'everything hurts' or 'I'm so fucked up that I have to get hurt to feel temporarily okay'.

"I- I give up _everything_ to keep faking for them but they're seeing through me now. I drink and drink and drink because I'm trying to forget, and I drink some more because that's the only way I can sleep these days, I can't sleep or eat or breathe or relax or smile and _mean it_ , and I don't want to live like this anymore, I don't want to _live_ anymore, and nothing is working, all the ways to feel better are not working, and all the ways to _die_ aren't working either, it's endless and it keeps going on and on and I just want it to stop, I'm tired of this, I'm tired of hurting and crying and drifting and hangovers and throwing up and feeling scared and feeling sad and _not feeling at all_ and faking and I'm- I'm saying too much, I've said too mu..," her voice wavered. " _Fuck_."

She kicked another pebble. Bronze Pearl watched Dot walk to the side and collapse in the grass and sob and cry.

Bronze didn't say anything. She had a lot to say- _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I had no idea, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to help you, I want to help you, I don't want to watch you hurt this way, you lived like this for so long, how did you manage? You're so strong. So brave. How do I help you? How can I help you?_

Bronze began to walk away- she wasn't going to leave Dot- she just needed to think, about what to say, and what to do. She was thinking too deeply, and not facing the right direction, to notice the large figure rapidly approaching, running like their life depended on it.

* * *

 _aw, dot. somebody get her a juice box. poor thing_

 _bronze pearl is literally my favourite because what was she trying to accomplish by terrorizing demantoid and dot and leading them into a forest, she's so over-the-top, i love it_


	12. Chapter 12

_only somewhat unrelated thing-_ it's _just my personal headcanon that pearls are really salty and bitter and territorial as fuck. especially over people that mean a lot to them, master/owners/whatever, lovers, close friends, etc., and they definitely tend to play off of each other. i think this is like a survival thing, because definitely when you're considered an object or possession your survival depends on how aesthetically pleasing, efficient, etc. you can be. so they're pretty catty and territorial especially around each other as a subconscious defense mechanism because if another pearl becomes the "main possession" or w/e that pearl is in danger of being discarded (i mean shattered. you know i mean shattered) because they're not important anymore. that's my two cents lmao_

 _also I wrote this story completely on my iPod,, I am so tired, also there will be like a million spelling mistakes and everything will be really hard to read probably_

* * *

Jasper wasn't sure if she regretted it or not. Half an hour ago Garnet had come downstairs.

* * *

 _"If you're here to ask me about the Cluster again, I've already told you everything I know." Jasper said. Her voice was quiet and devoid of emotion._

 _"I'm not here to ask about the cluster," Garnet said. "I'm here to ask for your help."_

 _Jasper didn't move or respond. "Sure." she said flatly._

 _"I haven't given you any information on what you'll be helping me with but the answer is still sure?"_

 _"I don't really care." Jasper said apathetically._

 _"I'm also here to ask about Dot."_

 _Jasper was still for a moment. "What about her?" she asked finally._

 _"I'm not sure if it's related," said Garnet. "But recently Dot was been completely unresponsive and seemed to not remember anything at all. She recently came out of that state, but since the exact day that happened, you've been quiet and withdrawn. There isn't the least bit of resistance or stubbornness from you. Not even the slightest bit of resentment. I feel like you know something."_

 _Garnet took off her shades, and Jasper stared morosely into all three eyes._

 _"I'm a fusion of love," Garnet said softly. "And it's very easy for me to tell- and understand- how you feel about Dot."_

 _"I don't.." Jasper muttered._

 _"Jasper, love is unpredictable, wild, and dangerous. But it's_ beautiful _." Garnet let out a breath. "And I'm so glad you're getting to experience it. Love makes people do strange, crazy things, Jasper. It can make you change your perspective or do things you never would have thought you could accomplish. Right now, some of us are very worried about Dot. And if you know anything that could help us help her, I would be very grateful if you could tell me. We love Dot too, as teammates, and I see her as kind of my daughter. I'm very concerned about her. I..,"_

 _Jasper watched Garnet wipe away a tear and looked down at the floor._

 _"I just want her to be safe, and to be alright," Garnet said quietly._

 _"So she's still alive, then?" Jasper said._

 _Garnet gave a slight nod._

 _"That's good, I guess." Jasper grunted._

 _"Did she tell you something about being dead?"_

 _"She, um..," Jasper exhaled. "She said.."_

* * *

And they talked for a short while, and then Garnet had looked Jasper right in the eyes and said "Go! Go! Run out of the house! Run straight ahead! Don't look back! Keep running 'til you find her! Tell her how you feel! There's no time to waste! Go! Go! Go!"

She'd kept yelling until Jasper was out of that room. Jasper was sure she wasn't _quiet_ romping through their house. She'd heard someone stirring in a room- she was sure she'd awakened the household. She didn't care. She had to run.

Jasper ran and ran and ran and she saw Dot crying in the grass, sobbing and sobbing, and she absently thought that an expression that sad should never be on such a beautiful person's face.

Jasper wasn't sure what she was doing- scratch that, she had _no idea_ , but she ran and ran and her footsteps were loud because Jasper was big and she _knew she was big_ , but there was beauty in her size, and beauty in her features too, she knew, toned, fit, piercing eyes, thick, dark eyelashes, full, soft lips, thick, wavy, wild hair.

Dot was sobbing, so caught up in sorrow and misery and unhappiness she didn't even notice a huge quartz warrior running towards her Her vision was blurred with tears, her face was flushed, because crying in general, is _messy. H_ er entire face was wet and her shirt was soaked.

"Dot," Jasper said. "Dot. Dot," she uttered the name like a prayer, holding her tight. Would she ever let go? Debatable. "I thought you were gone. I thought.."

"J- Jasper?" Dot asked, voice thick with disbelief, and raw, and shaky, and _real_ , and she was _alive_ , so _alive_ in the quiver of her voice and the tremble of her limbs and the dampness of her short-sleeved sweater.

 _Tell her how you feel! There's no time to waste!_

"I..," Jasper swallowed.

"There she is!" they heard Pearl call from far away.

"Wait 'til I get my hands on her! I've been waiting to take her out for _forever_!" Amethyst could be heard.

"Did you escape?" Dot asked incredulously.

"No," Jasper said. "No, I.. Garnet. Garnet let me go. Dot, I.. I need to tell you something, I.."

"I think she's choking Dot!" Peri exclaimed.

"Oh," Lapis could be heard too. "Great. Can I use more water? How ruthless am I allowed to be?"

Jasper held Dot tight.

"Jasper," Dot said. "They're gonna- where is Garnet? Why is she just letting this happen if she let you go?"

 _uBecause she wants me to tell you something_ , Jasper thought. "I.."

"You _what_? Jasper!" Dot said.

They could see the Crystal Gems clearly now, and so could the Crystal Gems.

"I think that's a hug," Amethyst said.

"As if!" Pearl scoffed. "I think that's some sort of death grip. Similar to a cobra."

Jasper couldn't do it if all of _them_ were going to be here. She swallowed hard.

 _Tell her how you feel! There's no time to waste! Tell her how you feel! There's no time to waste! Tell her hOW YOU FEEL! THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE! TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL! THERE'S NO TIME TO W-_

 _"Okay_ ," Jasper said, closing her eyes tightly for a moment. She exhaled shakily. "Dot, I..."

"Let me go so I can tell them not to attack you," Dot said.

"Dot!" they were rapidly approaching. "Is she hurting you?!"

"No, she's not! I was just sitting here a- and she.. came running! I'm not su-"

Jasper was trying to speak but the words weren't coming out. Instinctively, she pressed her lips to Dot's.

"What the _fuck_?!" that was multiple voices.

Dot stiffened in surprise and then Jasper felt Dot's muscles relax and the green gem sort of melt into Jasper- but the process was stopped by Pearl furiously wielding her spear and threatening Jasper at gempoint- "Unhand her, you _brute_!"

Jasper could feel the cold tip of the spear against her gem. "Okay," she said, fumbling a little. She let go of Dot, who sat there, looking absolutely bewildered and frankly, quite overwhelmed.

Jasper and Pearl met eyes and both could tell this was not just a fight about the Crystal Gems and Homeworld, or even about this planet in general. This was a personal fight for honour, maybe, or dignity, and if they were being completely honest with themselves and each other, this was a fight about a girl.

Bronze Pearl heard faint commotion and immediately turned and sprinted back, worried, wondering if Dot was alright. She shouldn't have left her crying in the grass just like that- even if she hadn't gone very far and just wianted to think- Dot was so vulnerable right now, and..

"Dot! Dot, are you okay?" Bronze called.

Pearl and Bronze locked eyes.

"Oh..," Pearl said. " _Hi_ ," she said in a very fake friendly tone.

Bronze looked Pearl up in down. " _Hi_ ," she sniffed, not bothering with attempting to play nice.

"Intense," Amethyst said, holding popcorn. "Some real _Keeping up with the Kardashians_ level shit goin' on here. Damn."

"I'm Pearl," Pearl said, holding out her hand.

Bronze raised a brow. "What kind?"

Pearl shifted. "I just go by Pearl."

"Fine," Bronze said. "I'm Bronze Pearl. Call me Bronze. Actually, don't. That's for friends,"

"You could try to be cordial, at least," said Pearl, narrowing her eyes.

Bronze shrugged. "I'm honest about when I don't give any fucks," she said. "Unlike _some of us_ , clearly," she shook her head. "Are you okay?" she turned to Dot, frowning with concern. "Sorry for wandering- I didn't know what to say and I was just trying to gather my thoughts."

"Please don't say anything about anything I said," Dot groaned, putting her head in her hands. "It was pointless and I was just- screaming for no reason, honestly."

"You were venting," Bronze shrugged.

"We all feel very excluded from this conversation," Amethyst said helpfully.

"I yelled," Dot said morosely. "That's it."

"Why was _Jasper_ here?" Amethyst asked incredulously.

Jasper sat there, side-eying Pearl, who did threaten to kill her about 5 minutes ago. "Because Garnet told me to find Dot."

"Why would Garnet tell _you_?" Pearl demanded.

Jasper shrugged. "Why would Garnet do anything?"

"'Cause she has some sorta deep master plan," Amethyst suggested.

"Sure." Lapis said sarcastically.

Peri snorted. "Yeah _right_. Nobody has a plan. We have no idea what we are going to do. And I'm certain _Jasper_ wouldn't be included in her 'deep master plan'."

"Rude." Jasper said. Dot snickered.

"Why wouldn't Garnet tell _me_?!" Pearl demanded. "I-" she squinted at Dot. "Have you been crying?"

Jasper rolled her eyes. "I'm not _Garnet_. Why don't you _ask her_?" she pointed at Garnet, who was walking calmly towards the bunch.

"No." Dot muttered.

Demantoid could be seen faintly.

"HEY! FUCKFACE!" Dot called.

Deman turned, still for a moment. The others saw her distinctly raise both her middle fingers, and then shove her hands in the pockets of her ripped jeans and walk towards them.

"What are you doing up?" Dot raised a brow.

"I was going to the club to get wasted and laid," Demantoid said, not tiptoeing around the subject. "Are we all having a gathering?"

"Ayyyyy," Amethyst said, raising a hand. Deman high fived her. "My kinda gal."

"How did it go," Garnet said to Jasper.

"Terrible," Jasper said. "As I predicted."

"What are you talkin' about, Garnet?" Amethyst asked.

"I asked Jasper to do something for me." Garnet said simply.

"Like what?" Lapis asked suspiciously.

Garnet just gave a small smile and didn't say anything.

"Did you ask Jasper to fuckin' _make out_ with Dot?" Amethyst asked.

Jasper closed her eyes and tried to ignore everybody.

"I feel like I missed something," said Deman. "Hey," she nodded to Bronze. "Who's that?" she asked.

"I'm Jasper," Jasper said.

"Cool," Deman said, nodding. "I..," she stared. "I'm just wondering. What happens when you sneeze? Can you sneeze? And if you can't sneeze, doesn't this make you frequently have what is known as an existential crisis? I know if I couldn't sneeze, I'd be very depressed about my lack of this ability."

"Pbbt," Pearl said, a small sound of amusement escaping her.

The others giggled a little. Peri tried to disguise her laugh with coughing.

Jasper stared at Demantoid with a blank, slightly tired expression. "No,," she said.

Amethyst laughed a little harder.

"No to what? No, you can't sneeze? No, you have never had an existential crisis because you can't sneeze?"

Dot put her head in her hands.

Jasper looked suddenly very exhausted. "Why are you asking."

"I just," Demantoid said. "This is unreasonably distressing to me."

"Does it matter if I can sneeze," Jasper said.

"Um," Demantoid said. "Yeah."

"Anyways, where was I," Garnet asked. "Jasper, we need your help."

Garnet spent 15 minutes explaining what was happening.

Jasper sat there. "I.. I'll do what I can, I guess."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Dot staring at her curiously.

"Garnet," Pearl said. "I feel as if.. we are," Pearl gestured to Demantoid, and Bronze Pearl. "Starting to become a hotel for the previously dead."

"If anyone can help you, my friends can," Dot said. "They're determined. Determined to ruin your life, that is. Seriously. They're not very helpful."

"Determined? Me?" Deman snorted, ignoring the stuff about life ruining. "Nah. Drunk, is more accurate. Though I'm not sure that makes much of a difference."

"I still _strongly_ believe that we shouldn't let her into our home," Pearl said.

"My _trusty guitar_ will convince you otherwise. It's how I pick up girls," Demantoid took out a guitar and began strumming a few chords.

"I'm pretty sure your outfit does it," Dot said. "I mean, I'd tap that. It's your lesbian biker vibes. That's hot."

"What she said," Amethyst supplied.

"Aw, thank you," Deman said, smiling.

"This is weird," Jasper said.

"Wow," Peri muttered.

"Where did you get that from?" Pearl demanded, looking disoriented. "The _void_? You just- you pulled that out of thin air. I.."

Demantoid ignored her and kept playing the instrument. "R.I.P. to my youth, and you could call this the funeral, I'm just telling the truth," she sang.

"And you can play this at my funeral," Dot said, instinctively picking up the song. "Wrap me up in Chanel inside my coffin,"

Deman grinned a little. "Might go to hell and there ain't no stoppin'. Might be a sinner, and I might be a saint, I'd like to be proud, but somehow I'm ashamed."

"Sweet little baby in a world full of pain, I gotta be honest, I don't know if I could take it, everybody's talkin' but what's anybody sayin'?" Dot murmured.

"Mama said if I really want to, then I could change, yeah yeah," Deman hummed. "R.I.P. to my youth, if you really listen then this is to you. Mama, there is only so much I can do. Tough for you to witness but it was for me too."

"I'm using white lighters to see, what's in front of me," Dot sang. "R.I.P. to my youth, and you can call this the funeral, I'm just telling the truth, yeah, you can play this at my funeral."

"Tell my sister don't cry and don't be sad," Deman continued. "I'm in paradise with dad, close my eyes and then cross my arms, put me in the dirt, let me dream with the stars."

"Throw me in a box with the oxygen off," Dot sang. "You gave me the key then you locked every lock. When I can't breathe, I won't ask you to stop. When I can't breathe, don't call for a cop. I was naive and hopeful and lost. Now I'm aware and trapped in my thoughts, oh,"

"What do I do? What do I do? I don't believe it if I don't keep proof. I don't believe it if I don't know you, I don't believe it if it's on the news, or on the Internet.. I need a cigarette," Demantoid's fingers expertly navigated the guitar's strings.

"I'm using white lighters to see, what's in front of me. I'm using white lighters to see... R.I.P. to my youth, and you could call this the funeral. I'm just telling the truth, and you can play this at my funeral."

"Tell my sister don't cry and don't be sad, I'm in paradise with dad," Demantoid kept playing the guitar. "Close my eyes and then cross my arms, put me in the dirt, let me be with the stars."

"Um," said Amethyst. "That's how you pick up chicks or that's how you make 'em cry?"

"Eh," Demantoid shrugged.

"That was.. surprisingly beautiful," Pearl said.

"You doubted me," Deman said. "That hurts."

"You don't exactly look like a _guitar_ person," Lapis said as nicely as she could.

"She does," Amethyst said. "But an electric guitar person."

"I'm one of those too," Demantoid said. "I'm a gem of many talents."

"She's lying," Dot said. "She's an untalented loser."

"That too," Demantoid snorted.

"We should play some time!" Amethyst exclaimed. "I do drums."

"Nice," Deman said appreciatively, nodding. "We can do that. We can play together some time."

"Let me know when you're done planning your date," Peri rolled her eyes.

"We can do a multidate," Deman said. "Anyone here play any instruments?"

"Bass," Garnet said.

"Sweet," Deman nodded. "And someone for vocals, because though I'm amazing at singing, my voice is puberty-level at best. And though dramatic cracking is great, it's not what I have in mind."

"I want someone who can sing like, rock," Amethyst said.

"I wasn't trying to actually encourage you to plan more," Peri said. "I was trying to get you to stop."

"I was about to volunteer but I can't do rock," Lapis mused.

"Lapis," Peri said, dismayed. "Not you too."

Lapis shrugged.

"Okay great, you're starting a band," Dot said dryly.

"Can you do rock, Dot?" Amethyst said.

" _Please_ do not try to get me to join your band. And yes, I can do rock. I did lots of rocks in the old days," Dot wiggled her eyebrows.

Jasper sighed deeply. "I think actually, I'd like to go back to the basement." she muttered.

Garnet snorted.

Deman stared at the sky. "I think I'm gonna go to the Kindergarten again," she said.

"What prompted this sudden urge?" Pearl raised a brow.

"Eh," Demantoid shrugged. "Instinct. _Squad sense_ ," she said dramatically. "I feel like somebody's back."

Dot tilted her head. "I feel it too," she agreed. "Can I come with?"

"Sure," Deman said, getting up.

Dot held a hand out and let Demantoid help her to her feet.

"If you can feel it could _they_ feel it too?" Lapis wondered.

Deman blinked slowly. "It _is_ how I got here," she said after a moment.

"Let them make the trek," Peri grumbled. " _We_ shouldn't have to reach out. Why are we collecting Dot's friends again? We don't need them for anything."

"Uh, well," Dot said. "Actually.. why _are_ we collecting my friends again?"

"I feel they are integral to saving this planet," Garnet said.

"Okay, but, like, a good amount of my friends aren't even very kid-friendly. If you think Deman is bad, you should see Amber. Honestly."

" _Honestly_ ," Demantoid said, snickering.

"I don't think I want to see Amber," Pearl said, eye twitching.

"I still think they're important." Garnet said.

"Okay," Dot said. "Good luck with that. Frankly, I think you're dooming yourself."

Deman nodded in agreement. "You're gonna be like, counting on me on the day of death, and you're gonna find a note saying 'went to the club, can't save the world right now, will be back at 10'."

Dot snorted. "Also to mention absolutely none of my friends have any fundamental traits you need to be able to save the world,"

"I am one of the most stable people in our friend group," Deman said helpfully.

" _No_!" Pearl said. "Garnet, we need another plan. If she's one of the most stable, then _what in the world_ are Dot's _other_ friends possibly like?"

"Maybe like her?" Amethyst pointed at a small vaguely pink short figure in the distance.

" _Oh_ ," Dot and Demantoid said, both voices dropping an entire octave.

"Uh," Jasper said. "Why are you two acting like you guys are about to die?"

"I love Rhodo, really, I do," said Deman. "But she's very high-maintenance."

"Rhodo is my best pal," Dot said. "We're tight," Dot said. "She," she said. "Has a lot of appearance-related needs and drinks a lot of tea. She likes neat things and nice clothes. She hates it when we drink. Or smoke. Or both."

"I like the sound of this 'Rhodo' person," Pearl said, nodding approvingly.

"I have to hide my cigarettes," Demantoid said, sounding a little panicked.

"Do I still smell like beer?" Dot fretted.

Amethyst sniffed Dot. "Nope." she declared. "You smell like mud and tears."

"I," Dot said.

Demantoid stared at a pack of cigarettes. "Look, I know we just met," she said to Jasper, a dead serious expression on her face. "But I need you to do this for me."

"What?" said Jasper, expression confused.

Demantoid shoved her pack of cigarettes into the endless masses of Jasper's hair.

Jasper opened her mouth and then closed it. She stared into the distance. "Oh," she said.

"Thank you, buddy," Deman said. "You've done me a great service."

"Ugh, I need to sit down," was literally the first words they heard the short pink gem say.

Dot raised a brow.

"I've been walking a while and it took 20 minutes for every bone in my body to stop cracking every time I moved," Rhodolite explained. "I don't even _have_ bones. It's a travesty," she shook her head. "Hello, Demantoid," she waved.

"Rhodo." Deman nodded.

"That's not a greeting," Rhodolite said. "That's just my name. We've had numerous conversations about this."

"I don't care," said Demantoid.

"I know," Rhodolite sighed. "But language is such a beautiful thing and you so casually lay waste to it. Speak _eloquently_ , darling! You have the ability."

"Shut the _fuck_ up, dah-ling," Deman mimicked Rhodo's posh British accent.

Pearl stared at Rhodo with starry eyes, ignoring Demantoid completely. "You seem _responsible_ ," she gushed.

"I do like to think of myself that way," Rhodo hummed. "Thank you, I appreciate it. My name is Rhodolite," she held out her hand. "It is a _pleasure_ to meet you."

Pearl beamed and shook her hand. "And my name is Pearl," she said.

"Great," Peri said flatly. "Pearl found a buddy for tea time."

Rhodolite blinked slowly. "I think I _may_ be hallucinating," she said, looking from Peri, to Dot, to Peri.

"We should start charging people who say that to us," Peri said.

"We should," Dot said. "We really should. And 'seeing double', too."

Peri nodded in agreement, before briefly nodding at Rhodolite. "I'm Peri," she said.

"There are two," Rhodolite said. "I feel a headache coming on."

"You get used to it, eventually," Deman said helpfully. "Dot still hasn't told me where Peri came from yet," Deman shrugged. "I suspect twin hidden from the world for thousands of years."

"No." Peri said.

Dot just shook her head.

"Crystal Gems, we need to have a meeting," Garnet said suddenly. "Demantoid, Rhodolite, Bronze," she said. "I hope you don't mind if we leave for a short time to have a meeting."

"It's no trouble," Rhodo said airily.

"I'mma hit the club," said Demantoid.

" _You_ will come to a quiet, calm coffee shop with a wonderful calming atmosphere," Rhodolite. "Three of us will sit and talk over coffee with whipped cream and a very small amount of sprinkles."

"I mean, I could do that for sure," Deman said. "But I could also hit the club."

Bronze rolled her eyes.

Dot watched them slowly get smaller in the distance.

"What about me?" Jasper said suddenly.

"Yeah, what about Jasper?" Lapis said, narrowing her eyes. "If she becomes a Crystal Gem I'm quitting."

"You'll learn to get over it," Pearl said simply. "And what _about_ Jasper, Garnet? Should she go too?"

"She knows things most of us don't," Garnet replied. "And what she knows is valuable to our meeting."

Jasper blinked. "Fine." she said simply.

"If we're going to make a plan I don't see why they can't be involved in this discussion," Peri mused absently. "After all, they seem to know a lot more about what is going on than _we_ do."

"Ditto," Amethyst said.

"We're not making a plan," Garnet said. "We're having a meeting about a topic we should have discussed a long time ago." she sat down on the grass, and after a few moments, everybody else followed suit.

"What're we talking about?" Amethyst raised a brow.

"I feel like we _really_ should discuss the dead people coming back to life," Lapis said. "I'm getting serious zombie apocalypse vibes."

"Thank you!" Dot exclaimed. "It's _not_ just me!"

"No." Garnet said flatly. "We're going to talk about Dot."

"Bye, I'm literally not staying here for this conversation," Dot said. "HEY!" she yelled, really loudly, and somewhat unnecessarily. She squinted into the distance.

There was a long pause, and then a really loud "WHAT?"

"ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO THE CLUB OR TO THE COFFEE SHOP?" Dot yelled.

"CLUB! WHY?" was the response.

"I'M COMING WITH!"

"No." Garnet said.

"I'M NOT COMING WITH!" Dot yelled.

"OKAY!"

Dot squinted and watched the three resume walking.

"Do they know where the club is?" she said suddenly, a thoughtful expression on her face. "I should catch up and tell them."

"You're staying," Garnet said.

"You have been eating _way_ too much jerk salad," Dot said disapprovingly.

" _Jerk salad_?" Lapis raised a brow, looking amused. "What the heck is that?"

"Something Garnet has been eating too much of, you idiot," Jasper grunted.

Lapis scowled, clenching her hands into fists. She opened her mouth, about to say something.

"Easy," Garnet warned. "Alright. So. We need to talk about Dot."

"Raise your hand if you don't want to have this conversation," Dot said, raising her hand.

Amethyst, Peri, Lapis, and Jasper raised their hands.

"That's 1, 2, 3, 4," Dot counted, and then counted her hand. "5 hands that went up. And 1, 2," she pointed at Pearl, and Garnet. "Hands that _didn't_. Majority rules."

"Raise your hand if you want to get in trouble with me by not having this conversation," Garnet said.

Nobody raised their hand.

"Majority rules," Garnet said.

Dot muttered something and crossed her arms.

"Dot," Garnet said. "About a month ago you almost died."

"Uh," Dot said. "If we're talking about times I almost died I can give you a whole long list of dates and times, my guy," she paused as if thinking. "Do you want most recent to oldest or vice versa? I know there are a l-"

"I think she's talkin' bout that time you just like, froze up while we were fighting that corrupted gem thing, dude," Amethyst said.

"Ah yes," Dot said, nodding and trying very hard not to shift under everyone's gaze. "Fun times. Yeah, that's a good example of a time I almost died. I already don't really like this conversation? Especially not when the world is ending, I feel like we have more important things to talk about?"

"I second that sentiment," Peri said. "I think we should drop it and talk about more important things, like dealing with _everything that's happening right now while we're speaking_. We _don't_ have time to sit around and do nothing."

"Right? Like.. we have priorities." Dot said.

Garnet ignored them. "Shortly after that you were unresponsive for weeks. You went on long walks, which was a disaster, because you were completely unaware of your surroundings. I had to carry you out of the way of an incoming car on the road multiple times."

"Don't jaywalk, kids," Dot said.

The others shifted and looked everywhere but Dot, which Dot decided was definitely worse than when they were all staring right at her.

"What's the point of this conversation?" Dot said finally.

"We're here to talk about you," Garnet said. "We're here to all have an open, honest conversation with each other."

"About me?" Dot asked incredulously.

"About everything." said Garnet.

"That's real vague," Dot said. "I don't even understand what's going on here."

"Does anybody have anything they would like to say to Dot?" Garnet asked. She looked around, eyes lingering on some of the gems in the vague circle shape they were all sitting on the grass in- Peri, Amethyst, Pearl, Jasper.

Everybody shifted.

"This is so awkward," Dot groaned. "Can I go? This isn't fair. My friends are at the club meeting hot girls and I'm sitting here watching all of you sweat and wish as desperately as I'm wishing right now to not have this conversation."

"You can't go." Garnet said. "Well? Does anybody want to say anything?"

"I do worry about you sometimes," Pearl admitted. "Or- more than sometimes. It-'

"This is _so fucking weird_ ," Dot interrupted. "And literally the most awkward experience I've ever had in my 35,000 years of life," she said. "I literally _cannot_ handle this right now," she shook her head. "Nuh _uh_. You guys can sit here and sweat and tap your fingers together and stare at everything but each other all by your _selves_. I'm going to go do more productive things with my time."

"Can I say something?" Amethyst asked.

"Go ahead." Garnet said calmly.

"Um," Amethyst said, awkwardly scratching the back of her head. "I think I'm.. with Garnet on this one, actually. I think we.. I think that we do actually need to talk about this," She let out a breath. "I mean, um.. it's something we've all been ignoring, I guess. We all know it's there but we don't talk about it and, um.. I guess I"m just trying to sa-"

"Anyways, bye," Dot getting up.

"Sit down." Garnet said. "No interrupting, either."

Dot scowled.

Amethyst thought hard, having lost her train of thought. "Uh.. oh yeah. I'm just trying to say that maybe we should talk about Dot and y'know, all that stuff 'cause it's not like everything's gonna go away if we keep ignoring it. It's still gonna be there."

Peri grunted. "I don't see the point. It's not like I even care. I have better things to do than talk about Dot's problems. I have problems of my own to take care of. Like thousands of dead gems being brought back to life."

"Exactly," Dot said.

" _But_ ," Peri sighed. "If we absolutely _must_ have this conversation, I don't think Dot should be allowed to come on missions anymore," Peri said coolly. "She endangered herself and everyone around her and frankly, I don't think we can afford to take the kind of risk of somebody regenerating. Not right now."

"That's a little bit harsh," Amethyst countered. "Dot can handle herself in a fight. Maybe that was just some sort of fluke. She's done that before, but she'd never done it in battle before then. A one-time thing."

"If it can happen off the battlefield it can certainly happen on it!" Peri argued. "I-"

"I wasn't brought into existence to sit down quietly and patiently like a good little girl while people talk about me like I'm not even here," Dot said.

"Sorry," said Amethyst.

Peri picked at the grass.

Peri sighed. "But I suppose we should at least acknowledge that becoming unresponsive is something Dot does and find ways to manage and prevent it," she said. "What do you think, Dot?"

"I don't care." Dot said flatly.

"How would we.. prevent it?" Lapis asked.

"By fucking off," said Dot. "Fuck off. Fuck," she said. "Off. I can say it again if you didn't get the point."

"I got the point," Lapis said irritably. "Thanks."

"I did some research on the subject," Pearl said in a helpful, hesitant tone. "When she.. becomes unresponsive like that it's calle-"

"That's amazing," Dot said, in a deadpan tone. "I don't care."

"No interrupting." Garnet reminded Dot.

"Why aren't you intervening?" Peri asked. "This is chaos. There's so much arguing."

"It's an open conversation," Garnet said. "I'm not going to stop someone just because I consider their opinion a little problematic. It's still an opinion and one that should be considered in this conversation."

"Dot isn't even sharing an opinion," Lapis retorted. "She's just telling people to shut up and that she doesn't care. Earlier she was complaining about how silent we were and now we're actually _trying_ to have this conversation and she's complaining about _that_ now."

Garnet sighed. "Dot, please stop."

"I don't think I can roll my eyes hard enough in response to that so I'm just letting you know that I'd like to roll my eyes more than is physically possible so you can all get an idea of how _done_ I am." Dot said.

" _Ugh_ ," said Lapis. "Aren't _you_ going to say anything? Why is she here for this, Garnet? So she can learn intimate details about us to manipulate us with?"

Jasper didn't justify Lapis with a response.

"Because I said a lot of dumb stuff to Jasper that Garnet thinks is relevant," Dot said.

"You mean repeatedly asking Jasper to beat you up?" Peri asked in an accusatory tone. "Why would you go to _Jasper_ of all the individuals on this planet?"

"'Cause I can't repeatedly make long treks out to houses, takes a lot of time. Jasper was close by and not somebody I had to encounter on a regular basis so I didn't have to deal with complicated confrontations over the fact that I asked her to punch me in the face. It was convenience more than anything else." Dot said evenly.

Jasper felt something inside of her twist in a weird, awkward, painful way and took care not to let it show on her face. _It was convenience more than anything else_.

"I still fail to understand why you'd want to someone to beat you up, by the way," Peri said. "And find it reckless and irresponsible behaviour."

"That's fair." Dot shrugged.

"But maybe my views will change," Peri said. "If I hear your logic, so. Why did you do it?"

Dot ignored Lapis and Pearl staring at her curiously like they too, wanted to know why she did it. "Eh." she said. "Because I can."

"That was anticlimactic and my verdict remains that it was reckless and irresponsible behaviour." Peri sighed.

Lapis looked disappointed and Pearl didn't really seem to be buying it, but whatever.

Dot was doing her very best not to think about the actual reasons that she did what she did, and she was also doing her very best to ignore Jasper's gaze burning into her. She felt a familiar onset of nausea and tried to stifle it. More than anything she wanted to end this conversation and forget everything about this conversation and go home and sleep.

"You told me something about drifting," said Garnet. "And that's why you went down there."

Dot felt a sudden tightness in her chest. "No," she said, feeling more and more nauseous with every minute that passed that they were still talking about this. "That's not true."

"So then.. why?" Lapis raised a brow. "And what's drifting?"

Dot felt her head start to pound and felt herself get even more nauseous and was suddenly very sure she _couldn't_ do this. "Because I wanted to, and it's nothing."

Dot could feel their gazes pierce her and bile rise in her throat. She ignored it all. "You had an idea," she said, to Peri. "About managing something and preventing something."

Peri blinked before brightening and nodding. "Yes, I did!" she said. "I was thinking.." Dot watched the others all turn their focus to Peri and took a moment to gather and organize her thoughts and you know, not spontaneously cry or throw up or anything like that.

"Do you think that would work?" Peri asked Dot, sounding proud.

Dot yawned. "What did you say?" she asked, making sure she sounded really sleepy.

"Ugh," Peri said. "Try not to take a nap in the middle of the conversation, okay?" Peri took a deep breath and gave a loose summary of her plan.

" _No_ ," Dot grunted. "I promise, screaming directly in my ear won't work and instead I'll probably just lose my hearing, which isn't beneficial whatsoever."

Peri sighed. "Well.. what should we do, then?"

Dot closed her eyes and quietly tried to unravel the tangled knot that were her nerves at present.

"Dot, stop sleeping," Amethyst said, misreading Dot's intent.

Dot reluctantly opened her eyes and picked at the grass to rid herself of all this extra nervous energy. "You could try fucking off," she said.

"Dot." Garnet said.

Dot sighed. "You could try," she said. "Going away."

Garnet gave Dot a warning look.

"I could punch Dot again," Jasper suggested.

" _No_ ," everybody said, except for Dot, who said "Okay." The others stared and Dot went back to picking at the grass, sighing.

"Look, man," Amethyst said. "I dunno what you want," she said. "Do you wanna fix this or not?"

"There is nothing to fix," Dot said simply. "Honestly, I don't even want to talk about this."

Amethyst gritted her teeth. "Well, I don't _care_ if you don't want to talk about this!" she exclaimed suddenly.

Dot's eyes snapped up to focus on Amethyst.

"I'm tired of having this hanging over our heads!" Amethyst continued, a frustrated expression on her face. "You go- go off and stand on the edge of a cliff or go downstairs to have Jasper punch you in the face or something or punch Lapis in the face for no reason and we all just shove it under the rug and act like it's not happening! I'm _tired_ of doing that! I don't wanna do it anymore! I don't want to ignore everything anymore! So- so can we all just _talk about this_?!"

"She's right," Lapis said quietly, slim fingers lingering on her face, ghosting over a bruise that was no longer there. "We need to talk about this. We can't just- can't just keep ignoring everything," Lapis let out a breath. "We all turned a blind eye. I'm.. not proud that I did. I want to make it right."

Pearl exhaled and Peri looked down at the ground, biting her lip.

"That's almost noble." Jasper said, the slightest hint of sarcasm in her tone.

Lapis narrowed her eyes but didn't say anything.

Garnet gave a slight nod. "Good points, you two."

"Heh," Dot said, chuckling a little. She adjusted her position, lying on her stomach.

"What's so funny?!" Amethyst demanded.

"This," Dot said, making a grand, vague gesture. "Comedy gold, really."

"There's nothing _funny_ about this!" Amethyst exclaimed.

"Mm, on the contrary," Dot murmured, closing her eyes. "It's hilarious. Okay, sure," she said. "You guys are tired of _shoving it under the rug_?" her tone was clearly amused. "Okay. Let's have a real talk, then. I'll entertain you."

The others exchanged glances.

"Okay, um," Pearl said hesitantly. "Do you.. maybe want to tell them what you told me at the museum?"

"Nope," Dot said, popping the 'p'. "Next question? If you're going to get like.. _real_ heavy, let me know in advance."

"Do you want to kill yourself?" Amethyst asked bluntly.

"I _just said_ ," Dot said in a patient tone. "To let me know in advance if you were going to g-"

"Do you, Dot?" Peri interrupted, sounding kind of tired.

"Garnet, she interrupted me," Dot complained. "Can't you tell _her_ 'no interruptions'? I'm seeing some double standards here."

Garnet didn't say anything.

"Oprah Winfrey _gets to business_ ," Dot said. "The Oprah Winfrey Show: Hardcore Edition," she looked around. "Not even a smile? Tough crowd," she sighed. "Well, no," she said. "I don't."

"So why do you always stand on the edge of cliffs?" Amethyst raised a brow.

"'Cause I can," said Dot. "I'm like, tempting fate. It's an ego thing. It's like- hell yeah, I'm a god, I have ultimate control over whether or not I live or die. I also think best when I'm standing on the edge of cliffs, so when I'm wondering if I should order takeout or eat the gross vegetables Pearl cooks that's probably where I go."

"My vegetables aren't gross," Pearl said, clearly a little miffed.

"Can't you just.. pace back and forth like everybody else who needs to think?" Peri asked warily.

"No," Dot said. "I live life on the edge."

"So then, you're not suicidal." Amethyst said. "And you're just being edgy."

"Oh no," Dot said evenly. "I'm totally both suicidal and edgy. Those are just my other reasons for standing on the edge of cliffs. More than half of the time I'm not actually contemplating jumping."

"Why are you suicidal then?" Amethyst asked neutrally.

"It all started when I ate fries for the first time," Dot said dramatically.

"Cut the shit," Amethyst said patiently.

Dot sighed. "Because I am," she said simply.

"Are you.. severely emotionally distressed?" Peri asked. "That's typically a common cause of suicidal thoughts, feelings, and actions."

"Um," Dot raised a brow. "Are _you_?"

"No," Peri said. "Well, slightly, because of this whole apocalypse situation."

"Then that's that," Dot shrugged. "Everyone gets a little emotionally distressed. The thought of death is one ever present."

Peri nodded. "I suppose."

"Dude," Amethyst said, sounding irritated. "You have to be _careful_. Dot just _played you_. She didn't even answer your question. She just threw what you said back at you and added some meaningless bullshit to the end. She's very evasive, you know. She hasn't answered a single question _directly_ yet."

"I feel personally attacked," Dot said, sounding slightly offended. "Yeah, I got some shit going on," she said. "Emotionally distressed," she said, using air quotes. "Could describe me, probably."

"Okay," Peri said. "How can we fix that?"

"Hm," Dot said, sounding thoughtful. "Erase my whole entire life. That will work."

Peri gave Dot a deadpan look. "Okay, let's change the topic," she said. "This conversation is a _little_ bit of a mood dampener an-"

"What?" Dot said, an edge in her voice. "Didn't you want this? _You guys_ wanted to have this conversation," she glared at Peri. " _You guys_ wanted to know. You wanted answers! And the second you get them you just want to.. what was that term Amethyst used? Shove it under the rug? Yeah, you just want to _shove it under the rug_ again. Does it make you uncomfortable when I tell you I want to die, Peri?"

Peri stared at Dot with wide eyes. "Um, I," she said. "You're in my no-no square," she said. "Can you back up a little?"

"'Cause I wanna _fucking die_ ," Dot said, disregarding Peri and getting all up in her personal space. "Do you not like it when I say that? Does it upset you when I say that I want to kill myself? Are you unnerved by the fact I don't want to be alive? That I'd like to not exist? That I'd like every single trace of me to be wiped off of the face of this planet, and the next, and all the planets, and the whole entire universe? Do you feel threatened by the fact that I, that I.. that.." she stared at Peri, and swallowed, backing away. "Um.."

Peri stared at Dot eyes wide, breathing hard. She took a deep breath and then slapped Dot. There was an audible sound.

The force pushed Dot back a little and she clutched her face. A lot of people started talking loudly, all at once, and Dot couldn't hear it over the big rushing sound that filled her head. She could vaguely feel people shaking her- calling her name really loudly, but she didn't really process it, and didn't respond, hands still pressed to her cheek. Periodically the rushing stopped briefly, and she heard little snippets of conversation- "Not what I had in mind," in Garnet's tone- "Dot, are you okay?! Dot!" Pearl's voice.

Dot closed her eyes tightly and started to cry, loud, hiccupy sobs escaping her. Her face hurt and this was a mess and exactly why she hadn't wanted to have this conversation at all.

Lapis exhaled shakily and resisted the urge to fly away. She turned to Peri and murmured "Are you okay?"

Peri's breath was hard and shaky. "I.. I didn't i- intend to... to, um.."

Dot lost track of time and where she was and who she was and lost herself to crying and huddling up and _distress_.

The rushing ceased for a moment and she heard a- "Move _back_." in an authoritative tone and Dot felt the sensation of slim arms around her torso disappear. She cried a little harder because the small embrace had been somewhat soothing.

"Hey loser," Demantoid said to Dot.

"She hasn't _responded_ to anything," Pearl said as patiently as possible, gritting her teeth. "And I _sincerely_ doubt-"

"Shut up," Demantoid interrupted. She kneeled in front of Dot. "Your name is Peridot Calenthe Rohkea Diamond the First," she said in a calm, even tone. She turned. "Anyone have an.. electronic device of some sort?'

Pearl fumbled for a second before handing Demantoid her phone.

Demantoid tilted her head and pressed the volume buttons a bajillion times before pressing the home button and turning it on. "It's 7:03 in the morning," she said in the calm tone again, listening to Dot's sobs give way to quiet sniffles. "The sun is just about to finish rising." Demantoid looked around. "Wanna blow on this for me, sweetheart?" she asked, pulling a dandelion out of the ground, each delicate white tuft perfectly intact. She cautiously handed it to Dot, who stared at it blankly for a very long moment before blowing gently, dispersing dandelion seeds everywhere.

Amethyst got one in her hair and spent a short time trying to get it out.

"That's it," Deman said to Dot, voice gentle. "You wanna play a game?" she asked. "Is it okay if I touch you?"

Dot gave a slight nod.

"Okay," Demantoid said. "So, take a deep breath in when I tap you once," she said. "And exhale when I tap you twice."

Dot fiddled with the grass.

Demantoid just followed the same pattern- _one tap,_ wait one two three, _double tap,_ wait one two three, _one tap,_ wait one two three.

Dot cracked an eye open, and then closed it, periodically opening and closing her eye until she adjusted to the light and kept her eye open. She opened her other eye. She raised a hand to brush against her cheek again, wincing a little.

"You okay?" Deman asked.

"I guess," Dot mumbled.

"Okay," Demantoid nodded. "D'you want my jacket?"

"Yeah," the warrior said.

Demantoid carefully took off her leather jacket and handed it to Dot, who draped it over herself and kind of just huddled up.

"A'ight," Demantoid said, giving Pearl her phone back without taking her eyes off of Dot. She stood up.

The other gems stared at Demantoid as if she were some form of powerful deity. She gave them weird looks.

"How did you do that?" Pearl asked, frantically scribbling something down in a notepad.

"Were you taking notes?" Deman asked incredulously.

" _Yes_ ," Pearl said, sounding flustered and a little distressed. "I- I don't understand, how or, or _what_ you did,"

"Uh," Demantoid blinked. "I don't exactly know what I did either."

"So then how did you _do it_?" Amethyst said, staring.

"That _was_ rather impressive," Rhodolite agreed.

Bronze Pearl gave a nod of respect.

"Um," Deman said. "Don't you guys have like.. the ability to _search up_ anything on your devices? If not they're useless and you need to update all of your technology," Demantoid said.

"Of course we have that ability," Pearl huffed.

"Then literally just type in 'how to calm someone down when they're having a panic attack', like, it's not the hardest thing you've ever done." Demantoid shook her head. "It works for when she's dissociating too."

Dot _briefly_ wondered if she should bury her head in the ground like an ostrich because she really _really_ didn't want to just sit here while they talked about her like she _wasn't_ sitting right there. She closed her eyes again.

Pearl's lips formed a small 'o' and she ripped out every page of her notes and gave a low, warbled quiet scream-like sound. "The answer has been _right there_ all this time," she said, giving a slightly hysteric laugh. "Of course."

"Sorry for not being smart but what the heck is 'dissushithing'?" Amethyst asked.

"Dissociating," Demantoid said. "It's like, being detached from reality, sorta. It's a coping mechanism or a defense mechanism and not really usually a voluntary thing, and usually kinda unpleasant."

"Yeah," Lapis said. "I've done that a few times."

"Haven't we all?" Rhodo asked.

Amethyst nodded slowly. "Ohhhh," she said. "Okay."

Dot _really_ didn't want to hear this conversation and shifted anxiously and mostly wanted to leave.

Garnet noted Dot's unhappy shifting around and picked her up. "Sorry," she whispered in Dot's ear. "It wasn't supposed to happen like this."

Dot kept her eyes closed and tried to tune out the conversation. "I honestly don't know what you were expecting. There is no way that conversation possibly could have gone well." she whispered back. She opened an eye and saw Jasper staring at her and then closed her eye again because she wasn't prepared to deal with _that_ whole situation either.

"There are a lot of ways that conversation could've gone well." Garnet said simply.

"Blurrhghghgh," Dot groaned.

"But because of your friend," Garnet continued. "We're a lot closer to being able to give you what you need."

"Ughhhhh," said Dot, squirming until Garnet eventually got the message and put her down. Dot crawled away on all fours, the long, wispy grass doing well to hide her green form. She kept crawling until she couldn't hear them talking anymore, and curled up and lay down in that spot. She was already so tired, and the gentle swaying of the grass put her to sleep.

"Uhhh guys?" Amethyst said, poking Pearl until Pearl stopped questioning Demantoid and turned to look at her. "Sorry to interrupt your conversation or whatever but where the heck is Dot?"

"Oh _no_ ," said Pearl, hyperventillating. "She must have been so upset after Peri slapped her in the face, and then,"

Peri mumbled an apology for the thousandth time, putting her head in her hands. Lapis gave her a comforting pat.

"Who slapped who in the what now?" Demantoid demanded.

"You did _whatever_ you did in front of all of us and I don't know about you all but _I_ know Dot has a pride thing and I bet she was embarrassed to have been seen in such a vulnerable state _and_ after that we did proceed to casually talk about her in her presence and," Pearl paused to take a deep breath. "What if she's running off to join the circus?! What if she's already 15 cities away and we'll never find her again be-"

Jasper, in the meantime, had been scanning the grass with sharp eyes. "Or she could be sleeping right there," she said, pointing to an abnormally large green lump in the grass that you really had to squint to see properly.

Pearl squinted. "Aha! Don't worry, everybody! I found Dot!"

Jasper gritted her teeth and prepared to say something, but Amethyst shook her head. "Juuuuuuust don't bother," she said. "Seriously. You'll get used to it."

"Dot-" Pearl began, running over to her. She saw Dot and went quiet. "Oh," she said softly, carefully picking Dot up. The green gem stirred a little but remained asleep.

Jasper watched Pearl return, carrying Dot and looking rather like a knight, returning from battle, victorious, carrying the princess whose heart she won in her arms. Something inside of her twinged, and the soldier glared down at the grass, not saying a word.

She saw Garnet, managing to give Jasper a meaningful look, despite Jasper being quite unable to see her eyes.

"UGhhhhGhh," Dot said, eyes fluttering open, woken from her sleep. She stared up at Pearl, who stared down at her. It was surreal. "Put me down!" Dot yelled, thrashing around and disturbing the peace.

"Um, okay," Pearl fumbled, putting Dot down in the grass, cheeks flushed teal. Now, she was more like a knight who couldn't quite figure out how to win the hand of her princess, and the slim gem looked appropriately dejected. Jasper noted this, and tried not to smile at this because she knew she really shouldn't be pleased to see that.

Dot adjusted her oversized sweater and scowled. She tightened the laces on her studded boots and something inside Jasper swelled, she had a distinct memory of Dot kicking her really hard and those spikes digging into Jasper's leg- she remembers thinking that the Crystal Gems could never beat her, that they could never win, and here Dot had single-handedly won her heart. (Jasper was thoroughly defeated.)

Sometimes she thought maybe she could knock out all these punks and run for it, but something about Dot just made her want to lay down her weapons and just sit down in the grass and never think of hurting anyone again. So Jasper did just that- she plopped herself down in the grass and watched the knight struggle with her princess and she thought, well, she's not her princess just yet. "You okay?" she called to Dot, who looked up.

"I haven't really ever given this deep thought," Dot replied. "But I think maybe my sweater is too big."

Peri gritted her teeth. "I have been trying to tell you that for a year now!"

Dot suddenly got to her feet, a look of steely determination in her face, everyone looking a little startled and very taken aback.

"I'm going to buy a T-shirt that's actually my size," she announced dramatically.

Everyone blinked.

"Um, okay?" said Bronze. "I'm happy for you? That's great?"

"And then," Dot said, expression darkening. "I'm going to raise an army."

"Well, that's certainly a more ambitious goal than buying a shirt in the right size," Rhodolite commented.

"Are you insane," said Peri.

"Well," Dot said, straightening. She balled her hands into fists. "I suppose we could just lie down and die."

Everyone stared.

"Or we could at least try," Dot continued. "Garnet hasn't failed us before! We have a grand total of 11. My mother has multiple armies of thousands. The odds aren't great. But we can lie down and die or we can fight! And if you have a problem with standing up for ourselves, for our planet, for the future of the universe and of our kind," Dot bared her teeth. "Then walk away right now and see how you fare on your own."

Everyone was still.

Peri took a few steps, and everyone gaped.

"I'm not leaving," Peri exclaimed, flushing. "I've been standing in one place for too long. I need to stretch."

They all laughed, new hope shining in their eyes.

Dot snorted. "Well, we have work to do." she said with a flourish. "Should I get one custom-made? It can say Official Crystal Gem, maybe.."

Lapis shook her head in disbelief.


	13. Chapter 13

_every single time i give these guys a brief break i just... PILE IT ON_

 _also garnet is every single multishipper but shes gonna break a heart,,_

 _just so u kno what this chapter will be like there's an direct line from it below in quotations:_

"..taking an egg from inside the fridge and eating it whole and raw."

 _thats it. thats the entire chapter_

* * *

"You really don't have to do this," Dot sighed. "I could do it on my own."

Bronze was quiet, just wiping Dot down with a slightly damp cloth, expression neutral. "You're a mess," she said simply.

"Thanks for the reminder," Dot said flatly, before adding "This is more awkward now that I'm a grown 35,000 year old gem, just saying. Can I put my clothes back on? Please."

Bronze furrowed her brow in thought before giving Dot a look of reassignment. "You're clean enough, anyways," she said. "But no, you can't put them back on. I'm going to wash them."

Dot sighed deeply but didn't bother protesting. "So what exactly am I supposed to wear while you're doing that?" she asked.

Bronze gave Dot a bathrobe.

Dot sighed and flung it to the floor. "But I want my own clothes, it's like one in the morning, and-"

"Dot! Are you still up?" Pearl's voice could be heard outside the door.

Dot practically had a heart attack and nearly dented her leg trying to get the bathrobe.

"Stay still," Bronze scolded. "You'll get dirty again and you almost hit your leg. I don't have any tools so we'd have to wait until the morning to fix the dent. I'll get the bathrobe, and then I'll get the door." Bronze said, doing just that and handing it to Dot.

"Hi," Bronze said, opening the door just a crack in order to preserve Dot's decency and dignity.

"Oh," Pearl said, with significantly less enthusiasm. "You're also still up."

Bronze yawned, ignoring Pearl. "Dot's here, but you can't come in."

Pearl tried to peek inside. "Why not?" she asked.

"Because," Bronze said, and left it at that.

"Ohplease," Pearl muttered under her breath. "Stop being ridiculous and let me in."

"Fine," Bronze said. "I tried to tell you."

"NO nonono," Dot spluttered. "A minute just a minute gimme a sec wait out there please-"

Dot hurried her efforts in putting on the bathrobe.

Pearl walked in the room and immediately froze up, blinking, expression shifting rapidly from various degrees of horrified, mortified, and shocked- and very briefly, interest, because Pearl can't help but be gay. She wheezed and hacked, and eventually regained the presence of mind to whirl around and close her eyes tightly.

Dot looked very traumatized, the bathrobe now completely on. She curled up and stared at the wall, a few faint noises of humiliation escaping her.

"Okay," Pearl said weakly, as if she might pass out or something. "You're still up."

Dot's response was to wheeze very loudly and punctuate it with a loud cough.

Pearl opened her eyes and then closed them again and tried to ignore the sensation of her heart breaking into a million pieces. "If you and Bronze are," she said. "Occupied in here the least you can do is lock the door," she started rambling. "Put up a do not disturb sign, explain that you're busy without disclosing an uncomfortable amount of deta-"

Dot blushed deeply. "It's not like that! It's nothing like that!" she blurted out. "She was bathing me!"

"Is that supposed to be," Pearl said. "An improvement to this overall situation? Because I have some news for you-"

Dot's blush deepened. "She thinks she needs to take care of me because I haven't been eating or sleeping or paying attention to my appearance," she said flatly. "It's kinda ridiculous, I know, but-"

"Oh," Pearl said, nodding. "That sounds legitimate. I've thought about this multiple times but we're really not that close."

Dot ignored what Pearl just said and showed the tall gem her arm. "Do I look shiny?"

"Yes, actually," Pearl said. "This is just one more reason for everybody who resides in Beach City, which," she mumbled this next bit- "Actually now has everything it needs to be legally deemed a city," the pale gem resumed her normal volume. "To hate you in the summertime."

"Who can hate me in the summertime? Do people hate me in the summertime?" Dot blinked. "That's okay," she winked and gave Pearl finger guns. "The second I put on a bikini, nobody will hate me anymore."

Pearl gave Dot a blank look.

"Please no," Bronze said, taking out a hair brush and beginning to brush Dot's hair.

"Dot, people are taking complaints to Mayor Dewey about having you banned from walking around in the summertime because," Pearl stifled a laugh.

"Because what?" Dot demanded. "Is it.. I knew this would be a problem for me someday," she sighed, sounding wistful. "I'm too attractive. I'm.. I'm starting to distract people, aren't I."

"Ow," Dot added, when Bronze found a particularly tangled part of Dot's hair and attempted to brush through it.

"Um, you're certainly distracting people," Pearl said, snorting.

"That's okay!" Dot exclaimed. "I'll find a way to be less of a hot mama."

"I don't want to hear those words out of your mouth ever again," Bronze said.

"Noted," Dot replied.

Pearl stared before bursting into laughter. "It's the _glare_ , Dot," she said. "The sunlight reflects off of your metal so much that it's ridiculous. You know, when Amethyst and Lapis all go out with you to do things that are probably mildly illegal they're not wearing sunglasses just as a fashion statement."

Dot stared.

"And now that you're clean and actually shiner than normal it will all be much, much worse," Pearl couldn't stop laughing.

Bronze snorted. "Ego went from 0 to 100 and back to 0 again."

"N-no," Dot said. "You're kidding, right?"

"No," Pearl said. "Mayor Dewey swung by yesterday while you were buying your T-shirt to let me know, and also to ask me if I would go on a date with him."

Dot continued to stare.

"Did you accept?" Bronze asked, knowing the answer just as well as anyone did.

Pearl snorted.

"Give the guy a break," Dot said. "He gave me a free pen like, 3 months ago. He's'not-"

Sorry, I have to interject, I know that horrible word looks like somebody trying to write out the sound of somebody coughing up phlegm but Dot literally mashed those two contractions into one big contraction, because she apparently doesn't like to speak clearly.

"Give the guy a break," Dot said. "He gave me a free pen, like, 3 months ago. He's'not all bad."

Pearl and Bronze stared at Dot. "Hesnaught," Bronze whispered in disbelief.

"Um, anyway," Pearl said. "I hope you don't enter the kitchen later this morning talking like that. You should enunciate."

"I should who what?" Dot asked incredulously.

Pearl laughed a little.

Bronze eyed Dot's hair. "Do you straighten this?"

"Yeah, like, once a week?" Dot said.

"Okay," Bronze said thoughtfully. "I'm going to dampen your hair a little to get it wavy again," she gave a thoughtful hum. "Then I'll straighten your bangs, because they look good like that."

" _What_?" Pearl repeated. "Dot, you straighten your hair?"

"There's a lot about Dot you don't know," Bronze hummed.

"It- I, uh," Dot flushed a little. "Diamonds, Bronze. Stop exposing me. You're like a teen magazine."

"You could just- adjust your form, you know," Pearl said. "Instead of going to all that trouble."

Dot's lips formed a small 'o'. She blushed. "I should've maybe.. thought.. of that."

Bronze sighed. "Did you _have_ to cut your hair?"

"I mean if it's any consolation to you it's growing back," Dot said. "A little too much, really, it doesn't work with the hairstyle anymore. I was going to cut it again because it-"

"Okay, I don't really care about that," Bronze said. "This is doable."

"I hope you're not ruining my life," Dot said. "My hair is my everything," she said.

"I'll make you look like somebody who's never brushed their hair in their life," Bronze said dryly. "Oh wait. You have that look covered."

" _S_ _avage_ ," Dot said.

"I'm interested in watching this transformation," Pearl said thoughtfully.

"What is the point," Dot said. "I'm already hot."

"Eh," Bronze said. "You could use a little work."

Dot dramatically whirled her head around to stare at Bronze with the most over-the-top look of betrayal imaginable. " _What_?"

"Relax," Bronze said. "I didn't say I was going to eat your firstborn."

Dot gave a small _hmph_ and crossed her arms. "I don't need you to tell me I'm beautiful, Bronze," the green gem said. "In Gemsus' eyes we're all equal."

Bronze sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Don't worry, Dot, you're quite attractive," Pearl assured, trying to be helpful but just sounding really gay.

Bronze snorted.

"Ha," Dot said. "See, Bronze. Pearl thinks I'm hot."

"I _never_ said that," Pearl said. "I said you're quite attractive."

"Pearl thinks I'm a smokin' hot mama," Dot said.

"I _never_ said that!" Pearl exclaimed.

Bronze sighed. "Honestly, from everything I've gathered in this interaction alone it just looks like you two really need to make out and just get it over and done with."

Dot and Pearl flushed.

"I-it's _not like that_ ," Dot stammered.

"Dot is- I am- we're not, it's not-" Pearl stuttered.

Dot closed her eyes and sighed, before her eyes suddenly widened and she asked Bronze again- "What are you planning to do to my hair?"

"Eh," Bronze shrugged. She resumed brushing it. "I'm going to part your hair, okay?"

"Brrrroooonze what are you _doing_ ," Dot said, thrashing around.

"Stay still," Bronze huffed. She disappeared into Dot's bathroom and returned with Dot's straightening iron.

"Okay," Dot said. "Just be careful with that thing. You know, on the box it says it can cause burns, so-"

"I did your hair for thousands of years," Bronze retorted. "I'm one hundred percent sure I know what I'm doing."

The first thing Bronze did was take the straightening iron and give Dot's bangs a slight curl.

"Okay, that's it, right?" Dot asked, sounding a little panicked. "This is already a big enough change and I think I'm going to hide underneath my bed for the rest of my life now."

"I hardly did anything," Bronze said.

"You look almost the exact same, if it's any consolation to you, Dot." Pearl said. "Though you look about, maybe.. 25 years younger."

"I already have a baby face, I don't _need_ to look 25 years younger!"

Bronze had also gotten a bunch of pins, and spent time eyeing Dot's hair. "Why do- why does it," she tried to brush it down and it floofed back up. "It really never used to do this, this doesn't even make sense, her hair can't do that-"

Pearl blinked.

Dot snickered. "You can't change me, Bronze," she said, triumphantly.

Bronze brushed Dot's hair some more before carefully combing it through with her fingers. She sniffed her fingers. "Hair spray," she 'hmph'd. She sprayed Dot's hair with a little more water and washed it out, and then blow dried it. It obeyed gravity again.

Pearl just staired.

Dot gave a thoughtful hum, after getting over her initial embarrassment at her use of hairspray being exposed. "It's the same length it used to be- I cut it to maybe here," she said, and then pondered. "But that was 16,000 years ago so my hair must grow _reaaal_ slow- or not at all? I should be Rapunzel by now, or maybe Peri's had been cutting it? Huh. This is actually-"

"Please stop," Bronze said. "I don't care."

Dot snorted.

"This is disorienting," Dot said.

"Agreed," Pearl murmured.

"I'm going to curl it a little," Bronze said.

And she did. I'm really a fanfiction writer, not a hairdresser, so I could not for the life of me describe what exactly she did, but I sure as heck can tell you what it looked like.

Bronze had done something to Dot's hair that made Dot look regal in a strange way. She curled Dot's hair just enough to not quite justify it as curly or even wavy. It was more wispy, and she'd left a few strands to frame Dot's face and emphasize Dot's features since that's what Dot had seemed to be going for originally anyways. Bronze knew Dot was vain enough to have considered that.

"How bad is it?" Dot asked Pearl, sounding slightly panicked.

"It's..," Pearl tucked a strand behind Dot's ear. "Not bad. It's just.. different."

"That's not as reassuring as you might _think_ it is," Dot retorted.

"No, it's..," Pearl stared at Dot, flushing slightly. "It's just different, Dot. But you look nice."

"I look bad," Dot concluded.

Bronze handed her a mirror. "Well, see for yourself, if that's true or not."

Dot stared into it. "Oh," she said. "I look.. not _that_ bad."

Bronze rolled her eyes.

"I mean, I'm still hot," Dot said. "So it's fine. Lookin' like a hot mama in a bathrobe and a new hairdo," she leaned back. "I should Instagram this, maybe."

"I don't know what that is, but don't," Bronze said. "I still have work to do."

Pearl looked slightly distant.

"And _why_ do you keep using the phrase 'hot mama'," Bronze said. "Every time that you say it, a little more of my soul slips away."

"What soul?" Dot replied, snorting.

Bronze gave her a deadpan look. "Hilarious." she said flatly.

"Uh, maybe I _do_ look bad," Dot said thoughtfully. "Pearl,"

Pearl realized she had been staring at Dot for a good 3 minutes. "Uh," she said, flushing. "Yes?"

"It's that bad, huh?" Dot said morosely. "See, I should let no other hands other than my own touch my hai-"

"I can't _take it anymore_ ," Bronze groaned. "Okay, look. I'm going to head out for a short minute anyway, because I need to pick up some stuff for Dot, and when I come back you guys have better kissed or whatever because this is getting ridiculous."

Dot and Pearl gaped.

Bronze left.

The two sat in silence, both of their faces flushed.

"This is maybe a real problem," Dot commented idly.

"Perhaps," said Pearl. She sighed.

"It would be easier if maybe you didn't act like you want to have 5 billion makeout sessions with me all the time," Dot said dryly.

Pearl gritted her teeth. "On several occasions you have admitted to reciprocating my feelings for you and then you just _push me away_ again, as if everything that happened has never happened and as if everything you've said you _never_ said, and-"

Pearl stopped when she saw Dot look guilty. "Sorry." she said quietly.

"No, I'm sorry," Dot said. "You're right. Again," she swallowed. "I guess I..."

"It's fine," Pearl said. She hesitated before inching a little closer and wrapping her arms around Dot.

Dot leaned into Pearl and took a few shaky breaths. "We're not even dating," Dot said. "But obviously loving me is _already_ torture. And you want a _relationship_ ," she laughed weakly.

"Loving you isn't _torture_ ," Pearl said, sounding a little breathless. "When did I ever say that?"

"I mean, you- you didn't, but I guess I," Dot swivelled her eyes up to stare at the ceiling. "I guess I thought, I assumed- tell me I'm wrong, Pearl. You- you know I'm right."

"You're _wrong_ ," Pearl said. "Loving you isn't torture, it's just _confusing_ , but the exact same could be said for loving _me_ , so really-"

"Can't you hug me any tighter than this?" Dot asked.

"I assure you I am holding you as close as I am physically able to without harming you." Pearl replied, looking down at Dot.

"M'kay, well...," Dot said. "S'not close enough," she rolled over. "Just saying."

"Well, we can't be very close if you keep trying to roll away from me." Pearl said.

"Heh," Dot said. "Sorry." she sat on Pearl's lap and tilted her head upwards.

Pearl moved her head ever so slightly and brought their lips together. They kissed. The pale gem noticed Dot shaking a little, huddling closer. She pulled away and stared down at Dot with a concerned expression. "Are you okay?"

" _No_ ," Dot said. "Everything is happening so fast," she swallowed. "You know people are coming back from the dead, right? This whole thing is bigger than any of us even _thought_. You know, yesterday I was talking to Rhodolite and I had this sudden realization that- she's _dead_ \- she was dead, they were dead, _were_ dead, not anymore, and, what are we even going to _do_ \- I just, can you just stop asking questions and kiss me?"

Pearl was all too happy to oblige. The two kissed deeply and slowly, quickly becoming tangled up in a mess of limbs.

They heard the door open and awkwardly tried to separate, despite their somehow having managed to entwine their arms together. Dot's leg was somehow resting behind Pearl's head. They turned their heads just to see Steven standing there, blushing deeply.

"I- uh- came back from Connie's," he stammered, backing up a little. "Bad time?"

"N-no," Dot said. "No, it's fine," she cleared her throat. "You missed a lot, my guy," she informed him.

"Like gems coming back from the dead?" Steven asked.

"Yeah," Dot blinked. "How'd you know?"

"Garnet's been texting me about it," Steven replied. The 16-year-old tilted his head. "Nice hair, Dot."

"Thank you," Dot said, painfully aware she was still sort of stuck to Pearl.

Steven also noted this but did not care. Gay is a big part of Steven's life, you know, and he's seen a whole lot of it in his formative years.

"How was Connie's?" Pearl asked, tilting her head.

"It was good!" Steven gave the two a thumbs up. "The Maheswaran's guest room's bed is sooo soft. But anyway, glad to hear you're back, Dot."

Dot nodded slowly.

"Well, this situation sure is intense," Steven said, putting his hands on his hips.

Dot blinked, and then chortled. "You're such a meme, Steven." she said, despite literally having just been walked in on having a big makeout session with somebody and getting their bodies all tangled together.

What is the truth? Who is the _real_ meme in this situation? Probably Pearl, who still looked a little startled.

"Uh," Steven said, brow furrowed. "What were you two even doing in here?"

Dot tried to think of something a little better then 'making out', but Pearl who had a tendency to react and then think when panicked blurted out "Dot saw a spider and panicked to the extent she started choking. She couldn't get any air and blacked out, so I was performing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation-"

" _No_ , what the _heck_ ," Dot said. "Steven, you know I have never lied to you,"

Steven opened his mouth to counter but Dot ignored him and continued.

"Pearl and I were hardcore swapping spit," she said. "I am sorry to disappoint you in this way."

Pearl closed her eyes and thought of about 900 infinitely more eloquent ways Dot could have phrased that.

"Yeah," Steven said. "I suspected so. So has it finally happened? Are you guys, you know, together?"

Dot spaced out a little bit and wondered if it had really been that obvious.

"Um," Pearl said, sweating a little. "Well."

"No," Dot blurted out. "I mean, well, maybe. There's been an.. unforeseen.. complication." She thought of Jasper kissing her in the grass.

Steven nodded. "Well, I'll see you later!" he said cheerfully and left, closing the door gently behind him.

"There's a complication?" Pearl frowned, looking to Dot. "What's complicated about this? We could have this forever, we could..," she was silent for a moment, listening to the sound of their quiet breathing in the silence. She could feel Dot's metal, warm in that way it always was, gently pressing against her skin. She could feel Dot's chest rise and fall as they lay close together. "I don't see anything complicated about.." she leaned forward again, for a kiss.

Dot pulled away and sighed. "My leg is cramping," she said, and they slowly untangled themselves from each other and sat in silence.

"It's about Jasper, isn't it," Pearl said in dismay. "You're choosing now. You're going to choose."

Dot swallowed. "Pearl, it's not like that."

"No," Pearl said. "I get it. Really, I do."

"Please," Dot said, wincing. "It's not like that. It isn't. I mean it."

"I-"

"Pearl, I _love you_ ," Dot blurted out. "I just want to give Jasper a _chance_. Don't you think she deserves that?"

"Don't you think I deserve-" Pearl began, before falling quiet and breathing hard and staring down at the bed. She started to tear up. "I.. understand. She was there for you and I wasn't."

"No," Dot said. "You were- were always there for me. I just ignored you. I- I love you, Pearl, I really do, but I," Dot furrowed her brow. "I need Jasper, I..," she fumbled with her words. "That's not what I mean. I don't need her, I," she said. "I.. there's not a word for it, I just," Dot looked lost and a little miserable. "I told her so much, and I love her," Dot blinked and then put her head in her hands. "But I love you. I love you two in different ways. I.. I'd like to- to be together with you. I want something different with Jasper. It's not a friendship. But it's not a relationship. But I want you, Pearl," Dot stared into Pearl's eyes, wiping away her tears. "I love you."

Pearl sniffled. "This took a ridiculously long amount of time."

"Garnet says love takes time and work," Dot shrugged. "I guess she was right."

"Pbbt," Pearl replied.

Dot awkwardly hopped out of bed, prompting a curious look from Pearl. "Look, I'm not close enough to you and I'd like to get as close as possible," Dot said, winking at Pearl. "May I have this dance?"

Pearl flushed slightly and gave Dot a look bordering on sultry. "Of course you may," she hummed, gracefully getting out of bed. Dot just had to spin her once, the two laughing and giggling until two giggly gems fell on the floor as _one_ giggly gem named Tree Agate.

Tree Agate tiptoed carefully throughout the house and left, closing the door quietly behind there.

Bronze peered at the spot where the two had been through the window, shaking her head, a faint smile on her lips.

Tree Agate walked throughout Beach City, expression calm and self-assured. She tucked a strand behind her ear, twirled, laughed a little. She gave a happy little shriek, jumping down from a high point and landing on her feet. She ran, danced, and twirled, on her own, together, her own partner.

After a lot of laughing and movement, and taking delight in strange things like hugging herself and clasping her hands together (while declaring to nobody in particular that she was holding her own hand), she collapsed on the sand and eventually fell asleep.

* * *

Jasper watched them from the window, silently watching the pearlescent and triangular gems on the figure glimmer in the faint light of the rising sun.

* * *

"Peri, you've been at this all night," Lapis frowned, nudging the green gem. "It's morning now, you know. Y-"

"We need a _plan_ , Lapis," Peri groaned, putting her head on the desk. "I have no idea what we're going to do. Are we just going to go in blindly? We need intel, a plan, _any_ kind of knowledge but we don't, have, _anything_ ," Peri slammed a fist down on the desk, and then inhaled shakily. "I practically just found you," she whispered shakily. "Is this where I lose you?"

"No," Lapis said softly. "No, no, it's okay, we're going to do this, we'll make it through this," she quietly wrapped her arms around Peri's waist, gently loosening Peri's grip until the pencil the technician had been holding landed on the desk. She felt every single one of Peri's muscles loosen, the triangular gem melting into Lapis. "That's it." she murmured.

Peri sniffled. "I'm just trying to help."

"I know," Lapis said, exhaling. "I know."

"I've been so awful to Dot lately," Peri continued, breaking down a little.

"A little unwilling to try to understand maybe, but not _awful_ ," Lapis said, not one to be dishonest. "Really, it climaxed when you slapped her in the face."

Peri started to cry.

"Shhhhh," Lapis hummed. "Don't do that."

"I'm scared," Peri whispered. "I don't know what to do."

"Me neither," Lapis said. "We'll figure it out. You and me, together. And don't forget we have other people we can count on. Have you thought of maybe asking one of Dot's friends what they know? Demantoid seemed to know a lot.. maybe you could ask her more ques-"

Lapis blinked at a quiet whimper from somewhere in the house. "I'll be right back," she told Peri, curiosity piqued and going to investigate.

She found Jasper, sitting, facing away from the window. The orange gem was huddled up, fairly silent, except for a faint sniffle every now and then.

Lapis went still, quiet for a long moment, before venturing "Jasper?"

Jasper did not react to Lapis at all, merely turning her head and staring out the window.

Lapis cleared her throat a little. "Jasper?" she repeated.

Jasper didn't even twitch. There was no indication she had even heard Lapis at all. She continued staring out the window.

"Are you just going to ignore me, then?" Lapis gritted her teeth.

Jasper still didn't give Lapis a single response.

Lapis stood there for 6 whole minutes before slowly turning and beginning to walk away.

"What do you want," Jasper said. She sounded really tired. "Did you just come here to gloat?"

The aqueous gem gritted her teeth. "Did you wait until I already went to the trouble of turning around and taking three steps _just_ to be petty?"

Jasper didn't say anything.

Lapis sighed and turned to Jasper. "I just thought- I didn't know it was you. Are you," she furrowed her brow. "What are you looking at?"

Jasper fluffed her hair up a little and blocked the view of the window. "Why are you here?" she demanded.

Lapis formed a small hand and moved it to just lightly flick Jasper's hair out of the way and was not prepared for the orange gem immediately turning three shades paler and nearly falling over herself in an effort to move back. The water hand dissipated immediately and Lapis felt an uneasy sensation form in her stomach and make it's way up into her throat. Her chest tightened and she took a step back. "I'm.. sorry," she whispered.

Jasper all but _snarled_ at Lapis. "Why are you _here_?" she demanded.

"I heard a noise," Lapis said, voice faint. "I wanted to check it out."

Jasper turned back to face the window and was silent.

Lapis stepped lightly to the window and sat next to Jasper, gazed fixed on the floor. "I'm sorry," she said.

There was a long silence, and Lapis swallowed the lump in her throat.

"It was my fault," Jasper said, gaze never shifting from the window. "I never should have.." she trailed off, her gaze intent as she focused on the window.

"What is so _interesting_ to look at? It's 7 in the morning," Lapis said. "Unless you're staring dreamily at the sunrise."

Jasper looked over at Lapis and gave a low chuckle. She gave a quiet "Heh" to conclude that, getting up and walking downstairs and to the basement.

Lapis exhaled softly and looked out the window. "Oh," she uttered quietly, heart sinking a little. "Jasper.."

* * *

"Rise and shine, Crystal Gems!" everybody in the house heard Garnet yelling over and over, banging pots and pans together. "Rise and shine! Rise and shine! Rise and shine, Crystal Gems!"

"FUCKING STOP," Amethyst yelled, grabbing the pans out of Garnet's hand. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"Language," Tree Agate said smoothly, stepping in through the door. "You should maybe be a little quieter," she suggested. "We-" she blinked, hesitated, furrowed her brow. " _I_ can hear you all the way down on the beach."

Amethyst and Garnet gaped.

Garnet began giggling and clapping like an excited baby, causing Tree Agate to flush.

"Yoooo! Tree Agate, my dude!" Amethyst exclaimed, giving the fusion a fist bump.

"I was maybe going to stay for the whole day, but I'm not so sure-"

"That's a great idea do it," Garnet said.

Jasper emerged from the basement, expression neutral.

"Hi," Tree Agate waved, expression slightly subdued. "I'm-"

Jasper grunted and ignored the fusion, taking an egg from inside the fridge and eating it whole and raw.

Everyone in the room listened to the orange gem crunch the eggshell between her teeth.

Tree Agate's left hand tapped anxiously at the gem's side, the right hand twitching to move towards it as if it would like to tap it and make it go still but remaining firmly at Tree Agate's right side.

Amethyst stared at Jasper, brow furrowed. "Oh," she said, eyes widening. "Oh _man_ ," she said. "You have the hots for her, don't you? Man-"

In response to this, Jasper took another egg out of the fridge and dropped it on the floor, walking back down to the basement.

Amethyst stared at the pieces of eggshell on the floor, and carefully surveyed the yolk and egg whites splattered on the ground.

"Oh _dear_ ," Tree Agate fretted. "We have to clean this- _seriously_? I'm pretty sure Amethyst is about to eat it right off the floor- eggshells are sharp! What if somebody steps on it and hurts themselves- then that's their fault for not watching- we could eliminate- the egg's not important right now! what about- i don't- nnnnggaaAAH!"

Dot and Pearl flew apart, landing hard.

"Ughhhh," Dot groaned, lying down on the floor.

Pearl immediately got to her feet and cleaned up the remains of the egg.

"Pearlll look what you diiiid," Dot complained. "We could have stayed like that for the whole day."

Garnet looked so dismayed it was almost a little funny.

" _Me_?" Pearl huffed. "I'm trying to protect everyone in this home from a real hazard and you're concerned about _Jasper_!"

Dot rolled her eyes.

"Drama," Amethyst said, popping some popcorn. "I'm ready," she then tilted her head. "Whoaaa, nice hair, Dot. Makes you look like an elf."

"That's not a compliment!" Dot retorted, before focusing back on her conversation with Pearl. "Well instead of protecting our tender feet from the hazard eggshells- we're gems by the way and we're probably not going to die because we stepped on eggshells- _I'm_ going to go protect Jasper from the hazard of a _broken heart_ so there, I'm a saint and you're _not_ ," Dot stood up, crossed her arms, and headed downstairs.

Pearl gritted her teeth, and went outside.

Amethyst threw some popcorn into her mouth. "Wow," she said.

"Goodbye, Tree Agate," Garnet said softly, having seen a future filled with fusion fun and a night spent teasing her daughter until she got details of the night before. "Goodbye, mother-daughter bonding time. I am sorry I failed you like this, Dot."

"Whaaat?" Amethyst said, sounding baffled.

Garnet picked up her pots and pans. "CRYSTAL GEMS, RISE AND SHINE!" she resumed her yelling. "MEET ME IN THE KITCHEN _NOW_! THAT MEANS ALL OF YOU WHO AREN'T CRYSTAL GEMS AS WELL!"

There was a faint "Aw man" from inside the bathroom, where Bronze had forced Demantoid and Rhodolite to stay while she worked on Dot.

Amethyst watched Bronze climb in from the fucking window. "Heh..," she chortled. "You're a real mystery, dude."

Bronze met her gaze flatly.

Demantoid and Rhodolite emerged from the bathroom, curious expressions on their faces.

"I hope I _never_ have to sleep in a bathroom ever again," Rhodolite commented idly.

"I'm going to punch you in your pretty pampered face," Demantoid said.

"Please don't," Rhodolite said. "If you touch me with your hands you might get oils on my face and I'd like to remain blemish-free."

"Sweet Gemsus," Deman muttered.

Amethyst snickered, still eating popcorn.

"Garnet..," Steven groaned, appearing in the kitchen. "Why are you making so much noise?"

Garnet gave him an uncharacteristically large grin. "Because I have a _plan_."

"Aw man," Steven said. "Can it wait 'til noon?"

Peri appeared, eyes focused on her computer screen. "It's probably not any better than mine," she huffed.

"Oh, it's much better," Garnet said.

Peri scowled.

Lapis giggled, appearing behind her. "There, there," she hummed, patting Peri's back.

Peri tried to keep up her facade of annoyed but gave in, blushing and letting her screen dissipate. She crossed her arms. "Lapis.."

"Hmm?" Lapis asked, wrapping her arms around Peri's waist and hugging her.

Peri's blush deepened. "You're a clod," she mumbled.

* * *

Pearl opened the door and walked into the kitchen.

"Hey, P," Amethyst waved.

"Hi, Amethyst," Pearl said, sounding a little distracted. She continued walking and went down to the basement.

When she got down there, she was surprised to find that Jasper and Dot weren't talking. Dot was merely sitting next to Jasper, leaning against the orange gem. Both their eyes were closed.

"Pearl," Dot said without opening her eyes. "What do you want?"

"Garnet wants us all in the kitchen," Pearl said, and then hesitated. "I'm.. sorry."

"To who?" Dot said unflinchingly.

"Both of you," Pearl said, looking down at her feet. "Jasper, I.."

"Dot was suggesting something earlier," Jasper said.

"She did?" Pearl blinked, eager to make up for her mistake. "Well, I would definitely like to hear it, whatever it is, I'm open to try it-"

"A polyamorous relationship," Jasper said. "In which she's a relationship with both of us at the same time."

"Oh, but," Pearl said. "But not that," she swallowed. "Am I.. not enough for you, Dot?"

"Maybe," Dot said coolly, still not looking at Pearl, her eyes closed. "It's not about you. And it's about _me_ loving both of _you_."

Pearl winced.

"If it helps, I'm not that into it either," Jasper said.

Dot sighed, her eyes fluttering open. "Then what do you two _want_ me to do?" she said. "You know what? Forget it. I'll go single! I shouldn't have to _choose_ ," she swallowed. "I've never been able to do that. I have commitment issues."

"No," Pearl said softly. "Rose," she got a little choked up. "Rose was like that too. I didn't mind and she never.. forgot about me.. until Greg. Something was different about him. I.."

"I," Dot sounded a little frustrated. "I'm not _Rose_ ," she said, giving a little miserable laugh. "Okay? I don't, I'm not going to.. leave you. I wouldn't do that. Nothing could make me do that. And Jasper's really not Greg either, and you know, that's a good thing because I don't think we'd even be having this conversation if she was."

"What?" Jasper said.

"Greg's not my type," Dot explained.

"What _is_ your type," Jasper snorted.

"You," Dot said. "You're my type," she absently ran a finger along Jasper's biceps. "Yeah."

Jasper flushed.

Pearl awkwardly turned her gaze to the floor.

"Pearl, don't do that," Dot frowned. "C'mere."

Pearl sat down next to Dot.

"Yeah," Dot repeated, closing her eyes, neatly sandwiched between Jasper and Pearl. "What was that about the kitchen?"

"G-Garnet," Pearl blurted out, leaping to her feet and hoping she didn't look like she'd been crying. "Wanted us to come to the kitchen."

Dot leaned back, looking angelic, her wispy hair framing her face, eyes closed, faint smile on her face. "There's no rush," she said. "We have all the time in the world, Pearlie Pie."

Pearl blushed teal at the nickname, and was going to say something, but she just found herself staring at Dot. Jasper stared at her too. Pearl glanced at the orange gem, who met her gaze. They both flushed awkwardly and looked away.

"I don't mind," Jasper said. "Sharing, maybe."

"Yes," Pearl said. "Maybe. It would be a crime, not to.. share."

They continued staring at Dot.

"Stop staring," Dot murmured. "That's creepy."

"I love you," Jasper said suddenly, blushing deeply.

Dot cracked an eye open. "Y'all need help _for real_ ," she said. "I don't think doctors treat lovesickness, though," she snorted at her lame joke like it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard in her life and went upstairs.

"Were you guys gettin' _nasty_ down there?" Amethyst asked, chortling.

Dot gave her a scandalized look. "I don't think I could do that even if I _wanted_ to," she said under her breath, crossing her arms. "Like, have you seen the size of Jasper's hands?"

Amethyst wheezed and fell off of the counter, laughing hysterically.

Rhodolite gave Dot a horrified look. "That's- that's so _lewd_!" she exclaimed.

Demantoid snickered.

"Not appropriate right now!" Garnet said, looking at her daughter, eyes shining with pride. She picked Dot up and twirled her around.

"This is fun, but what's the occasion?" Dot asked Garnet.

"You taught me a lesson today, Dot," Garnet said, beaming. "I was wrong. Three's _not_ a crowd."

Dot flushed. "Oh, um, well-"

"And I'm sure you'll teach me many more lessons in the future," Garnet said softly, booping Dot's nose.

"Okayyy," Dot said, flush deepening. She put her head down, and Garnet laughed a little.

Demantoid stared, bewildered wonder in her eyes. "Is she still adopting?"

Lapis gave a soft 'heh'.

Jasper and Pearl appeared.

"Okay, Garnet, any particular reason you were creating that _awful_ racket?" Pearl asked, making her way to Garnet's side.

Pearl noticed everyone staring at her. "Ahem," she cleared her throat. "Is there a problem? Have I spontaneously grown a second limb?"

Pearl got a little creeped out by their smiles and staring. "Well, anyways. Garnet?"

"Yes," Garnet said, beaming. "Dot is going to raise an army!"

"Whaaat?" Dot said. "I mean, when I said that the other day I meant you were going to raise an army.. and I was going to be in it. In the middle. Blending in with the army."

"And she's going to lead it!" Garnet continued.

"I don't remember agreeing to this!" Dot exclaimed, eyes wide.

"If we want to have a chance against the new forces we're up against," Garnet said, straightening. "We need two things. One- people who understand what is for now, the enemy. Gems of ancient time," she said, meeting Demantoid, Rhodolite, and Bronze's gazes.

"She's making me feel old," Demantoid grumbled.

"Tell me about it." Rhodolite huffed.

"And someone that has a real chance of getting the ancient gems to listen to them," Garnet said, looking to Dot, eyes shining. "And who better than Green Diamond herself?'

"I'm soooo sorry but _what_?" Dot said. "Oh no, no no no no," she backed away shaking her head. "Don't you _dare_. I am _not_ Green Diamond. I'm Dot. My weapon is literally a shuriken. That's so tiny. Like, imagine. We're facing off my mother with her big Gloves of Death, and I'm just like..," Dot sent her gem aglow and prepared to actually demonstrate with her shuriken. Dot strained with effort. "Uh, yeah. What if I do _this_? That's even worse," she gave a grunt of concentration, beads of sweat pouring down her face.

"Uh, dude," Amethyst said. "Why don't you just.. stop trying with that. Yeah."

"I _can't_ ," Dot wheezed, her gem glowing brighter. She gave a low groan that rose in volume until she summoned a shuriken. "HA!" she squinted, and then stared down at the small weapon in her hand. "Whoa what the fuck is that," she said. "That's not mine."

"Language," said Pearl.

"Pearl, I'm 16," Steven said slowly. "You know-"

"I will _not_ raise you to spew garbage words from your mouth! Don't turn out to be like _her_!" Pearl pointed at Demantoid, who shrugged.

"Yeah, don't," Deman said. "That's good advice."

Dot stared at the weapon. "It's _beautiful_ , but it's not mine."

"Came out of _your_ forehead, Dot," Bronze said. "Not anyone else's."

"If it was anyone else's except maybe Peri or Pearl that would be _horrific_ ," Dot said. "Honestly."

Dot ran out to the beach to throw her shuriken and everybody went outside to watch. She threw it and then yelled at it to "Do something cool!" it fired two little things in response. They landed in the sand and exploded, leaving two craters in the sand. "Oh!" Dot said, and then turned to the others and yelled. "It's dangerous! Don't play with this! It's not a toy!"

"NO KIDDING!" Peri yelled back.

"WOOOOOOO! I'M SO POWERFUL! I'M SO POWERFUL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" she ran up and down the beach, laughing hysterically and shrieking and waving her arms around a whole lot.

"Dot!" Garnet called. "Come back inside!"

"Okay!" Dot said cheerfully, marching back into the house. She then suddenly looked up at Garnet. "Where am I going to find people to raise an army?" she wondered.

"You should go to the Kindergarten and get as many gems as you can to join our cause while we're still able to," Garnet said. "Choose a patrol of four gems to go with you, that should be fine."

"Don't take me, I can't fight," Bronze said immediately.

"O..kay," Dot said slowly. "Rhodolite, you're a very easily recognizable face, as a noble. You were on the covers of a lot of magazines. People recognize you and idolize you and copy your style," she said. "They'll listen to what you have to say and being such a famous face will lead them to be easily swayed towards your opinion."

Rhodo nodded. "Y..es.." she said slowly.

"Plus you can hold your own in a fight if things go bad, too," Dot said. "So I'll take you."

"Oh, alright," Rhodolite sighed. "And I was hoping for a relaxing day with a bit of shopping too, maybe."

"Do you even have this planet's currency?" Pearl asked.

"Oh, I talked to Dot about this and she said all she did was sell her gold," Rhodo said. "Apparently gold's worth a lot here. I have the potential to be unbelievably rich."

"I think it's funny that you said that as if you _weren't_ already unbelievably rich back on Homeworld before you died." Demantoid said.

Rhodolite rolled her eyes. "We _get_ it Demantoid, you're not 100% over your 'the government is rigged' phase."

"The government _is_ rigged," Dot said.

"You _are_ the government, Dot," Demantoid shook her head.

"I'm _not_ the government," Dot said.

"But you will be," Rhodolite tilted her head. "Green Diamond," she said dramatically. "Now, what I wouldn't give for the title of Pink Diamond. However, that's not my rank and there's a taint to that title now anyways," she sighed. "The moment I Ascended they'd probably all be glaring at me suspiciously waiting for me to say 'vive la revolutio-"

"Too soon," Demantoid interrupted, covering Rhodolite's mouth.

Pearl was grimacing.

Dot put her head in her hands. "But your diplomacy skills need _work_ ," she said. "Um, Amethyst, I'm bringing you because you're my best bud and you're chill, and like, you can really throw down."

Amethyst gave a loud 'whoop', grinning.

"I would bring Lapis for more street cred, and also the fact that she could beat someone up in like, a second, but there's a thin line between street cred and 'oh my god there's so many high-ranking gems here I feel intimidated'," Dot furrowed her brow.

"Noted," Lapis shrugged.

"If I bring Peri people will scream," Dot said. "Nobles have an annoying habit of _fainting all the damn time_ ," she said. "What's even the point? You know, all they do is stand around in pretty dresses in styles they copied from gems they see in magazines and on TV. Imagine my mom comes with her Super Ultra Mega Hyper Death gloves? What will they do? Fan themselves and try to run away in their platform shoes while still holding on to their parasols? That's like.. the best case scenario."

"I feel personally attacked," Rhodolite said flatly.

"You _are_ being personally attacked," Demantoid said, patting Rhodolite on the head.

Rhodolite muttered something under her breath and glared at Demantoid.

"S- Pearl, are you taking notes?" Dot's brow creased.

"I have never learned so much about ancient gem culture over the span of 5 minutes," Pearl whispered.

Dot rolled her eyes. "O _kay_ ," she said. "Well, you know, we were a lot more like humans back then. There is no _singular_ ancient gem culture. I'm just letting you know that. Compare that to that," Dot pointed to Demantoid and to Rhodolite. "To that," she pointed to Bronze. "Or this bundle of hotness," she pointed at herself. "Or Amber or," her voice faltered. "Yeah, everyone is different, anyways."

"Who is this Amber," Pearl said. "This is the second time you've mentioned her."

"Amber is _wild_ ," Demantoid said. "But she's, she's pretty, uh," she furrowed her brow. "Well.. you'll see."

Pearl gave Demantoid a wary glance.

"Okay, so I'm taking Rhodolite and Amethyst," Dot gave a thoughtful hum.

"That's fine," Garnet said. "Stay safe, you three."

"That's it?" Dot blinked.

Garnet nodded.

"Okay," Dot said slowly. "I guess. Hey, you think we'll see Ametrine?"

"Do you ever _not_ see Ametrine? That girl's all over the place," Deman scoffed.

"Not as much as her _brother_ ," Rhodolite scoffed.

A lot of eyes widened all at once.

"Brother?" Amethyst echoed.

"Yes," Rhodolite said, blinking. "They're twins."

" _Twins_?" Pearl squeaked. "W- wait," she was frantically scribbling things down. "Start from the beginning."

"Cooome on let's go," Dot said, dragging Amethyst and Rhodolite out of the house.


	14. Chapter 14

_86, 87, 88, 89, 90_

 _First Mate, PJ, Swirl, Meteor, Stripey_

* * *

"Broooother?" Amethyst repeated.

"Gems could be," Dot's eyes flitted to the sky and then back ahead. "Male or female. Or whatever they want," Dot said, sounding a little bored. "Both. Neither. Something else altogether if they wanted to."

"In all honesty," Rhodolite said. "The Diamonds' decision to _eradicate_ the male gender seemed _more_ than a little excessive. But I suppose they wanted a nation of people entirely like them. And all Diamonds are girls, or identified as such."

"Okayyyy..," Amethyst said, before looking shocked. "So like.. were there _straight gems_?"

"Uh, yes?" Rhodolite furrowed her brow.

"Oh my _god_ ," Amethyst wheezed.

"Great Diamonds," Dot shook her head. "If it makes you feel better, we were still a predominantly homosexual species. Can we move on?"

"You're not _straight_ , are you?" Amethyst asked Rhodolite with shock.

Rhodolite snorted. " _No_ ," she scoffed. "And haven't you ever seen a straight person before? They're not terrifying, you know."

Amethyst chortled. "I've never seen a straight _gem_ before." she replied.

The three made the long trek down to the Kindergarten.

"Whadda we do now?" Amethyst wondered, they stood, staring at gems, so many gems.

"I don't know," Dot said. "I didn't really think this far ahead."

Rhodolite facepalmed. " _Well_ ," she said, making her way forward.

"Wait-" Dot rolled her eyes. "Or don't. Just ignore me."

"I will," Rhodolite said cheerfully, continuing. "Oh _hello_ , Kunzite! Can I just say you look absolutely _fabulous_?"

"Rhodolite!" A moderately sized gem turned around. Her hair was wavy and to her shoulders. She wore a stylish, slim-fitting dress. "Can I just say, you have my condolences! A carriage crash is such a tragic way to die! Mwah! Mwah!"

Rhodolite giggled. "So, how has everything been around here?"

"They still haven't given us any answers! They just said they're 'waiting for orders'," Kunzite huffed and flipped her hair. "It's a _little_ ridiculous. Though those guys showed up," she pointed at a group of Jaspers gathered near the technicians.

Amethyst and Dot exchanged glances.

"So-" Amethyst stopped when she saw Dot close her eyes and exhale. The green gem straightened, swallowed, and looked determined. Dot set her gem faintly aglow and summoned a glittering diadem, inlaid with beautiful peridot. She set it on her head, and shapeshifted her clothes into a loosely flowing green dress.

She looked like a completely different person. An echo of who she used to be, maybe, 29,000 years or so ago.

Amethyst gaped. " _Dude_ ," she said. "That is _so rad_."

Dot gave her a vaguely bored look and began to step forward. "You coming?'

Amethyst nodded and followed Dot through the crowd. "You could walk a little faster, maybe."

Dot didn't respond, just kept walking calmly, posture regal, effortlessly composed.

Soon enough it began to turn heads.

"The Heiress!" somebody yelled.

Amethyst watched gems fall to their knees, male gems bowing low, female gems dipping in a deep curtsy, whispers of "Answers, finally."

Someone glared at Amethyst.

"Aren't you going to curtsy?" someone muttered.

"Some have no respect," someone agreed.

Amethyst widened her eyes. "Uhh," she said, flushing. She bowed.

Dot turned to glance at Amethyst. She swallowed, cleared her throat. Thousands of pairs of eyes were on her.

She tilted her head upwards slightly. "As you were, everyone," she said.

Everyone stood, exhaling collectively.

"Heiress, if I may," someone ventured. "What's going on?"

"Well," Dot said. "There is a lot to explain. Many of you likely do not recognize where you are. This is a planet called Earth, in a star system quite far from ours. it's been approximately 20,000 to 30,000 years since all of you died, depending on how old you are. My mother-"

"Where is she?" someone yelled.

"She is deceased." Dot said.

There was chaos.

"Silence," Dot ordered, voice echoing clear throughout the Kindergarten. Everyone quieted.

Amethyst stared at Dot with wide eyes. "Man...,"

"I _know_ ," Rhodolite sighed. "What I wouldn't give to have that kind of power over someone."

"That's not what I'm 'man'ing about, but a'ight," Amethyst shrugged.

Dot coughed a little, taken aback by how quickly literally thousands of people abruptly shut the fuck up. "Um," she said, before continuing. "I'm sure you were all quite unhappy with how things were turning out," Dot said. "Wit-"

"What's going on?!" A Jasper snarled, turning to glare at Dot. She squinted. "Peridot-01? What are you doing?"

"Calming down this riot, you clod," Dot said, in a perfect imitation of Peri. "What do you think I'm doing?"

"Eh," the Jasper grunted, muttering something about how weird technicians are. She turned around again.

"Whaaat?" someone demanded.

"Are we being lied to?" someone asked.

"No, no," Dot shook her head. "I assure you, there is an explanation for all of this. Now listen closely, please, because we don't have much time."

It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

"My mother," Dot said. "Did some very irresponsible things, such as the conversion of mass-produced gems which made it incredibly hard for all of you to produce food, to buy it, and to support your families."

There were agreeing murmurs from the crowd.

"And such as the eradication of the male gender that came with the choice to mass-produce all gems," Dot continued.

More murmurs.

Amethyst watched Dot grow a little more confident, straighten, start to make eye contact with the crowd.

"Even thousands of years before this she showed irrational judgement by completely taking control of the neighbouring mineral and metal populations, treating them unfairly,"

The murmurs got a little louder.

"The _who what_?" Amethyst asked.

Rhodolite shook her head. "Wow," she sighed. "Did they get rid of the educational system too?"

"And she has started to conquer entire star systems and galaxies. Nothing seems to quench her thirst for power," Dot said. "And now, she wants something with all of you. Do you deserve better?"

"Yes!" A gem cried. More gems joined in.

"You can help me stop her," Dot said.

They listened attentively.

"And everybody can be helpful," Dot said. "All of you- civilians, rich or poor, noble or not," Dot said. "I need you all to stay here. Keep up the illusion that you are still disoriented. Does- is there anyone from the army here?"

People parted to make room for army gems. Dot's eyes picked out notable faces, faces she remembered, people she had talked to, grown familiar with. Old friends.

No.

Old _family_.

Dot tried not to cry in front of this huge crowd. Her family stared at her with recognition, heads tilted, eyes curious. One gave a small wave. Dot offered them a small smile, clearing her throat. "And is there anyone who would like to try to learn how to fight to help us have a chance against Yellow Diamond?"

"Listen, Heiress," one of the army gems said, arms crossed. "We'll help you do whatever you need us to help you do."

Dot nodded. "Thank you, Mother Hen," she said.

Amethyst gaped. "Is that even a gem? I need to google this.."

"Goshenite," Rhodolite whispered to Amethyst. "50,000 years. Clearly she didn't live to see the end of it. "Whaaat?" Amethyst furrowed her brow.

Rhodolite took Amethyst a short ways away from the crowd. "It's our identifying system amongst ourselves," she explained. Name. The length of your sentence, if you committed a crime. That's how long you have to stay in the army before you can go free. If you're not there for a crime, you say running. I'd say, Rhodolite. Running. Demantoid would say Demantoid. 10,000 years."

Rhodolite turned to walk back.

"What'd she do?" Amethyst asked curiously. "Either Goshentite or Demantoid. I don't really care who you gimme the deets on."

The pink gem pivoted sharply on her heel, glaring at Amethyst. "That's not something you _ever_ ask," she said icily. "Along with, what are you running from, and are you okay."

Amethyst stared. "Then.. can you at least tell me why you call her Mother Hen?'

"Because she's been there longer than any of us," Rhodolite said matter-of-factly. "Since she was 20."

[This seems a little underwhelming but it's comparable to someone going up to you and telling you that someone they know has been in the army since they were 2 _months_ old for committing crimes you have no clear knowledge of.]

Amethyst gaped.

Rhodolite kept walking.

There was the sound of struggling in the distance, and Dot turned her head.

"That's just the new arrivals coming in, that you're hearing," said Mother Hen, sounding bored. "When you form you're all disoriented and you tend to be on the defensive. They're just struggling against the big brutes taking them here."

Dot gave Goshentite an inquisitive look. "Have you seen Amber around?"

"AC's a no-show so far," another warrior volunteered.

"Oh," Dot frowned. "Well, that's not very encouraging." she gave a thoughtful hum.

"There she is," someone else said, pointing.

Dot watched Amber try to _bite_ a Jasper before being restrained by the 3 other Jaspers. "Yeah," she said. "I see her."

Amethyst took a few steps backward. "Uhh.."

Rhodolite glanced at Amethyst. She snorted. "You wouldn't last a second in the army," she commented.

"And you would, Miss Pink Frilly Princess Pants?" Amethyst retorted, temper flaring.

Rhodolite flipped Amethyst onto her back. "I _have_ , darling," she said, before walking over to stand beside Dot. "Should I go get her?"

"She _hates_ you," Dot said. "I'll do it."

"Hate?" A Kunzite snorted. "More like _loathes_."

"That too," Dot said. She made her way over to Amber.

"01, stay back," a Jasper said. "This one is-"

"Step away," Dot said.

"Are you cracked?" one shot back. "Get out of the wa-"

"Step _away_ ," Dot repeated. " _Now_."

"Stupid peridot wants to get herself killed," one muttered, but they stepped off.

Dot didn't help but notice one gently nudged the hand of the Jasper who had nearly been bitten almost as if it were a comforting gesture, but she pushed that thought aside.

"Hey," Dot said.

Amber bared her teeth at Dot, growling ferally, her short, wild hair all fluffed up, much like a cat fluffing up its' fur and raising its' hackles.

"Yeah, this is kinda a shitty situation overall," Dot said. "But like, people are being raised from the grave and there are stuck together arms and hands who want to destroy anything and wanna come help me fix this mess?"

"There ain't no _real_ reason for me to come with you," Amber said, voice low. She spoke with a distinct accent, if we were speaking in terms of human geography, it would certainly be classified as the accent one who lives in New York City would possess.

"Demantoid's at home," Dot suggested. "Rhodolite will make out with you."

"Uh huh," Amber said dryly. "Do I get to fuck shit up?"

"Of course," Dot said, sounding offended at the notion that Amber would suggest that they wouldn't be able to fuck shit up.

"Then, hell yeah," Amber said. "I'm in."

Dot grinned.

Amber made her way over to the army gems. She stopped in front of Goshentite and dipped her head. "Mother Hen," she said respectfully.

"AC," Goshentite replied, giving her a brief nod.

"Is she like your queen?" Amethyst whispered.

"Of sorts, I suppose," Rhodolite said.

"Wait," Amber growled, turning around. "Where did she go? She was right _behind me_!"

"Who?" Dot blinked.

"Where did she _go_?!" Amber turned her eyes on Dot, snarling.

"Innocent," Dot said, putting her hands in the air. "Forreal," while she was at this, she phased her t-shirt, pants, and spiked boots back on. "I mean that."

"What are you talking about, AC?" Mother Hen asked.

"Wait- we should go, the longer we stand here, the more.." Dot subtly tilted her head in the direction of the Jaspers, who were starting to glance over suspiciously.

"Noted," a warrior said, making her way just slightly behind Mother Hen, arms crossed. "But there's no way for us to get out of here without being noticed. We're not exactly easy to disguise, you know."

"Look, on 3, all of you break out running. Be as quiet as you can, okay?" Dot said.

"What are you planning?" someone asked.

Amethyst looked to the person, but they weren't there, they kept moving through the ground, bouncing, always on their toes, weaving through the crowd and not staying still for even a second.

Dot closed her eyes and her fingertips sparked a little before crackling and giving off a definite glow. The scent of something faintly burnt was in the air. Amethyst could feel the electricity in the air.

The army gems all backed up a little. Dot kept going. "One..," Dot said.

The glow continued. The Jasper started to notice, running towards the group.

"Dooooot..." Amethsyt said warily.

"Two..." Dot said, her clothes and hair moving in a breeze that had began, stirring up dirt and making it a little hard to see.

But that would make it hard to see for the Jaspers, too.

"T...hhrrr...," Dot began, before the glow moved outwards with a loud BOOM and a definitive crackle. " _REE_!" she concluded.

Everyone broke out running.

"FOLLOW ME!" Amethyst screamed over the commotion.

And so they did.

* * *

So did two others, watching from the shadows.

* * *

Dot dropped to the ground, breathing heavily. "Diamonds," she groaned, trying to catch her breath.

"You're not 01," a Jasper said. "Are you?"

"I mean, I am but I'm not," Dot said, looking up at her. "You gonna shatter me or something?"

"No," the Jasper clenched her hands into fists. "01, I'm looking for 87."

"87 who? Ametrine-87? R-"

"Jasper-87," the Jasper said.

"And who are you," Dot said, immediately on the defensive, because hey, wasn't that the Jasper she knew?

"Jasper-88," she said.

"And who're they?" Dot pointed in the direction of the other Jaspers.

"Jaspers 86, 89, and 90."

"Okay, so you all popped outta your holes one right after the other. That's real cute." Dot said, being snide only because she wanted to leave already and didn't want to have to fight.

"Jaspers are made in batches of 5," Jasper-88 said, throat tightening. "We," she glanced over at the other Jasper's, all watching from afar. "We've never been separated a single time since we left the Kindergarten."

"Okay, that's nice," Dot said, yawning. "I have places to be, though, so."

"87 _said_ she would be right back!" 88 snarled. "She said it was a quick mission."

"A'ight," Dot said, scooting backwards a little.

Jasper-88 glanced back at the other Jaspers, who looked a little wary.

"Okay, okay, okay," Dot closed her eyes. "I know where she's at. Don't worry, she-"

88 grabbed Dot by the scruff of her shirt. "Take me to her," she snarled, teeth bared.

"I don't think she'd want me to do t-"

"We're _batchmates_ ," 88 growled. "I'd follow her to the ends of the star system and she'd do the same for me! All Jaspers are composed of the same stuff but we're literally, made of the exact sa-"

"I get it," Dot said.

"You _don't_ get it! You were made by your _self_!" 88 threw Dot to the ground. "Peridot-01," she said in a mocking tone, standing over Dot, hands clenched into fists,. "The only peridot who exists. They could make more, you know. They could. But they don't. Why don't they do that?" she leaned in close, swinging her fist back. "Why is the rarity of _one_ little uppity technician so-"

"Stop it," another Jasper said, pulling 88 away, expression apathetic as she turned to Dot. "We just want to go back to 87."

"And you would betray your mission just to get to her?" Dot asked, eyes flitting to the Chrysoprases who were still distracted, stressing over many reports.

"Anything for a batchmate," the Jasper said, jaw locked.

"And what if I told you she was betraying Homeworld?" Dot said softly.

"Anything for a batchmate," the Jasper simply repeated. "We'd join her. We'd fight with her. For her."

"Okay," Dot said. "I'll take you to her." She began walking.

"They called you Heiress," said the Jasper, making a brief hand signal to the other Jaspers, who followed the two. "Who _are_ you?"

"I mean, I have many names," Dot hummed. "But," she looked to the sky. "I prefer Dot."

"Okay," the Jasper nodded. "Thank you, Dot."

"Sorry for trying to kill you, Dot," 88 volunteered.

"Um," Dot said slowly. "It's okay, I guess? You're not the first, don't worry."

Dot led them towards the Crystal Gems, and towards an ancient army, and towards their only hope and prayed she wasn't leading the enemy right to the base. "Which one are you?" she asked the one who had interfered when 88 tried to attack.

"The oldest of the batch," the Jasper said simply. "86."

"So Jasper's second-oldest," Dot mused.

"I'm the oldest, I said," 86 furrowed her brow.

"I mean, yeah, but yeah," Dot wiped some sweat off of her brow. Being around four gems who all looked exactly like Jasper was a little _distracting_. "So you guys are like sisters, huh?" she said with a small smile. "That's kinda cute, actually."

"What is a.. 'sister'?" one of the Jaspers behind her asked quizzically.

"Uh, it's like," Dot said. "It's like a best friend, who's made outta the same stuff as you."

"Okay," 86 nodded. "Yes. We're like sisters."

The only way Dot could differentiate between the 4 gems was the different patterns of their stripes- most notably, 90, who didn't have any stripes at all.

Dot picked up her pace when she saw a lot of gems standing on the beach. "Pearl! Jasper!" she yelled. "Pearl! Jasper! Pea-"

"Dot, I heard you the first time!" Pearl called back.

Jasper wasn't anywhere to be seen.

The Jaspers stared as a slim figure came rapidly approaching from the distance. She all but slammed into Dot. Dot was about to make a joking comment when her eyes met Pearl's and she saw Pearl staring at her with a concerned, stern expression, pale blue eyes ablaze.

"I was so _worried about you_!" Pearl exclaimed. "You didn't come back when they did, and I thought, I thought maybe you had.. that you'd.."

Dot stared at the ground. "Sorry," she said.

"It's okay! It's okay," Pearl exhaled. "There's nothing to apologize for. Just be careful, okay? Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Dot said. She could feel her insides nagging at her- her battery was dipping dangerously low and she could feel everything starting to slow down. She saw Pearl moving her mouth before she heard what she said. Her vision blurred in and out of focus. Dot wanted to drop to the ground and sleep immediately.

"Dot! Are you okay?!" Pearl fretted.

"Yeeeaaaaahhhhhh," Dot said very slowly. "I'mmmmmm fiiiiinnnneeeeee."

"Why are you talking like that?" Pearl asked. "Dot?"

Dot ignored what her body was telling her and overrode her internal systems, increasing her processing speeds. She could feel her insides heat up with the extra effort, and a sensation like internal burning. Her fans kicked in.

Pearl pulled away sharply, blowing on her fingers, expression bewildered. "Ooh!" she yelped. "You're _hot_!" she remarked with a frown.

"Ha," Dot said flirtatiously, winking at Pearl. "I _know_."

"Stop it," Pearl huffed, flushing slightly. "I did _not_ mean it like that and you know it."

Dot swayed a little on her feet, her remaining battery power being drained quickly. The electricity had been _necessary_ but it had been a huge waste of energy Dot couldn't even entirely regain.

Pearl's look of concern was back, and then for the first time she seemed to notice the 4 other huge Jaspers that had accompanied Dot back. She summoned her spear. "Do-o-ot you might not be awar-"

"Don't attack!" Dot interrupted. "They're- they came for Jasper. They'll help. They'll help us fight. They just wanna get together with her again."

Pearl eyed them warily, and then sighed. "Oh, alright. Jasper's.. in the basement. Come this way," she said simply, leading them away.

Dot closed her eyes and stared at the ground, shaking a little. She exhaled and walked to her room, closing the door and locking it. The green gem let herself slide down to the floor, huddling into herself. She felt every single emotion combine themselves into a sinking feeling right in her stomach, and she would ignore it except her body was already trying to fix it by letting the sinking feeling spill out of her physically.

Dot made her way over to the bathroom and locked the door, already _more_ than familiar with the drill. She hunched over the toilet and let her body try to fix everything wrong by spilling everything inside out over and over again until there was nothing more left to spill and it was a little like repeatedly kicking over empty buckets.

This wasn't the best metaphor to use at the time, because Dot started to think about kicking buckets, which was another wonderful thing she'd really like to do right about now.

For a short while, Dot stayed hunched over the toilet with her eyes closed because exhaustion weighed down her limbs and she was so tired, too tired to move.

Dot gripped the edge of her dresser hard, closing her eyes and taking in a deep, shuddery breath. She fought off the tears she could feel coming. She had been doing decently, actually, and then this whole day had happened and threw Dot's peace of mind into the trash.

She sniffled and sat, facing the wall.

"Dot," Pearl said, entering the room. Her eyes flitted to the green gem hunched up, though she couldn't see Dot's expression as Dot's back was turned to her. "Oh.. are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm okay," Dot said brightly, turning and looking up at Pearl. "What's up?"

Pearl furrowed her brow. "Okayyy," she said slowly.

"Are you su-" Pearl tried to continue, but she was interrupted by Jasper saying " _Dot_ ," really loudly and looking absolutely delighted.

Dot furrowed her brow. "Um," she said. "Yes-s-s?"

"I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED ANYTHING MORE AMAZING THAN THESE PACKAGED PUFFY DUSTY CHEESE STICKS," Jasper bellowed, holding up a half-eaten pack of Cheetos.

"Diamonds, Jasper," Dot said. "Don't touch anything." she crawled up on to Jasper's shoulders with ease, much to the bafflement of Jasper. "Hold this," Dot said, handing the bag of Cheetos to Pearl, who held them as far away from herself as she possibly could. "Come on," Dot manually dusted Jasper's hands off.

"DO YOU WANT SOME OF MY PACKAGED PUFFY DUSTY CHEESE STICKS?" Jasper asked.

"It's great to yell when you're excited but maybe talk a little quieter," Dot told her. "And I personally think Cheetos are disgusting, but you do you, boo."

Jasper gave a betrayed wheeze. "How can you _not like_ packaged puffy dusty cheese sticks? HEY, STRIPEY!" she yelled.

The Jasper with absolutely zero stripes appeared. "What?" she demanded.

"Why do you call her _stripey_?" Pearl said. "Seems like false advertising, if you ask me."

"IT'S A JOKE," Jasper said, cackling. "BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T _HAVE ANY_. GET IT?"

Stripey punched Jasper in the arm. "SHUT UP," she yelled. "IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY."

Dot tried to hold back a laugh. "I mean, uh, okay."

Pearl watched Stripey tackle Jasper to the floor when Jasper wouldn't stop laughing, and watched the two roll around on the ground, play-fighting like lion cubs.

"Wait," Jasper said, pinning Stripey to the floor. "I wanted to ask you something!"

"Ugh, then _ask it_ , you buffoon," Stripey retorted.

"Have you ever tried," Jasper took the Cheetos from Pearl, to Pearl's relief. "These packaged puffy dusty cheese sticks?"

"Can't you read?" Stripey shoved Jasper. "They're called Caheetoes,"

Dot coughed loudly to disguise her laugh.

Stripey dumped the whole bag of Cheetos in her mouth. "Disgusting," she declared. "I like it."

Dot climbed back up onto Jasper's shoulders.

"Get off," Jasper complained. "How am I supposed to beat her up for eating _all_ of my packaged pu-"

"Cheetos, Jaspie," Dot said. "Cheetos. They're called cheetos."

" _Jaspie_?" Jasper repeated incredulously. "That's.. that's not how you say my name. That's," she glared at the ground, flushing.

Dot snorted.

"Ohh-hh-hh." Stripey said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "Who's this, PJ?"

"What's PJ stand for?" Dot asked curiously, before Jasper could respond.

"NOTHING WORTH MENTIONING," Jasper interrupted, punching Stripey in the arm. "Anyway," she ushered Pearl and Dot inside Dot's room

Pearl gazed at Jasper curiously. "PJ?"

Jasper groaned loudly in response. "A nickname they coined for me thousands of years ago and they haven't quite dropped yet."

Pearl gave a soft chuckle at that.

"Are all quartzes like this?" Dot asked.

Jasper snorted. "Well sure. When we're not under supervision."

"Wow," Dot blinked.

"We're allowed to do what we want when we're not fighting," Jasper explained. "If we bond, it's meant to help us coordinate well in battle."

"Makes sense," Dot hummed.

Pearl nodded in agreement. "You're all very cute together," she said.

" _Cute_?" Jasper said, as if it were an insult.

"Fearsome, sorry," Pearl said.

Jasper nodded. "We are," she agreed.

Dot used Jasper's hair as a blanket and curled up as if going to sleep. "Do you guys..," she said, yawning. There was an audible whir for a second before there was a silence. "Hate me? For being, for _becoming_ Green Diamond."

"Of course not!" Pearl exclaimed. "Why would you think that?"

"I'm just asking," Dot said.

"No, I don't," Jasper said simply, and left it at that.

"PJ!" there was the distinct sound of a Jasper thundering down the hallway. "I NEED YOU TO HELP ME WITH SOMETHING!"

Jasper covered her head with one of Dot's pillows. "Alternatively, I could sit in a hole," she grumbled. "It would be a better way to spend my time."

Pearl and Dot giggled.

"PR-" the Jasper began, before Jasper threw her pillow at her.

"Ohhhh hey," the Jasper grinned. "Watcha doin'?"

"Nothing that has anything _remotely_ to do with you," Jasper grunted, turning over a little.

Dot issued a sound of protest, and Jasper went back to her previous position, so that Dot could continue using her hair as a blanket.

"PJJJJJ," the Jasper grinned.

"Listen Meteor, if you don't shut up _right this second_ ," Jasper warned.

"Meteor?" Pearl raised a brow.

"For this blob right here," Meteor said, displaying a red marking on her face proudly. "It looks like a meteor."

"What does PJ stand for?" Pearl whispered conspiratorially.

"Meteor, if you say a word, you're dead," Jasper said.

Meteor snorted, and leaned in to whisper the answer to Pearl.

Pearl stared at Jasper and burst into laughter.

"Hey hey hey," Dot said. "What's it?"

Pearl whispered the answer to Dot, who immediately laughed so hard she nearly rolled out of the bed.

"That's it," Jasper told Meteor.

"I wanted you to do something with my _hair_ ," Meteor said.

"Right _now_?" Jasper asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Meteor said. "We can do it in here so you can stay with your," Meteor winked. "G-"

Jasper got out of bed, and Dot immediately put her head in Pearl's lap.

Pearl gave her an inquisitive look.

"Sorry, I'm just tired," Dot explained, yawning. "Battery's low, and..." she gave a sleepy, incoherent mumble and closed her eyes.

"That's alright," Pearl murmured. "Sweet dreams."

" _Ha_ ," Dot said, as if that was funny.

Pearl gave her a weird look, but didn't comment on it.

Pearl watched Jasper carefully brush through Meteor's hair with her hands, expertly working her hands through it, being careful with knots, and getting rid of tangles.

"Thanks, PJ," Meteor said, closing her eyes, content.

"Eh," Jasper said. "When was the last time you got your hair done? It's a _mess_ ," she said.

"Uh, you're one to talk," Meteor retorted. "I think you even have _split ends_ ,"

Meteor said the words 'split ends' with such horror that Pearl almost hurt herself holding in her laugh.

Dot stirred, and then peeked up at Pearl. "What's so funny."

"Meteor thinks Jasper might have _split ends_ ," Pearl said dramatically.

Dot snorted.

"Earth hasn't exactly been a walk in the park," Jasper grunted. "Haven't had the time for that sort of thing."

"And yet you still got time to make sure your eyeliner is flawless."

"i don't know w-what you're _talking about_ ," Jasper said. "That's it. I'm not going to do your hair."

"Oh c'mon, PJ," Meteor whined. "I take it back."

Pearl lost it, laughing hysterically and waking Dot up in the process, who stared at Pearl blankly.

Jasper shoved Meteor to the ground. "You're _r_ _idiculous_ ," she groaned.

"Aw, PJ," Meteor complained. "I know a place. A lake," she said. "Me and Swirl've been looking."

Jasper glanced at Meteor. "A lake," she said thoughtfully. "Fine, fine, okay."

"Can I come?" Dot piped up.

"Eh.. no." Jasper said decidedly.

Meteor snorted.

"Awww," Dot complained.

"Why they have to do their hair in a lake I will never understand," Pearl huffed. "We'll follow them, okay Dot?"

Dot yawned. "And then I'll sleep. Seriously. Right now I'm feeling the feeling when your phone is at 4% and you're panicking, except like, multiplied by 100."

"O..kay," Pearl shrugged.

So they followed the two Jaspers, who stepped into the lake.

"Ugh, it's cold," Meteor complained.

"Why did I let you take me here," Jasper sighed.

The two sat and Jasper carefully dipped Meteor's head under the water, and then began combing through it with her fingers again.

"Oh stars, PJ, I hope your eyeliner's waterproof," Meteor said with mock concern.

Jasper just gave a very large sigh in response and summoned some shampoo from her gem. She carefully squeezed some into her palm and let it dissipate, presumably disappearing back into her gem. She rubbed her hands together and then began washing Meteor's hair.

"So what went wrong on your mission?" Meteor demanded. "You said it was a quickie."

Jasper grunted in response. "Nearly everything went wrong," she muttered.

"That doesn't sound too promising," Meteor said.

"It was a _disaster_ ," said Jasper. "And not the good kind."

"Is there such thing as a good disaster?" Meteor raised a brow.

"Fun idea, shut up," Jasper said automatically.

Meteor chortled. "Well come on," she said, her expression becoming more serious. "You can talk to me."

Jasper sighed. "Any mission gets complicated when you find the few remaining members of the Rebellion."

"Wait, really?" Meteor said, expression dubious. "I mean, duh, because, but.."

Jasper was quiet, expression dark. She didn't say anything, merely continued washing Meteor's hair. "Ship crashed, couldn't get off planet," she said finally. "Dip."

Meteor dipped her head under the water and surfaced, hair free of soap. Jasper carefully wrung it out, and then took an actual comb and began combing it through. "I got beat by a fusion of a ruby and sapphire. So I thought they won because they fused. I fused with someone," she went silent after that.

"Okay," Meteor said. "Hold on, I'll do you."

Jasper sighed and the two switched places. Jasper gave Meteor the shampoo.

"Dip, then continue," Meteor said.

Jasper dipped her head under the water and surfaced gracefully, brushing wet hair out of her eyes. "Well, the whole thing was my fault, anyways," she muttered. "I never should've asked her to fuse. "I never should have _tried_ to fuse with her. It was wrong."

"You were using their tactic," Meteor said. "I don't see how that's wrong."

"It was _wrong_ ," Jasper repeated, closing her eyes tight before staring down at the water with a scowl. "She didn't even want to. She only said yes because she was trying to protect the rebels from me. Which is fair. Which was right. They'd only be shattered if I brought them back to Homeworld. I'd poof them. I..,"

"Would do your job?" Meteor asked, voice quiet.

"It wasn't even my job!" Jasper exclaimed. "I wanted revenge. That's all. I was just supposed to watch 01- I mean, Peridot. Make sure the forced fusions didn't kill her while she checked on the progress of the whole thing. But I saw the remainder of- of _her_ army, and I.. I ignored that," she swallowed. "I didn't even want to bring them back for credit, I wanted.. wanted them to pay for all the gems they- all the.." she swallowed, blinked a few times, and ground the palms of her hands into her eyes.

"Dip," Meteor said.

Jasper dipped her head under the water, head remaining under the water for a while before she resurfaced, wiping water off of her face. She stared down at the water, considerably more subdued.

Meteor carefully wrung out Jasper's hair, water returning to the lake. "Comb," she said. Jasper gave it to her and Meteor began carefully combing through Jasper's thick mane. Once it was tangle-free, she began to braid it. "So you fused with somebody, out of what- desperation?"

Jasper swallowed. "Yeah," she mumbled. "I suppose."

"And you still lost?"

"I might've won," Jasper closed her eyes tight and lost herself to the memory. "I didn't get a chance to. She pulled me- us under. I tried to.. tried to get out. But she didn't let me go, and that's fine. I deserved it. I never should've asked her to fuse with me. _Never_." Jasper went quiet, reliving it, reliving that feeling of power and the fiery hope in her chest, finally- _finally_ she could beat Rose Quartz, get her back for everything she did, for every gem shattered needlessly- gems loyal to Homeworld, strong, intelligent gems, whose lives had ended early because Rose had filled their heads with her ridiculous ideas, her hazy ideals. She relived raising a hand, ready to crush them, and _chains_ , the feeling of confusion, Lapis- 'Now you're _my_ prisoner, and I'm never letting you go!'- flailing in blind terror for a moment, desperation to get out of there, and not being able to. And finally, being forcefully submerged, under the ocean.

For what she thought would be forever, for a moment. And then the fight for control. Jasper had completely forgotten about revenge under there, with Lapis, under the ocean. She forgot about that, just wanting to get out. She had felt herself losing to Malachite, sometimes she longed to lose herself to Malachite again, to feel every strip of her identity and dignity stripped away, to-

"PJ," Meteor interjected. "You alright?"

Jasper felt her wet uniform cling to her skin just as it had when she was Malachite. She stared down at the water, throat tightening, trying to conceal her panic. She abruptly got out of the lake and phased herself dry, stomping off.

* * *

Meteor sat there in the lake, alone.

Pearl swallowed and looked down at Dot, expecting to see her sleeping. Instead, Dot's eyes were open. She was staring at Pearl. She gave a soft laugh and stared at the sky. "Aw, man," she said softly.

Pearl shook her head. "Malachite was very toxic for both of them," she murmured. "Lapis has had time and people for her to fall back on," she said. "But Jasper hasn't had that time or.. a support group, really. They both need to heal, but Jasper hasn't quite had that option."

Dot nodded a little, and then went back to sleep. They sat there for a while until Dot awoke again and was quiet.

"You know, one thing I have, um, wondered," Pearl said quietly. "Is, um. Well, Dot.. all.. nearly all your other friends are back, so where is.. where is, um.."

Dot closed her eyes and laughed some more. "I don't think she's gonna come back, Pearl," she said. "She's in a different graveyard. One they prolly won't dig up."

"Why?" Pearl furrowed her brow. "Why dig up some and no-"

"Because she's not a gem," Dot breathed. "Her family took the rest of her shards and buried them in a mineral graveyard, where her family traditionally buried their dead. Okay? There's a lot you don't know. There's a lot that was covered up."

"A.. mineral?"

"Yeah," Dot said. "You know what? I'll tell you one from the old history books. A long time ago there were three great tribes. Gem, mineral, and metal. The gem tribe was led by Clear Diamond, the mineral tribe was led by Lonsdaleite, and the metal tribe was led by Chromium. You following?"

"Yes," Pearl said, her notepad out.

"You're such a dork," Dot said, snickering. "Okay. Okay, anyways."

"Waitttt, I'm making an observation," Pearl said.

"Okay, feel free to share," Dot said, tilting her head.

"Diamond is the hardest gem in existence, Lonsdaleite is the hardest mineral in existence, and Chromium is the hardest metal in existence. Is this a coincidence or this deliberate?"

"It's very deliberate, Pearl," Dot said. "That's literally kinda the point. Anyway. So these three tribes all lived together in harmony for a suuuuper duper long time. Together they all used their strengths- gems' determination, minerals' beauty, and metals' intelligence. Look, I know there are some hot gems out there. I mean, have you seen me?"

Pearl rolled her eyes.

"But you ain't seen _nothing_ , 'til you've ever seen a mineral," Dot said. "They're all- they're all _more_ than hot. They're gorgeous, okay? And us gems, we can sing and dance pretty good, right?"

Pearl nodded. "I suppose. We're a musical species."

"We got _nothin_ ' on minerals. I'm telling you, when you hear a mineral sing.. anyway, yeah. They're all drop-dead gorgeous, and like, all in different ways, you know? Some are skinny, some are fat, some are curvy, some have long hair, some have short, some have none, like, _whatever_ , but they're all like, beautiful, and exceptionally so when you find that mineral in your type, like, if you really like girls with short hair and big muscles and you see a mineral with short hair and big muscles you are never going to forget them. You're gonna be like, 100% in love."

"O..kay?" Pearl said. "I get the point. You can move on."

Dot stared at Pearl and then flushed a little, snickering. "Sorry, got carried away. But they're really beautiful and really musical. And you'll never see anyone more resourceful than a metal. You can have a string and a piece of lint and be locked in a room and I guarantee you they can find a way out of there with that string and piece of lint. They're also really parental, like, if you want a friend for life, pick a metal because they will literally care about you _so much_. There's this girl in the army named Copper and, okay, whatever, never mind. Anyways, they really pale in comparison musically, compared to gems and minerals, like, when a gem or mineral randomly bursts into song and like, every gem and mineral hears the tune and like, automatically joins in because they know the words and whatever, they can't do that. They don't hear it. But they totally make up for it in sheer intelligence."

"Ohhh-hhh-hhh," Pearl said, getting very excited at all this new knowledge.

"Anyway, together, our three tribes were like, the master race. A perfect race filled with harmony- provided by minerals, with their beauty, general friendliness, and talent at overall entertainment, resourcefulness- courtesy of the metals, with their intelligence and quick thinking, the ability to build amazing things at amazing speeds and always come up with new ideas, and the determination necessary to be great- provided by gems- that's us- with our perseverance and constant desire to be great, as well as the grand visions of grandeur we tend towards."

"Is that a good thi-" Pearl began.

"Anyway, Clear Diamond had a grand vision of grandeur and saw that we would be like, the ultimate master race together. So Clear Diamond, Lonsdaleite, and Chromium all had a long talk and all agreed to live together as one. And it worked. And we did. And everything was great for a suuuuuuper long time."

Pearl nodded. "Is that all?'

"No," Dot said. "It's about 1 million years later," she continued. "And two new Diamonds have just risen to the throne after the unfortunate death of the previous Diamonds, Purple Diamond and Brown Diamond, in battle. Brown Diamond died before she was able to produce an heir so Purple Diamond's firstborn was her heir and her secondborn rose to take Brown Diamond's place. Since this is the event that kickstarted a new era this is called the Rising of the Two Sisters."

Pearl nodded slowly, furrowing her brow.

"Anyway, So you got two new excited gem leaders at the forefront. Here's the government setup, by the way," Dot said. "You got four Diamonds, one Chromium, and three Lonsdaleites, okay?"

Pearl nodded.

"So you have the Gemineretal Authority," Dot said. "A horrible combination of three words, but it worked. And the new two leaders in the Diamond Subdivision. Right now, the Diamond Subdivision looks like this. White Diamond. Blue Diamond. And the two new Diamonds.."

"Yellow Diamond and Pink Diamond," Pearl whispered. "They're.. sisters? But- Rose never.."

"Yeah, so like, since Rose was like, my mom's big sister the Rebellion was probably really personal for her," Dot said, nodding. "Anyway. Where was I? Umm... oh. Yeah. Rose Quartz and Yellow Diamond, Ascended. Nobody knows Yellow Diamond's previous form before Ascension because she made a great point of having it not listed in a _single_ textbook, or resource, like, anywhere, it's pretty classified and if you know, you wouldn't tell anyone because you'd get found out and both you and whoever you told would die."

"Oh," Pearl said blankly, forgetting to write this down for a moment as she processed this and then scribbling it down.

"Yeah, extreme, right?" Dot said. "So the first 3 years of their rule was pretty great. Then they had to appoint a war general, and they chose a childhood friend. The name isn't listed. And it's assumed that the war general corrupted the otherwise innocent and peaceful rule, by getting to Yellow Diamond somehow. It's just said that the war general was very intelligent and gave Yellow Diamond a wonderful idea to better society."

"Oh boy," Pearl muttered.

"Yeah," Dot said. "But uh, that idea was to take over the mineral and metal populations and ruin the peace, so, you know, most people believe the 'the war general got to Yellow Diamond' theory."

"And Rose didn't- I mean, Pink Diamond didn't do anything about it?" Pearl fretted.

"No," Dot said. "She along with the other Diamonds went with it, I guess. So uh," Dot cleared her throat. "What happened was the Chromium and Lonsdaleites were murdered and the Gemineretal Authority was disbanded, and the Diamond Subdivision renamed.."

"The Diamond Authority," Pearl whispered, voice laced with horror.

"Uh huh." Dot said, nodding.

"So what happened to the mineral and metal populations?" Pearl asked.

"Considered second class citizens. They all live in a general state of poverty. Um..," Dot said. "The two races were stripped of their pride.. the beauty that the minerals had been so proud of was taken advantage of, and um, and, you know. You know."

"What?" Pearl stared.

"Brothels, Pearl. You know what a brothel is, right," Dot said. "Or, a concubine. Or-"

" _Oh_ ," Pearl said.

"Yeah," Dot grimaced. "And uh, you know, metals were generally used for cheap labor. Manual stuff. Sometimes if you want someone to clean your house and do odd jobs for you and you can't afford a gem to do it for you, you pay a metal a very tiny price and get it done."

"But why not request a larger payment?" Pearl asked.

"'Cause you won't get hired and they'll just take advantage of someone else. That 5 bucks will go to someone else instead of the apple you're going to ration to yourself for a while." Dot said. "They're trapped in extreme poverty. If you're a mineral or metal you literally _can't_ get hired for anything else. You keep getting so little money and it's a cycle you can't escape."

"What about.. Pearls, in that time period?" Pearl asked quietly.

"More rights than a mineral or metal, that's for sure," Dot snorted. "You would be able to take advantage of them just as much as I would be."

"Did you ever.."

"No! No," Dot said. "I never agreed with that sorta thing. I, you know, there were a few people who'd hire minerals or metals to do stuff, real jobs, for a decent salary, you know? But they were hard to find."

"I only saw gems in your army," Pearl said.

"I don't think they're bringing back minerals, or metals," Dot said. "Or maybe they take longer with the machines. I'unno. But I don't think you'll see any any time soon."

"Maybe I have, and they're-"

"Nuh uh, you can tell them apart real easy," Dot said. "Metals are real shiny, despite not being made out of metal. They often have stripes or markings where their metal is, though some just have a placement like a gem. Minerals are, their mineral is, it's like," Dot furrowed her brow. "It looks like an uncut gem, and they don't have one, they have, like.. okay. Minerals don't have their minerals on their faces. Ever. Because their minerals protrude, right? Maybe on top of the head, even, but never on the face. They're uh, like little clusters, and there's one big one and then multiple smaller... it's.. here, want me to show you a picture?"

"I _think_ I understand," Pearl said.

Dot nodded.

"DOT!" Peri yelled, running up to the two.

"Hey, Peri," Dot said. "What's up?"

"Your friend Rhodolite gave me _these_ ," Peri said, proudly shoving photographs in Dot's face.

"Hey, that's too close," Dot said, taking the photos and staring at them. She stared at them for a long time, before swallowing, and leaning over to show Pearl. "Like that," she said, voice quiet.

Pearl stared at the person in the photo Dot was pointing to, and knew, instinctively, that that was Nepheline.

"Okay, first of all, why would you show me these," Dot said, handing them back to Peri. "If you have ever spent like, 10 minutes around me you would know it's a terrible idea."

"I thought you might like to see them," Peri frowned. "You know. Since.."

"Oh," Dot said flatly. "That's great. Please take those as far away from me as possible."

"Why?" Peri asked. "They're, they're memories, Dot! I-"

"DO IT, BEFORE I RIP THEM INTO THOUSANDS OF TINY PIECES!" Dot yelled.

Peri startled, and then hurried away.

Dot stood there, breathing hard. She kicked a pebble.

"Dot?" Pearl asked gently.

"WHAT?!" Dot demanded.

Pearl went quiet, staring at the ground. "Nothing. Forget it. I'm sorry."

Dot stood there and then tugged at her hair, a low sob escaping her. She crumbled to her knees, digging her fingers into the dirt. The green gem released sob after sob into the still air. After a while, her crying faded to silence and Dot sat there, staring at the trees. She slumped a little.

"Are you okay?" Pearl asked, quietly wrapping her arms around Dot, who sniffled.

"Yeah, sorry," Dot mumbled. "M'alright."

"You sure?" Pearl said, rubbing Dot's back in slow circles in an attempt to comfort the green gem.

"M' _always_ sure, Pearl. You know that." Dot said in response.

"Uh _huh_ ," Pearl said slowly. "Well, as long as you're-"

"No, no no," Dot interrupted suddenly, closing her eyes. "I am _not_ okay. Nothing about anything that's been happening recently is even remotely okay."

"People are... returning from the.. dead and _yes_ , that's confusing. I know it's a lot of change, D-"

"No, I mean-" Dot interrupted. "It's only so long before they start showing signs. They lose independent thought and start attacking people. Then somebody will get bitten and the virus will spre-"

"Dot, honestly," Pearl said, sighing and putting her head in her hands. "This isn't a zombie apocalypse movie."

"How do you _know_ , Pearl?" Dot demanded. "AlsoI'mveryinsecureaboutjustabouteverythiggoingoninmyliferightnowbutI'mtryingtoplayitoffbybeingfunnywhendeepdownIwanttocry."

"What?" Pearl said.

"What?" Dot said. "Oh," she said suddenly. "Sun's gonna set soon. We should go home."

"Or we could go for a stroll on the beach and watch the sun set," Pearl hummed, hands finding Dot's hips and resting there.

"Hmmm," Dot said. "You're awfully persuasive," she put on a pensive expression.

"It's up to you," Pearl murmured in Dot's ear, warm breath tickling the back of Dot's neck and making Dot giggle.

"I mean, okay," Dot said, a small smile on her face. "We can do that."

Pearl made a triumphant sound. " _Good_ ," she said joyously, clapping her hands a little. "Now there's a little spot on the beach where the sunset is prettiest.."


	15. Chapter 15

_now i know we have plenty of characters in this fic that are passive emo but i decided to introduce one that is aggresively, blatantly, in your face emo._

 _you're welcome_

* * *

"Don't tell me, show me," Dot said simply, and Pearl led Dot down to the beach.

The two strolled along the beach, silently.

"It's here," said Pearl, ducking beneath a rock.

Dot nearly bumped her head and gave a small yelp. "Oh," Dot said softly, upon entering the place Pearl wanted to show her. They were standing by a tidal pool. The beautiful orange and pink streaked sky was reflected in the blue water, which stirred gently, foaming a little. The faint scent of saltwater wafted around in the air.

"Isn't it pretty here?" Pearl whispered.

Dot gave a slight nod, looking all around her with wonder in her expression. "It's gorgeo-" a reflection in the water made Dot turn and walk in a seemingly random direction.

"Dot?" Pearl asked, furrowing her brow.

Dot was standing beside Jasper when Pearl found her.

" _Jasper_?" Pearl asked incredulously.

"Yeah, it's me," Jasper grumbled. "Who you did _not_ invite on your romantic stroll even after you two spied on me, which is rude."

Dot looked a little startled. "You knew?"

Pearl gaped.

Jasper gave a slight nod. "You two aren't very subtle," she snorted.

"Sorry we didn't invite you," Dot told Jasper. "I'll make it up to you. I'll go to the supermarket _right now_ and get you a huge bag of Cheetos."

"What's a _Cheeto_ ," Jasper said incredulously.

"A.. a," Dot furrowed her brow. "Packaged dust... stick? Whatever you said. What did you say?"

"A packaged puffy dusty cheese stick?" Jasper asked, looking considerably happier.

"Yes," Dot said. "I'll get you a huge bag."

"That's not enough," Jasper said, crossing her arms and looking away.

Pearl tilted her head. "Two bags of Cheetos."

Jasper shook her head. "You _spied_ on me."

"Three," Dot said. "Three big bags of Cheetos."

"I don't know.." Jasper said slowly.

"Three big bags of Cheetos..," Dot said. "And a hug from Pearl?"

"Whaaat?" Pearl asked incredulously.

"Huh," Jasper said. And then dismissively, "Fine. They better be _big_ bags, though."

Dot nodded earnestly. "I'll be rigt back."

"Waiiiit," Pearl called, but Dot was already gone.

It was awkwardly silent before Jasper gave a gruff "Well, where's my hug? That was part of the deal, wasn't it?"

Pearl flushed. "Oh, well _yes_ , I suppose it was."

The pale gem walked over to Jasper and awkwardly gave her a hug.

"Jasper, what do you think about Dot's instrutions?" Pearl mused absently. "In my opinion, Dot was _very_ vague about what exactly this hug entailed. Am I meant to just hug you briefly or am I supposed to hug you for a longer period of time? Is it a one-way hug- that's me hugging you- or a two-way hug- that's me hugging you and you hugging me back? Was-"

"You talk a lot," Jasper observed.

"You know, I _have_ been told that a lot." Pearl said thoughtfully. "Perhaps I should actually take it into consideration. Do I talk too much, Jasper?"

"Not too much," Jasper said, raising a brow. "Just.. a lot."

"A lot. Hm, well.. should I dial it down?" Pearl asked, tilting her head.

Jasper paused to think. "No," she said finally. "It would be weird if you didn't talk a lot."

Pearl snorted. "Well, since the deal was made to appease _you_ ," she said, still on the 'vague hug instructions' thing. "I suppose it's up to _you_ to decide."

"I think it's apparent I don't really care," Jasper said. "Since you've been hugging me the whole time you've been talking and _that's_ certainly been a while."

"Oh, um," Pearl blinked, flushing teal. "Do you want me to let go?"

Jasper shrugged. "S'up to you."

"Okay." Pearl said.

She didn't let go.

After a moment, Jasper wrapped her arms around Pearl. "You said something about two-way," she said, by means of explanation.

"I did," Pearl nodded. "You're, uh.. strong. Aren't you."

"So they say," Jasper said, sounding a little amused. "And you're small. Aren't you."

"Well actually," Pearl said indignantly. "By human standards I'm rather tall, so-"

"Heh, well," Jasper said. "By _my_ standards, you're small."

She paused before sitting Pearl down in her lap. "It's more comfortable this way. You had me twisting a little."

"Oh," Pearl said. "Sorry," she apologized.

"It's fine," Jasper said. "Not a b-"

"Well _hello_ ," Dot said, standing with three bags of Cheetos in her arms. "It looks like you two don't even need _me_. Me in this relationship _where_! I should just go home," she snickered. "You guys got it covered. Dot and Jasper n' Pearl? Nuh uh. It's Jasper and Pearl now. Dot's packing up and-"

"We _get it_ ," Jasper groaned.

Pearl put her head in her hands, flushing deeply. "We were doing what you _said_ ,"

"I do _not_ remember telling you to sit in Jasper's lap, Pearl," Dot said. "Did I say that?"

"No," Pearl sighed. "Are you finished?"

"Yeah," Dot said. "Scoot over."

Pearl moved over a little and let Dot sit next to her.

"Here," Dot said, tossing the bags of Cheetos to Jasper.

"Thanks," Jasper said, managing to open up all three at once. She dumped the entire first bag's contents into her mouth.

"Ewwww," Pearl shuddered. "If you _must_ eat, do you have to do it like _that_?"

"I'll make it quick," Jasper promised, dumping the last two bags in her mouth at once. "See?" she said, through a mouthful of half-chewed Cheetos.

Pearl gagged. " _No_!" she exclaimed. "I don't _want_ to see." she groaned. "Eating is _soooo gross_ ," she complained. "New rule: no eating around me."

Dot looked a little vacant for a brief moment before staring at Pearl and snickering, blushing a little.

"What is so funny?" Pearl demanded.

"I wanna know too," Jasper agreed.

"You _don't_ wanna know," Dot assured. "It's uh, a very lewd joke I thought of, an-"

"Not interested," Pearl interrupted.

"Interested," Jasper said.

" _Not_ interested," Pearl fired back.

Dot was about to respond when all three heard a voice say "Alright, you three."

Three heads turned.

"G-garnet!" Pearl stammered, immediately hopping off of Jasper's lap and landing gracefully on her feet.

Dot did not land nearly as gracefully as Pearl, instead rolling off of Jasper's lap and sitting up and staring at Garnet. "Oh hey," she said, looking a lot more flustered than she sounded.

"Nice hair," Garnet nodded to Jasper, whose hair was still in a braid from when Meteor had been braiding it in the lake.

Dot found a flower and tucked it behind Jasper's ear. "Perfect," she agreed.

Jasper flushed and said nothing.

"I need you all to come back for training," Garnet said. "Do you think you can manage it?"

"Of _course_ , mom," Dot scoffed. "Carry me?"

Garnet picked Dot up.

"I'm training already," Dot said smugly.

"What kind of training is that?" Jasper raised a brow.

"And can I get in on it?" Pearl added.

"Daughters only," Garnet replied. "Sorry, Pearl."

Dot beamed.

"Oh, I suppose I'll just have to walk," Pearl sighed. " _Alll_ the way back to the temple."

"It's two minutes away," Dot said.

"I know! Tragic," Pearl said.

Dot snickered.

"You'd be a good substitute," Pearl said to Jasper, blinking innocently.

"I knew it would come to this," Jasper sighed, picking Pearl up.

"See, Garnet?" Pearl said proudly. "Who needs _you_ to lift them up?"

"Dot does," Garnet said. "Right Dot?"

Dot managed to climb up onto Garnet's hair, where she sat proudly. "Yep."

Pearl sighed. "We've been bested, Jasper."

"Yeah, I can't do that," Jasper agreed.

"Okay, no more fooling around," Garnet said. "We really do need to train."

"Of course," Pearl said, looking more serious. Jasper placed her on the ground.

"You'll still carry me, though," said Dot. "Right?"

"Sure." Garnet allowed.

Dot nodded, looking satisfied.

* * *

"Dot! I've been looking for you," Mother Hen said upon their arrival.

"Oh okay," Dot blinked. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Mm..," Mother Hen appeared pensive. "Good, I think. We've already been informed of your strict no-shatter rule."

Dot nodded. "And is that... working out?" she asked.

"Ah, well.." Mother Hen. "We're working on it. There's just a few- Amber, Wulfenite, you know who I'm talking about- who need a little.. work with that aspect. But other than that, we're doing well."

"That's reassuring," Dot said. "At least some of us are doing well," she blinked. "I guess I should get training then."

"Yes, you should," Mother Hen nodded.

"Oh!" Dot put a hand to her head. "But where will you all stay? I-"

"We discussed this, Dot, don't worry," Garnet said. "They're content with staying out on the beach."

"We have tents," Mother Hen explained.

"Oh I mean, you definitely do." Dot said.

"And everybody knows where to go," Mother Hen said. "We've got it all under control. Right, chicks?!"

"I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAID BUT THE ANSWER IS PROBABLY NO," someone yelled back.

Mother Hen smiled at Dot and Garnet.

Garnet tilted her head, nodded, and walked away.

Dot grimaced. "A'ight," she sighed.

"It's been a while since they've last seen you, Dot," Mother Hen said. "Ma-"

"Why are you all more or less the exact same age than when I last saw you guys?" Dot interrupted.

"What?" Mother Hen raised a brow.

"You guys look the same," Dot said. "What are the odds that not a _single person_ here lived long enough to be old and crusty?"

"Oh," Mother Hen said. Her brow creased a little, and she sat down. "Sit," she patted the ground next to her.

Dot rolled her eyes and sat. "I just want an answer, you know. Not a story."

"I just thought you might like to be sitting down for this one." Mother Hen said.

"What," Dot said. "Did you all go out for one massive battle and all get killed somehow?"

"The food was poisoned, Dot." Mother Hen said. "I remember exactly what we ate that night," she sighed, stared at the sky. "Corn, rice, and peas. It was the goddamn peas."

"This is inappropriate right now but that sentence is really funny out of context," Dot said.

Mother Hen gave Dot a dirty look. "It's not funny, Dot. We all died."

"I mean that part's not funny," Dot said. "I never said that was funny. I said-"

"Stop talking for a second," Goshenite interrupted. "A few left before it happened and they were lucky, but."

"Weird question, but like.. was the death slow or fast? Was it the type of poison that consumes you really slowly and you're like, in agonizing pain for a real long time or did it feel like falling asleep? This is important. I'm taking this information for my tumblr blog."

"Your what?" Mother Hen raised a brow. "And why is any of that important?"

"You know, how did it taste? Could you taste the difference?"

"I..," Mother Hen looked away. "The peas were sweat. Really... really sweet. And then I noticed people falling asleep. Some were slumped on the table, snoring. And then I could see their gems slowly just.. fracturing and chipping off as they slept. And by the time the rest of us realized what was going on, we had already eaten the peas and it was too late. We started feeling really tired and I just.. remember falling into a deep sleep. I don't remember anything after that. Except waking up in heaven. That's it."

"Oh man," Dot said. "That's.. that really... I'm sorry," she said quietly. "I really.. really wish I could have eaten those peas."

"What?" Mother Hen asked incredulously.

"I mean _no_ ," Dot said. "I mean, that's terrible. That's awful. I'm glad training's going great, but I gotta go. Bye Mother Hen!" Dot waved and was gone.

Goshenite raised her voice. "COME BACK HERE DOT, OR I'LL PUT YOU ON WATCH FOR THREE DAYS!"

Dot hurried back. "You _don't_ have to do that, okay," she said. "And keep it down! I haven't- I kinda, I didn't tell them what we were like, exactly? I didn't- didn't _lie_ or anything but I definitely let them keep their perceptions and I didn't correct them if something they assumed was wrong, so like, things like watch and the rules, and a tentmate's responsibility, like, can you just.. make a conscious effort not to mention it? Yeah. I-"

"You're ashamed of us," Goshenite said matter-of-factly.

"No," Dot said. "Nooo. Never!" her eyes were wide. "It's just, they had expectations and I don't exactly.. think that.. we're quite what they think we'll be."

Goshenite looked as if she might respond but instead she just shook her head. "You said something about wishing you could have eaten those peas. Very poisonous peas. Which would kill you."

"It's a joke," Dot said. "That's Tumblr humour, ha ha," she twiddled her fingers. "You know. It's very cynical. Like my humour. You know how I am."

"I know that you like to make ironic, self-deprecating jokes in order to cover up the fact that you really want to die." Goshenite said apathetically.

Dot stared. "That's- no," she said. "No, I don't do that."

"Yes, you do," Goshenite said.

"No, I don't," Dot said. "I've literally never done that. It's- speaking of which, here's this meme I think you'd appreciate-"

"A what?"

"M-e-m-e, meme," Dot said.

"Meh-may?" Goshenite raised a brow.

Dot stared at Mother Hen. "Don't," she said softly.

Dot took out her phone.

"They say 70% of you is H20," Goshenite read flatly. "Well the other 30% of me WANTS2DIE."

"Haaaa," Dot said. "Aren't humans funny, Mother Hen?"

"We're made out of light, Dot. And. I'm about to whisk out the AYO," Goshenite said.

Dot snorted and then looked frantic. "Please don't whisk out the AYO and please don't call it the AYO, you know, that's a ridiculous name for something so.. so potent! I recommend changing it to That Which Shall Not Be Na-"

"Wooo boy," Mother Hen said. "That's a mouthful. AYO is fine."

"AYOOOOOOO," Dot said. "See? I'm sorry. That's what I think when you say that. Change it."

"I can't change it nearly as much as you're _changing the subject_ ," Mother Hen said.

"OHHHHHH.. savage," Dot said, walking away. "I'm getting some ice, for my burn,"

"Come back here," Goshenite said. "Okay, I'm about to put you on watch-"

"Noooo n- can you even do that? I'm kind of a Crystal Gem now and they're like, the Space Police so you can't rea-"

"I have control over everyone in the army. Are you saying you're no longer in the army?"

"NO!" Dot all but yelled.

"Calm down," Mother Hen said. "I was just checking."

"Okay, good," Dot said. "Anyway, like, there are lots of memes. My favourite right now is the NUT button-"

"Don't- just don't.. don't tell me any more," Goshenite looked physically pained, head in her hands. "Please."

"I mean, memes make me want to kill myself too," Dot said. "That's the most enjoyable part."

"This brings me back to my _previous point_ ," said Goshenite. "About the hating yourself and the ironic jokes that only serve to worry those who care about you."

"No, Mother Hen," Dot said solemnly. "I _love myself_. And people _love my jokes_ almost as much as they _love me_."

"If that was true, Dot, nobody would love you very much at all," Mother Hen said. "I'm sorry."

"My jokes are great," Dot defended.

"Y..es," Goshenite patted Dot on the head. "Anyway. So-"

"I have to go train," Dot told Mother Hen and walked in the direction of some gems who were training.

"Oh hey, Dot!" one waved.

"Yo," Dot tilted her head. "Moonstone. Sunstone. Bloodstone. Whatcha doin'?"

"The usual," Sunstone grumbled. "Bloodstone here's already tried to get me to impale him twice."

"Hi, Dot," Bloodstone said, sounding bored.

"Hellooo," Dot said. "You really shouldn't. You've been on watch for 2 years. Aren't you tired?"

"It's not like I have friends to visit," Bloodstone said.

"We get it, edgelord," Sunstone crabbed.

"Relatable," Dot said.

"You have friends," Bloodstone said. "Don't you dare try to understand how I feel."

"Cutting myself, honestly, on this edge here," Sunstone said.

"Knock it off," Moonstone rolled her eyes. "Anyway! Wanna train with us, Dot?"

"Eh, I'unno," Dot said. "I think I'm losing my touch. Getting old, you know? Creaky in the joints."

"Don't be ridiculous," Sunstone snorted. "You sound just as irritating as ever so I'm sure you fight fine."

"What does that have to do with how I fi-"

Sunstone swung a sword at her.

Dot yelped and moved backwards. "Hey hey!" she said. "Are you trying to kill someone or something?"

"Pick me," Bloodstone said.

"Shut up," Sunstone told him.

"Hey, not okay," Moonstone frowned. "AYO, Bloodstone?"

Bloodstone gave her a flat look. "Lots of cliffs, here," he observed.

"Oh yeah." Dot nodded. "Tricky, though. More often than not you just fall on the sand and you're alright."

"Wait, wait," Sunstone said, voice low. "Are you saying you've jumped?"

"About training," said Dot.

"Oh yeah," Sunstone said. "We were doing that."

Moonstone frowned at Dot.

"Training," Dot repeated, making vague punching motions. "You know. Tell her, Bloodstone."

"She knows what training is," Bloodstone said. "I'm not wasting my breath."

"I thought you didn't even want that breath anymore in the first place." Sunstone said.

"I'm going to report you to Mother Hen," said Moonstone.

"Okay, okay no," Sunstone said. "Sorry. Sorry, okay? Sorry, Bloodstone."

"I think it's unfortunate that you got roped in with the twins," Dot said to Bloodstone. "They're unbearable."

"You're unbearable," Bloodstone said. "In the moon. Do us all a favour and ditch the metal."

Dot stared at her arm and groaned. "I _glint_ I'm _sorry_ ," she complained. "What do you want me to do? S'not like I can just-"

"OHHHHH here we go," Sunstone said. "With the s'nots and the m'kay's."

"Stooooop," Dot whined. "M' _sorry_ , I _guess_ it's the way I talk, what are you gonna do, sue me?"

"I mean, sure," Sunstone said. "Why not?"

"HA!" Moonstone said. "Good luck with that. Anyway, I'll be right back."

"Where ya going?" Sunstone raised a brow.

"To request an AYO," Moonstone said. "For Dot. I think a minuscule intervention is required."

"Whaaat?" Dot said. "Moonstone, if you go to Mother Hen I'm going to punch you-"

"You know, Dot," Moonstone said, proudly displaying a badge on her shirt. "I take _pride_ in being-"

"OHHHHH HERE WE GO," Sunstone interrupted.

Sunstone, Dot, and Bloodstone all rolled their eyes.

"A Picker-Upper," Moonstone continued. "I'm just doing my part to make sure everyone in the army feels safe and okay. And nobody enjoys watch, so by intervening before something drastic happens, I'm helping to make sure th-"

"When you were on watch you yelled and cussed and tried to attack people so let me have this and leave Dot alone," Bloodstone said, sounding bored.

Moonstone's cheeks coloured. "Well yes," she said. "I'm trying to make sure nobody has to feel like I did ever again."

"You're late," Dot said. "Really late."

Sunstone gave Moonstone a nod. "Leave Dot alone," she said. "She did nothing to warrant an AYO."

"Previous implied sui attempts that went unreported or undiscovered _do_ in fact warrant an AYO, and it says so right here in my notebook," Moonstone took out a mini notebook. "Right... here. See?"

"You're holding it too far, I can't see," Dot said. "I think you're lying."

"I would never!" Moonstone exclaimed. "Here, look," she gave Dot the notebook.

"I don't really care what it says." Dot informed the other gem.

Dot took a few steps backwards and wound up to throw it.

"Hey!" Moonstone snatched it. "I'll _read it out loud_ ," she said icily. "If it comes to your attention that somebody may have not previously attempted sui, and it was unreported or undiscovered by Mother Hen or a Picker-Upper, that is enough to warrant an AYO and being placed on watch for a day."

"I didn't," Dot said flatly.

"Hey, Dot," Lapis said, walking over to the green gem. "What's up?"

Dot startled before clearing her throat. "Please don't sneak up on me like that, and nothing," she said. "I was going to train actually. But that doesn't seem to be happening. Are we gonna train or not, guys?"

"I guess I can do this later," Moonstone sighed, putting her notebook away. "I'm Moonstone. Would you like to train with us..." she stared at Lapis. "Uh..," she walked behind Lapis a little. "Oh!" she said, upon seeing Lapis's back. Her eyes widened and she immediately curtsied. "I'm so sorry!" she stammered. "I didn't recognize you-"

"Oh, um," Lapis laughed uncomfortably. "You don't have to do all that. Please."

"It's so weird how you try to identify people by literally searching for their gems and trying to name them instead of just asking," Sunstone said.

"She's trying to trick people into thinking she's intelligent," Bloodstone snarked.

Sunstone snorted and gave Bloodstone a high five.

"Shut up," Moonstone sighed, followed by, "Wait so," Moonstone beamed. "You're Dot's baby cousin! Boy, you sure grew."

"Just don't," Dot said. "Don't do that. Anyway. Wanna train with us, Lapis?"

"Sure," Lapis shrugged.

"Rather dainty, isn't she?" Sunstone commented. "I seriously doubt this would be a fair fight."

Lapis just tilted her head. "Maybe."

"She's a Diamond, you know," Moonstone said.

"Yeah, how unfair could this fight _really be_. Maybe she turns into a hulking figure with muscles so huge, her clothes tear and veins p-" Bloodstone said.

"No," Lapis said. "No, I don't do that."

Dot snorted, and Lapis gave her a dirty look.

"Um, ahem ahem," Dot coughed. "Yeah, she doesn't do that. It's not going to be as fair as you think."

"Come on, let's go weapon to weapon," Sunstone said, summoning her sword.

"She doesn't have a gem weapon," Moonstone said. "Don't you read any magazines? There was the article about little baby Lapis summoning her weapon for the first time! And it was _water wings_."

"See? Not a fair fight." Sunstone said proudly. "And of course I don't read any magazines. Who do you think I am?"

"Ohhh noooo, ha," Lapis said, summoning her wings. "You got me. I guess I'm dead now! Ha ha, ha, everybody's going to beat me."

"Look, we don't poof or shatter in training," Sunstone said.

"That would defeat the purpose of training and effectively kill the whole army," Bloodstone said dryly.

"But we put the tip of the weapon to the throat, okay?" Sunstone said. "And if the gem's on the throat we put it to the chest."

Lapis nodded. "Okay, that's fair."

"Sorry, princess," Sunstone grinned. "This'll be easy, so I'll make it quick."

"Oh no," Lapis said. "I am about to lose!"

Dot waited for Sunstone to get the biggest wake up call of her whole entire life.

Sunstone gave her sword a light swing and was met with Sunstone giving her sword a light swing.

Or you know, a water clone of Sunstone giving her ice sword a light swing.

"HA!" Moonstone said. "HA HA! I'm always right! Told you so! I told you!"

"Huh what?" Sunstone said, widening her eyes.

Lapis gave a fake yawn. "I thought you were going to beat me? I'm waiting."

"Ha," Sunstone said. "You think we don't cover getting attacked by a clone? All you have to do is do something that you would never do."

"No, it's not that kind of clone, Sunstone," Moonstone sighed. "It will literally just imitate _whatever_ you do."

Sunstone stuck her tongue out.

The clone stuck her tongue out.

"Oh," Sunstone said. "Oh man."

"Anyway," Lapis said. "Anybody else want to try?"

Moonstone cracked her knuckles. "Sure, I'll give it a shot," she smirked. "Now that we've seen all your party tricks. Come on, gimme a clone."

Lapis did so.

Moonstone was occupied with the clone for a minute before Bloodstone sliced it with an axe from behind.

The water just seamlessly came back together.

Lapis laid down on the sand in a relaxed pose, creating another Bloodstone water clone. "Is that everything?" she asked lazily.

"Wow," Dot shook her head. "Lapis isn't even breaking a sweat."

"You try it!" Moonstone exclaimed. "You try fighting her! It's not easy!"

"And that's precisely why I am not trying," Dot said. "Thanks but no thanks. Don't wanna hurt myself over trying to beat Lazuli."

"Oh, come on Dot," Lapis complained. "The worst that'll happen is that you'll lose."

"Peer pressure is a real problem in this world today," Dot sighed. "But I mean, m'kay. Lay it on me."

Lapis sent a water clone Dot's way. It stood, waiting for Dot to do something.

Dot summoned her shuriken, and so did the clone. "I mean, I don't even really know how to use this thing yet. That's not fair."

"Eh," Lapis shrugged. "I'm having a good time here on the beach today. What about you guys?"

"Stoooop," Sunstone groaned. "Not helping." she was still swinging her sword and the water clone was matching her every strike.

Bloodstone and Moonstone were doing their very best and were met with similar results.

"Don't torture the people, Lapis," said Dot.

Dot threw her shuriken at the water clone. It went right through.

"I surrender," Dot said immediately.

"Stop," Lapis said. "Come on."

"Ughhh," Dot said. "Well obviously my previous strategy is not going to work," she thought for a moment.

The water clone, still holding an ice shuriken, tried to attack Dot with it.

Dot moved backwards. "I _surrender_ ," she repeated.

"No," Lapis said.

"You saying no does not make my surrender null and void!" Dot yelled back.

"Yes it does," Lapis said. "No."

"I'm running out of options," Dot said. Her fingertips started glowing with that faint light that meant Dot was about to electrocute something or fire a bolt of electricity at someone.

Lapis sat up, looking vaguely concerned for the first time during this whole training session.

"You know," Dot said. "I'm not very certain of how this will play out. I mean, I know water conducts really well, b-"

"DO IT," Sunstone yelled.

"O _kay_ ," Dot said, firing some electricity at the water clone.

Lapis made a very audible, strange sound. All the water clones immediately dissipated.

"That actually.. kind of hurt," Lapis said. "I think you burned me." She blew smoke off of her fingertips. "My hands are smoking."

"I'm never doing that again," Dot said. "I hurt Lapis and I have a strict no-hurting-people rule."

"You chopped your girlfriend's mineral in half so I think you really messed that particular rule up, Dot," Sunstone said dryly.

Dot went quiet.

"Yikes," Lapis said.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you," Moonstone said, punching Sunstone in the arm.

"I'm just saying," Sunstone defended. "It's true."

"It is true," Dot said. "I did do that."

"Look Dot, we've been dead for like, 20,000 years and you've been alive for that time. Haven't you moved on?" Sunstone asked.

"Oh sure," Dot said. "Completely," she nodded. "100%. Yes."

"It was too soon, you orangutan," Bloodstone hissed.

"It's been THOUSANDS OF YEARS," Sunstone said. "You literally _cannot_ tell me it was too soon."

"Of course it wasn't too soon," Dot said. "S'fine. Thousand of years ago, like you said. I am _over her_. Hashtag moved on. Hashtag Nepheline who?"

"Stop saying the word hashtag out loud," Bloodstone said. "Please."

"Hashtag over her! Hashtag living a new life! Hashtag that was in the past! Hashtag .. I'm running out of ideas," Dot said.

"Finally," Bloodstone said.

Moonstone just shook her head. "Don't do that again, Dot. Please."

"Hashtag Jesus loves me," Dot said.

"Who?" Sunstone said.

Dot sighed. "Anyway," she said. "I'm gonna go. See ya around, guys!"

"This isn't because of the girlfriend and the chopping in half, right?" Sunstone grimaced. "Look, if somehow you have managed to not move on for more than a decamillenium, and somehow you are still all weepy over someone who died literally forever ago, and somehow you're literally still sad about it and haven't moved on yet and it's too soon, then I'm sorry-"

" _Yikes_ ," Lapis repeated.

Dot stood there. "Um yeah, it's definitely not about that. But I have to go. Right now. So."

"Look, if it's that just tell me," Sunstone said.

"It's not," Dot said, walking away.

"Bye, Dot!" Moonstone waved.

"I think, frankly, that that was the most insensitive thing you've ever said in your life," Bloodstone told Sunstone. "And that you should apologize. Because obviously she hasn't been taking the whole Nepheline situation very well."

"She said she's fine," Sunstone said. "Are you saying she's lying? Are you prying? That's a borderline AYO, you know. I-"

"I'm not! I'm just saying," Bloodstone rolled his eyes. "But I mean, she did say that. So I guess she's fine."

"You guys aren't going to to go after her?" Lapis asked incredulously.

"No," Moonstone blinked. "She said she's okay."

Lapis stared. "So that's it? You're just going to take her word for it?"

"Yes..?" Moonstone said. "Why would we not?"

"Because she didn't even sound okay," Lapis said. "Aren't you going to ask her if she's okay? Aren't you going to check on her to make sure she's alright?"

Moonstone, Sunstone, and Bloodstone all stared at her.

"Well, I mean..," Moonstone said slowly. "We could.. request an AYO. Couldn't we?"

"But she said she's fine," Sunstone said.

"Nothing she did specifically warranted an AYO," Bloodstone raised a brow.

"What's an AYO," Lapis said. "Seriously. I've been wondering."

"AYO stands for Are You Okay," Moonstone said. "We don't ask that question here, unless that person is on watch. Then you're allowed to ask as many times as you want. And if you want to AYO somebody who's not on watch, you have to get permission from Mother Hen."

Lapis stared. "You have to get permission. To ask somebody. If they're okay."

"Yeah, and it's a lot of work so nobody bothers," Sunstone said. "If someone says they're fine, they're fine. And if they're not, obviously they don't want you poking around their business."

"B..ut.." Lapis said, voice thick with disbelief.

"Why don't you forget about Dot and train some more with us, eh?" Bloodstone said. "If we can beat you we can beat just about anyone."

"Um, alright," Lapis said. "I guess."

"Yo Dottttt," Amethyst said. "What's up? Where you been?"

Amethyst frowned when Dot didn't even justify her with a response, instead shoving past her and going to her room.

"Yo Dot!" Amethyst said, entering her room, arms crossed. "You just gonna ignore me?"

Then Amethyst noted that Dot was just huddled up wrapped in the blankets on her bed, arms wrapped around herself.

"Hey," Amethyst frowned. "You good?"

"Yep," Dot said monotonously. "I'm great. Sorry I ignored you. I was out training."

Amethyst furrowed her brow. "You sure you're alright?"

Dot nodded and didn't say anything after that.

"Okay well, whatever. I'm not alright," Amethyst said. "I tried talking to Jasper's weird sister things today and.. you know. I know that I'm _wrong_ , but I- I didn't, I guess," her eyes watered. "I wish I wasn't _defective_!"

Dot stared. "What?"

"I'm _defective_!" Amethyst exclaimed. "I'm small but I should've been _huge_! I should've been Jasper's size! But I came out _wrong_ and now I'm weaker than _Steven_! And he's not even a whole gem! Rose told me I was perfect the way I am but she _lied_! She _lied to me_!"

"Amethyst, your- your size is _fine_ -" Dot said.

"You wouldn't know because you're a Diamond! I saw how those gems practically _worshipped you_ back at the Kindergarten! You wouldn't understand because you've been told you're absolutely perfect your whole life because you _are_! You came out right!"

"What are you _talking_ about?" Dot asked incredulously.

"You're _perfect_! They treat you like a god or something! And they would never treat me like that, because I'm defective! I'm tiny when I should be- when I should be huge! Nobody even likes me because I came out wrong but everybody likes you because you came out-"

"I didn't come out perfect," Dot said. "And you didn't. Hell, I bet nobody came out exactly perfect! And that doesn't even matter! It shouldn't matter! Amethyst, you fight amazingly. Okay? You're amazing! You're wonderful and beautiful, and.."

"What do you _mean_ you didn't come out perfect?" Amethyst growled. "Don't you dare try to-"

"This isn't about me. It's about you-"

"I don't want it to be about me," Amethyst said. "I don't want to talk about me, I'm done talking about how big of a _loser I am_!"

"Okay," Dot said. And she closed her eyes and turned on her side.

Amethyst started crying. "I want- I want you to talk to me,"

"I thought you didn't want to talk," Dot said, closing her eyes. "I'm trying to nap."

"Oh sure," Amethyst said, swallowing, taking a moment to stop crying. She roughly wiped her tears away. "Sorry I bothered you."

"You..," Dot turned over. "You didn't- you aren't bothering me. Sorry, I.."

Amethyst suddenly hugged Dot tightly, crying.

"Oh," Dot said, and then hugged her back.

"I'm sorry," Amethyst sniffled. "I bet when you became my friend you didn't sign up for this."

"If I didn't that would be way hypocritical of me," Dot said. "Look, if you ever need to talk you can come to me. Okay? Don't- don't be afraid to."

"And you too," Amethyst punched Dot in the arm. "So. You okay?"

"Yeah," Dot said. "Yeah, I'm fine. Don't mind me. M'not important."

"That doesn't sound like okay talk," Amethyst said.

"I'm _fine_ ," Dot insisted.

"Okay, okay good," Amethyst said.

Dot sighed.

"I um, I hit 2K on Tumblr," Amethyst offered.

"Notes or followers?" Dot asked.

"Notes!" Amethyst said proudly.

" _Dude_ ," Dot said. "That is _impressive_ ," she said. "See, you might be small but I guarantee you those Jaspers can't hit 2K notes on Tumblr."

Amethyst laughed, and then let herself fall onto her back.

Dot gave her a small smile, and then stared at her bed.

And they were quiet.

Both had fallen asleep when the door all but fell off of its' hinges, three people appearing in the doorway.

"DOT! WAKE UP!" Moonstone yelled, waking up Amethyst in the process.

"Oh heyyyy," Moonstone waved at Amethyst. "I'm Moonstone. And you're," she tilted her head, briefly glancing at Amethyst's gem. "Mm.. uh... Tanzanite? No! No. You're more purple than a Tanzanite. Uh.. Amethyst?"

"That's me," Amethyst said, yawning and stretching. "Yo, Moonstone. Nice to meet you."

"Sorry if this is weird but I _realllly_ like your hair," Moonstone said.

"Oh thanks," Amethyst grinned. "It's inspired by Greg."

"Who?" Moonstone asked.

Dot had fallen asleep again.

"DOT!" Moonstone yelled again. "WAKE UP!"

Dot hissed really loudly, and flung a pillow at Moonstone, who fell to the ground dramatically. The green gem curled up and went back to sleep.

Amethyst snorted. "Good luck getting _her_ up."

"Dot," Sunstone said. "Dot, wake up."

Dot hissed again. " **DO NOT DISTURB THE DRAGON AS SHE SLEEPS** ," she yelled, and then lied down and fell asleep again.

"I'm not afraid of any dragon," Moonstone said, dramatically punching the air. "I slay all dragons who threaten me!"

"Dot, if you don't wake up, I'm going to punch you in the forehead," Bloodstone said flatly.

"No, what!" Dot exclaimed, hands flying to her forehead. "You can't do that! You might kill me!"

"Okay, good, you're awake," Moonstone said. "So. Sunstone has something to say to you,"

"Right," Sunstone cleared her throat. "Dot. I'm sorry. For what I said to you."

"Oh yeah," Dot said. "Thanks for reminding me. I had forgotten about that, actually," she grimaced. "Anyway. S'fine."

Sunstone nodded. "It was too soon, I guess."

"It's song time, though!" Moonstone interrupted. "If you don't hurry up, you're gonna miss it!"

"Oh that's okay," Dot said. "I'll pass on the nightly dance party. But thanks."

"Whaaaat? There's a _song time_?" Amethyst gasped. "Count me _in_!"

"Yessss!" Moonstone clapped happily. "It's so much fun!"

"I mean, it's alright," Sunstone shrugged.

"And you're not missing it, Dot," Bloodstone said. "If I have to suffer through happy fun music song time, so do _you._ " Bloodstone dragged Dot out of bed.

"Nooo," Dot complained. "No, come on, Bloodstone, my guy.."

"Yeah, you're coming, though," Bloodstone said. "Sorry. Come on."

"Unbelievable," Dot sighed, getting to her feet.

"It's not going to be worth seeing without the minerals," Sunstone said. "They're kind of the life of the party," she shook her head.

"For sure," Bloodstone said. "It's like eating a pizza with no crust."

"That's.. not a pizza," Dot said. "That's a big, saucy, hot mess."

"Right, and that's exactly what this song night is going to be like," Sunstone said matter-of-factly.

"Don't be such a pessimist, Sunstone," Moonstone exclaimed. "Look on the _sunny side_! A big saucy hot mess is better than no pizza at all, am I right?"

"Debatable," Bloodstone grumbled.

"Ugh," Sunstone sighed.

"Wait!" Amethyst exclaimed. "Y'all know what pizza is?"

"Um..," Moonstone said slowly.

"Wow," Bloodstone said. "I didn't come here today to have my intelligence insulted, bu-"

"No, cause like, Dot didn't know what a fry was when I first met her!"

Dot's cheeks flushed. "I-"

"HA!" Sunstone exclaimed. "Yeah, uh, the girl's lived a sheltered life okay? When you've been eating caviar since you could chew you don't really hear about normal people food like fries."

"I've heard of fries, before that," Dot defended.

"Oh," Sunstone said. "Really?"

"Yeah," Dot said. "Just.. fried fish. Not.. potatoes. I didn't know.. you steam them. You _steam_ potatoes. That's what you do with potatoes. Or you roast them and have them with fish fillet. Or-"

"We get it, Dot. You're rich," Bloodstone said.

"No!" Dot exclaimed. "That's not my point. Look-"

"Okay," Moonstone said. "Anyway.. song night. Shall we, ladies?" she cleared her throat. "Ahem, and gentleman."

"Thank you, I love being acknowledged," Bloodstone said dryly.

"And I think we shall," Sunstone added. "Let's go."

The five walked out of Dot's room.


	16. Chapter 16

_OH MY GOD I HAVE NO CHILL LIKE,, JUST WHEN THEY THINK THEY CAN MAYBE RELAX FOR A SHORT WHILE I COMPLETELY RUIN THEIR LIVES AGAIN_

 _you guys will,, be on the edge of your seats with this one_

* * *

"I just want to say," Amethyst said. "I _realllly_ admire your work."

"Thanks," Bloodstone said. "I think."

"No, like," Amethyst said. "Really. Really, I do."

"Don't make this weird," Dot said, pushing Amethyst out the door. "Let's just get this over with."

"Dot," a gem said, as soon as Dot stepped outside. "You should go back in. This is awful."

"Thank you, I will," Dot said, going back inside immediately.

"We, ah...," Goshenite was saying. "Are experiencing some musical difficulties."

"Oh my god," Amethyst said. "How do you have a musical difficulty?"

"When you don't have _any_ minerals on song night, that's how," Sunstone put her hands on her hips. "I called this, honestly I did."

"I'm gonna go talk to Howlite," Sunstone said.

"You mean, talk near Howlite," Bloodstone said. "You mean hang around her in her general space and talk near her and let her not respond to you in any way, shape, or form."

"It doesn't matter if she won't say anything," Sunstone retorted. "She can hear just fine, and she's gotta be lonely."

"That's a Fixer-Upper attitude," Moonstone said cheerfully. "You should apply."

"No thanks," Sunstone said. "Not _ever_."

"Hey, Howlite," Sunstone said, waving. "What's up? You good? Things are crazy these days, huh? I.."

"She's still trying," Moonstone said softly, shaking her head. "That girl's not gonna talk. I don't know why she refuses to learn."

"Why, uh.. why doesn't she talk?" Amethyst asked awkwardly.

"Nobody knows her past except Sunstone," Moonstone said. "Because after two weeks of trying the rest of us gave up on trying to have a conversation with her. But Sunstone kept going. And those two are really close friends. Sunstone doesn't say much. She just says she was hurt a lot in her past. And that she doesn't want to trust anybody or talk to anybody."

"But she trusts Sunstone," Bloodstone piped up.

Moonstone nodded. "Anyway, in just a week Sunstone did it. And Howlite started talking. And she started making friends and it was great. But then..," Moonstone shook her head, expression darkening. "We don't speak about what happened then. She doesn't trust anyone but Sunstone now. And she's never made a sound since. Not a single one. Even her yawns and sneezes are absolutely silent."

And that was that.

Amethyst was quiet.

"And anyway, it's in the past now, so-" Moonstone paused when Bloodstone tapped her shoulder.

"We were in the past too. But we're back. So who's to say that-"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Moonstone exclaimed. "They wouldn't dare come around here again," she crossed her arms. "They learned their lesson."

Bloodstone shook his head but didn't say anything.

The faint chatter among the army immediately stopped and Moonstone and Bloodstone turned to look to see what was going on.

"I told you," Bloodstone said. "The past.. isn't in the past anymore."

Moonstone had a grim expression on her face.

Amethyst blinked, baffled.

Someone was standing there, expression awkward. Her colour scheme was completely black, grey, white, and the faintest hints of gold, and she looked embarrassed. "H-hey...," she said awkwardly. "Uh.. am I.. in time for song night?"

Amethyst knew right away that something was wrong about this gem, because of a few reasons- three, to be exact. One, a blue-purple gem immediately burst into tears. Two, that girl- (Ametrine, it might've been, but Amethyst wasn't sure) who never stopped moving, just froze up all of a sudden, and three, Howlite, who apparently never made a single sound, started screaming at the top of her lungs.

Goshenite immediately stepped down from where she was standing. "Obsidian!' she yelled, voice furious. "I thought I told you you weren't welcome here."

Obsidian stared at the ground, shifting. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "Look, I.. I've changed, I mean it. I.. I learned my lesson.:

Goshenite eyed Obsidian coldly, and then softened, and sighed. "Fine. You may stay," she crossed her arms. "I suppose we need all the help we can get. But you watch yourself, okay?"

There were cries of outrage.

"You can't let her stay here!" someone yelled.

"All of _you_ ," Goshenite said sharply. "Have done questionable things as well and I gave you all second chances. It would be unfair to give Obsidian any different treatment."

Obsidian nodded.

"What about Ametrine!" Ametrine's twin brother, Ametrine cried outrageously.

"I'll be fine," Ametrine said. "It's... okay." she sounded a little numb.

"You can't let her stay here!" someone else roared.

"QUIET DOWN!" Goshenite yelled. "IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT, _LEAVE_!"

Nobody left.

"I thought so," Goshenite said.

"Hey, guys, I changed my mind about skipping song night," Dot said, emerging from in the house. She was holding a mug, filled with what looked to be tea. "S-"

The mug slipped from her hands and fell on the ground. Tea splashed against the dirt and the soil began slowly absorbing it. The mug shattered into dozens of small little porcelain shards.

Dot stared down at the mug. She was still, unmoving.

"Dot?" Moonstone frowned.

Bloodstone let out a low growl. "SHE CAN'T STAY HERE!" he yelled, getting lots of murmurs of agreement.

"WHAT DID I SAY?" Goshenite yelled back.

Bloodstone fell silent, staring darkly at the ground.

Dot was still quiet, staring down at the broken mug and spilt tea.

"Hey, um," Obsidian said quietly. She bent down and picked up the pieces of Dot's mug. "You dropped this."

Dot didn't respond.

"Uh, here," Obsidian fumbled a little before offering Dot the broken pieces of mug.

Dot took a step back, swallowed, and kept staring at the ground.

"Do you.. want me to throw it o-"

"Hey," Demantoid said, stepping in front of Dot, and facing Obsidian. Her hands were clenched into fists and her eyes were narrowed. "What are you _doing_?" she spat.

"I," Obsidian backed away a little. "I don't want a fight. She dropped a mug so I-"

"Stay _away_ from Dot. Got it?" Demantoid said, grabbing Obsidian by the front of her shirt. "'Cause I don't want a fight _neither_. But if you don't leave Dot alone, you're gonna _get_ one." She shoved Obsidian away from her and the gem stumbled a little.

"Okay," Obsidian peeped. She hurried away to stand somewhere else, but some gems sneered at her there, so she backed away, where someone jeered and flipped her off, and then she went over to another corner where she was vehemently told "Fuck you!" by Ametrine's brother.

The monochromatic gem grimaced, going and standing by the sea where nobody was. She sat, back to the rest of the army.

She looked small.

And alone.

Amethyst went and sat next to her. "Hey," she said.

Obsidian looked wary. "I don't want to fight or argue, I-" she squinted. "You're not from the army."

Amethyst shook her head. "I'm a Crystal Gem," she explained. "And like, way younger than all of you. Definitely wasn't.. revived or whatever."

Obsidian nodded. "Well, as you can _see_ ," she muttered. "You really shouldn't be sitting next to me."

"Why do they all hate you so much?" Amethyst asked.

Obsidian just shook her head. She didn't say anything. "You shouldn't be sitting next to me," she repeated. "I'm not a good person."

"Me neither," Amethyst said.

And they were quiet.

"What's the deal with you and Dot?" Amethyst asked.

"What deal?" Obsidian grumbled.

"She got all freaked out when she saw you," Amethyst said. "She dropped one of Pearl's fancy teacups. Pearl's gonna kill her, you know. She loves those cups."

"I took being a jealous ex too far," Obsidian said simply. "Which Pearl?" she gestured to the entirety of the army. There were a lot of Pearls.

"None of them," Amethyst. "That one," she pointed to a figure in the distance.

Obsidian gave a noise of acknowledgement.

"So did you like.. threaten her or something?" Amethyst raised a brow.

"Yeah," Obsidian said. "I did."

"Oh," Amethyst said. "Well you seem sorry. You were a bad ex to a few people. You'd think they'd give you a second chance."

"People hold grudges," Obsidian said flatly. "I scared people and I'm not expecting to have roses flung at me. At least I'm allowed to stay."

Amethyst nodded. "Well..," she said carefully. "Maybe you should like.. stay away from who you threatened or whatever for now. I can't speak for the other ones but I know Dot's.. not having a great time right now, so like-:

"Dot's never having a great time," Obsidian said. "If everybody would avoid Dot whenever she's not having a great time probably nobody would ever get to speak to her again."

"Hey," Amethyst warned. "Be nice. She's one of my best buddies."

Obsidian sighed and then turned to give Amethyst a sharp look. "Can you _stop_ trying to have a conversation with me already? Nobody wants to talk to me and actually, I don't really want to talk to anyone either. Please leave me alone."

"Okay," Amethyst muttered. "I was just trying to give you a chance, but fine." she made her way back over to Dot and her friends.

Dot was pursing her lips. "But if you have 6 cards in your hand-"

"Stop trying to disprove my magic trick!" Demantoid said. "You jealous? You jealous that I can make a card disappear and you can't? Just admit it, sweetheart. Just say it. Say it to my beautiful face."

"Oh my god," Dot said. "There were 6 frickin' cards and there can't suddenly be 5! That's not how it works! You can't do that!"

"I have five cards," there was a brief pause and one seamlessly disappeared into thin air. "And now I have four."

"Stop it!" Dot exclaimed, looking like she was about to have a fit. "Where are the cards going? You cannot just make a card disappear into nowhere!"

Rhodolite was laughing hysterically and Amber was chortling.

"Yooo," Amethyst joined in their circle. "What's going on?"

"DEMANTOID IS DOING SOMETHING AGAINST THE LAW," Dot exclaimed, legitimately crying because Deman had 6 cards and made one disappear. "THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS," she continued. "SHE CAN'T DO THAT."

"Hey, uh," Amethyst hugged Dot really tightly.

"Oof," Dot said, nearly falling over. "Heh," she gave a confused chuckle. "Much love, what's up with that?"

"I just wanted to hug you," Amethyst said. "That's all."

"Okay, well," Dot said. "You're hugging me so hard I genuinely fear you may dent me," she said.

"Doesn't the metal thing ever get inconvenient?" Amethyst asked.

"You have _no idea_ ," Dot sighed.

Demantoid made another card disappear.

Dot swore loudly.

"Dooooot," Pearl could be heard humming, visibly getting closer and closer.

"Oh _no_ ," Dot said. "I broke her teacup," she frowned.

"How was the tea," Pearl asked cheerfully, giving Dot a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, um," Dot said, sweating. "It was great. Thank you. Loved it. 10 out of 10. Would.. would drink again."

"Did you even taste it?" Pearl frowned.

"Um," Dot stammered. "T- the g...round did?"

"You poured it on the ground?" Pearl gasped.

"By accident!" Dot said. "I dropped your pretty fancy cup and I-"

"No-o-o-ot my chiiIIINNAAAAAAA!" Pearl exclaimed, horrified.

"You know, this really all feels surreal," Demantoid said. "I feel like the scene before me is not even happening."

"Same," Amber said. "Like, I don't, I just... 'not my china', and the way she said it too. It feels like a dream. This is so exaggerated. I can't believe it."

Rhodolite blinked. "Hm," she said. "I see your point."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO," Pearl said, pirouetting and landing gracefully on the ground, a hand to her forehead.

Amethyst cracked up.

"No offence but what the fuck," said Deman.

"You'll get dirt in your hair," Dot fretted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pearl repeated, standing up. "DOT! Is there dirt in my hair?"

"I mean, if there is it isn't _visible_ , so-"

Pearl handed Dot a magnifying glass.

"Am I drunk?" Demantoid asked.

"If you are, so am I," Rhodolite said. "And I don't even drink."

"Same," Amethyst chimed in.

Dot carefully inspected Pearl's hair with the magnifying glass. "Nope," she said, popping the 'p'. "S'nothing, babe."

"Are ya gonna introduce me?" Amber arched a brow.

"Oh!" Dot exclaimed. "Pearl, this is Amber, Amber, this is Pearl.

"Oh wow," Pearl said, turning and smiling awkwardly. "Hi, Amber, I'm Pearl."

"I know," Amber said. "Dot just said that."

Dot put her head down.

"Look, Dot," Amber said. "I know you've probably been thirsting for a new relationship after Nepheline died b-"

"No," Pearl said. "Do you have any idea how much of an effort it was to get her to take any interest in me?"

"Okay, the _interest_ wasn't the problem," Dot huffed.

"Shhh," Pearl said, followed by "Are you all just going to sit down on the dirt?"

"Trust me, I had my reservations as well," Rhodo grumbled.

Pearl hesitated before plopping herself down next to Dot. "So, Dot," she hummed. "What have you been up to?"

"Oh you know," Dot flexed. "Dropping teacups. Making pretty ballerinas swoon. The usual," she winked at Pearl.

Pearl giggled like a little schoolgirl.

"Hey, um, quick question, do the both of y'all need to get a room?" Demantoid asked. "I'm just saying."

Amethyst tried to suppress her laugh.

Pearl flushed.

"I am just never gonna open my mouth and talk ever again," Dot said.

Amber suddenly got up on all fours and shapeshifted into some sort of big cat. It didn't look like a cheetah, or a lion, or a tiger, or any big cat we know. Rather, it looked like a mishmash of all of them, and it had tall, curving horns on the top of it's head.

"Beastie!" Dot said, gently scratching the creature behind the ears. It inclined its' head and purred. "Now, I know I saw Amber but I didn't see _you_ ,"

"But that is Amber," Pearl said flatly.

"No he's not," Dot said. "Pearl, this is Beastie. Beastie, this is Pearl."

"Yooo, Beastie," Demantoid reclined. "What's up, my guy? Now, we're pals, but don't come over here, okay? You freak me out because sometimes you try to kill people."

Beastie yawned, baring sharp teeth.

"Ughhhh," Rhodolite said. "Not _that creature_. Amber, where are you? Come back. You know I don't like him. You know what he tries to do to me."

Beastie looked unimpressed. He licked Rhodolite's face.

Rhodolite literally started crying. Like, the girl straight up burst into tears. "I knew he would do this," she wailed. "I hate that he does this."

Beastie inspected Pearl carefully, and then he lied down calmly.

Dot lied down on the ground.

"Dirtttttt," Pearl dusted Dot's hair off and Dot batted Pearl's hand away.

"No, no," Dot complained. "Stop that. I'm tryna chill."

She stared at the sky.

"Not to ruin the mood but don't you think it's suspicious that Serpentine and Nepheline aren't back yet?" Demantoid asked. "I mean.. Nepheline, sure. But there's no reason Serpentine shouldn't be here! I-"

"You miss your girlfriend," Rhodolite said soothingly. "I know. Relax. It will happen."

"IM SO TIRED!" someone screamed.

"HA, ME TOO!" someone else yelled back.

"I COULD DROP DEAD!" Dot called.

"I THINK I'M ALREADY DOING THAT!" someone yelled back.

"Do you all just scream randomly for no rea-" Amethyst began.

"IM A DEAD GEM WALKING!"

"AIN'T THAT WHAT WE LITERALLY ACTUALLY ARE NOW?" Demantoid yelled.

"WHO CARES?" they retorted. "POINT IS, I'M EXHAUSTED, AND I FEEL DEAD!"

"SAY THAT AGAIN!" someone yelled.

"I SAID, I'M EXHAUSTED, AND I FEEL DEAD!"

"ONE MORE TIME!" someone else yelled.

"I'M EXHAUSTED, AND I FEEL DEAD!"

"I FEEL YOU, MY GUY!" Dot yelled.

"WHO ELSE WANTS TO START A FIST FIGHT?" someone screamed.

"ME!" Demantoid yelled. "YOU'RE ALL ASSHOLES!"

Multiple people laughed.

"Dot, hey," Bronze said, tapping the green gem on the shoulder.

Dot whirled around, punching Bronze in the face.

Bronze swore. "Dot! What did you do that for?!"

"Sorry!" Dot exclaimed, flushing. "You scared me! I- okay, what is it?"

"Hm, uh..," Bronze said slowly. "I found a machine. The ones used to revive gems? And it's in use, and there's a little bar I guess, telling you how far along it's at, and uh, the gem's gonna emerge really soon. I just think we should maybe.. do an intervention. You know, retrieve them before they're taken back to the Kindergarten."

"That's a really good idea," Amethyst nodded. "We can like- search for machines and intervene, retrieving the gems who are bein' revived and like, take 'em back here!"

"This seems like a solid plan!" Pearl clapped her hands excited. "I'll tell Garnet." she flounced off somewhere.

Dot nodded. "We can do that. I'll need someone with tact, you know, to reason with the gem," she thought hard.

"I'm out," Amethyst snorted.

"No way, you have tact!" Dot defended. "You can come. And uh, Pearl too, just in case, okay?"

"Fair," Amethyst shrugged.

"And someone with a lot of brute strength to poof a gem in an instant in case things go downhill. So I'll need to get Jasper," Dot said.

"Look, Dot," Amethyst said. "We get it. You're gay and you wanna take your girlfriends."

Dot flushed. "N-no, I-"

"You're not subtle," Demantoid informed Dot.

Dot put her head in her hands.

"Eh, it's fine," Amethyst said. It'll work anyway. Try not to flirt too much."

"I mean, I'll do my best," Dot said. "There are things in this world that even I cannot do."

"I'm pretty sure you can keep your hands to yourself for half an hour," Demantoid said.

"Things in this world," Dot repeated. "That even I cannot do."

Amethyst shook her head.

"Hey, runt," a Jasper, said, Dot racked her mind and then identified this one as First Mate, the eldest. You could tell, 'cause she had cute little spot on her eye.

Amethyst stared at the ground.

"Hey," Dot said. " _Hey_. Look, Jasper Senior, that's not okay to say to somebody," she gave First Mate a stern look. "Would you like it if I called you giant?"

"Uh," First Mate said. "Yeah. Yeah, I would," she tilted her head. "Hey, aren't you PJ's new fling?" she carefully picked Dot up. "You're cute."

"Um, no, this is no _fling_ , we are in a _serious relationship_ , and second, I am not cute," Dot said. "M' _sexy_. M'kay?"

"But like... hard," First Mate completely ignored Dot, poking her arm. "That can't be fun. How do you function?"

"You know, I don't _really_ ," Dot said.

"You're very warm," First Mate said. "You're like a heater."

"If you're coming on to me I'm already in a relationship," Dot informed First Mate.

"I'm making an _observation_ ," First Mate said. "PJ!" she yelled.

There was silence and then the sound of Jasper's loud footsteps.

"What?" Jasper demanded. "And don't call me that. I've been asking you guys to change my nickname for years."

"I think Princess Jasper is suitable," First Mate retorted with a snicker. "It fits you."

Dot cracked up.

Pearl _suddenly_ and _suspiciously_ went into a loud coughing and hacking fit.

"Mm, wow," Demantoid commented. "Princess Jasper, huh? Is that what it stands for? I've been thinkin' Peanut-Jelly this whole time, honestly."

Jasper flushed brightly, swung her fist back, and punched First Mate in the arm. "I'm gonna _kill you_ later," she promised.

"I'll be ready," First Mate was laughing hysterically. "Worth it."

"Jaspie, you're just in time," Dot said. "I was about to go looking for you. Me, Amethyst, Pearl, and Bronze want you to come along so we can you know, make an intervention for a gem emerging out of the machine."

"Jasp _er_ ," Jasper grumbled. "There's no 'ee' sound at the end of my name."

"You're cute," Dot said simply. "Carry me?"

"We won't look intimidating if I carry you," Jasper said.

"Good!" Dot exclaimed. "We don't want to scare them!"

"Dot, stop being a lesbian for _just_ a second," Amethyst said, dragging the green gem away. "Let's go."

"Mm, uh," Bronze said. "Wrong direction."

"Oh," Amethyst said, flushing a little. "Well, uh, ha, lead the way!"

And Bronze did that. "IT'S KIND OF LOUD," she said, yelling to be heard over the loud humming noise. "BUT I GUESS WE JUST WAIT!"

"UGH!" Dot yelled/grumped, covering her ears. "THIS IS GIVING ME A JUST-OVER-MY-LEFT-BOOB ACHE!"

"THAT'S ODDLY SPECIFIC!" Bronze yelled back.

Amethyst started laughing.

"DOT! THAT'S INAPPROPRIATE!" Pearl squawked, expression unbelievably offended.

"I'M DEAD SERIOUS," Dot said, fingers grazing the area in question, which just happened to be where her perpetuity mark was. "I ACTUALLY DON'T THINK THIS IS BECAUSE OF THE N- OW, I'M- I'M JUST GONNA SIT DOWN, OKAY? OKAY." she sat.

"Are you okay?" Jasper asked at only an interval slightly louder than her regular volume because she was generally pretty loud anyways.

"NO," Dot said. "NOT REALLY. I'M IN PAIN," she gritted her teeth and closed her eyes tight, fingers digging into the sand. "OW, OW THAT HURTS, GREAT DIAMONDS,"

Jasper watched the little crescent moon visible on Dot's form start to glow, the glow getting brighter at the same rate as the machine, which was now starting to glow as well. "Uh-"

"I'M NOT SURE I LIKE WHERE THIS IS GOING!" Pearl exclaimed.

Amethyst stared.

Bronze's eyes were on the machine, until it started glowing really brightly and she had to look away and shield her face. The others did the same.

Then there was silence and a lot of sand and dust in the air which made it kind of hard to see.

"Ow, fuck," they heard someone complain, followed by the sound of said person hacking up a lot of sand.

Dot stood up and immediately began walking away.

"Dot! Where are you going?" Amethyst asked. "We need your mad diplomacy skills! Quick, say something reassuring!"

"No, nope," Dot said, still walking away. "No. Nada. Nuh uh. Bye. Fuck this, I'm out."

"Language," Pearl sighed.

The dust started to clear and a figure slowly standing up came into view. And then more into view. Until it was more or less clear and everybody could see everybody.

"Don't you dare turn around, Dot," Dot said to herself.

"Dude," Amethyst said. "I'd step in for you but she's hot and despite my smoothness I can't actually talk to hot girls, okay?"

Dot turned around and immediately closed her eyes. "I can't believe this is happening today on August 23rd, 2018. I sincerely believe I've reached a new low in my life."

All the colour drained from Pearl's face.

"What's going on?" Amethyst demanded. "Is there something I'm not in on?"

"B-but, no," Pearl spluttered. "That's impossible!"

Jasper was standing in the opposite direction, actually, squinting and waiting for whatever approaching squad would be sent to pick up this gem.

"Uh," the gem said.

"You _prick_!" Dot yelled suddenly, marching right up to the gem and glaring at them.

"Dot?" they asked incredulously.

"No! Don't you dare talk to me! Do you know how late you are!" Dot demanded. "About a year, okay? I have a relationship and two girlfriends to be faithful to and _now_ you stroll in!"

"Dot," they said, tone heavily laced with disbelief. "Are you seriously yelling at me for being late to _come back from the dead_?"

"Shut up your hell mouth, _Nepheline_!"


	17. Chapter 17

_sorry not sorry_

 _reworked the lyrics of straight white man by bo burnham. you're welcome_

* * *

"WHAT?" Amethyst yelled.

This made Jasper turn. "Are they coming from the other side?"

"Jasper, Jasper...," Amethyst said, clearing her throat. "Bend down."

Jasper did.

Amethyst leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Now you remember all the things I said about Dot's past with the visor and the having to execute her girlfriend or wife or whatever, right?"

"Yes," Jasper said. "I do remember that."

"What if I told you," Amethyst whispered. "That this was the girlfriend slash wife?"

"WHAT?!" Jasper yelled.

"Shhh, keep it down!" Amethyst exclaimed. "I have some concerns I need to address. Right now. Immediately."

"Dot! _This_ is Nepheline?" Amethyst asked incredulously.

"You could also consider asking Nepheline if this is Nepheline," Nepheline said helpfully.

"Yes, this is Nepheline," Dot said. "Your friendly neighbourhood _asshole_ ,"

"You know," Nepheline said, arching a brow. "I just came back from the dead. You could be nicer."

"I have no regard for you or your petty 'feelings'," Dot said, making air quotations.

"Eyeliner on fleek, by the way," Amethyst told Nepheline.

"Thank you," Nepheline said. "I try. I really do."

"UM," Jasper interrupted, really, deeply offended at having her status of eyeliner queen threatened. "HI. NEPHELINE, RIGHT?" she asked. "I'M JASPER."

"It's very nice to meet you, Jasper," Nepheline said. "But uh, you don't have to yell, okay? Volume down a few notches. Can we do that?"

"NO," Jasper said. "BUT THANK YOU FOR ASKING."

"NOBODY is talking to Nepheline," Dot interrupted.

"I'd just like to meet her, that's all," Jasper said, staring Nepheline right in the face and picking Dot up. "That's okay. Right?"

Pearl was still just kind of staring.

"Ummm I don't know why you'd want to meet a _jerk_ , but," Dot leaned back and got more comfortable. "If you really, really want."

"Hey, hey, go easy on me," Nepheline told Dot, and then widened her eyes. "Polka-dottie!" she exclaimed, eyes shining. "Is this your _girlfriend_? That's so cool! Oh no, wait-" Nepheline said, taking a moment to calm down. "If she's your girlfriend then it's not really appropriate for me to call you Polka-dottie is it? I'll just stick with Dot, okay?"

"I wish I had heard what Nepheline just said but I didn't because I'm ignoring her," Dot said.

"She calls her Polka-dottie," Pearl said, sounding kind of dazed. "And she looks like a goddess. I don't think I can compete with this."

"Lighten up P, there's gotta be _something_ you can do to assert your dominance. Like, uh, I dunno, maybe _tell her_ your Dot's girlfriend too?" Amethyst said pointedly.

"That's a good start," Bronze snorted. "Seriously."

"Oh, um, I mean, I suppose," the pale gem said awkwardly. She walked up to Jasper and Dot.

"Why do you have so much hair?" Bronze asked, completely ignoring the fact that Pearl was about to say something.

Nepheline stared at the ground, where a few wisps of her hair had began to lay against it. "Uhhh," she gave a small laugh. "'Cause I don't cut it?" she took a moment to put it in a high ponytail. "Better?" she asked.

"Better," Bronze said. "I'm Bronze."

"Nice to meet you," Nepheline said.

"Yo, I'm Amethyst," Amethyst said. "I've heard _soooo_ much about you."

"Uh," Nepheline blinked. "You.. have?"

"Yeah," Amethyst said. "Dot talks about you a l-"

"How are you here?" Dot said suddenly, jumping down from Jasper's arms and staring at Nepheline. "Like.. whole. How are you whole? You shouldn't be.." she reached out to touch Nepheline's mineral before pulling her hand back a little. "I had your.. your shard."

"Dot, I love you, really, I do," Nepheline said. "But that's really creepy. And if you had it then I don't _know_ ," she shrugged, shapeshifted her hair a little shorter, and then put it in a bun.

Pearl tried to change her train of thought from 'no no no no no no no no' to something maybe a little more positive and productive.

Dot patted her back pocket. "It.. it's in your.. and it's, but how did I..," she furrowed her brow. "It.. must have happened while I was drifting! I've seen that machine before _somewhere_ , I must have, dropped it, here? And it.." she furrowed her brow.

"I HAVE CONCERNS," Amethyst piped up.

"You mentioned that," Jasper said flatly.

"Dot," Amethyst said. "This _can't_ be Nepheline."

"No, I'm _pretty sure_ I'm Nepheline unless there-" Nepheline began.

"You can't be the Nepheline who dated Dot!"

"I'm _pretty sure_ I'm that Nepheline too," Nepheline said. "I have a distinct memory of tracing this little baby right here," she gently tapped Dot's perpetuity mark. "A crescent moon because it's vaguely banana shaped but a little more sophisticated than a banana."

"You told me it was because a crescent moon was out on our first date!" Dot exclaimed.

"Oops, I lied," Nepheline said, unapologetically. "Also, it was daytime on our first date. I can't believe you don't remember!"

"Why would I remember a date that happened thousands of years ago," Dot said dryly.

"Because you care about me?" Nepheline suggested.

"No," Dot said. "No, not really."

"Yeah but," Amethyst interrupted. "You can't have dated _Dot_ ,"

"But I did," Nepheline said.

"But," Amethyst said. "You," she said. "Dated _that_?" she pointed at Dot.

"I don't know what you're trying to say but I feel offended," Dot said suspiciously.

Nepheline cracked up. "Aw, don't be mean," she said. "She's cute. Look at her baby face."

" _Stop_ ," Dot said. "I do _not_ have a baby face."

"You sure do," Nepheline said. "Little chubby cheeks and an adorable smile."

"I'm going to kill you," Dot retorted.

A pause.

Dot paled, turned around abruptly and just stared into the distance.

"Oh," Nepheline said slowly, voice faltering for a moment. "I mean, um, like.. again? Ha... ha..," she laughed weakly.

" _Don't_ ," Dot said. "That's not funny."

Pearl awkwardly coughed.

Amethyst shifted. "Um, ahem, ahem.. a.. anyways."

"Well that was tactlessly handled," Jasper said bluntly. She picked Dot up.

Dot groaned. "I want to go home, especially before some Jasper squad or something arrives and we're dead."

"H..ome?" Nepheline asked. "Where is that. Where's home? I, the army. Do you-"

"I don't want to see you on a daily basis," Dot said, closing her eyes. "In fact, I would like to happily go about my life pretending you're still dead."

Nepheline rolled her eyes, and then blinked and tilted her head, expression focused.

"What are you-" Dot began.

"Shh," Nepheline said. "Listen."

There was the faint sound of people laughing a lot and cursing.

"Is that the Jasper squad?" Bronze asked, looking up at Jasper.

"No," Jasper said, crossing her arms. "Jaspers would never talk like that on a mission. Plus the voices are too high-pitched to be Jaspers. It could possibly be rubies, but it's not the right timbre. I've never heard the voice of that particular caste of gems before. I'm not quite sure what type of squad it is."

"Oh boy," Pearl sighed.

"That isn't any _caste of gems_ ," Nepheline snorted. "That just sounds like a group of minerals doing a lot of foolishness," she made a 'tch' sound. "Honestly. The only squad I hear is the type of squad you see on an PearPhoto post, captioned 'squad goals'."

"So are we just going to wait for them to get here," Dot said, sounding very bored. "Because that seems to be the pattern."

"I guess," Bronze shrugged.

So they did.

"Heyyy, Neph, I can't believe you're here!" a mineral exclaimed.

"Yeah, you can't, I'm somewhere else for sure," Nepheline deadpanned. "Of course I'm here! If you don't have anything smart to say don't say it! Where you ' _believe_ ' I was, girl? Another planet? You see me here with your own two eyes and you're asking me if I'm here? Honestly? I don't have time for y'all. Nuh _uh_. I'm done."

The others cracked up.

"Stoooooop," one snorted, and then frowned. "We missed the heartwarming loving reunion! Damn! I was looking forward to it!"

"Don't feel bad, I missed it too," Nepheline said, shaking her head. "First thing my girl says when she sees me back alive after 18,000 long years is 'you prick'."

"Is it just me or..," Amethyst whispered to Bronze. "Am I seeing a high concentration of exceptionally hot girls?"

"It's not just you," Bronze said, staring at the group.

Pearl was flushed a little. "You- you know, um, perhaps we should go back home, and I will go inside, and I'll still my faintly beating heart, an-"

"Hauyne. Diaspore. Scapolite. How nice to see you all again." Dot said dryly.

"Dot! You did not call your woman a prick after she was in the ground for almost 2 decamillenia!" Hauyne exclaimed. Her skin tone was grey, but her eyes were a brilliant blue. She had straight black hair that faded to bright blue at the ends, and wore a white T-shirt with some jeans.

"I did," Dot said. "I really did do that. And it's true, she knows it."

Diaspore cracked up. "You hear that, Nepheline? You know you're a prick, huh?"

"I do," Nepheline said. "I'm owning it."

"Wait, do-" Pearl interrupted, raising her voice a little. "Do you all want to go to the, uh, to the army?"

Scapolite turned. "You know where they're at? We were searching but eventually us minerals and metals just settled a short ways away, we over there," Scapolite pointed.

"They don't.. come to get you?" Jasper asked, raising a brow.

"Ain't nobody come for me but my girls," Hauyne said.

"That's why I didn't see any minerals or metals at the Kindergarten!" Bronze said with a tone of realization.

"Who's that who you're sitting on, Dot?" Diaspore raised a brow.

"I'm Jasper," Jasper said.

"These two're my datemates," Dot said, pointing to Pearl and Jasper.

"Damnnnnn! Nepheline got _replaced_!" Scapolite exclaimed.

"Stop it," Nepheline huffed. "Dot _moved on_ ," Neph said. "Honestly, I died, I wasn't expecting everything to be the exact same."

"I'm Pearl," Pearl introduced herself.

"Nice to meetcha, Pearl," Scapolite said, holding out a hand.

Pearl shook it. "And you as well!" she took out her notepad.

Amethyst snorted.

"Seeing as you are before my time and I had no idea of the existence of minerals as a race," Pearl said. "Would you mind telling me what it's like to be a mineral?"

"Shitty," Scapolite said. "You don't get no respect,"

"But at least I'm cute," Nepheline said.

"Thank you," Pearl said, writing this down and nodding.

"I'll stay behind and lead them to the army," Bronze said. "You guys can go on ahead."

"Thank you," Dot said, and immediately she climbed down from Jasper's arms and began walking away.

"Bye, Dot!" Scapolite waved.

"Bye," Dot said shortly, still walking.

Amethyst, Jasper, and Pearl hurried to follow.

"Dot was being kind of a lemon," Diaspore said.

"Stoooop," Scapolite groaned.

"Look, no matter how many times you say that word to describe miserable people it's not gonna catch on," Nepheline said.

"Who hurt her dog, though, for real," Scapolite said.

"Girl, I don't know," Diaspore. "She's just bitter. I dunno about you but I can't deal. Not with people like that. No _sir_."

"You have to give Dot a break," Bronze shook her head. "She's been through a lot and her old soulmate or whatever just came back from the dead."

"Exactly," Neph said.

"Well, yeah. It's just that it's just uncomfy when you know, you wanna be nice to someone and they're all 'I hate everything," Scapolite said. "It's like tryna have a conversation with my emo little cousin."

"Disregarding the emo little cousin comparison, she shouldn't have to act happy just to make you feel more comfortable," Bronze said briskly. "Where did you come from so I can lead the rest of you guys back?"

"Mm!" Diaspore. "How you feel, Scapo? Tell me the truth."

Scapolite ignored Diaspore. "Fair," she said simply. "We came from over there. This way."

And they walked.

* * *

"Dot?" Pearl frowned, following the green gem to her room and gently closing the door. "How ar-"

"Pearl honestly?" Dot said. "Whatever you're about to say, don't say it, 'cause frankly, I don't think I can handle this right now, and it would be better if you'd just shut up."

"I thought you'd be happy to see her back," Pearl said quietly.

"You just ignored everything I said," Dot muttered. "Look, maybe a year ago I would've been. But I'm not, now. I actually, you know, I," she started laughing and then fell silent.

"Do you still.. love her?" Pearl asked.

Dot simply closed her eyes and sighed. "Is there a point to you being here?"

"i-"

"Okay, good to know. Bye then," Dot got up and left.

After a few moments, Pearl heard the sound of a piano being played. She sat nearby Dot and was quiet.

"I need you to help me take this piano outside." Dot said.

"Alright," Pearl blinked. She helped Dot lift the piano outside and put it up where Goshenite had been standing.

People stared, and then went back to their conversations.

There was a burst of chatter when the minerals and metals arrived, and it faded to the average chatter as they integrated into the conversations.

"EVERYBODY STOP TALKING," Dot said loudly into the microphone.

Everyone stopped and stared.

"Dot, what are y-" Pearl began.

"Shh," Dot said. "I said stop talking. Okay," she continued. "I have a lot of problems. A lot of issues."

"What issues do you have?" someone yelled. "Get down from there! Some of us are trying to have conversations!"

"I'm trying to tell you about my problems," Dot said. "I thought we were all supposed to be there for each other!"

"Oh my stars Dot, just stop it," someone called.

"I'm going to sing about my problems and hopefully maybe some of you will relate." Dot disregarded everyone.

A lot of people collectively groaned.

"DOT, DON'T SING!" Bloodstone yelled.

"I'm singing," Dot said. "Because life is tough."

She began playing the piano.

She took a breath and started to sing. "Walking around, I've got no one to talk to. There's everyone, and then there's just me. If I could cha-ange, don't you think that I'd do it? CD only knows why She cursed me to be, a gay rich gem..."

"I CAN'T BELIEVE IT," someone yelled.

People started to laugh.

Dot looked as if she were trying not to smile. She continued. "I state my problems, other people roll their eyes.. three trips to the mall, zero crop tops in my siiiize... I've never been the victim of a random search for drugs! But you can't say my life is easy, until you've walked a mile in my Uggs." She gave a dramatic shaky exhale, and continued, while people laughed.

"Gay rich gem," she continued. "I know the road looks tough ahead. The metals want rights, the poor want.. jobs..?" she paused and made a dramatic confused face. "What?"

People laughed again.

Pearl stared.

"Can't you just leave us alone?" Dot kept singing. "And also no to the things you asked for."

There was a brief piano solo. "They're being greedy and they know it, m'kay?" she said.

She continued playing the piano, and then started to sing again. "Everyone thinks that I've got it easy. Just 'cause it's true," she made another dramatic sad face. "Doesn't mean that it's right,"

More laughs.

"So pull up a chair, and put down your pitchforks. Give me a chance to show you what it is like. To be a gay rich gem..."

She took a breath and continued. "The churches never made me feel ashamed of who I ammm! But I get emails from BookHub that GemMail doesn't mark as spaaaam... my empire's constitution was handwritten by my race! But my girlfriend bought me a brand new iPhone... with an iPod Touch's case."

"Oh come on! That was months ago!" Pearl exclaimed, flushing.

"The case doesn't fit that phone," Dot said to Pearl, making her voice break dramatically.

There was more laughter.

"Gayyy.. rich gem," Dot sang through gritted teeth, prompting more laughter. "I know the road looks.. tough ahead. The metals want rights, the roughs want.. not to be called the roughs,"

People laughed at that.

"Sorry," Dot said, giving a little shrug, and then she went back to singing. "Can't you just leave us alone? Also no to the things you asked for, noo-o-o,"

She did a piano solo, with dramatic ascending and descending notes, that sounded pretty jazzy and cool, then she began to slow down into a dramatic reprieve. "Gay rich.. gemmMMM I know the road looks tough a...head.. the metals want rights, the uncut ge- see, it doesn't work with the rhythm," she said unapologetically, giving a brief shrug, getting more laughs from the army. "We used to have all the money and land, and we still do but it's not as fun now.."

There was laughter and claps, and Dot continued to play the tune until it was finished.

"You see?" she asked, leaning into the microphone. "I _do_ have real problems. I tried to tell you but you all didn't listen to me. Probably because I'm a gay rich gem," she started fake crying, and people started laughing again. "I can't believe this. I bet- I bet my plants on my forest app died. My life is _so hard_ ," and then she stepped down and went inside, listening to people laugh and chatter, mood considerably lifted by Dot's brief comedic act.

Pearl followed Dot inside. "What was all that about?" she asked, sounding amused.

"Oh you know," Dot said. "Just being a cool person."

Pearl snorted.

"I'm, uh, I'm gonna go to bed," Dot said.

"Oh," Pearl said, turning to leave. "Alright."

"No, I," Dot paused. "I don't want you to leave," she took a breath. "You can leave, though. If you want."

"I'll stay," Pearl said quietly.

"Yeah," Dot nodded a little. She sat on her bed, and then lay on her side. "Yeah, I... do you want, um," she patted the space on the bed next to her. "To lie down or something?"

"Oh," Pearl said. "Yes," she lay down next to Dot. The green gem was as warm as ever. Pearl wrapped her arms around Dot, who, now that Pearl was so close to her, she could feel shaking a little. She held her closer. Dot relaxed a little, exhaling. She closed her eyes, and Pearl could feel her start to go still, and could hear her breathing slow.

After a while, Pearl was dimly aware that Dot was sleeping. The sound of Dot's breathing, even and slow, lulled the pale gem into sleep as well. She curled her body slightly around Dot's, the green gem's smaller figure fitting neatly into the curve of Pearl's resting form. The pale gem could feel the faint thrum as Dot's mechanisms pumped electricity through her wires. Pearl's breath synchronized with the other gem's, the two asleep. After a while of sleep, Pearl's gem began projecting a dream- the beach. Nobody was standing there, it was just the beach during sunset, water gently lapping at the sand, sun reflected in the sea.

This was a pleasant dream, but unfortunately, Pearl was jolted awake by Dot sitting up sharply, breathing heavily. The sheets were slightly damp with sweat.

"Dot?" Pearl murmured drowsily. "What.. what's happening?"

Dot closed her eyes. "I," she took in a shaky breath.

Pearl woke up a little more, frowning. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah," Dot nodded, opening her eyes. "Yeah, I.. I'm okay. I'm good. M'fine,"

Pearl watched Dot take out her phone and check the time (3:42am), and then watched Dot take an existing alarm (for 4 in the morning) and change it to a little earlier (3:30am).

The two lied back down, but Pearl couldn't fall back asleep because Dot wasn't falling asleep. The green gem's breath was uneven and sometimes skipped a few beats- the rise and fall of her chest unpredictable. There was no gentle rhythm for Pearl to fall asleep to.

"Dot?" Pearl said, frowning with concern.

"Sorry," Dot said, getting out of bed. She grabbed her phone off of the dresser and put it in her pocket. "I think I'm gonna take a walk. Can't sleep,"

She left the room, closing the door softly as not to wake up Steven, whose room was nearby.

Pearl opened the door a moment later. "Dot," she whispered.

Dot glanced at her briefly, and kept walking quietly through the house. When they were outside and a safe distance from the house, Pearl opened her mouth to talk, but Dot put a finger on her lips and gestured to the tents out on the beach. "You'll wake them up," she mouthed, carefully tiptoeing around the tents. Then a hand pulled Dot to the ground and pulled her into the tent.

"Dot," Rhodolite whispered. "What are you doing up at this hour?"

"What are _you_ doing up at this hour?" Dot whispered back.

Pearl stayed nearby the tent, quietly just listening.

"Couldn't sleep," Rhodolite said. "Neither could she."

Amber waved.

"So we bridged," Rhodolite whispered. "And Demantoid's with the others, because, at around like, 12 in the morning, we got a visitor, just about when we finished bridging," Rhodolite gestured to the small 'hallway'. "Wanna crawl through? We did a decent job."

"Ser?" Dot guessed. "Sure. Can't hurt."

Dot crawled through and Pearl could faintly see her form.

"Serpentine," Dot whispered.

The gem turned her head a little. "Dot," she whispered with a smile. "It's nice to see you again."

"You too," Dot whispered, not knowing quite what to say.

"Hey," Demantoid said, making a peace sign. She was sitting up. Serpentine was lying down, head in her lap. "What's going on?"

"Rhodolite told you it would happen," Dot whispered.

"She did for sure," Deman replied.

"Dottie," Nepheline said, and Dot turned her head a little, swallowing. "What're you doing up so late?"

"I was going to go for a walk," Dot said faintly.

"At like, 4 in the morning?" Neph raised a brow.

Demantoid and Serpentine were too busy whispering absently about random things to even pay attention to the conversation.

"Yeah," Dot said.

"Oh, well," Nepheline was quiet for a moment. "Can I come?"

Pearl thought a very rude word that she would never say out loud.

"I mean," Dot said. "I'm taking Pearl."

Nepheline made a noise of acknowledgement. "Maybe another day, then?"

"You can come with us," Dot said.

Pearl thought _several_ rude words she would never say out loud.

"Thank you," Nepheline said, something in her tone that Pearl couldn't quite identify. "Let me just,"

The tent opened and Dot exited, followed by Nepheline, who closed the tent behind her.

"Dot said I could come on your walk," Nepheline said, voice quiet as not to wake anyone up.

Dot awkwardly looked away.

"I know," Pearl replied, volume low as well, trying not to sound _too_ hostile. She took Dot's hand in a very deliberate move. "Shall we?"

Nepheline's eyes briefly flitted to Pearl and Dot's hands, and then to Pearl's face. "Of course," she said, warm tone and smile not quite matching the icy look of her striking grey eyes.


	18. Chapter 18

"I can't get any service here," Nepheline complained.

"Well yeah, Neph," Dot rolled her eyes. "We're approximately 20,000 years into the future on a different planet in a completely different star system. I don't know what you were expecting, honestly."

"Do you always walk around in the dark, Dot?" Pearl hummed.

"Always have, always will," Dot said. She then stopped in her tracks and looked to Nepheline. "Are you gonna put on any pants? I get you're in pyjamas, but, like.." she raised a brow.

"It's a long T-shirt," Nepheline said. "Does it not cover everything?" she turned around a little. "I don't want to put any effort into doing something I don't _have_ to do, like you know.. putting on pants takes work. And me, voluntarily do work? No thank you."

Dot was about to tell her it did in fact, cover everything, but Pearl interrupted first.

"It doesn't cover everything," Pearl told her, trying to reign in her jealousy, hating that she did this.

"Oh man," Nepheline said. "Here I am about to expose myself on the street in the name of laziness," she phased on some shorts. "Better?"

Pearl nodded. "Better." she said.

Dot was staring at the early morning sky.

Nepheline paused. "I don't got any service but at least I still have the music I downloaded," she said, sounding considerably more enthused at this.

"How do you have your com-dee," Dot asked incredulously. "Seriously."

"Well," Nepheline said. "I had it stored in here," she pointed at her mineral. "And I still have all my stuff."

"Convenient," Dot observed.

"Uh huh," Nepheline agreed.

"I have music too," Pearl said, immediately wishing she hadn't said that.

Nepheline turned to her, looking curious. "What do you listen to?"

"Now, it's quite overused, I think, but I'm partial to Fur Elise by Beethoven," Pearl said.

"I've.. never heard of that one," Nepheline said slowly.

"It's composed by a human and was composed _several_ thousands of years after you died, believe me," Pearl said. "Would you like to listen to it?"

"Pearl, I don't think-" Dot attempted.

Pearl took out her phone and Nepheline stopped walking to stay still so she could listen.

"Mm..," Nepheline said. "Wow... this is... lit," she said slowly. "You have a, um, really.. good taste in music. You appreciate the.. good.. stuff."

Dot sighed deeply.

"But frankly, that's nothing to Moonlight Sonata 3rd Movement, Opus 27, Number 2," Pearl said.

"Moonlight Sonata the what," Nepheline said.

Dot groaned.

Pearl played song in question.

"Piano on _fleek_ ," Nepheline said appreciatively.

"STOP," Dot told Nepheline.

"Piano game strooong," Nepheline said.

"IM NOT KIDDING," Dot said.

Nepheline cracked up.

"I didn't have an objective of this walk but I do now," Dot said. "We're heading downtown."

"We.. are?" Pearl blinked. "Alright."

"Sounds like fun," Neph said, nodding. "So, Dot. You got yourself an artsy girlfriend who digs classical. How'd you manage that?"

"Pearl liked me first," Dot said.

"Awww! That's adorable," Nepheline said. "So what do you like about Dottie, then? What attracted you to her?"

"Uh, well," Pearl said awkwardly feeling a chill of some negative emotion run through her at 'Dottie'. "Everything, I suppose. What about you?"

"Hm," Nepheline said slowly. "How.. how do I say this," she mused. She stopped and thought for a moment.

"Wouldn't it be great to have this conversation if Dot wasn't right here listening?" Dot said sarcastically, moving up ahead.

"Ah yeah, got it," Nepheline said, moving up behind Dot and giving Dot's rear end a brief squeeze. "Ass."

Dot gave a loud squeak, flushing. "Hey! Hands off the goods!"

Nepheline burst into laughter while Dot gave random loud exclamations of irritation that wasn't really there and shooed Nepheline away.

Pearl tried very hard to ignore the cold pit of fury and jealousy settling right in her stomach. She gave an airy laugh. "Yes," she said. "I.. I like that about Dot too."

"Okay, Neph, stop talking to Pearl about my butt for a second and listen to me," Dot said. "My favourite thing about Beach City is that almost every shop here is open 24/7."

" _Why_?" Nepheline asked incredulously.

"It's a big city in terms of population," Dot said. "Not necessarily size. So in order to get a lot of jobs going to support everyone here you have a lot of night shifts. It's good for business and for the people." Dot opened the door to the Apple Store. "Hi," she waved.

The person inside the store, which had looked dead inside and extremely tired, immediately gaped. "Oh.. my... god!" they yelled. "I'm- I'm meeting a Beach City Gaylien! Two of them! Dot's only a 3 on the 1 to 10 rareness of an encounter scale but Pearl is an _8_! I never thought I'd see her in person!"

"Um.. thank you?" Pearl said slowly.

"A 3?" Dot said in dismay. "Guess it's cause I'm always out and about."

"What," Nepheline said.

"The Beach City Gayliens, Neph," Dot said. "That's our official title."

"Uh," Nepheline said.

"Don't tell the story," Pearl sighed.

"I'm telling the story," Dot said, clearing her throat. "About two years ago.." she began.

"I'm hearing one of Dot's overdramatic ramblings _in person_ ," the Apple store employee swooned, taking out his phone and starting to record.

"I met the Crystal Gems for the first time," Dot said. "On an ambitious and very noble mission to end Yellow Diamond's tyranny. We constructed a spacecraft to get off-planet. Our ship was glorious. Beautiful. But it was not silent. The loud noises of our takeoff attracted the attention of a teen who lived in Beach City, which, at the time, was just a very small town. For years he'd believed there was something more to the strange happenings in Beach City. But nobody believed him. He posted about his findings and theories on the blog he called Keep Beach City Weird. But he was just ridiculed. Until he managed to get on video.. the take off of an alien spacecraft. This time, it couldn't be disproved. The video was so up close and in clear quality it couldn't be dismissed as fake. And soon, it was all over the news. While us Crystal Gems nobly worked to save the planet, our popularity boomed while we couldn't see it. The day after we landed, our humble abode was crowded with reporters and flashing cameras.

"The term was coined," Dot said. "When they managed to finally get Amethyst on camera- she pointed to all of us, said that's Garnet, that's Pearl, that's Peri, that's Lapis, that's Dot, and then she pointed to herself and said I'm Amethyst while Pearl yelled at her not to tell them anything and just to tell them to leave. She was asked what we were. She told them magical rock aliens. The reporters asked her what we do. She said save the world and be gay. This was uploaded on _several_ news sites, broadcasted on a large amount of news networks, printed in multiple newspapers, and it trended for like, a month. And by the time our story had already died down, the damage was done. We were popular. World known. And a somewhat startling amount of people wanted to live in Beach City to meet the Beach City Gayliens. So the population boomed. Entire blogs and websites were created focused on us. Information on places we were most frequently spotted and where to stakeout if you wanted to catch a brief glance were made. They made fanblogs and lots of fanart. They're still doing it. As more and more people started living here, there was more and more information on who we are. Our personalities. What we're like. We're a legacy."

"Oh wow, Dot," Nepheline said. "Went all out on your retelling this time."

Pearl sighed deeply. "Honestly," she shook her head.

"C-can," the Apple store employee said, recording this with his phone. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I'm uh," Dot pointed at Nepheline. "Looking for a phone for Nepheline over here." Dot just automatically went over to the iPhone 6s. "Now I know what you like, so pink or gold?"

Pearl waited, merely inspecting the rest of the devices on display in the store.

"Gold," Nepheline said. "Gold says _classy_. Gold s-"

"Okay," Dot said. "Don't continue."

"Gold iPhone 6s, got it," he was still recording. "What capacity, 16, 64, or 128 GB?"

"128," Dot said.

"What?!" Nepheline asked incredulously, now actually looking at what Dot was doing. "Dottie, that's 1,159 bucks! That's expensive! I don't even need that much! I'll take one of the older models. Seriously."

The employee's head snapped up at 'Dottie'. "Do you, uh," he said, clearly struggling to stay composed. "Know each other?"

Nepheline blinked.

"You could say," Dot said with a deliberately slow tone, the faintest smile visible on her face. "We used to know each other. Intimately. And Neph, honestly, it's fine."

"Oh my god," he said excitedly.

"What did I tell you about baiting people like that," Pearl said, tone brisk.

"Not to?" Dot guessed.

Pearl rolled her eyes.

"WAIT," he said, losing the composure he was trying to keep. He fumbled with his phone and then zoomed into Nepheline's left shoulder. "Do you see that guys? It looks kinda like a gemstone."

"Uh," Nepheline said awkwardly.

"Uh, Miss?"

"Nepheline is fine," Nepheline said.

"Nepheline, are you a new Beach City Gaylien?" he asked excitedly.

"Um I mean, if the requirements are you have to be a magical rock alien and also gay or whatever, then, I mean, I guess so?" Nepheline said.

"Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod," he said. "I was the first person to see the new Beach City Gaylien ohmygod,"

"The phone," Dot said. "The phone. I want to pay you for the phone."

"Oh yeah, sorry," he said. "I'll get right to that." he went to the cash register.

"Wow, you guys are really.. really famous, huh?" Nepheline said to Pearl, while Dot paid for the phone.

"Yes," Pearl nodded. "I'm an 8 on the 1 to 10 rareness of an encounter scale? Am I that antisocial these days?" she mused. "Perhaps I should go outside more."

A pause.

"Pft," she snorted. " _No_."

"Here's your new phone," the employee presented Nepheline with the bag. "I hope you enjoy it! A pretty phone for a pretty gem. Have a good night! Day? Day. Wait! Before you all go! Can I have a selfie with you guys?"

"Yeahhh! For sure," Dot gave him a thumbs up.

Pearl gave him a smile. "Of course you may."

The employee tilted his head at Nepheline. "You don't wanna get in on the selfie?"

"Oh! You meant me.. too?" Nepheline blinked. "Um, okay. Sure!" She posed with the other three.

"It was so nice to meet you guys," he gushed. "You guys are super nice."

"It was nice meeting you too!" she waved, and then gently nudged Pearl.

The employee started recording again because he sensed lesbianism.

"You wanna get me a proper iPhone case now?" Dot hummed in a way that almost bordered on sensual, not really caring because as far as she knew the guy wasn't recording anymore and even if he posted this mostly everybody would think he was lying. "Since you failed on doing that the first time."

"It was _one time_ ," Pearl said, flushing teal. "One time I-"

"One time and one case I will _never_ be able to use," Dot said pointedly.

"You could maybe try.." Pearl said. "Just being glad I bought you that phone in the first place,"

"I could," Dot agreed.

Pearl snorted. "Come on," she said simply, beckoning Dot with a finger, fluttering her eyelashes at Dot a little just to be dramatic and also to fit into the whole sensual tone Dot had set. Dot gave her an amused look and followed her out of the store.

Nepheline stopped curiously looking at some of the devices on display upon their leave. She exited.

"Oh.. oh man," the employee said, staring at the footage he had on his phone. "I am going to get _so_ many new followers."

"Dot, this is really sweet of you but I can't accept this," Nepheline said. "I-"

"Just take the phone, Nepheline," Dot said. "Please. I have so much money I don't know what to do with it anymore. I'm begging you. Do me a favour and accept the phone."

"Fine," Nepheline shrugged. "Only somewhat related but phone's a way better name than anything we ever came up with."

"Right?" Dot agreed.

"And..," Pearl said, suddenly receiving an influx of mentions on her Twitter. "The video was uploaded."

"What are the people saying?"

"They're making memes," Pearl said. "I want somebody to look at me the way Pearl looks at Dot. What?"

"I don't remember," Dot said. "Ever saying anything about-"

"There's a video, hold on," Pearl said.

Nepheline and Dot gazed at it curiously.

 _"You wanna get me a proper iPhone case now?" Dot hummed in a way that almost bordered on sensual_. _"Since you failed on doing that the first time."_

"Oh," Pearl said, pausing the video. "Oh dear."

"Regret," Dot said.

"That feeling when you get caught flirting on camera!" Nepheline said.

"Guess what's not helpful," Dot said.

"What I just said," Nepheline said. "I know. Just sayin'."

"The Pearlidots are going to be worshipping those 17 seconds," Dot muttered. "Great Diamonds."

"Frankly, people who ship me with someone else or you with someone else aren't going to be happy." Pearl snorted.

"I should've called you for somebody who's username is just their name," Nepheline said absently. "Your last name is Nacre?"

"What?" Pearl said. "Look, I think usernames are meant to be simple. And no, but simply 'pearl' was taken and nacre is a-"

"No science please," Dot interrupted. "Besides, studded queen is simple to remember too," Dot said. "Studded," she pointed at her boots, studded with spikes. "Queen," she pointed at herself and winked.

Pearl sighed. "Maybe you should just make your username EnormousEgo next time,"

"I will genuinely consider that, thank you," Dot said, expression serious. "But it's probably taken."

Pearl was going to respond, but she had nothing to say that. She shook her head. "Are we going home now?"

"Um," Dot said. "Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Want me to help you set up that phone?"

"I'll figure it out," Nepheline said.

"Alright," Dot said. "Let's head home, then."

And so they did. Nepheline went back to her tent and Dot and Pearl carefully tiptoed back inside.

Pearl laid down in her previous spot on the bed. "Are you going to come back to bed?" she asked.

"No," Dot said. She sat on the floor with her laptop. "Have a good sleep."

Pearl frowned. "Why not? It's still fairly early. We have a few hours left to sleep." She had been more comfortable than she wanted to admit.

"I'm not tired," Dot said, with a faintly apologetic smile. "Sorry."

Pearl nodded. "Alright," she said. "Well.. I'm not tired either. What about your battery, though?"

"S'okay," Dot said. "I'll just eat a lot tomorrow. Make up for the missed sleep," she shrugged.

"If you say so," Pearl said. "I'm going to go do a little bit of early morning cleaning, alright?"

"Sure," the green gem said.

Pearl gave her a smile and kissed Dot's nose, before leaving.

"Bye," Dot said. She saw an ant, absently squishing it. Then she wrote 'I killed an ant' on a sticky note and stuck it to a wall which had little sticky notes all over it from previous random musings- 'I love loud music', 'Asparagus is the only vegetable I like to eat', and more little things like this. She scribbled a quick short paragraph on the back of the sticky note and then stuck it back on the wall. "I killed an ant," she read out loud, nodding.

Then she scrolled through her Tumblr until it was morning.

"Pearl says it's time for breakfast," Jasper said, barging in Dot's room at about ten in the morning.

Dot yawned. "Okay," she said, stretching. "Gimme a sec to just brush my hair."

Jasper nodded and was prepared to give Dot a sec until she had been standing there for about 10 minutes and she was still waiting.

Pearl appeared in the doorway. "I thought I told you to get her for breakfast," she blinked. "Where is she?"

"She's brushing her hair," Jasper said.

"Ah," Pearl nodded.

Jasper moved over to the sticky note wall out of curiosity. "I saw a big dog today," she read. "I love loud music. I briefly wanted a mani/pedi. I want a flower crown made of roses. Trees are beautiful and underappreciated. Asparagus is the only vegetable I like to eat. The Sun is pretty. I like to read books. I killed an ant. Am I punk rock or emo?" she read.

Pearl blinked, and made her way over the wall. "What's the point of doing this?" she wondered.

Jasper shrugged, and then squinted- she could see faintly visible writing on the other side of the sticky notes, and being a naturally curious person, she took it off to read it.

"Should you be tampering with her wall?" Pearl asked. "I think it might be some sort of decorative-"

"I'm not gonna rip it up or anything," Jasper replied. "I saw a big dog today," she read, and then flipped it over. "It had big jaws and sharp teeth. I wish it would rip me apart, crunch me between its' sharp teeth and grind me up until I'm nothing," Jasper blinked, and then quietly put it back. "I love loud music," Flip. "But it doesn't always work to drown out my thoughts." Jasper put this one back too. "I briefly wanted a mani/pedi," Flip. "I daydreamed about it. Someone clipped my nails. And they didn't stop there. They filed my nails down all pretty and neat and then they filed me into green dust."

"Jasper," Pearl said, shaking her head. She took a breath. "Jasper, stop. You s-shouldn't.. invade her privacy like that-"

Jasper swallowed, ignored Pearl, and continued. "I want a flower crown made of roses," Flip. "And I want thorns in there too. I want them to poke me and pierce me because pain is beauty and even if it wasn't I'd probably want to hurt anyway."

"Jasper," Pearl repeated.

Jasper kept going. "Trees are beautiful and underappreciated," Flip. "They've seen so much. They say humans hang themselves, with rope, the rope squeezes their throats until they can't breathe and they're blue in the face. That wouldn't work for me, but it's a nice concept. I wonder what the trees would think of me. Do they think these rope necklaces sad or do they find it beautiful?" she stuck it back on the wall. "Asparagus is the on-"

"Jasper," Pearl said again.

Jasper took a shaky breath. "Asparagus is the only vegetable I like to eat," Flip. "I remember I choked on one when I was 10,000. I was too young then to be thinking about anything other than coughing it up because I was kind of freaked out but some nights Pearl cooks asparagus- healthy eating, she says- and I eat as much of it as I can, so hopefully I'll start choking and fall out of my chair and land on the hard ground, and there I'll shatter into little bits and pieces."

Pearl swallowed hard, because it was true, she had cooked asparagus some nights and it was true, she had said 'healthy eating' and it was _true_ , Dot had asked for seconds and sometimes even thirds on those nights. "Leave it alone," she said, voice fainter than she would like. "Leave the wall alone."

Jasper ignored her. "The Sun is pretty," Flip. "It's a beautiful fiery ball of red and orange and gold, and it's sad I have to admire it from so far away. I'd like to land on it like that human landed on the moon. As soon as I even got a little bit close I would burn up and melt. I checked. My melting point is 1,900 degrees Celsius [3,452 degrees Fahrenheit], and the Sun is more than 15 million degrees Celsius [27 million degrees Fahrenheit]. It's like a one-time vacation spot," she put this one back too. "I like to read books," Flip. "It's like being transported into another world. Another person's mind. It's nice to be, for a little while, somebody who's not me."

"Jasper," Pearl said. "Stop it. Stop,"

"I killed an ant," Jasper read, and then flipped it over. "I did it without really thinking. I squished it with my boot over and over again, twisting it around until I was sure it was dead. Why did I do that? Just because I perceive an ant's life as so insignificant compared to mine? I wish a giant would come down from wherever giants live, and it would see me, crawling around on the floor, and it would squish me with its' boot again and again and again, twisting it around until I was all ground up and cracked and ruined. And it would just return to whatever it was doing after that, and it wouldn't even really care, because my life is just as insignificant as that ant's was. Even more so, I think."

Pearl swallowed. "Just leave it alone."

Jasper inhaled shakily again and kept going. "Am I punk rock or emo?" she read. "I'm not sure. Maybe while I'm trying to figure it out, I should think of some other labels, like, preppy, hipster, rebel, or you know, my personal favourite.. I've been thinking about adopting this one for a while. I've tried to try the label on a lot but it never quite works out for me, and the label I'm talking about is dead. I don't want to be punk rock or emo or preppy or hipster or a rebel, I'd rather be dea-"

The bathroom door opened, and Jasper immediately went quiet. Pearl and Jasper stared back at Dot, looking like a lot like kids who had been caught taking cookies from the cookie jar.

Dot walked over to Jasper and gently took the sticky note from her. She stuck it back on the wall. And then she walked out of the room.

"Morning, Dot," Lapis said. "I'm surprised you actually showed up for breakfast."

Dot gave her an apathetic look, and ignored all of the recently cooked, still warm and delicious food that Pearl and Bronze had cooked together. She took a slice of bread and threw it in the trash.

"Delicious breakfast, thank you," she told Bronze, who just gaped with a combination of mild shock and mild irritation at the fact that Dot was not eating the food she had put in actual effort to cook, and also wasting bread.

She was just about to leave when Peri said "Wait for me-" and got up to walk next to her. "How've you been?" she asked.

"Breathing," Dot said. "You?"

"Not respirating, because I don't need to perform that function?" Peri raised a brow.

"Delightful," Dot said. "Well see, there's this little machine inside me that keeps doing it's work as long as I inhale and exhale. This is done reflexively so I don't actively have to worry about breathing. It gets these little gears turning that makes some other machine keep electricity circulating throughout my whole form."

Peri blinked. "Okay?"

"I gotta show you to Nepheline." Dot said suddenly.

"Wait! Slow down!" Peri exclaimed. "Dot..," she said. "Killing me isn't the way. And if I have done anyth-"

"Shut up and come with me," Dot said, dragging Peri out of the door. "Okay, so," Dot said, locating Nepheline fairly quickly. "That's-"

"Who is _she_?" Peri breathed, head in a completely different direction.

She, happened to be a mineral with a form not all that different than Lapis's body type. She was blue-green hued, and wore a sundress. She was calmly fiddling with an light brown pistol.

"Oh, that's Amazonite," Dot said. "But she's not really-"

Peri was still staring. "She's beautiful,"

"I think we have very different tastes," Dot said slowly.

"But," Peri blinked a few times. "She doesn't look like an Amazonite. At all."

"Amazonite uncut," Dot said. "In the rough. Not cut, not polished. Just Amazonite. Nepheline, Peri. You know, Nepheline."

"Oh, what about her?" Peri blinked. "Look, Dot," she said, expression serious again, though her eyes flitted to Amazonite every now and again. "I know you have some issues but you shouldn't really be talking about them with me. Consider speaking with a professional! I'll have you know, there are a lot of therapists in Bea-"

"What makes you think I need a professional? Calm down," Dot said. "I mean she was revived. You with me? She was," Dot said. "Revived."

Peri stared. "Are you telling me an untruth for your own personal amusement?" she asked incredulously.

"No, I'm not kidding you," Dot said. "Come meet her. She's training."

"Uh," Peri said. "If she's training, then.. perhaps I should wait."

"Why?" Dot raised a brow.

"I saw her image in that primitive photograph," Peri shifted. "She doesn't look.. weak.. by any standards. If anything, she looks like she could hold her own against Jasper by herself for 2 minutes."

"Oh, she wouldn't hurt you," Dot said. "She's very nice."

"I-"

"Just come on," Dot said, dragging Peri over to Nepheline.

"Neph," Dot said.

"Don't beat me up," Peri said, when Nepheline turned around.

"Hey, Dottie!" Nepheline greeted.

"Mmmohhhhmygod, you're wearing the catsuit," Dot said, flushing. "I hate when you wear that catsuit. Why do you wear that catsuit?"

"I always wear the catsuit when I fight or train," Nepheline said, putting her hands on her hips. "You know that."

"Oh, come on," Serpentine sighed. "Is it break time suddenly?"

"You manage to leave everything and absolutely nothing to the imagination all at the same time," Dot sighed.

"I'm going to go find Demantoid, okay?" Serpentine said.

"Sure," Nepheline. "Bye, Ser!"

"Bye!" Dot waved.

"Goodbye, person I have never met," Peri said.

Serpentine made a sound of amusement and walked away.

"It's form fitting," Nepheline shrugged. "And it's useful. A, it's something I can move in, and B, it can help me distract the enemy."

"It isn't just the enemy you're distracting, though," Peri said, snorting.

"NOBODY is distracted," Dot said, flushing. "Look," Dot gestured to Peri. "This is-"

"Peri," Nepheline said. "Right?"

Peri blinked, and then nodded. "Y...es," she said slowly. "How did you.. become aware of this information?"

"You could just ask me.. how I knew that," Nepheline said.

"I did give you that inquiry," Peri said. "Is that not what I asked her?"

"You're getting there," Dot said, patting Peri on the head.

"Well," Nepheline said. "I asked Garnet for your uh.., WeeFee? WiFi? WiFi password," she said.

Peri stared.

"Garnet," Nepheline repeated. "The one Dot evidently has a wholesome mother-daughter relationship with."

"That's right," Dot said. "We do have that."

"You figured out," Peri said. "How to do that? On your own? With no previous knowledge of this planet and how it operates?"

"Um no, it wasn't all that hard," Nepheline said. "I just went to settings. That's what you do. And this planet isn't _that_ different from Homeworld," Nepheline blinked. "Except maybe like, it just has one moon instead of three, and the water tends towards bluer and greener shades rather than bluer and purpler shades but that's about all I've noticed so far."

"Water?" Peri snorted. "What _water_? There's no _water_ on Homeworld."

"I," Nepheline furrowed her brow. "What?"

"Homeworld has," Dot said slowly. "Changed."

"Oh," Nepheline said. "I mean.. okay. No water? What else. No trees? No birds? No life other than us rocks?"

"No," Dot said flatly. "There are no trees. Or birds. Or life other than us rocks."

"Not to be rude, but like, what the actual fuck," Nepheline said. She kicked a pebble. "Then what _is_ there? Nothing? A black, empty void? We've downgraded for sure."

"We've _upgraded_! There are buildings! Towering, architecturally _outstanding_ structures," Peri exclaimed, trying to defend Homeworld. "Revolutionary technology! We're changing the _universe_! Look at my _hands_!"

"Changing the universe whoaaaaaa," Dot said cheerfully. "Hollow out all them planets! You _go_!"

"Sure, we've, ah... done some questionable things," Peri allowed. "But-"

"Uh huh," Dot said. "I'm listening."

Peri sighed.

"Hollow out the what?" Nepheline asked incredulously.

"The Diamonds had more great ideas," Dot said.

"Oh yikes," Nepheline said immediately. "That feeling when you have power and vision but not common sense."

"Of _course_ they have more common sense! They have more than you! More than myself, even! The Diamonds are beautiful, powerful, strong, intelligent- better than us in every way exactly."

"I've just been hashtag triggered," Dot said.

"What?" Nepheline blinked, and then to Peri, "What?"

"Obviously I don't mean _you_ , Dot," Peri assured. "I mean, well, you know, a _real_ Diamond."

"Um, I'm like.. not even sure what that means." Dot said.

"As opposed to, what, a fake Diamond?" Nepheline snorted. "Dot here is 100% genuine Diamond, I promise."

"She's a _peridot_ ," Peri snorted. "She's made out of peridotite, a Diamond's hardness is a 10, and Dot's a 7- at _best_!"

"Oh, I mean, yeah," Dot said, shifting. "There's definitely that. My hardness will increase. Over time. It's happening, you know? I just don't know how. Yellow Dickmond never had a time to give me the Ascension talk."

Nepheline's lips parted slightly in momentary shock before she started to laugh.

"Yellow _what_?" Peri asked incredulously, sounding like she was having a little bit of a heart attack. "What is wrong with you?"

"My mom's a di-" Dot began.

"STOP," Peri said, covering Dot's mouth.

"Oh and," Nepheline said. "If we're technically speaking, Peridotite is you know, mainly composed of Olivine, a mineral which is the fusion of two other minerals- Forsterite and Fayalite, so like, if these two minerals had a baby or like, they fused or something, this child slash fusion would technically be the same kind of rock as Dot here. Just, you know uncut and unpolished, and therefore a mineral, and therefore hotter." Nepheline smiled sweetly.

Dot gave a low whistle. " _Science_ ," she said, clearly not understanding a word Nepheline just said.

Peri's mouth fell open in a neat 'o'. "Well- well of course," she fumbled. "I knew that! I was just- was just simplifying it for Dot!"

"Hey," Dot said, sounding offended. "I don't need things to be _simplified_. I get it 100%. You heat a rock up a whole lot and you get a shinier rock."

Peri closed her eyes. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"She's got the concept, at least." Nepheline said, picking Dot up.

Dot didn't object to being held. "What's that supposed to mean?" she huffed, in response to Nepheline's statement.

"Oh, you shouldn't do that," Peri said. "Jasper's very possessive."

"Jasper?" Nepheline furrowed her brow, and then nodded. "Oh. The big orange one, right?"

"That's her," Dot said. "Don't forget the ass that won't quit."

Nepheline cracked up. "I wasn't really staring at her butt, Dot."

"I guess I assumed you were, because I do it a lot," Dot shrugged.

"That's disgusting," Peri said. "I _really_ didn't ask."

"You can't tell me that's disgusting when you seem to be really deeply convinced that Lapis's eyes are on her chest." Dot retorted.

Nepheline laughed some more. " _S_ _avage_!"

Peri's cheeks coloured. "F-for the record, I- I-"

Dot grinned. "You what?"

"W... whatever!" Peri exclaimed. "Speaking of Jasper, there she is now. Jasper, hey!" Peri yelled, waving frantically.

Jasper turned her head. "Peridot," she sighed, making her way over to the three. "I've done some research and decided the best thing to do."

"About what?" Peri asked incredulously.

" _You_ ," Jasper retorted. "It's called the Silent Treatment. When I decide it's the right time, I will no longer be speaking to you."

"What? Why?" Peri complained. "What did I do?"

"You requested a Jasper to come on this stupid mission in the _first place_ ," Jasper complained. "If you'd requested maybe a Carnelian instead, or an Amethyst, I would be just fine right now, on Homeworld, with no worries about Yellow Diamond apparently rising with some ultimate sinister plan."

"I liked the aesthetic appeal of having a Jasper by my side!" Peri defended. "The orange and the green are very complementary!"

"Oh, and, you wouldn't have met me," Dot said, fluffing her hair. "And that's a true loss for both of us."

Jasper stared at Dot, and then Nepheline's arms, and then at Nepheline. She looked back to Dot. "Why are you in Nepheline's arms," she asked slowly.

"Because she put me here," Dot said, raising a brow.

Jasper looked up at Nepheline. "Put Dot down," she ordered.

Nepheline put Dot down.

"Jasper, don't you like Nepheline's catsuit?" Dot said. "Tell me, if you were in battle, would that distract you?"

Nepheline made a sound of amusement.

"The catsuit is fine," Jasper answered. "It wouldn't distract me in battle."

"Is it just me, then?" Dot exclaimed, sounding exasperated.

"No," Jasper blinked. "It's the fact that if I'm in battle my mind is focused on one thing and one thing only, fighting. I would be a pathetically inefficient soldier if I were to get distracted by small things like, say, Nepheline's catsuit."

"Jasper's a very efficient soldier," Peri bragged.

Jasper gave Peri a vaguely confused look.

"Aww," Nepheline said, making a noise of amusement. "And here I was hoping it would give me an advantage."

"In my opinion," Jasper said. "Choosing to wear that for the sole purpose of distracting soldiers in battle with your form seems like a pretty shallow victory," she crossed her arms. "Battle should be won by skill and skill alone."

Nepheline's smile wavered.

Peri stood there hit with that feeling you get when you're in a really socially awkward situation. You know the exact feeling I'm talking about. "Ha ha..," she laughed awkwardly. "Ha.. ha."

Dot grimaced.

Nepheline put Dot down. "You really shouldn't throw stones from inside glass houses, sweetheart," she said sweetly. "Considering how low your neckline is."

Jasper widened her eyes, colour rising to her cheeks. She narrowed her eyes. "Wh-" she began.

Nepheline gave her an innocent smile. "I'm off to find Serpentine," she said breezily. "Training to do." she walked away.

"What an unnecessary interaction," Dot sighed deeply. "Ladies really shouldn't attack each other like that. Girls should stick together."

"I was stating my _opinion_ and she lashed out at me for _no good reason_!" Jasper retorted. "I never _a_ _ttacked_ anyone! Watch when my fist meets her face! That's when she'll _know_ I attacked her!"

"It's just clothing, Jasper." Peri said. "Relax."

"It's a dishonourable way to win a battle! You agree with me!"

"I don't really care, or know," Peri said honestly. "Battle's not my area of expertise to begin with."

"Anyway, before I forget," Jasper said. "Pearl sent me over here because she wanted to have a conversation with you. And me. The three of us."

"About what?" Dot asked warily.

"Um," Jasper hesitated. "Your sticky small paper square wall,"

"No," Dot said, mood dampening further. "Tell her I said thank you for extending an invitation but I have to politely decline."

"I don't _get it_ ," Peri said suddenly. "You say things like 'you heat a rock up a whole lot and you get a shinier rock', and then you say things like 'thank you for extending an invitation but I have to politely decline'! Make up your mind! Are you going to speak eloquently or not?"

"Give me a break," Dot sighed. "I"m going inside."

"Bye," Peri waved, and then turned to Jasper. "What sticky small paper square wall? I wouldn't know. I haven't been in Dot's room in forever- it's a mess in there, you know."

"Nothing," Jasper replied. "None. It's nothing. I should pass Dot's message along to Pearl. See ya."

"Oh, okay, bye," Peri said. "I'll stand here until the embarrassment of standing here by myself becomes too much and I go inside to talk to Lapis."

"Yeah," Jasper said slowly. "Alright." she walked away.

Dot took every single last sticky note off of her wall and ripped them to pieces, throwing them in the garbage.

'There is nothing here, sorry. :(' she scribbled on a sticky note, sticking it on her wall. She then stared at the now barren wall, and the full trash can. Tears welled up in Dot's eyes and she swallowed hard.

After a moment of consideration, the green gem took the new sticky note down and ripped that up too. She kept staring at the bare wall.

She heard a quiet rumbly murmur outside her door- "She's probably in here," followed by Jasper opening the door and Pearl walking in.

"Dot, I didn't want to have a long conversation you know," Pearl sighed. "I just wanted to you know.. see if you were alright. You- oh," Pearl looked at Dot's wall. You didn't have to take them down, Dot."

Dot stayed silent for a moment. "Yeah, I'm fine," she said.

Jasper stared at the trash can. "You should've kept them up."

"So more people can read them? I think I'll pass," Dot said, a hint of bitterness in her tone.

"Sorry," Jasper mumbled. "I'm sorry. I just- I was, when I read the first one it got me worried and I.. forget about it," she sighed.

Dot sighed.

"And it's not even that big a deal," Jasper continued. "It's just writing."

"Most of them were old anyway, right?" Pearl said, in an effort to be casual.

"No," Dot said. "Some of them were very recent. The ant one was earlier this morning."

"WAIT, I'M SORRY," Jasper blurted out. "BUT I REALLY NEED TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION."

Pearl and Dot gave her confused looks.

"WHAT'S AN ANT," Jasper said. "I CAN'T FOLLOW THIS CONVERSATION WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT IT IS."

"Oh," Dot blinked.

"An ant," Pearl said. "Is a small insect, often with a sting. They usually live in complex social colonies with one or more breeding queens. They're wingless, except for fertile adults."

Jasper gave a slow nod of understanding. "I don't get it."

Dot was crawling along on the floor, and then she stuck her finger out and walked back over to Jasper. "This little guy over here," she said, showing Jasper her finger.

Jasper stared at the small black insect crawling on Dot's finger.

"Why are there multiple ants in your room?" Pearl asked, seemingly alarmed.

"Oh, I'unno," Dot shrugged. The ant was crawling up Dot's arm. "Oh hey," she said, gently nudging it back down. "Let's not get ahead of ourselves, yeah?"

"Dot, please do not talk to the ant," Pearl sighed.

"The ant's my lil' buddy," Dot said softly. "'Least I can do after I murdered its' friend in cold blood."

"Alright, seriously," Pearl said, picking Dot's sweater off of the ground. "I need to clean in here."

"It's so _small_ ," Jasper marvelled, staring at the ant.

"Right?" Dot agreed. "And I've never really even seen a black ant before. Typically they're bright blue."

"What? No!" Pearl exclaimed. "Stop spreading misinformation."

"No, I mean," Dot murmured. "Back on Homeworld."

"We don't have anything like this on Homeworld," Jasper said, still staring at the ant, who seemed to have learned to just stick to Dot's finger and not try to explore the rest of Dot's arm.

"Yeah.. yeah," Dot said. "I know. It's sad."

"I wish you would talk to someone instead of writing on a sticky note."

"I find sticky notes are more receptive?" Dot said sarcastically. "They don't ask me a lot of questions or make me have dumb conversations like this one we're having right now."

"I know," Pearl sighed. "I'm just-"

"Worried about me," Dot finished. "Yeah, I know," she rolled her eyes. "I'll be fine."

Dot bent down and put her finger on the ground so the ant could climb off of it but it didn't move on to the ground.

"Oh," Pearl gave a soft laugh. "I think it likes you."

"Alright, this has been fun," Dot told the ant. "But dude, you gotta go."

The ant did not move.

"Please, my guy," Dot said. "We can always hang later, I promise. If you stay around this general spot, I'll be able to find you."

The ant crawled onto the floor, and then stayed there.

Dot left the room for a moment and returned with a small piece of bread. She placed it on the ground. The ant immediately crawled over to it and began eating it.

Jasper stared. "You befriended an ant." she said.

"The ant befriended me, more like," Dot said. "Anyway, yeah guys, I'm fine, don't worry about little old me, ha," she said.

"But I am worrying about you," Jasper said with a frown.

"I second that." Pearl agreed.

"Oh, well, like," Dot said blankly. "Don't."

"That's not very reassuring." Pearl said.

"What if," Dot said. "I hugged both of you and told you I was okay?"

"I wouldn't believe you because you've frequently said you're okay when you weren't really," Pearl said. "And while the hug would help your case it would not convince me you're alright."

Dot sighed.

"I saw what those sticky notes said," Jasper said.

Dot sighed even deeper. "I'm just _stressed_ ," Dot said. "That's all. Everything's up in the air and I don't know what to do. It's confusing."

"You're that stressed?" Pearl frowned.

"What? No," Dot said. "It's just that every single minor inconvenience makes me want to kill myself," she snorted. "I remember yesterday I dropped a pencil and the first thing I thought was 'I want to die'. Like, forreal. Trust me, there's no emotional turmoil going on in my life, I'm literally just really over the top. It's fine."

Pearl grimaced. "That's not a typical emotional response."

"Oh, you don't have to tell _me_ ," Dot said. "I _know_."

Jasper stared. "What's.."

Dot went to her desk and gave Jasper a pencil. "Okay?"

"Yes," Jasper nodded. "Okay. Pearl's right."

"And it's not like, anything serious," Dot said. "That's just my first thought. You learn to deal. I realize it seems a little alarming but that's just because you're not me and that's not your default. And thank you for telling me you were worried about me instead of keeping it to yourselves. It's not good to bottle up your emotions," Dot said.

"That's extremely hypocritical coming from you." Pearl said flatly.

"I mean, for sure," Dot said. "I got a lot of emotion bottles. Do you want one?"

"Stop joking around for a second," Jasper said. "I just- do you want me to punch you?"

"No!" Pearl exclaimed immediately.

"That was a very low point in my life that I'm not wiling to revisit," Dot said. "And I would never accept that request while Pearl is standing right here."

"Wh-" Pearl began.

"Um," Jasper said. "I'm just saying. I was trying to help."

"I know," Dot said, with a sigh. "But guys, I'm managing fine on my own," she said. "I've been doing it for years. Seriously."

"Oh well, yes, but," Pearl said. "That was before you were imprisoned in your own conscience for 16,000 years."

"Oh, don't remind me," Dot said. "Another low point in my life I'm not willing to revisit. I feel like it was good for me, though, you know? It's like therapy."

"No, not really," Pearl said. "Please don't deny you were left with severe emotional scars from that traumatizing experience."

"You gotta brush it off," Dot said.

"You can't brush off emotional and psychological trauma," Pearl said briskly. "And attempting to do so never helps."

"I mean, it helped me," Dot said. "It can work for you too."

"Dot," Pearl said quietly.

"Yeah," Dot said dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. I get it."

She sat on her bed. "I would like to go back to the visor," she sighed. "It was a better place for me for sure."

"What are you talking about?" Pearl asked incredulously.

"I learned incredible ways to deal with my problems there," Dot said. "Also. There were no annoying people to ask me if I'm okay like 50 times despite me saying repeatedly that I'm fine."

"Dot, the coping mechanisms you picked up during your time in the visor were nothing resembling healthy," Pearl said.

"I picked up some from you guys, though, like singing as an outlet for how I'm feeling," she said, she cleared her throat and sang a little tune. "This conversation makes me feel like shit and I want it to end. That's it. The song's over."

Jasper sighed.

"Dot, please stop deflecting the attention from you so that we'll magically forget to have this conversation." Pearl sighed.

"Or writing to express my emotions," Dot said, ignoring Pearl. "But I saw how that went. I'm not going to do that again."

"No, that was- that was _good_ ," Pearl said. "You should keep doing that."

"Nope," Dot said. "Never again. I mean that."

"Dot, we didn't mean to- to discourage you from finding healthy outlets to express yourself-"

"And I'm sure you didn't, but it's too late. You did already. Nothing you can do about it." Dot said.

"I'm sorry," Jasper muttered, staring at the ground. "I guess I ruined that too, like I ruin _everything_."

"See? Should we even be talking about me?" Dot asked. "Seems like we should be talking about my girl Jasper's self-worth, or you know, evident lack thereof-"

"You're still trying to deflect." Pearl said quietly, shaking her head.

"My self-worth is fine," Jasper added. "I'm not the one writing about how much I want to die and sticking it on a wall."

Dot gritted her teeth. "It's _poetry_ ," she said. "Because I'm an _emo_ _hipster_."

"I thought you didn't want to be either of those things," Jasper said, referring to one of Dot's sticky notes. "I thought you wanted to be dead. I bet you don't even write poetry,"

"Jasper," Pearl shook her head. "Dot, it's a very valid way to process your thoughts."

"I do write poetry! I do!"

"Dot, I-" Pearl attempted.

"Uh huh," Jasper said dryly. "Or you're trying to make excuses for why you write about wanting to die and stick it on a wall."

Pearl resigned herself to the fact she would seemingly not be able to get a word in.

"It's poetry." Dot repeated.

"That's not poetry," Jasper said. "That's concerning."

Dot closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I WAGE WARS WITH MY THROAT AND MY LUNGS AND MY AIRWAYS," she yelled. "THEY TRY TO PURGE THE DEATH OUT OF ME AND SUCK LIFE BACK IN, I HOLD THEM CLOSE WITH THE TIGHTEST GRIP I CAN MUSTER, WHICH IS NOT VERY TIGHT, EVEN ON GOOD DAYS, AND TRY TO GET THEM TO STOP ALTOGETHER."

"Point tak-" Jasper began.

"IT'S POETRY," Dot continued. "People say that kind of thing all the time, and- and then o-other people comment a heart emoji and go 'Wow, this is hauntingly beautiful! Love the imagery here. So full of emotion. Keep it up!' and you laugh because they think this is just your cool writing aesthetic and they don't know you're serious, they don't know you mean it, they have no idea," Dot took a deep breath. "That you're serious. You're serious," she started to shake.

"Dot-" Pearl attempted.

"It's not- they don't know there's so much emotion because you MEAN IT," Dot was still shaking. "I-I don't," she started to cry. "I don't wanna be here," she crumpled to the floor, holding her hands tightly and wringing them together. "God. Oh god, I don't wanna be here," she gasped out, sobbing.

Jasper moved forward, movements hesitant. "Dot, it's.. it's okay,"

"Shut up," Dot sobbed. "Shut up. You don't know _anything_ , you don't know what you're talking about."

Jasper flinched a little, standing there, not moving. She didn't know what else to do.

Pearl tried to hug Dot.

"Get _away from me_ ," Dot said, backing away. "Leave me alone."

"Dot, I just want t-"

" _Get away from me_!" the green gem yelled, sobbing. "Go _away_!"

"Dot," Jasper attempted.

Dot took a deep breath and screamed at the top of her lungs.

Pearl covered her ears and Jasper backed away rapidly.

"I'm going," Jasper said. "I'm going, I'm going," she backed all the way out of the room, Pearl close behind.

Garnet kicked the door down.

"Wha- no, Garnet! You could have opened it! Calmly!" Pearl exclaimed. "I- I can't believe-"

Garnet wasn't listening. "Dot," she scooped her adopted daughter up in her arms before Dot could even protest.

"Let me go!" Dot howled, weakly pounding at Garnet with her fists. Garnet waited until she stopped.

Dot sobbed and cried and half-heartedly punched Garnet occasionally but eventually she quieted, sniffling.

"Shhh," Garnet said softly. "I'm here. It's alright."

Dot clung to Garnet and didn't say anything, taking in deep, shuddery breaths.

"That's right," Garnet said. "Just breathe."

Dot swallowed. "I'm okay now," she mumbled. "You can put me down."

"Not just yet," Garnet murmured. She gently rubbed Dot's back in a soothing gesture.

Dot relaxed further after a few minutes of this. "Why do you guys ask me so many questions," she muttered bitterly.

"Because we care about you, Dot," Garnet said gently. "That's why."

"Some caring," Dot said bitterly. "All it did was make me cry."

"It's okay to cry," Garnet said.

"For sure, but not all the time," Dot said. "It's getting excessive."

"Are you hungry?" Garnet asked, after a moment.

"Nope," Dot said, popping the 'p'.

"Alright," Garnet paused, and then ignored Dot's answer. "What do you want to eat?"

"Depression." Dot said in a flat tone. When she was met with Garnet's stare behind opaque shades, she blinked, and then cracked up. "Sorry," she said, still laughing. "Sorry," she took a breath. "Didn't realize I said that out loud. I'm," she couldn't speak, laughing too hard.

Garnet's expression was apathetic. "Dot," she said.

Dot took a moment to stop laughing. "Okay," she said, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. "Okay, I'm done. I.. don't get hungry anymore, you know. I kinda have control about what goes on, with my systems and all that junk? So I just switched off my ability to feel hungry and tired to you know, make my life easier. So I don't have to worry about eating or sleeping," she gave Garnet a proud look. "Like a modern gem. Cool, right?"

Garnet frowned.

Dot's smile faltered for a moment, before she gave a breezy laugh. "Alright, alright, so you're not impressed," she said. "That's fair. I-" she paused, and then widened her eyes. "You know, this conversation has given me an amazing idea!"

Garnet was silent for a moment before speaking. "And what would that be," she asked.

"I should switch my _electricity circulation off_ ," Dot chortled. "That would effectively kill me without even touching my gem, I," Dot went quiet. "Oh my god. Have I been suffering for no reason? Why didn't I just _think of that_?" she groaned. "Gahhhh, seriously? The answer is literally right here, inside of me," Dot said. "The answer was the friends we made along the way,"

"Dot," Garnet said.

"Like, I could just-" Dot suddenly went silent.

"Could just what," Garnet said. Then she saw Dot's fingers slowly start disappearing. "Dot," she said, the tiniest bit of panic slipping into her tone.

The process continued, creeping all the way up her arm. Dot was slowly disappearing now, form dissipating from her toes upwards now.

"Dot!" Garnet yelled, shades disappearing, three eyes open wide, tears welling in her eyes, expression horrified. "Dot, n-"

Dot then slowly began to reform, laughing hysterically. "Oh _man_!" she chortled. "You should've seen the _look on your face_! You seriously thought I was gonna- gonna just- I really scared you, didn't I? I-" Dot then got a look at Garnet's face.

"That wasn't funny," Garnet said, voice wavering.

Dot gave an awkward laugh. "I mean, I thought it was.. pretty... hilarious," she said.

Garnet's expression didn't change. "It wasn't funny," she repeated.

"Yeah, I," Dot said, smile fading. "Realize that joke may have been, um.. in poor taste? Ha ha, I'm, uh.. a little dizzy, actually,"

Garnet was silent.

Dot's smile disappeared altogether. "I," she mumbled. "I think I," she swallowed. "I am going to go take a walk," her hands were shaking.

"Dot-" Garnet began.

"To clear my mind," Dot swallowed and stood up, shoving her hands in her pockets.

"I didn-" Garnet attempted.

"I will see you later," Dot continued, taking a breath and beginning to walk away. "Have a _lovely_ afternoon."

Garnet sighed.


	19. Chapter 19

hello, everyone, i'm so sorry for the notice, but this story is being completely reworked from the **ground up**. looking back, there are several story inconsistencies and plot lines that get mentioned but are never brought up- this storyline will be more linear and make more sense. and the writing will be better quality! keep an eye out for _existence is a play on words_ , which already has some chapters posted on archive of our own! these stories will be kept up as an archive. there will still be as much good drama, angst, and romance as before, i promise you.

it will just make more sense lmao

when i started out writing this story, i had no idea that it was going to go this far. i have since developed a _whole_ universe fit with lore, and i really want the chance to write this story with this in mind, building up this beautiful world that i've sort of created here.

thank you all for bearing with me, and i am so shocked when i get emails that people are still reading this.

thank you, and i'll see you over at _existence is a play on words_.


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